*2001*
TPTB: Voyager is over now Garrett, thanks for the seven years, have fun!
Garrett Wang: I will, time to rip hollywood to pieces, yall!
.......
...
..
*Later that year*
*RING RING, RING RING!*
Garrett: Hello, who's calling me?! Nobody ever calls me!
Garretts Depressed Agent: Hey, Turn my fucking electricity back on you cold heartless bastards!!!
Garrett: Sorry?
Garretts Depressed Agent: Western Electric?
Garrett: No, it's me Garrett..
Garretts Depressed Agent: Shit, I hit the wrong speed dial.
Garrett: Hey, I'm dying out here, have you not found me anything to do yet?
Garretts Depressed Agent: I'm sorry but since your failed audition as Captain Wang Warrow in Pirates of the Carribean you haven't been getting a lot of offers.
Garrett: They were fools! Fools not to cast me! They give it to that HACK Johnny Depp. I was brilliant I tells ya' BRILLIANT!!.
Garretts Depressed Agent: Sure you were... Anyway, I might have something here.. I can't see, need to find my torch.. Not been doing too well latley, I mean, I have to wear the silly hat and the stupid nose at the Annual Hollywood Agent Get Together for having the worst prospect for success ever, my wife left me for a 18 year old grip and I have just been cut off by Western Electric.
Garrett: Who's this terrible prospect then, heh?
Garretts Depressed Agent: You.
Garrett: I see.
Garretts Depressed Agent: Ok, Demon Island. Thats all I have. They're casting now.
Garrett: What's it about?
Garretts Depressed Agent: Wait.. Ah, here it is... "Teens trapped on an island are haunted by a demon hidden inside...a pinata."
Garrett: Sounds like it could be big! So, I guess I'll be auditioning for the lead then, eh? Mr Voyager himself and all.
Garretts Depressed Agent: No, you're auditioning for Paul. You get eaten by the Demon Pinata 12 minutes in.
Garrett: Well, I guess...
Garretts Depressed Agent: It's work Garrett. Its work.
Garrett: Ok, I'll do it! This is the big break, I can feel it!
Garretts Depressed Agent: Well even though I've always said you have the talent of at least three of Pauly Shores pubic hairs I'm sure you will do great.
.....
..
.
*2005*
Garrett: Hello, is this my agent?
Garrets Suicidal Agent: Who, what.. Who is this?!
Garrett: It's me.. Garrett.
Garretts Suicidal Agent: Ah, great.... How long has it been?, because it hasn't been long enough.
Garrett: 3 years, there abouts..
Garretts Suicidal Agent: What was that thing you were doing before, I forget?
Garrett: What the one job you managed to get me in 4 years you mean?
Garretts Suicidal Agent: Yeah, Desmond the Pickle or somthing?
Garrett: Demon Island.
Garretts Suicidal Agent: Oh, yea, thats the one.. Didn't do too great I hear..
Garrett: Well, its gone up on IMDB recently.
Garretts Suicidal Agent: Really?
Garrett: Yeah, it was steady at 2.3 for a while.. But its jumped to 2.7/10. I check it everyday. Don't have much to do.
Garretts Suicidal Agent: Look, I may have something for you. It's a mini series called Into the West. It's pretty highly regarded.
Garrett: Oh, wow, REALLY? this is it, I've been patient and finally a good role!
Garretts Suicidal Agent: Ok, Garrett.. Don't get ex..
Garrett: THIS IS IT *sobs* I KNOW IT, I'M GOING TO MAKE IT BIG I'M GOING TO FUCKING DO IT, DANIEL DAE KIM I'M COMING FOR YOUR JOB!
Garretts Suicidal Agent: Garrett..
Garrett: Ok, ok.. Who do I play.. Whats the role!
Garretts Suicidal Agent: You will be playing Chow-Ping Yen. We can go over the script right now if you like.
Garrett: SURE!
Garretts Suicidal Agent: Ok, you are approached by the character of Abe Wheeler and you say "You have a Village"
Garrett: Yeah, yeah.. Go on.
Garretts Suicidal Agent: To which he replies: "Americans don't belong to any one place. As soon as they get settled, they get restless for something more. "
Garrett: Uh-huh...
Garretts Suicidal Agent: End scene Garrett.
Garrett: What?
Garretts insane Agent: End fucking scene GARRETT!.. YOU'RE USELESS, THATS ALL THEY WILL GIVE YOU! I HAD TO STEAL THIS DAMN AUDITION OFF A BLIND FUCKING DOWN SYNDROME ACTOR WITH NO LEGS OR ARMS! THIS IS ALL YOU ARE GOING TO GET. I HAVE BEEN WEARING THE SAME WHISKY DRENCHED COAT FOR 4 YEARS YOU ARE USELESS. I HATE YOU GARRET I FUCKING HATE YOU AND YOUR FUCKING STUPID FAT CHINK FACE! TAKE YOUR FUCKING ONE LINE AND BE FUCKING GRATEFUL THAT I FOUND YOU THIS YOU FUCKING HACK!!!
*click*
Garrett: Hello? HELLO?
*To be continued if Garrett Wang ever gets another job*
