CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(CaptainWacky, Tomtrek, Cassie, Fuddlemiff, Seph, FBI Parte Due, Mentalist, SAUSAGEMAN, Eggs Mayonnaise, Whisky, Dual and OTHERS all materialise in Middle Earth, somehow.)
Wacky: Well, here were are in Middle Earth. The Shire, specifically. Hobbiton, even MORE specifically. Ten Bagshot Row, to be totally specific...
Tomtrek: Wow, it's just like the movies.
Cassie: Are you sure we're not just in New Zealand?
Wacky: NO. LOOK AT ALL THE HOBBITS.
(Lots of hobbits are walking around being jolly.)
Seph: None of them are fit. And there so short it would only take me half as long to get up to their guts. Where's the fun in that shit, maaaaaan?
Menty: Yeah, I could be back home not posting in the Clone Wars thread even though I said I would weeks ago which only Wacky remembers because he remembers everything I say.
SAUSAGEMAN: What are we even supposed to do here?
FBI: SMOKE PIPE WEE LOL!
Wacky: NO. THAT'S NOT RIGHT. We can have fun interactions with the hobbits! Look, here comes Samwise Gamgee!
(Sam walks over.)
Samwise: Hello, big folk!
(Eggs jumps in front of Wacky before he can say anything.)
Eggs: Okay, cut the bullshit. I just want an answer, Sam, yes or no, and no fucking around. Understand? Okay, youi and Frodo. I'm not even going to ask if anything ever happened between you. I just want acknowledgement, okay? That you loved him. That it was a sexual love. Look, you can claim you're attracted to girls too...maybe you are. I'm sure there are some genuine bisexuals. Hey, I'll let you have it. You love your wife. But come on...you love Frodo more, don't you? And when you're making love to Rosie...you picture Frodo right as you cum, don't you? Just admit it. Admit you only see Frodo's face when you cum.
Sam: No, that's not true.
Eggs: Aww...
Sam: I don't see Frodo's face only when I cum...I see it EVERY WAKING MOMENT. I SEE IT RIGHT NOW. Imagining Frodo is the ONLY THING that gets me through the day! Life is AGONY without Frodo! I love him, UTTERLY. SEXUALLY.
Eggs: YESSSSSS!
Wacky: NO, NO, NO, THAT ISN'T TOLKIEN'S VISION!
Tomtrek: Wacky, calm down...it's just another interpretation...
Wacky: NO...
Cassie: Come on, we'll see what Seph and FBI are doing...
(Seph and FBI are smoking pipe weed. They look very happy.)
FBI: "!"
Seph: Good shit man, real industrial level nonsense here, some of that hobbbit clunge is looking inviting now...
FBI: Smoke some pipe wee, Wacky, YOU'LL FEEL NON-AUTISTIC LOL I'M OFF TO WRITE A SCRIPT, BUT NOT THIS KIND, THE KIND KIDDIES WRITE.
Wacky: It's pipe WEED!
Menty: Yeah, and it smells unambiguously exactly the same as pot. Frimmy bricks.
Wacky: NO! IT'S OLD TOBY. IT'S HARMLESS TOBACCO. THAT WAS TOLKIEN'S VISION. FUUUUUUUUCK!
Tomtrek: Look, why don't we get out of The Shire?
Fuddlemiff: We could go to Gondor.
Tomtrek: Or go to Rivendell and look at pale elf girls.
Wacky: NO. THE STORY IS SET HERE. I DECIDED.
Tomtrek: But the Shire's boring! I want to see elves!
Wacky: WELL YOU CAN'T. It's the Fourth Age, they're all either gone or they're packing to leave!
Cassie: Why didn't you set the story earlier?
Wacky: BECAUSE IT'S THE FOURTH AGE AT THE END OF THE BOOK SO THAT'S THE "PRESENT", OKAY?
Eggs: But it's not real!
Wacky: SHUT UP.
Menty: So, umm, other than get high, what are we going to do now?
Tomtrek: Yeah, Wacky, what are we going to do now?
