Tea Room Riddles

[jack]

A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.''

The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''

So the drunk says it to the second priest.

The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''

The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests.

The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''

 

[Loktar]

LOL

 

[jack]

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets. "The brightest dog I ever had," said one, "was a Great Dane that could play cards. He was a whiz at poker, but I had him put to sleep." "You had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would be worth a million dollars." "Had to," he replied, "Caught him using marked cards!"

 

[jack]

Mr and Mrs Wheezie and Nanner are driving in a car. A group of mules pass by...
Wheezie : Relatives of yours I suppose...
Nanner : Yes honey - by marriage.

 

[Loktar]

*dies from laughter*

 

[jack]

Wheezie's Alzheimer Cheer:

What do we want?
YES!
When do we want it?
WHAT?

 

[jack]

Nanner is having sex with Wheezie when he starts suckling on her chest. Much to his surprise he gets a warm mouthful.
He looks up at her and says "Gee, I would have thought you were too old to give milk!"
She says "I am, but I'm not too old to have cancer."

 

[Loktar]

ROTFLWTFLOLBBQ!!!

 

[jack]

Nanner and MamaKitty were travelling to pick up Eloisel in a Range Rover. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a highwayman appears.
"Your money, jewels, everything ... or your life."
So Nanner takes off all his jewellery - necklace, bracelet, earrings, rings, etc. - and hands them over to him. Kitty only gives him a necklace though.
"Well dear," said the highwayman, "Just a necklace?
Afraid I'll have to take the Range Rover then."
So the highwayman takes his booty and disappears, leaving the couple beside the road.
Nanner was a bit curious. "How come you got away with only giving him a necklace?
Surely you've got more than that?" he asks MamaKitty..
"Well I do," MMK replies, "I just shoved the lot up my cunt."
"Oh yeah, brilliant idea! Should've thought of that before. Wish Eloisel was here though, she could've saved the Range Rover for us."

 

[jack]

Guess who's home from the hospital?

 

[Donovan]

If God, Mamakitty, Bigfoot and a Mexican Service worker were riding in a plane and they all fell out, who would land first?

The Mexican; the other three things don't exist.

 

[I Love Cunt]

A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.''

The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''

So the drunk says it to the second priest.

The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''

The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests.

The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''

LOL Wierd I read "ducks" not drunks at first.

 

[starguard]

I see the doctors gave you a pretty good supply of quaaludes while you were in there.

Good to have you back dude!

 

[jack]

What’s the difference between acne and Daystrom?

Acne doesn’t come on your face until you’re twelve.