CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story does not take place in the fictional Simpsons universe.
AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: This is only one possible future and should not be taken as a spoiler for the story 'My Life In Hufflepuff."
I was stranded in a town named Springfield thanks to a snowstorm. Of course what I knew, and what nobody else in town knew, was that the snowstorm was magical in nature, caused by followers of a Voldemort cult who hadn't accepted that there master was never coming back. I was surprised they had the power to cause such a large snowstorm. I'd captured quite a few of them now, but a dozen or so were still on the run.
I couldn't fly out on my broomstick because of the snow. I probably could have risked it, but I was way too tired. I'd been dueling with cultists for hours at a time for the last few weeks. I needed a break. I coouldn't teleport out of town either because I was running low on magical juice. I just had to wait for my handler from the Ministry of Magic to pick me up.
To pass the time, I went into a tavern named Moe's. It was quite busy, despite the snowstorm. I made my way to the bar, placed my order, and sat down on a stool.
"Hugo?" came a voice I recognised but couldn't quite place. I span round on my stool. I had my hand on my wand, just in case. You never could be too careful in my line of business. I was stunned by what I saw.
"Mark!?" I said. It was my old friend from Hogwarts! We hadn't seen each other much in the last five years, but he looked about the same. Good old Mark. Sure, he'd been in Slytherin, but when I really needed a friend, he'd been there for me. We'd drifted apart a bit in our later years at school, but I still remembered him fondly.
"Wotcher," he said, with a smile.
"What the fuck are you doing in a place like this!"? I asked.
"Does it surprise you?" he said.
"Well, I mean, I never thought I'd see you here..."
"I was always going to end up here," he said. Okay, I was a bit confused now.
"But you don't live here, in Springfield, do you?" I asked. We'd been in tocuh by owl mail a few times.
"I've been based here for the last few months," he said. "Always meant to send an owl with my change of address but never go round to it."
"You still working with runes?" I asked, almost whispered.
"Been translating a whole ancient book," he said. "Can't really talk about it, but I could show you if you're staying here."
"Only here for the night," I said. "Got stranded in the snow. Was on the trail of some nasty people."
"I see," said Mark. "And you thought you'd come in here."
"Well it was the nearest bar," I said.
"Oh, right," said Mark. He looked disappointed? He didn't say anything for a moment. I looked around.
"This is a gay bar, isn't it?" I asked.
"Am I that obvious?" asked Mark.
"Well, it's full of men," I said. "Men with beards. Some of them are kissing. I should have spotted it earlier."
"So much for the Hero of Hufflepuff's powers of observation," said Mark.
"DON'T," I said, firmly. "You know I don't like being called that and being reminded of...her." I meant Sprout, of course. What had happened to her still haunted my dreams.
"Sorry," said Mark, genuinely. "If it clears the air, I'm a big gay!"
"Yeah," I said. "But weren't you with that girl..."
"Didn't work out on account of me being a large homosexual," said Mark.
"You're not fat," I said.
"Yeah, I say stupid things when I'm feeling awkward," said Mark. He'd changed. He'd always been so cutting and quick at Hogwarts.
"Sorry, if this is hard for you," I said.
"I'm out and proud," said Mark. "But I don't see much of the old gang anymore...it's just a bit weird, that's all. So, how are you? Got a girlfriend?"
"Too busy with work," I said. "There was a cute Death Eater I was kind of seeing when I went undercover a few months ago, but it didn't really work out after I arrested her."
"There's still Death Eaters?" asked Mark, interested. I wondered, just for a moment, if Mark was still interested in dark magic. He had been a Slytherin student, after all. Could he even be involved with the cultists who had just happened to travel through his town?
Nah!
"Mostly just wannabes now," I said. "Do you ever run into anyone? Trying to steal your books?"
"No," said Mark. "It's quiet here. That's why I like it. Just me, my books, and my favourite gay bar. So....want me to wank you off with my wand?"
"What!?"
"It's a spell I created. Basically, I'll wank you off with my wand. Don't worry, it doesn't make you gay. I won't actaully be touching you."
"I think I'll pass," I said.
"Your loss," said Mark. We both laughed.
"This has been good," I said. "Catching up. You should get in touch with Jimmy and Angelica."
"I got the wedding invite," said Mark. "Didn't surprise me at all. I'll see you there."
"I think that guy's looking at you..." I said, looking over at a bearded man who was leering at Mark.
"Oh, shit, not that pervert!" said Mark.
"He's hairy!" I said.
"I don't like hairy men, Hugo," said Mark. "Not if they're as ugly as fuck anyway."
"I suppose he is quite ugly," I said. "As fuck, you could say."
"I shagged him, okay?" said Mark. "But he's a wizard too, the only other one I've ran into in town. He used polyjuice to turn into Jamie Bell. Then it ran out while we were in bed. Scariest thing I've ever seen and you know I saw some scary shitty at Hogwarts."
"I'm surpirsed you didn't cast the killing curse on him," I said.
"Thought about it," said Mark. "I'm coming up with a new spell that'll make it impossible for someone using polyjuice to get an erection. Should solve a lot of problems. It's a form of rape, you know."
"I know," I said, thinking back to when Sprout had taken Hermione's form at school. "Believe me, I know!"
My magical cell phone vibrated. My handler had arrived in town quicker than I expected. I sighed.
"You leaving?" said Mark.
"Yep," I said. "Sorry, mate. Was great to see you again, really."
"It was good to see you too," said Mark. "Even if you haven't accepted your secret lust for wizard cock yet."
"Maybe one day," I said. "Hey...could you maybe send me that wanking off spell by owl? I get lonley on the road and...I assume you can use it on yourself?"
"Consider it done!" said Mark.
THE END
