The Cassie and Tisiphone Detective Team Adventures: Christmas 2012 Special!

[Dr Dave]

The Case of the lost Clause

Episode 1: Ho Ho Missing!

Cassie and Tisiphone, LADY DETECTIVES were siting on their house boat on the PortTucky lake known as Lake Noboner.

Cassie sighed.

Tisiphone tossed her VIDEO GAME CONTROLER at the tv

"FUCK THIS SHIT, GOD CORKING ZELDA!" shouted Tisiphone

"Srsly" replied Cassie

Tisiphone got up and went to the bathroom, opend the door to find Dr Dave sitting in the tub reading a news paper.

"Dr Dave!" said Tisiphone,

At this point Cassie got up and came over.

"Hi Tisiphone and Cassie, nice bathroom!" replied Dr Dave

"Thanks. We got it when we solved that case for..The Governor" said Cassie

"That Governor!" said Dr Dave

"So are you on vacation in our bathroom?" asked Tisiphone

"Yeah, I was reading this story about the mayor going missing. He was to play Santa Clause for NEEDY CHILDREN, while I am not a fan of kids, it is the holiday season" said Dr Dave

Cassie and Tisiphone nodded

Suddenly the phone rang, Cassie went to answer it.

"Cassie here" said Cassie

"Yes, this is Gorg Mchappen, cheif of staff to the mayor of PortTucky. I heard you were in town and I need your help. The mayor is missing, and only you can find him!" said Gorg Mchappen

"We'll be right there!" said Cassie, hanging up the phone and turning to Tisiphone she said "We got a Case, put on your fancy shoes!"

To be continued...

 

[headvoid]

HOT FIERY SATANS COCK, this is going to be good.

 

[CaptainWacky]

IT'S BACK.

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 2: The investigation begins

Cassie and Tisiphone departed immediately for CITY HALL. As they walked up the docks they saw Loktar tied to a park bench.

"Please untie me!" pleaded Loktar

"Can't, BIG CASE!" replied Cassie

Loktar could see Dr Dave danceing on the boat with a bottle of champaign in his hand.

"Can you un tie me?" he shouted over to Dr Dave

"No!" replied Dr Dave, who kept on dancing.

...

At city hall Gorg Mchappen sat at his desk waiting for Cassie and Tisiphone, LADY Detectives to arrive, and just as he was about to look up bus porn, they arrived.

"Ladies, thank god you arrived!" said Gorg Mchappen

"Yes, can you answer some questions?" asked Tisiphone

"Of course, please sit!" said Gorg Mchappen

"When was the last time you saw the mayor?" asked Cassie

"Well, it was two nights ago. He was working late. The mayor told me to go home so I could feed my fancy beetles. When I showed up the next day he was missing. I tried calling him, when he didn't answer I called the police, but nobody can find him!" said Gorg Mchappen.

"Was the mayor working on anything controversial for the city of PortTucky?" asked Tisiphone

"Several things, he was trying to ban hipster scooters, plastic knives, hats for bats, and um...he wanted to lease a portion of PortTucky to a pie consortium." said Gorg Mchappen.

"Hmm, we need to see his office!" said Tisiphone

"I'll take you right there!" said Gorg Mchappen

To be continued...

 

[Cassie]

Can I get a sandwich and some tea for Loktar? I THINK HE'S STARVING.

 

[Loktar]

Can I get a sandwich and some tea for Loktar? I THINK HE'S STARVING.

Thanks. Eating all these raw pigeons and rain water were making my stomach a bit queasy.

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 3- The Mayors Office

Loktar sat on the park bench, lamenting on his situation. Dr Dave had gone inside the house boat and was rocking out too the awesome sweedish band Ace of Base.

A man rode up on a delivery bicycle "Are you Loktar?" he asked.

"Yes, are you here to set me free?!" asked Loktar looking hopefull.

"No sir, got a sandwich delivery for you, from Cassie and Tisiphone, lady detectives" said the delivery man setting a bag on Loktar's lap and a drink next to him.

