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The Mine Field goes to JAPAN

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
(CaptainWacky, Mentalist, FBI, Grammour Boy and Doctor Dave are in Japan as part of an official Mine Field delegation opening diplomatic relations with the Far East or something.)

Wacky: Well here we are in Japan.

Menty: Yep.

GB: And there's the headquarters of the Japanese Internet Agency.

FBI: The JIA!

(They enter the JIA headquarters. There is a small, cute, Japanese girl wearing a grey hoodie with a picture of a tiger on it FOR SOME REASON standing behind a desk, grinning genuinely.)

Girl: Hi! I'm the perky girl with a secret past who has just been put in charge of the JIA for certain reasons!

Wacky: Hi.

Menty: We're here to open up diplomatic Mine Field relations or some shit.

Girl: HEHEHEHE, cool!

(She starts jumping up and down clapping and giggling like a schoolgirl. A JAPANESE schoolgirl.)

FBI: Hey, what's going on in there?

(In ANOTHER ROOM there is a policeman with a handlebar moustache stroking a topless fifteen year old Japanese schoolgir's left breast. The girl is moaning softly.)

Girl: Oh, that's just our Policeman stroking a fifteen year old girl's left breast division.

FBI: Ah.

Girl: So, what makes this SO CALLED Mine Field unique on the internet?

Wacky: Well we have memes like "AND MY AXE" and "SEX WITH DUCKS" that get less and less funny everytime you hear them, if indeed they ever were funny in the first place which I seriously doubt they were, for one thing! KILL MYSELF LOL!

Girl: That's snazzy! What else do you have to offer?

Dave: Pillz lol.

Girl: Uh huh...

Menty: We also plan to find Godzilla and stop his murderous rampage.

FBI: Yes, there is that. Find Godzilla, stop his murderous rampage...then have sex with him. Up the ass. Don't forget that part, Menty. Don't forget the gay ass sex with a giant lizard part.

Menty: That was implied.

Girl: Well that all sounds SUPER! I love you crazy Americans and the Beatles!

Wacky: I'm not American.

Menty: Me neither.

Dave: I am.

FBI: I'm from RADIO ZOO or something!

GB: I'm from Liverpool!

Girl(completely ignoring them): You crazy Americans and your baseballs and your guns! Do any of you know the Statue Of Liberty? What's she like? Do you think she could beat Godzilla?

Menty: Anyway...

Girl: Yes, anyway. Do you have any other questions before we COMPLETE THE TRANSACTION?

GB: The fifteen year old girl...

Girl: Yes?

GB: Could I maybe stroke her right breast?

Girl: I'm sorry, only her left breast can be stroked.

GB: Well can I stroke her left breast when the policeman is finished?

Girl: The policeman will never be finished.

GB: Well can I stand here masturbating over her for the next hour?

Girl: No.

Menty: Look, have we established diplomatic relations with Japan or not? I'm confused and bored.

Girl: We have indeed!

Wacky: GOOD! So can you make the NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS?

Girl: I think I can HANDLE things from here!

(The five brave adventurers leave the JIA headquarters.)

Wacky: I wonder why she put so much emphasis on the word HANDLE?

FBI: Maybe she's drunk.

Wacky: Yeah, probably.

FBI: DRUNK WITH POWER!

Menty: Maybe it's because a pair of giant disembodied hands are about to attack us?

(A pair of giant disembodied hands attack them. They kill DOZENS OF INNOCENT JAPS trying to get at our Mine Field heroes, who deftly DODGE them and stuff.)

GB: What do we do!?

Dave: Kill them with fire.

Wacky: NO! They're a boss from Zelda games, I'd recognise them anywhere! We have to shoot them with arrows!

Menty: Anyone got any arrows?

FBI: I've got AEROS.

Menty: So that's a no then.

(SUDDENLY the JIA girl appears with a bow and arrow!)

Girl: Remember when I mentioned my secret past?

Menty: Not really.

Wacky: Can't say I do!

Dave: I've been listening to my iPod the whole time, to be honest.

Girl: That's right, my secret past is that I'm an ARCHER!

(She shoots both hands in their palms with arrows and retreats.)

Girl: FOR THE WIN!!!!

FBI: Wait a minute, you set this whole thing up, didn't you!

Girl: That I did!

FBI: So why have us attacked by giant hands just to save us a few minutes later?

Girl: To emasculate you!

FBI: Oh well that makes PERFECT SENSE, right guys?

(Grammour Boy has went back inside the JIA headquarters and is masturbating over the 15 year old. Menty is buying some beer from a TRAVELLING BEER SALESMAN. Dave is taking pillz lol. Wacky is sitting on the ground rocking back and forth.)

Wacky: KILL MSYELF KILL MYSELF KILLETH MINE OWN SELF, ANNA PAQUIN, NATALIE PENGUIN, HAHAHAHAHA VERONICA UGLY BETTY MARS ALAN DALE, LOUIS CARPENTAR, HAHAHAHAH HITLER ATE A TURNIP ON THE FOURTH OF MAY, MEEP MEEP!

FBI: ...yep!

FIN
 
The statue of Liberty is French, anyway!
 
I had some good lines in this one.
 
I did some pretty cool things in this one as well.
 
Thats awesome!
 
I had to limit the number of characters just so I could focus on the character development for them rather than giving lots of people token lines, you see!
 
RIGHT BREAST STROKING: THE FORBIDDEN DANCE!
 
I was obviously in a back alley behind the JIA, chatting up some barely legal Twinkinese boys.
 
Maybe you were the policeman stroking the girl's left breast? Or the little Japanese girl, even?
 
No, I'd say the cop was BDM.

The little Japanese girl could be any number of the MF celeb fantasies.
 
NO I WANT A TOLKIEN LINE! :rwmad:
 
HROOM HROOM
 
Eggs Mayonnaise said:
I was obviously in a back alley behind the JIA, chatting up some barely legal Twinkinese boys.

Meanwhile, I checked around for any Japanese versions of Justin.
 
Justin Guarini?
 
Justin Hitler.
 
253784.jpg
 
what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
 
LOL.. that is Justin Guarini. He was on American Idol, and was in that movie with Kelly Clarkson, From Justin to Kelly or something like that.
 
He looks alright there...but still...
 
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