The great hamster

Cassie

Touching the monolith
Staff member
France

France Faces Millions in Fines For Its Treatment of the Great Hamster

The European Union’s highest court ruled Thursday that France could be fined up to $24.6 million for its treatment of… wait for it … a hamster.

The Court of Justice in Luxembourg says that France has failed to adequately protect the great hamster of Alsace, the New York Times reports.

If you’re wondering why all this fuss would be made about an animal that seems perfectly happy lying in a bed of shredded newspapers, the great hamster is Western Europe's last remaining species of wild hamster. There are only about 800 left in France. And although the animal has been legally protected since 1993, the European Commission said there were fewer than 200 just four years ago. The European Commission launched the lawsuit in 2009.

The Times explains that France must alter its urbanization and agricultural policies to better protect the threatened animal. Although the hamster feeds on things like grass and alfalfa, these have largely been replaced by corn, which is unripe when the hamster awakens from hibernation each spring. Adding to the animal’s troubles is the fact its grazing area is shrinking because of urbanization.

Jean-Paul Burget, president of Sauvegarde Faune Sauvage, said France must work to raise the hamster population up to 1,500. Burget also told the Times that France should commit to old agreements it made to grow the cereals the hamster eats, which is strange, because we thought hamsters only ate those pellets from the pet store.

Sauvegarde Faune Sauvage—or Safeguard Wildlife, for those of you who didn’t take French in high school—filed an initial complaint to the European Commission on behalf of the great hamster in 2006.

Hambil, how do you feel about the treatment of your people in France?
 

Hambil

I AM A GOLDEN GOD
the great hamster is Western Europe's last remaining species of wild hamster
My people have long suffered an been oppressed. This final hamster holocaust is just too much. I demand France set aside it's best land, along the coast, as Hambil Nation, where we hamsters and gerbils can join together and finally live in peace, as was written in the old scrolls. Hamster Zion is coming.
 

Loktar

Pinata Whacker
They took the whole Hambil Nation
And put us in cages without reservation
Took away our hamster zeal
Put us on the hamster wheel

They took away our native squeak
And taught their English to the weak
And all the food we eat from hand
Is all tasteless and bland

Hambil Nation, Hamster tribe
So proud to live, so proud to die

They took the whole Hambil Nation
And locked us in cages without reservation
And though I eat the human's food
Im still a Hamster through and through

Hambil Nation, Hamster tribe
So proud to live, so proud to die

But maybe someday when they learn
Hambil Nation will return
Will return
Will return
Will return
Will return
 
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