"I can't eat these..." said Loktar as the man rode off.

...

"I hope we find some clues and not more sparkly condoms..." said Tisiphone

"Yeah, unless they are a clue!" said Cassie

"Hmm, looks like here he had a meeting the night he dissapeared with somebody..." said Cassie looking at his date book, that had been locked away in a locked cabinate.

"What's the name?" asked Tisiphone

"It's...Gagh from Gagh's house of sea bass!" said Cassie

"We need to talk to Gagh, right away!" said Tisiphone

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 4: "Jainkins, get me my PBR, and STAT!"

"Jainkins, get me my PBR, and STAT!" said The Hipster to his assistant, Lady Jankins.

She did as she was told and got his PBR, the Hipster waited for no beer. Things had gotten bad when they ran out of microbrews earlier and even a can of Old German did not please her boss, The Hipster.

"Excellent! Now, how progesses our plans?" asked The Hipster

"Well, we are moving in on Gagh as we speak!" said Lady Jankins

"Good..good...now let us go to a rock show that I only like because it's ironic, and we must be sure to wear our extra big glasses!" said The Hipster

...

Cassie had gone off to the house boat to start the search for Gagh. Tisiphone had remained at city hall to question the other employees, none knew anything of substance.

Once Tisiphone returned to the house boat Cassie informed her Gagh could not be found.

"We will have to search by foot." Said Cassie

"Let's go!" replied Tisiphone

"By cork!" said Dr Dave as he danced to a song by Lady Gaga.

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 5: And cue 80's tv show reference....now!

Cassie and Tisiphone LADY detectives proceeded to do some old fashion gum shoeing. They needed to find Gagh, they found a individual who might just know.

"MAPS, I HAVE MAPS MAPS YES!" shouted Bickendan

"It's BICK!" said Cassie

"Bick, were looking for Gagh, have you seen him?" asked Tisiphone

"YES, AND I HAVE A MAP!" said Bick as he droped all this things and began looking for a specific map.

Bick handed Tisiphone a map

"This will be very helpful!" said Tisiphone.

Bick had run off already shouting "MAPS!" at a group of nuns.

Cassie and Tisiphone proceed to a marina and began looking around.

"GET OFFFA MY DOCK!" shouted a man.

"We're looking for a man, his name is Gagh" said Cassie showing the man a picture of Gagh.

"Saw him, some guys who looked like hipsters drug him onto a boat and took off. NOW GET OFF OF MY DOCK!" shouted the Man.

"Can we rent that fast boat?" asked Cassie

"YES!" shouted the man.

Cassie and Tisiphone proceeded to go by boat in the direction the man had pointed.

"Cue 80's tv show theme that had fast boats in it!" said Cassie

"YEEE HAW!" shouted Tisiphone as she kicked the boat into HIGH GEAR

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 6: What what Pornlandia?

Meanwhile Dr Dave visits the hit tv show Pornlandia.

"This is litterly the best show ever!" commented Dr Dave

"PUT A COCK ON IT!" said LC

"Quite so. Now Gagh was in a recent episode of the show, as an anti porn activist, so there might be clues here, that Cassie and Tisiphone LADY detectives might find usefull" said Dr Dave

"Why do you call them lady detectives, it's not like this is a TV show and you need a catch phrase!" commented LC

"SHHHHH, you'll scare the key grips, hey there's the director!" said Dr Dave, going over to him.

"Ugh the fluffers are late, hey who the hell are you?" asked the Director

"Dr Dave, I'm here to ask about Gagh, tell me all you know about his time here, or BY CORK LC will not look at your feet!" replied Dr Dave

"Ok ok...please, He was great, but we had some strange things, a bunch of lights fell down and almost kill him, then these damn hipsters keept sneeking in!" said the Director

"Hipsters...hmm, they are never up to any good, and in this town you can't spit on a goose without hitting a hipster and a goose!" said Dr Dave, adding "I better text this to Cassie and Tisiphone."

...

