CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Gagh had not planned to attend the protest. It wasn't that he liked Nazis and wanted them having a meeting in his town, but he disliked smelly hippy protestors almost as much. Look at them all, he thought. Being smelly and protesting. Wash your hair! But then he saw her. Blond, beautiful. Full of life. She was a bit of a hippy, sure, but a hot hippy. He decided to go over and protest with her.
"NO TO NAZIS, NEIN NEIN NEIN!" she was shouting.
"Hi," said Gagh.
"Oh, hi!" she said, grinning at him. Wow, what a smile.
"I think it's great what you're doing here," he said. "Great that you believe in something so strongly."
"You approve of strong beliefs?" she said, looking interested.
"Oh yeah," said Gagh. "Totally. Like if you really believe in something it makes you more alive, gives you passion and I can tell you really believe."
"Do you believe in anything?"
"Cornish Independence," said Gagh. He had no idea why he said it, it was the first thing that came into his head.
"Really? Wow!" she said. So excitable!
"Yeah, I think it's horrible the way they're so, umm, oppressed. Because, like, they have their own fucking language...sorry for swearing..."
"No, swearing's cool. Fuck the English, yeah!"
"Yeah. The Cornish have their own language, I think it's called...cornish. And they have their own mythology. Like all to do with cornish pasties." Damn it, why was he saying "like" so much? He didn't usually do that.
"Yeah, they're cool...so, if they were independent, would they kick out all the non-cornish?"
"Yeah, probably," said Gagh, who of course had no idea.
"So they'd kick out all the blacks?" she said.
"Umm...what?"
"The blacks, would they kick them out. They can't be cornish if they're black!"
"Well, I suppose so," said Gagh.
"Cool, fucking cool," she said. "Hey, do you want to know a scret?"
"Okay," said Gagh. That thing about the blacks had been weird...
"Take a look at this," she said, rolling up her sleeve to reveal that she was wearing a Nazi armband.
"You're a Nazi," said Gagh, not even surprised. "A fucking Nazi."
"Hell yeah! I'm here undercover, scoping out these protesters for my Nazi masters."
"That's nice," said Gagh. How could someone so good looking be a Nazi!?
"But I'm getting off soon, a skinhead will be replacing me...I have a hotel room nearby, want to go there and fuck?"
"No," said Gagh, immediately. "You and your beliefs fucking sicken me. Go fuck an electric whisk. Go fuck ten broken bottles with salt on them. Go fuck a giant romulan space drill, you waste of skin and atoms."
"I see..." she said, then pulled her Nazi armband off and threw it down a drain. "You pass the test."
"What?!"
"I'm not a Nazi! I'm not a protester either."
"Well, I'm glad, but what are you then?"
"I'm a member of the Cornish Independence Movement, of course, silly!"
"Oh!"
"That's right! We've had our eyes on you for a long time. I was sent to recruit you. You're just the kind of person we need for the movement, you want to kick the non-cornish out of Cornwall, but you're not a Nazi. It's great! You could explain our cause to Joe Public without sounding racst."
"Well, that's what I've always wanted out of life," said Gagh.
"I'm so glad to have you with us! Oh, I really do have that hotel room. Want to fuck?"
"We'll fucking for freedom, babe," said Gagh and they walked away, arm in arm.
