Fuddlemiff
Is this real life?
I think it's still planned to be shown, but of course by this point we've all forgotten what was happening, so it was really a waste of money.
Troll Kingdom
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TERRA NOVA CANCELLED!?!?!?!
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
Fuddlemiff
Is this real life?
Makes sense. It was awfully convenient that the anomalies only ever showed up about ten minutes from their HQ. Will one of the team be a child molester (he learnt all about dinosaurs so he could chat up little boys in museums)?
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I think the spin-off is going to be "darker". They should go for "less shit" if anything.
Dr Dave
pillzlol
Next on Primeval:Special Victims Unit.
Fuddlemiff
Is this real life?
Two kids play next to a suburban train track. Their American football lands on the tracks and one of the boys goes over to pick it up, as a roaring noise in the background gets louder and louder. Is a train coming?
The child picks up the ball and jogs nonchallantly back to his friend. "Dude, we'd better get back home, my mom'll crap herself if I'm late again!"
"Mommy's boy!"
"You're a mommy's boy- oh SHI... !"
The camera pans to reveal a mauled corpse laying in some nearby bushes!
DUN DUN!!
Strong Female Lead: So who's the vic?
Former Rapper: A brachiosaur. No ID. Found by some punkass kids who were gettin their kicks from playin football. Y'get what I'm sayin?
Female Lead: You're saying they were playing football...
Former Rapper: ... Yeah. Uh. FOR REALZ, YO. *does a gangsign*
Female Lead: Why would you be doing gangsigns when you're a cop? Sometimes I just don't get you, Cornelius. But what I REALLY don't get is why anyone would have a beef with a brachiosaur. They're veggiesauruses!
Pedocop: So, uh... has anyone interviewed the kids?
Female Lead: I really don't think they can tell us anything...
Pedocop: But how will we know if no one inspects, I mean interviews them? Hmm?
Female Lead: Listen, we've got a cold blooded murder on our hands, and there's every chance this episode will involve a senator with a secret sex tape, an orgy, a gay guy who can't tell his orthodox Jewish community that he's married to a muslim man with early onset Parkinsons, and a veloceraptor that's DIV positive. We don't have time to talk to some dumb kids who kick footballs to eachother across trainlines when they should be doing their patriotic duty and throwing them instead. Now do we have ANY clues?
Jowly Extra Who Can't Even Convincingly Say One Line: UhHhHh, sir!
The Jowly Extra Who Can't Even Convincingly Say One Line awkwardly fishes a small red booklet from the deceased, holding it only with his thumb and forefinger, as some entrails dangle from it.
DUN DUN
Back at the special Special Victim's Unit's unit...
Strong Female Lead slaps an evidence bag down on a desk in front of Strong Male Lead and Former Rapper. A close up reveals it to be a British passport!!
Strong Female Lead: It looks like we're going... to LONDON, ENGLANDLAND!
DUN DUN!
The child picks up the ball and jogs nonchallantly back to his friend. "Dude, we'd better get back home, my mom'll crap herself if I'm late again!"
"Mommy's boy!"
"You're a mommy's boy- oh SHI... !"
The camera pans to reveal a mauled corpse laying in some nearby bushes!
DUN DUN!!
Strong Female Lead: So who's the vic?
Former Rapper: A brachiosaur. No ID. Found by some punkass kids who were gettin their kicks from playin football. Y'get what I'm sayin?
Female Lead: You're saying they were playing football...
Former Rapper: ... Yeah. Uh. FOR REALZ, YO. *does a gangsign*
Female Lead: Why would you be doing gangsigns when you're a cop? Sometimes I just don't get you, Cornelius. But what I REALLY don't get is why anyone would have a beef with a brachiosaur. They're veggiesauruses!
Pedocop: So, uh... has anyone interviewed the kids?
Female Lead: I really don't think they can tell us anything...
Pedocop: But how will we know if no one inspects, I mean interviews them? Hmm?
Female Lead: Listen, we've got a cold blooded murder on our hands, and there's every chance this episode will involve a senator with a secret sex tape, an orgy, a gay guy who can't tell his orthodox Jewish community that he's married to a muslim man with early onset Parkinsons, and a veloceraptor that's DIV positive. We don't have time to talk to some dumb kids who kick footballs to eachother across trainlines when they should be doing their patriotic duty and throwing them instead. Now do we have ANY clues?
Jowly Extra Who Can't Even Convincingly Say One Line: UhHhHh, sir!
The Jowly Extra Who Can't Even Convincingly Say One Line awkwardly fishes a small red booklet from the deceased, holding it only with his thumb and forefinger, as some entrails dangle from it.
DUN DUN
Back at the special Special Victim's Unit's unit...
Strong Female Lead slaps an evidence bag down on a desk in front of Strong Male Lead and Former Rapper. A close up reveals it to be a British passport!!
Strong Female Lead: It looks like we're going... to LONDON, ENGLANDLAND!
DUN DUN!
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Who's the american version of that bird from S Club?
headvoid
Can I have Ops?
This moment meant that I watched the entire series.
Fuddlemiff forgot the following characters:
1. Butch woman with hair in a bun, but actually hot:
Treated horribly as a child, she rose to the top of her career by giving forceful handjobs in the stationery cupboard. Often looks stern, but nobody knows the hidden pain she feels or the fact she has the hots for the strong male soldier type. Often wears camisole tops underneath tweed jackets and no bra. Young male very green student bloke drools over her a lot.
