CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Gary the stinging nettle bush waited with a keen sense of anticaption. It was what he did for most of the day. It was what he was made for. They were coming. The playground might be old, but children would still come. Then he would feel alive.
He ignored all attempts by Derek the dock leaf plant to start up a conversation. He hated talking to to Derek. He was a sap. Well, no, he was a dock leaf plant, but he was weak. He never complained about the kids ripping him up as they charged through. Even if Gary had been a dock leaf plant he wouldn't have taken that crap.
Gary heard the sound of children laughing. That sweet, sweet sound. They were heading right for him. They hadn't even noticed he was a stinging nettle bush! Sometimes they did, they'd try to avoid him, go round him somehow, but he would always get them. Still, it was easier when they just went straight through. Here they came...
"Yeah, this playground's old, Jesus, but it's cool...OUCH! FUCK THAT HURTS!" said a stinky little kid as Gary stung it.
"YES, YES, OH GOD YES, FEELS SOOOOO GOOD!" said Gary. "MORE, I NEED MORE!"
"Hey esse, did you hear that?" said Jesus, the Mexican exchanged student. "Dat bush just talked, esse!"
"What? Oww, I'm bleeding! I need to run back home and get a plaster, stay away from that bush!" said the other boy, and he ran off.
"YEAH, RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!" said Gary.
"Oh Gary, be nice!" said Derek.
"Hey, you talked too!" said Jesus. "Dat is some crazy shit, esse! It's loco!"
"Damn it," said Gary. "I forgot that Mexicans can understand plant speech."
"We can? Dat's cool!" said Jesus.
"Shut up you little shit and let me cut you," said Gary.
"Hey, dat's not nice, esse!" said Jesus. "You shouldn't hurt people, man, that's wacko, you crazy vato!"
""Why shoulnd't I?" said Gary, scoffing. "It's what I was built for. It is the purpose the God of all plants gave me. I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER."
"Holmes, God don't want nobody to suffer!" said Jesus.
"Oh yeah, you dirty skinned grape picker? Then why did he give me big honking stinky nettles, if not to use them on brats like you!"
"Maybe you were given them NOT to use them?" said Jesus, in a moment of clairty. Gary was stunned into silence for a moment.
"That's fucking stupid!" he said at last.
"Is it, holmes?" asked Jesus. "IS IT? God likes to test his subjects, don't he? Maybe he testing you, esse. Maybe he gave you big nettles and your test is to RESIST ever using them. Maybe that's what happened, brah."
"No, that can't be it!"
"Have you ever tried NOT stinging children? You might like it, esse. Give it a got. Here comes my friend. You can try it this once, and if you don't like it sting us on the way back."
"I..."
Jesus's friend came back.
"I don't want to go through that bush again!" he said.
"Don't worry," said Jesus. "I think we can get through safely..."
Gary retracted his nettles as Jesus and his friend went through. "You were right!" he heard the friend say.
"He's a good bush at heart, esse," said Jesus, as they disappeared into the playground.
"How did it feel, Gary?" asked Derek.
"It felt...it felt good. I showed mercy. And...and I liked it."
"That's great!" said Derek.
"I'm going to keep doing it. My orgasms will be amazing!"
"Maybe we can start having conversations about the weather and other interesting subjects too?" asked Darek.
"No," said Gary.