(Wacky thinks for a moment. Then smiles.)
Wacky: I've thought of something FUN! We can...steal mushrooms from Farmer Maggot!!!!
Eggs: That's fucking gay.
Tomtrek: Yeah, is a bit.
Menty: Sorry, Wacky.
Wacky: FUUUUCK! Wait! WHAT'S THIS!
(A man with a LONG WHITE BEARD and a WIZARD HAT comes riding in on a NICE BIG HORSE.)
Gandalf: It's me, Gandalf!
Menty: Okay, that's pretty cool.
Gandalf: I am here to watch Sam shower!
Eggs: I KNEW IT!
Wacky: FUCK!
Whisky: More like Gandalf the gay than Gandalf the Grey, eh?
(Dual steals some POWDER from Gandalf and sprinkles it on Whisky.)
Cassie: What are you doing, MOFO?
Dual: Sprinkling NEG REP powder on him for that lame pun!
SAUSAGEMAN: Hmm, no reference to NEG REP powder anywhere in the books. Does not seem consistent with Gandalf's character to carry that. D minus on that joke, Dual.
Dual: Damn it!
Wacky: Wait...this is the Fourth Age...that means Gandalf's already gone...YOU'RE A FAKE!
Gandalf: HO HO HO?
(Seph rips Gandalf's beard off. IT'S RADAGAST THE BROWN!)
Radagast: Okay, you caught me. Where can I score some pipe weed?
FBI: Join the party!
Menty: Why do they call you "the brown" anyway?
(Radagast takes a shit on Sam's front garden.)
Radagast: That's why, mates!
Wacky: NO, THAT'S WRONG, FUCK, ARGH.
(Wacky goes walking away by himself in a daze. He comes across a man with a beard.)
Peter Jackson: Hey, how did your group get on my film set?
Wacky: You mean...this is just a movie set? THAT'S why Sam's gay, peep weed is pot and Radagast is shitting everywhere?
Peter Jackson: Nah, that's all taken from the new Christopher Tolkien book! Hey, are they smoking pipe wide? FUCKING A, MAN!
Wacky: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(THE END)
Wacky: Well, here were are in Middle Earth. The Shire, specifically. Hobbiton, even MORE specifically. Ten Bagshot Row, to be totally specific...
Tomtrek: Wow, it's just like the movies.
Cassie: Are you sure we're not just in New Zealand?
Wacky: NO. LOOK AT ALL THE HOBBITS.
(Lots of hobbits are walking around being jolly.)
Seph: None of them are fit. And there so short it would only take me half as long to get up to their guts. Where's the fun in that shit, maaaaaan?
Menty: Yeah, I could be back home not posting in the Clone Wars thread even though I said I would weeks ago which only Wacky remembers because he remembers everything I say.
SAUSAGEMAN: What are we even supposed to do here?
FBI: SMOKE PIPE WEE LOL!
Wacky: NO. THAT'S NOT RIGHT. We can have fun interactions with the hobbits! Look, here comes Samwise Gamgee!
(Sam walks over.)
Samwise: Hello, big folk!
(Eggs jumps in front of Wacky before he can say anything.)
Eggs: Okay, cut the bullshit. I just want an answer, Sam, yes or no, and no fucking around. Understand? Okay, youi and Frodo. I'm not even going to ask if anything ever happened between you. I just want acknowledgement, okay? That you loved him. That it was a sexual love. Look, you can claim you're attracted to girls too...maybe you are. I'm sure there are some genuine bisexuals. Hey, I'll let you have it. You love your wife. But come on...you love Frodo more, don't you? And when you're making love to Rosie...you picture Frodo right as you cum, don't you? Just admit it. Admit you only see Frodo's face when you cum.
Sam: No, that's not true.
Eggs: Aww...
Sam: I don't see Frodo's face only when I cum...I see it EVERY WAKING MOMENT. I SEE IT RIGHT NOW. Imagining Frodo is the ONLY THING that gets me through the day! Life is AGONY without Frodo! I love him, UTTERLY. SEXUALLY.
