CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(CaptainWacky, Seph, Ishcabittle, Tisiphone and Eggs Mayonnaise arrive in some random casino.)
Wacky: Well, here we are in Las Vegas.
Ish: Cool.
Seph: Yeah fuck it can't stand around talking all day, got to hit the sluts I mean slots or do I anyway we'll find out when they file a police report, SEEYA.
(Seph runs away.)
Tisiphone: I better keep him from doing anything too crazy! *hic*
Ish: Are you drunk ALREADY? We only just got here!
Tisi: I was drinking on the plane.
Wacky: We came here by car!
Tisi: Well how would I know, I'm drunk
(She walks off.)
Ish: Sure was nice of you to invite us on your annual Vegas trip, Eggs.
Eggs: I didn't.
Ish: But Wacky said...
Eggs: "LOL, OMG, LET'S GO TO VEGAS WITH EGGS EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T INVITE US AND I'LL SING A SONG ABOUT MY SEXUALITY IN THE CAR, HO HO HO HO THAT WAS A JABBA THE HUTT LAUGH BY THE WAY"?
Ish: His words exactly! Except he said we WERE invited.
Eggs: Well, YOU'RE NOT.
Wacky: Well since we just HAPPEN to be here anyway...
Eggs: Since you all jumped in my car.
Wacky: Yeah, since that, how about you show us the ropes? What will Seph and Tisi be doing to amuse themselves right now?
Eggs: Getting married, I think.
Ish: Come on, man, it's only been five minutes...
(They walk around a CORNER to see Seph and Tisi being married by a Klingon.)
Klingon: Q'PLAH!
Tisi: Oh Seph, I do declare you've made me the happiest woman in the galaxy!
Seph: Yeah that's nice, now how about I replace this horrible chapel wallpaper with a new colour I like to call "shade of Tisi's guts"...
Wacky: Okay, maybe you were right, Eggs? EGGS?
Ish: He ran away shouting "I FUCKING HATE WACKY".
Wacky: I wonder what that could mean!
Ish: Don't know. Why don't you play blackjack?
Seph: Play some blackjack, I'll stabe you in the back, jack, play twenty one, I got twenty two, you got an ace in the whole, I've got two of those too, fuck shit murder.
Wacky: Shouldn't you be on your honeyman?
Seph: Nah we had a fight because I wanted a threesome with the klingon, turned out it was a girl, fancy that, anyway I'm off to set fire to some children, cheerio.
(Seph runs away. Ish is SMOKING DRUGS. Wacky shrugs and sits down at the blackjack table.)
Dealer: New SHOOTER in town...
(The dealer pulls his DEALER HAT back to reveal that he is, in fact, TOMTREK.)
Wacky: The fuck are you doing here?
Tomtrek: Sssh. I'm not supposed to be here. I have a DIRE WARNING.
Wacky: About what?
Tomtrek: You can't let Seph marry Cassie! It will tear the Mine Field apart as Dr Dave, Gagh and you are all secretly in love with Cassie and will never forgive Seph, and everyone else is secretly in love with Seph and will never forgive Cassie!
Wacky: But he married Tisi and Cassie isn't even here, you silly loaf.
Tomtrek: OH REALLY?
(Wacky turns round to see Seph and CASSIE walking down the aisle!)
Tomtrek: He and Tisi got a quickie divorce, you fool! Now hurry up and stop that wedding!
Wacky: How do you know all this/
Tomtrek: Because I'm not actually Tomtrek. I'm...TOMTREK FROM THE FUTURE.
(He pulls his hat off to reveal GREY HAIR.)
Tomtrek: I travelled back in time from 2039 to save the Mine Field!
Wacky: I believe that, somehow! What's the future like?
Tomtrek: Everyone has robot children and Michelle Trachtenberg is still hot. NOW HURRY, STOP THE WEDDING. I can't do it myself, Captain Braxton will know I'm interfering with the timeline!
(Wacky nods and runs over, but is stopped by AQUEHONGA!)
Aquehonga: Hello, ADMIRAL Wacky! What a JOLLY GOOD SHOW to see you here!
Wacky: HOW COULD YOU GET HERE?