"Just got a text from Dr Dave, hipsters were trying to get at Gagh before his dissaprence" said Cassie

"That house boat looks suspicious... what's it doing off Goose Island" asked Tisiphone

"Nothing good...let's go." said Cassie

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 7: sexy first aid

Cassie and Tisiphone approced the boat.

"I'll cut the engine, and we'll coast in..." whispered Tisiphone

"Good idea" Cassie whispered back

The detectives got on the boat, they could hear moaning.

"Oh no...could it be..." they said as the slowly entered the living room portion of the house boat.

"CaptainWacky!" Said Cassie and Tisiphone

"Just going to die..." said CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky was lieing against the wall, the room was trashed.

"What happend CaptainWacky?" asked Cassie

"Just going to die, life is an illusion...robot bodies...ugh. They barged in, they had Gagh...they had Gagh...they trashed the house boat...death is near..." replied CaptainWacky

"How long ago" asked Tisiphone

"Hours...less, more...who knows...my head hurts...my socks got tossed over board...." said CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky had a huge gash on his forhead, which was still bleading.

"Must not have been long ago..." said Cassie

"Yeah. I better give CaptainWacky some sexy first aid" said Tisiphone

"By cork..." said CaptaiNWacky before he passed out.

...

headvoid sat in his MARKETING office, thinking "Man, I wish I could market cancer to those fucks"

What was headvoid talking about one might think. Well he was thinking about the people who had taken Gagh, who was to be a super model in a major advert that was set to be filmed in mere days in PortTucky, for the up and coming wine brand "Sexy Bike".

"I just hope he's found...before it's too late..." said headvoid

To be continued...

 

[CaptainWacky]

Those are things I say.

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 8: "Time to kick this fucker into mega gear!"

"We need to get going, Come on CaptainWacky, to the boat!" said Cassie

"DEATH IS NEAR LOL!" said CaptainWacky

"Yeah for the kidnapers of Gagh, I'm going to cut off their peni, CHRISTMAS STYLE!" said Cassie

Cassie, Tisiphone, and CaptainWacky got back on the boat.

"Time to kick this fucker into mega gear!" said Tisiphone as she put the boat in the highest gear, breaking part of the house boat off.

The trio proceded up river, the direction CaptainWacky seemed to think they had gone.

Cassie's phone rang.

"Dr Dave here, a source on THE STREET tells me Gagh might be held in the old indistrial district near the rail road bridge on the other river!" said Dr Dave via phone

"The other river..BLAST, TISIPHONE TO THE OTHER RIVER!" shouted Cassie

"On it like bacon on a bacon sandwich!" said Tisiphone

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 9: More Tears and broken dreams then a shot gun wedding.

Bullet were flying, FASTER THEN mean bees.

"Were pinned down" said Tisiphone, who had ducked back down after firing her shot gun. When she had popped up she saw the bodies of Dr Dave and Tomtrek, who were still down.

"Can you tell if they're alive?" asked Cassie

"No.." said Tisiphone

"Damn...damn it all to hell." said Cassie angerly

It was a good plan, a solid plan, but Cassie and Tisiphone, LADY detectives had not figured they would be over heard.

...

Three hours earlier...

Cassie and Tisiphone and CaptainWacky had arrived at the industrial area.

"You best stay with the boat, radio Dr Dave and tell him our location. Were going to poke around" said Cassie

"OK!" said CaptainWacky

Cassie and Tisiphone proceded to look around. There were many people around, and they were suprised to see Tomtrek sitting on a barrel outside a barrel shop.

"Tomtrek!" said Cassie

"CASSIE!" replied Tomtrek

"What are you doing here?" asked Cassie

"I just got laid off from my barrel making job. What are you two doing here?" asked Tomtrek

"Looking for Gagh, he's been kidnapped!" said Cassie

"Why I saw Gagh recently. He was in the back of an SUV heading down that way" said Tomtrek pointing to a wear house at the end of the street.

