CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Stars. Lots of and lots of stars in the night sky. Pan down to reveal a bit stage. Thousands of people. Huge banners with pictures of Barack Obama. SOME GUY holding a microphone.)
Guy: And now the NEW president of these United States, Barack "don't call me Hussein" Obama, baby!
(The crowd go wild as Obama struts onto stage.)
Obama: Whoooo! I'm on top of the world and I owe it all to you people! And I promise you all, right away, that I'll take America BACK TO THE MOON, ALICE! That's right, lots and lots of money will be spent on SPACESHIPS.
(The audience cheer. America loves spaceships!)
Obama: Man I love being president, it makes me...makes me need to go to the bathroom!
(The audience laugh.)
Obama: No, umm, seriously...I need a pee. Be right back.
(He runs off embarrassed and heads into a BUILDING.)
Body Guard: I should come in with you, there could be an assassin waiting to murder you while you pee.
Obama: Don't be silly, I'll be fine!
(Obama goes into the toilet. Right as he does so, a PORTAL opens outside. NERO jumps out of it and hits the body guard with his STAFF.)
Nero: Where is he? Where's the man I must kill so that the Romulans can rule the galaxy? Where is BARACK OBAMA?
Bodyguard: Urgh...
(The bodyguard DIES.)
Nero: Blast, hit him too hard with my staff! I'm used to hitting Klingons! Where can he be...
(Obama steps out of the bathroom wiping his hands on his clothes.)
Obama: My first pee as president and it felt so good...hello, who are you?
Nero: Me? I am your death. I AM NERO OF ROMULUS, JOLAN TRU MOTHER...
(But before he can say the F word ANOTHER PORTAL opens and OLD SPOCK comes flying through it, hitting Nero with a flying karate kick to the chest!)
Nero: Argh!
Spock: Mind if I, as you humans say, "drop in"?
Obama: What the SAM HILL'S going on?
Spock: Please step aside, Mister President. I'll handle this.
(Nero regains his foot and SWINGS his STAFF at Spock, but Spock hops back. Spock then lunges at Nero with a VULCAN NERVE PINCH but it somehow does NOT knock Nero out!)
Spock: Illogical.
Nero: I reject your logic, old man! I had all the nerves in that area of my neck REMOVED to make me immune to your arcane nerve pinches!
Obama: Kick him in the balls, whoever you are!
(Spock raises in eyebrow...then kicks Nero in the groin.)
Nero: Oww!
Obama: YES!
Spock: No wonder you're remembered as the GREATEST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY.
Obama: How would you know that...unless you're from the future!?
Spock: Logical yet again, mister president.
Obama: Say, if you're from the future, could you tell me something?
Spock: Sure thing.
Obama: What do I do now!? I don't have a clue! I only got elected thanks to a media frenzy! I have no ideas and no experience! I said soemthing about spaceships, but that's all I could think of! Spaceships! What good are they!?
(Spock raises an eyebrow again.)
Spock: I think you're going to do just fine...LOOK OUT!
(Nero charges at Obama with his staff held the other way revealing a BLADE at the other end! Spock throws Obama out of the way and takes the blow. He and Nero then both fall backwards down an ELEVATOR SHAFT which is there for some reason.)
Obama: No!
(Obama lunges and grabs a hold of Spock's hand. He pulls him up to safety.)
Spock: You saved me life.
Obama: Just returning the favour! Are you okay, he stabbed you!
Spock: In the heart. But we Vulcans have TWO hearts!
Obama: Wow, two!
Spock: I have to go. The TIME POLICE get funny if you stay in the past for too long. Live long, and prosper. I know you will.
Obama: It has been an honour.
(Spock steps back into the TIME PORTAL and leaves. Obama struts back onto stage.)
Obama: That was the most interesting pee I've ever took in my life!
(The audience look at him blankly.)
Obama: Umm...CHANGE!
(They cheer wildly. Back at the elevator shaft, Nero's HAND appears and he pulls himself out.)
Nero: You've one this round, Spock, but if I can't kill Obama I'll kill the next best thing...James T Kirk! And I'll do it when he's still a baby to make it easier!