Aquehonga: Telephone invited me to her wedding with Sith...but it seems he's now marrying Cassandry! What a shocker! :sofa:
Wacky: SHUT UP!
(Wacky shoves Aquehonga out of the way.)
Klingon: IF THERE ARE ANY PERSONS OR ROMULANS HERE PRESENT WHO HAVE GOOD REASON WHY THIS MAN WHO FIVE MINUTES AGO I MARRIED TO A DIFFERENT WOMAN WITH HUGE TITS SHOULD NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN WITH NICE FEET THEN FUCKING SPEAKING UP OR REMAIN SILENT AND DISHONOURABLE.
Seph: Hurry up, my nuts are getting cold, need to warm them up in some guts.
Wacky: STOP THE WEEDING! I mean, wedding. STOP IT!
Cassie: Wacky!? YOU MOFO!
Wacky: I'm sorry! But Future Tomtrek told me...
Tomtrek: Hahaha! I'm not actually future Tomtrek at all!
(He rips the GREY HAIR out revealing it to be GREY HAIR.)
Tomtrek: I'm PRESENT DAY Tomtrek!
Wacky: Then why the FUCK did you get me to stop the wedding!?
Cassie: Because I'm not Cassie! I'm...no, wait. I really am Cassie. Yeah, why, Tomtrek?
Tomtrek: As a distraction while TOMTREK'S ELEVEN perform the greatest heist Vegas have ever seen! But you missed it all because I was distracting you! And I knew the security cameras would all be fixed on Tisi's breasts anyway!
Tisi: New reality show, coming MID SEASON to Fox!
(Mentalist, Dr Dave, Gagh, FBI, BDM, Laker Girl, Curiousa2z, Loktar, SilentBtViolent, Whisky and Grammour Boy (yes, Grammour Boy) come running by with sacks of MONEY.)
Mentalist: We got the loot, Tomtrizzle, let's SCRAMOLA!
Tomtrek: The perfect crime!
(They all run away and various directions, leaving everyone else confused.)
Wacky: Okay.
Cassie: So are we married or not?
Seph: Fucked if I know!
Tisi: So Seph, about what happened between us...let's just say that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
Seph: And so do your guts.
THE END
Wacky: Well, here we are in Las Vegas.
Ish: Cool.
Seph: Yeah fuck it can't stand around talking all day, got to hit the sluts I mean slots or do I anyway we'll find out when they file a police report, SEEYA.
(Seph runs away.)
Tisiphone: I better keep him from doing anything too crazy! *hic*
Ish: Are you drunk ALREADY? We only just got here!
Tisi: I was drinking on the plane.
Wacky: We came here by car!
Tisi: Well how would I know, I'm drunk
(She walks off.)
Ish: Sure was nice of you to invite us on your annual Vegas trip, Eggs.
Eggs: I didn't.
Ish: But Wacky said...
Eggs: "LOL, OMG, LET'S GO TO VEGAS WITH EGGS EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T INVITE US AND I'LL SING A SONG ABOUT MY SEXUALITY IN THE CAR, HO HO HO HO THAT WAS A JABBA THE HUTT LAUGH BY THE WAY"?
Ish: His words exactly! Except he said we WERE invited.
Eggs: Well, YOU'RE NOT.
Wacky: Well since we just HAPPEN to be here anyway...
Eggs: Since you all jumped in my car.
Wacky: Yeah, since that, how about you show us the ropes? What will Seph and Tisi be doing to amuse themselves right now?
Eggs: Getting married, I think.
Ish: Come on, man, it's only been five minutes...
(They walk around a CORNER to see Seph and Tisi being married by a Klingon.)
Klingon: Q'PLAH!
Tisi: Oh Seph, I do declare you've made me the happiest woman in the galaxy!
Seph: Yeah that's nice, now how about I replace this horrible chapel wallpaper with a new colour I like to call "shade of Tisi's guts"...
Wacky: Okay, maybe you were right, Eggs? EGGS?
Ish: He ran away shouting "I FUCKING HATE WACKY".
Wacky: I wonder what that could mean!
Ish: Don't know. Why don't you play blackjack?
Seph: Play some blackjack, I'll stabe you in the back, jack, play twenty one, I got twenty two, you got an ace in the whole, I've got two of those too, fuck shit murder.