Eggs: YESSSSSS!
Wacky: NO, NO, NO, THAT ISN'T TOLKIEN'S VISION!
Tomtrek: Wacky, calm down...it's just another interpretation...
Wacky: NO...
Cassie: Come on, we'll see what Seph and FBI are doing...
(Seph and FBI are smoking pipe weed. They look very happy.)
FBI: "!"
Seph: Good shit man, real industrial level nonsense here, some of that hobbbit clunge is looking inviting now...
FBI: Smoke some pipe wee, Wacky, YOU'LL FEEL NON-AUTISTIC LOL I'M OFF TO WRITE A SCRIPT, BUT NOT THIS KIND, THE KIND KIDDIES WRITE.
Wacky: It's pipe WEED!
Menty: Yeah, and it smells unambiguously exactly the same as pot. Frimmy bricks.
Wacky: NO! IT'S OLD TOBY. IT'S HARMLESS TOBACCO. THAT WAS TOLKIEN'S VISION. FUUUUUUUUCK!
Tomtrek: Look, why don't we get out of The Shire?
Fuddlemiff: We could go to Gondor.
Tomtrek: Or go to Rivendell and look at pale elf girls.
Wacky: NO. THE STORY IS SET HERE. I DECIDED.
Tomtrek: But the Shire's boring! I want to see elves!
Wacky: WELL YOU CAN'T. It's the Fourth Age, they're all either gone or they're packing to leave!
Cassie: Why didn't you set the story earlier?
Wacky: BECAUSE IT'S THE FOURTH AGE AT THE END OF THE BOOK SO THAT'S THE "PRESENT", OKAY?
Eggs: But it's not real!
Wacky: SHUT UP.
Menty: So, umm, other than get high, what are we going to do now?
Tomtrek: Yeah, Wacky, what are we going to do now?
(Wacky thinks for a moment. Then smiles.)
Wacky: I've thought of something FUN! We can...steal mushrooms from Farmer Maggot!!!!
Eggs: That's fucking gay.
Tomtrek: Yeah, is a bit.
Menty: Sorry, Wacky.
Wacky: FUUUUCK! Wait! WHAT'S THIS!
(A man with a LONG WHITE BEARD and a WIZARD HAT comes riding in on a NICE BIG HORSE.)
Gandalf: It's me, Gandalf!
Menty: Okay, that's pretty cool.
Gandalf: I am here to watch Sam shower!
Eggs: I KNEW IT!
Wacky: FUCK!
Whisky: More like Gandalf the gay than Gandalf the Grey, eh?
(Dual steals some POWDER from Gandalf and sprinkles it on Whisky.)
Cassie: What are you doing, MOFO?
Dual: Sprinkling NEG REP powder on him for that lame pun!
SAUSAGEMAN: Hmm, no reference to NEG REP powder anywhere in the books. Does not seem consistent with Gandalf's character to carry that. D minus on that joke, Dual.
Dual: Damn it!
Wacky: Wait...this is the Fourth Age...that means Gandalf's already gone...YOU'RE A FAKE!
Gandalf: HO HO HO?
(Seph rips Gandalf's beard off. IT'S RADAGAST THE BROWN!)
Radagast: Okay, you caught me. Where can I score some pipe weed?
FBI: Join the party!
Menty: Why do they call you "the brown" anyway?
(Radagast takes a shit on Sam's front garden.)
Radagast: That's why, mates!
Wacky: NO, THAT'S WRONG, FUCK, ARGH.
(Wacky goes walking away by himself in a daze. He comes across a man with a beard.)
Peter Jackson: Hey, how did your group get on my film set?
Wacky: You mean...this is just a movie set? THAT'S why Sam's gay, peep weed is pot and Radagast is shitting everywhere?
Peter Jackson: Nah, that's all taken from the new Christopher Tolkien book! Hey, are they smoking pipe wide? FUCKING A, MAN!
Wacky: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(THE END)