2. Butch male retired soldier bloke
Tortured individual who lost his wife due to her choking on a gherkin at his best friends barbeque while he was on tour in Bognoslovia. He can't bring himself to shag Butch woman. Midway through the series he shouts a lot at his friend YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOW THE HEIMLICH EVEN MRS DOUBTFIRE KNOWS THE FUCKIN HEIMLICh.
There are more...
Fuddlemiff
Is this real life?
Well, I was planning on writing more depending on the success of the pilot.
Other characters might've included:
Asian Girl:
Asian Girl is hot or independent or whatever and must not be acknowledged as an ethnic minority at any time because this isn't the only reason she's in the show.
Autism Dude (not to be confused with Asperger's Boy®):
Clearly written by someone who watched Rainman ten years ago and only remembered the bare basics, Joey the Austism Dude is a boy with Aspergers. Underestimated by the rest of the team, he manages to overcome his condition to save the day! (Though if you're really paying attention, you'll notice it's pretty much always a fluke, but the other characters turn up too late to know any better.)
LAaaaaaaannnndon Langdon:
Langdon's a typical Laaaaaaaandon geezer, bloke, guv, etc, innit. The actor must be smoking 40 a day because he sounds like Ronan Keating, with a sore throat, after eating a beach. Thinks Asian Girl's hot, independent, or whatever, and totally wants "a ride on that double decker". Is the main topic of complaints among British fans on the IMDb forum.
Gopher:
Gopher's the resident tech whiz. He spends almost all his time tinkering, defragging, rerouting, and other euphemisms for masturbation. Has a grudging respect for Autism Dude, who he says will be sent to the loft if he ever shows him up. Is attracted to all women who come through the Primeval: SVU base, particularly the ones who are still alive.
Other characters might've included:
Asian Girl:
Asian Girl is hot or independent or whatever and must not be acknowledged as an ethnic minority at any time because this isn't the only reason she's in the show.
Autism Dude (not to be confused with Asperger's Boy®):
Clearly written by someone who watched Rainman ten years ago and only remembered the bare basics, Joey the Austism Dude is a boy with Aspergers. Underestimated by the rest of the team, he manages to overcome his condition to save the day! (Though if you're really paying attention, you'll notice it's pretty much always a fluke, but the other characters turn up too late to know any better.)
LAaaaaaaannnndon Langdon:
Langdon's a typical Laaaaaaaandon geezer, bloke, guv, etc, innit. The actor must be smoking 40 a day because he sounds like Ronan Keating, with a sore throat, after eating a beach. Thinks Asian Girl's hot, independent, or whatever, and totally wants "a ride on that double decker". Is the main topic of complaints among British fans on the IMDb forum.
Gopher:
Gopher's the resident tech whiz. He spends almost all his time tinkering, defragging, rerouting, and other euphemisms for masturbation. Has a grudging respect for Autism Dude, who he says will be sent to the loft if he ever shows him up. Is attracted to all women who come through the Primeval: SVU base, particularly the ones who are still alive.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Asian Girl also only lasts one series because she's joined some BBC crap I don't watch. 
Also there's the evil boss who seems good at first who clashes with the nice boss who seems evil at first.
Also there's the evil boss who seems good at first who clashes with the nice boss who seems evil at first.
headvoid
Can I have Ops?
Mid way Season 2 we found out that it wasn't actually his best friends gherkin that she choked on.
Asian Girl being feisty and independent is a casting MUST! It's funny how often Autism dude and Gopher are combined.
This is ITV primetime now, so your orthodox jewish gay man will be killed within 10 minutes of being on screen. We can't have any long term gay characters on screen OK? WTF do you think this is? Merlin?
Asian Girl being feisty and independent is a casting MUST! It's funny how often Autism dude and Gopher are combined.
This is ITV primetime now, so your orthodox jewish gay man will be killed within 10 minutes of being on screen. We can't have any long term gay characters on screen OK? WTF do you think this is? Merlin?
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
And don't forget the real star: "poor animated CG cute baby dinosaur" that later loses its charm when the budget goes up slightly and becomes "slightly better animated badass teenage dinosaur."
Fuddlemiff
Is this real life?
Wheelchair Boy:
According to publicity material, beginning with the season 3 opener, Wheelchair Boy has been introduced "to show that no matter your disability, you can rise above it, stand up for yourself and take the necessary steps to succeed in any walk of life". Wheelchair Boy's main responsibility is to "hang back" and dig up information about the week's cases, find diagrams and plans of buildings the team have got lost in, and to use Google Earth on a really big screen while acting like you have to be some kind of expert to use Google Earth. Is usually left with Autism Dude while the rest of the team are on missions as "those two will probably have a lot to talk about". Hates Autism Dude.
According to publicity material, beginning with the season 3 opener, Wheelchair Boy has been introduced "to show that no matter your disability, you can rise above it, stand up for yourself and take the necessary steps to succeed in any walk of life". Wheelchair Boy's main responsibility is to "hang back" and dig up information about the week's cases, find diagrams and plans of buildings the team have got lost in, and to use Google Earth on a really big screen while acting like you have to be some kind of expert to use Google Earth. Is usually left with Autism Dude while the rest of the team are on missions as "those two will probably have a lot to talk about". Hates Autism Dude.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Autism Dude keeps leaving nasty comments under the George Takei memes Wheelchair boy keeps sharing on Facebook.