Wacky: Shouldn't you be on your honeyman?
Seph: Nah we had a fight because I wanted a threesome with the klingon, turned out it was a girl, fancy that, anyway I'm off to set fire to some children, cheerio.
(Seph runs away. Ish is SMOKING DRUGS. Wacky shrugs and sits down at the blackjack table.)
Dealer: New SHOOTER in town...
(The dealer pulls his DEALER HAT back to reveal that he is, in fact, TOMTREK.)
Wacky: The fuck are you doing here?
Tomtrek: Sssh. I'm not supposed to be here. I have a DIRE WARNING.
Wacky: About what?
Tomtrek: You can't let Seph marry Cassie! It will tear the Mine Field apart as Dr Dave, Gagh and you are all secretly in love with Cassie and will never forgive Seph, and everyone else is secretly in love with Seph and will never forgive Cassie!
Wacky: But he married Tisi and Cassie isn't even here, you silly loaf.
Tomtrek: OH REALLY?
(Wacky turns round to see Seph and CASSIE walking down the aisle!)
Tomtrek: He and Tisi got a quickie divorce, you fool! Now hurry up and stop that wedding!
Wacky: How do you know all this/
Tomtrek: Because I'm not actually Tomtrek. I'm...TOMTREK FROM THE FUTURE.
(He pulls his hat off to reveal GREY HAIR.)
Tomtrek: I travelled back in time from 2039 to save the Mine Field!
Wacky: I believe that, somehow! What's the future like?
Tomtrek: Everyone has robot children and Michelle Trachtenberg is still hot. NOW HURRY, STOP THE WEDDING. I can't do it myself, Captain Braxton will know I'm interfering with the timeline!
(Wacky nods and runs over, but is stopped by AQUEHONGA!)
Aquehonga: Hello, ADMIRAL Wacky! What a JOLLY GOOD SHOW to see you here!
Wacky: HOW COULD YOU GET HERE?
Aquehonga: Telephone invited me to her wedding with Sith...but it seems he's now marrying Cassandry! What a shocker! :sofa:
Wacky: SHUT UP!
(Wacky shoves Aquehonga out of the way.)
Klingon: IF THERE ARE ANY PERSONS OR ROMULANS HERE PRESENT WHO HAVE GOOD REASON WHY THIS MAN WHO FIVE MINUTES AGO I MARRIED TO A DIFFERENT WOMAN WITH HUGE TITS SHOULD NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN WITH NICE FEET THEN FUCKING SPEAKING UP OR REMAIN SILENT AND DISHONOURABLE.
Seph: Hurry up, my nuts are getting cold, need to warm them up in some guts.
Wacky: STOP THE WEEDING! I mean, wedding. STOP IT!
Cassie: Wacky!? YOU MOFO!
Wacky: I'm sorry! But Future Tomtrek told me...
Tomtrek: Hahaha! I'm not actually future Tomtrek at all!
(He rips the GREY HAIR out revealing it to be GREY HAIR.)
Tomtrek: I'm PRESENT DAY Tomtrek!
Wacky: Then why the FUCK did you get me to stop the wedding!?
Cassie: Because I'm not Cassie! I'm...no, wait. I really am Cassie. Yeah, why, Tomtrek?
Tomtrek: As a distraction while TOMTREK'S ELEVEN perform the greatest heist Vegas have ever seen! But you missed it all because I was distracting you! And I knew the security cameras would all be fixed on Tisi's breasts anyway!
Tisi: New reality show, coming MID SEASON to Fox!
(Mentalist, Dr Dave, Gagh, FBI, BDM, Laker Girl, Curiousa2z, Loktar, SilentBtViolent, Whisky and Grammour Boy (yes, Grammour Boy) come running by with sacks of MONEY.)
Mentalist: We got the loot, Tomtrizzle, let's SCRAMOLA!
Tomtrek: The perfect crime!
(They all run away and various directions, leaving everyone else confused.)
Wacky: Okay.
Cassie: So are we married or not?
Seph: Fucked if I know!
Tisi: So Seph, about what happened between us...let's just say that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
Seph: And so do your guts.
THE END