"We better ask around about the wear house and the SUV" said Tisiphone

"Good idea, Tomtrek will you wait here and keep an eye out why we nose around?" asked Cassie

"Sure, I'll just sip my $5 latte!" said Tomtrek

Cassie and Tisiphone walked off and questioned various people in the area. A few had seen the SUV that Tomtrek had spotted. Few people knew much about the wearhouse, apart that it had been abandoned for some time, but only recently seemed active. Nobody knew what the deal was and nobody had ventured down that way, as it was rather isolated.

"We're going to need guns, if Gagh is being held down there, we will need to be prepared." said Cassie

"Yeah, one of the guys I talked to said there were also tramps down there, and they could be a tad bit cranky when people come in to their 'territory'." said Tisiphone

...

Cassie and Tisiphone went back to the boat and radioed Dr Dave to bring GUNS, he arrived in SHORT ORDER with them.

"We will need to approach with much caution" said Cassie

As the group approced the wear house, Dr Dave and Tomtrek were in the lead when suddenly shots rang out.

"Back, behind the barricade!" shouted Cassie as she lay cover fire.

Only Cassie and Tisiphone made it back.

"Were pinned down" said Tisiphone, who had ducked back down after firing her shot gun. When she had popped up she saw the bodies of Dr Dave and Tomtrek, who were still down.

"Can you tell if they're alive?" asked Cassie

"No.." said Tisiphone

"Damn...damn it all to hell." said Cassie angerly

Tisiphone switched to a sub machine gun and asked "If I can lay cover fire, can you pull them back here?"

"I don't know!" said Cassie, as she pulled out her radio and said into it "CaptainWacky, we need reinforcments"

"Aye!" he replied

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 10: "FBI just stole a submarine!"

CaptainWacky rushed from the indistrial area with MUCH SPEED, he was approching on his boat the MUSEUM OF IDEAS when he saw FBI riding a submarine.

"FBI, you stole a submarine?" shouted CaptainWacky

"Yeah, I got bored, plus somebody left the keys in it." replied FBI Part Due

CaptainWacky quickly explained the current situation to FBI

"Let's go!" said FBI

CaptainWacky got led the way on his boat.

...

"He did what?" asked Cassie

"FBI just stole a submarine!" replied Tisiphone

To be continued...

 

[CaptainWacky]

THE SHOCKING RETURN.

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 11: Missleing you

People from the wearhouse had started firing on the MF gang. But not far off was FBI Part Due and his Submarine being led by CaptainWacky.

Over the radio FBI said "Just discovered this thing has missles"

"Fire a missile in front of the wear house, we will use the distraction to charge ahead" replied Cassie over her radio.

By this time Dr Dave was up and about and working on Tomtrek.

"How did you heal so fast?" asked Tisiphone

"Bullet proof vest" replied Dr Dave.

"Missiles away!" said FBI Part Due over the radio

"Wait..Missiles...we just wanted one!" said Tisiphone to Cassie

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 12: Duck Duck boom.

Suddenly screaming could be heard coming from the warehouse.

"What is going on in there, the missiles haven't even hit yet!" said Tisiphone

"30 seconds..." said Tomtrek who was looking at this missile watch.

All the bad guys were running from the building, and out walked Gagh and a white duck.

"Quack!" went the duck, and Gagh noded. The two approached the rest of the MF gang, as the warehouse exploded, killing the leader of the people who had Gagh.

"Gagh!" said Cassie

"Good timing with the missles, it was just what we needed to escape." said Gagh

"But how!" said Tisiphone

"With the use of this STRONG DUCK!" replied Gagh

"Quack!" said the duck.

"He's white just like the bunny from Holy Grail" said Loktar, who was tied to a bench still and had appeared out of nowhere.

The duck jumped on Loktar's head and settled down.

Soon CaptainWacky and FBI Part Due showed up.

"Well looks like this adventure is at the end, wait..who kidnapped you anyway?" asked Cassie

"Gorg Mchappen." said Gagh

"BY CORK!" the group shouted.

The end.

 

[CaptainWacky]

DUCK EX MACHINA.

 

[Dr Dave]

Quack!