Since there is no Who tonight, lets make an episode

[whisky]

Opening scene, on a planet far away, gays and lesbians frolic under a double sun, happy as all can be.

All is well, then the Tardis materilises.

The Doctor and his Hallie Berry lookalike assistant with her one grin that she uses for all publicity photos arrives.

"Gays, fantastic!" the Doctor says with over the top enthusiasm.
"But we have gays on earth", Martha says, grinning, puzzeldly
"Ohhh not like these Martha, just watch!"

As they look at the frollicing gays, one of the suns passes in front of the other one, and all the seperate gays merge into one giant supergay, 1133feet tall, suddenly "everybody dance now" starts playing, and the uber gay starts dancing, inadvertently stomping the tardis into the ground.

"Oh oh" The doctor says, as the opening credits start

 

[whisky]

After the credits the Doctor and Martha run down a corridor.
"We seem to do this a lot dont we Doctor?"
"Well its either corridors or quarries, and corridors are a lot easier to light"
"Doctor stop breaking the fourth wall!"
The Doc slaps his head"Brilliant idea!" he uses his sonic screwdriver and suddenly they burst through the corridors wall, and onto the minefield of troll kingdom

 

[Fuddlemiff]

Martha looks around, eyes bulging in surprise.
"Doctor, where are we?", she asks.
"As a 900 year old superbeing, you'd think I'd recognise it in a jiffy, wouldn't you? But I haven't a CLUE where we are! I love it!", he says, bounding around like a lunatic.
Just then, Eggs turns up and KISSES the Doctor, but it's not a big deal because this is Saturday night on BBC1 and gay people have to be main characters or presenters in every single show, or the Queen gives the license fees to her corgis as pocket money. Martha grins.
"Doctor, you were just kissed by another man. I feel compelled to point out that this is completely not a big deal and it shouldn't really require comment."
"Why do you always start your sentences to me by saying my name?"
"... but it's in the scri-"
"NO TIME FOR AN EXPLANATION! SOMETHING'S HAPPENING! Gosh, I feel a motivational speech coming on! Wow, look at this! The internet.. man's defining achievement.. all cornucopia of life RIGHT here!!"

 

[CaptainWacky]

"New New Cardiff!" says Martha, he teeth prominent.
"Aye! I mean, YUP!" says the Doctor.
"Hello strangers, would you like to buy some SPECIAL TEA?" says a fat woman.
"Hmm, what's in this SPECIAL TEA?" asks The Doctor, suspicious.
"BLOOD!" she says, in a rare display of honesty.
"In that case...two mugs, please!"

 

[Fuddlemiff]

"Doctor, I'm not so sure abaht all dis blood stuff.. and why's New New Cardiff in the internet anyway?"
"Oh, it was an administrative error."
Martha gives the Doctor a blank, doe eyed look.
"It's one of my trademark pop culture references.. the ones that always reference 21st century British pop culture. Oh forget about it. LOOK! There's some SPAM! SPAM WITH EGGS! SPAM WITH GAGH! SPAM WITH GAGH AND EGGS!! SPAM WITH SPAM!! MARVELOUS!!"