(He hopes into a time portal.)
TO BE CONTINUED
Guy: And now the NEW president of these United States, Barack "don't call me Hussein" Obama, baby!
(The crowd go wild as Obama struts onto stage.)
Obama: Whoooo! I'm on top of the world and I owe it all to you people! And I promise you all, right away, that I'll take America BACK TO THE MOON, ALICE! That's right, lots and lots of money will be spent on SPACESHIPS.
(The audience cheer. America loves spaceships!)
Obama: Man I love being president, it makes me...makes me need to go to the bathroom!
(The audience laugh.)
Obama: No, umm, seriously...I need a pee. Be right back.
(He runs off embarrassed and heads into a BUILDING.)
Body Guard: I should come in with you, there could be an assassin waiting to murder you while you pee.
Obama: Don't be silly, I'll be fine!
(Obama goes into the toilet. Right as he does so, a PORTAL opens outside. NERO jumps out of it and hits the body guard with his STAFF.)
Nero: Where is he? Where's the man I must kill so that the Romulans can rule the galaxy? Where is BARACK OBAMA?
Bodyguard: Urgh...
(The bodyguard DIES.)
Nero: Blast, hit him too hard with my staff! I'm used to hitting Klingons! Where can he be...
(Obama steps out of the bathroom wiping his hands on his clothes.)
Obama: My first pee as president and it felt so good...hello, who are you?
Nero: Me? I am your death. I AM NERO OF ROMULUS, JOLAN TRU MOTHER...
(But before he can say the F word ANOTHER PORTAL opens and OLD SPOCK comes flying through it, hitting Nero with a flying karate kick to the chest!)
Nero: Argh!
Spock: Mind if I, as you humans say, "drop in"?
Obama: What the SAM HILL'S going on?
Spock: Please step aside, Mister President. I'll handle this.
(Nero regains his foot and SWINGS his STAFF at Spock, but Spock hops back. Spock then lunges at Nero with a VULCAN NERVE PINCH but it somehow does NOT knock Nero out!)
Spock: Illogical.
Nero: I reject your logic, old man! I had all the nerves in that area of my neck REMOVED to make me immune to your arcane nerve pinches!
Obama: Kick him in the balls, whoever you are!
(Spock raises in eyebrow...then kicks Nero in the groin.)
Nero: Oww!
Obama: YES!
Spock: No wonder you're remembered as the GREATEST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY.
Obama: How would you know that...unless you're from the future!?
Spock: Logical yet again, mister president.
Obama: Say, if you're from the future, could you tell me something?
Spock: Sure thing.
Obama: What do I do now!? I don't have a clue! I only got elected thanks to a media frenzy! I have no ideas and no experience! I said soemthing about spaceships, but that's all I could think of! Spaceships! What good are they!?
(Spock raises an eyebrow again.)
Spock: I think you're going to do just fine...LOOK OUT!
(Nero charges at Obama with his staff held the other way revealing a BLADE at the other end! Spock throws Obama out of the way and takes the blow. He and Nero then both fall backwards down an ELEVATOR SHAFT which is there for some reason.)
Obama: No!
(Obama lunges and grabs a hold of Spock's hand. He pulls him up to safety.)
Spock: You saved me life.
Obama: Just returning the favour! Are you okay, he stabbed you!
Spock: In the heart. But we Vulcans have TWO hearts!
Obama: Wow, two!
Spock: I have to go. The TIME POLICE get funny if you stay in the past for too long. Live long, and prosper. I know you will.
Obama: It has been an honour.
(Spock steps back into the TIME PORTAL and leaves. Obama struts back onto stage.)
Obama: That was the most interesting pee I've ever took in my life!
(The audience look at him blankly.)
Obama: Umm...CHANGE!
(They cheer wildly. Back at the elevator shaft, Nero's HAND appears and he pulls himself out.)
Nero: You've one this round, Spock, but if I can't kill Obama I'll kill the next best thing...James T Kirk! And I'll do it when he's still a baby to make it easier!
(He hopes into a time portal.)
TO BE CONTINUED
