CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(CaptainWacky, Tomtrek, Mentalist, Seph, Henoch and FBI Parte Due parachute into Time's Square for some reason.)
Wacky: Well, here we are in New York.
Tomtrek: We know, Wacky.
FBI: Was there any need for the dramtic entrance?
Henoch: Oh stop BEING a drama QUEEN, FBI!!!!! If CHER HERSELF saw that entrance I reckon she'd be SO impressed her old NIPPLES would go HARD with JOY!!!!
Seph: yeah, what he said, where do they sell the dope...
Tomtrek: I wonder what MENTALIST thinks of all this.
(Menty has disappeared.)
Tomtrek: GREAT!
Wacky: Right, all we need to do is find Eggs and tell him we're staying with him.
FBI: Wait, you didn't arrange to meet him anywhere or tell him we were coming?
Wacky: Well I posted "I'M GOING TO NEW YORK UNLESS I DIE ON THE WAY OR IN THE NEEDLESS PARACHUTE JUMP OR OF SWINE FLUE MAYBE I CAN STAY WITH EGGS LOL FUCKING KILL MYSELF NATALIE NATALIE NATLALIE HITLER" in one of my things of the day. I thought that was pretty clear.
Seph: Sounds clear to me, speaking of clear, I've got a pretty clear head right now, need a little somethign to sort that out know what I'm saying, about ready to chin some Rasta if I can't get my hands on ten mills of shudder juice, know what I'm saying?
FBI: I don't, but maybe IMOGEN THOMAS does!
Menty: Hi.
Tomtrek: WAS THAT MENTY!!?!?!
(He spins round but Menty's gone.)
Tomtrek: FUCK. SHOES.
Henoch: Can we HURRY UP and DO SOMETHING like perhaps all stand in the middle of the road and DIE in a HORRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT or something?
Wacky: Okay! But Menty's disappeared again and Seph's over there buying something from a man with a hat on...
Seph: Just buying some abstract teal from this gent, good fucking shit it is too, real industrial level stuff, be with you when I'm off my bollocks, ta very much.
FBI: Drugs lol.
Wacky: We just need to find Eggs...he's probably on FIFTH AVENUE or WALLSTREET or YANKEE STADIUM or, umm, GROUND ZERO...or something...
Tomtrek: So basically everything you know about New York comes from tv.
Wacky: Where else!
FBI: Maybe from the mind of HEROIC FOOL?
Wacky: No.
Tomtrek: Hey, you know who else lives in New York?
FBI: Ed Balls?
Wacky: Michelle Trachtenberg?
Tomtrek: MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG.
Seph: Aye, just saw Menty go off with her, think he was going to nash that snash if you know what I mean. Anyone want some sprong?
Henoch: You know who else comes from NEW York? That BITCH Lady Gaga...thinks she's FUCKING MADONNA but she doesn't even have ONE black baby!!!
Wacky: Hey, is that Eggs?
FBI: Maybe it's KEN RUSSELL?
(A guy who looks like Riker is walking towards them.)
Eggs: Holy shit, Wacky, Tomtrek, FBI, Seph and Henoch!?
Wacky: Told you I'd find him!
Tomtrek: Or stand still until he happens to walk by, somehow.
Wacky: Yes, or that. Eggs, we all want to sleep on your couch and eat your sandwiches. Is that okay?
Eggs: Is Fuddlemiff with you?
Wacky: He's banned from entering the country after that photoshop contest rigging.
Eggs: So you didn't bring him...what about Menty?
Seph: Over there with Snatchenberg.
Tomtrek: Look, I respect you Seph and the many great things you say, but that just isn't true!
FBI: It is, YOU KNOW!
(Menty is talking to MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG.)
Menty: Sup.
Michelle: Do I know you?
Menty: No but I once watched the RJ's jacket episode with Wacky over the internet and we posted about it. Good times, maybe.
Michelle: Hey, are you English?
Menty: Yep.
Michelle: Hee hee! I love your accent! I spent some time in England. There was one show I really loved, can't remember the name...something about a badger...
Menty: That would be Bodger and Badger, yes. I once met the guy who played Bodger in a shop and handed him some bread. He has no hands, you see. The shop was owned by Patrick Moore and Steve Coogar was illegally parked outside with his lights on. Then I punched Ricky Gervais.
Michelle: Come back to my room with me.
Menty: Okay.
(They leave together.)
FBI: Not even SHILPA SHETTY could have seen that coming!
Tomtrek: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTY!
Henoch: Here I though he was GAY and loved COCKS and taking COCKS in various HOLES in his body.
Eggs: So now Menty's not even going to be on the couch. Great.
Seph: Take some Spizzer Pills, Tomtrek, you'll feel as right as an afghani with a bomb.
Tomtrek: Fuck...shoes...fuck...shops...
(A GIRL taps Tomtrek on the shoulder. He spins round.)
Tomtrek: WHAT...oh...oh my.
(It's MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG.)
Tomtrek: You...but...
Real Michelle: Excuse me, but did you happen to see my TWIN SISTER around here? I'm actress Michelle Trachtenberg, by the way.
Tomtrek: You don't have a twin sister.
Michelle: Oh, we keep her a secret. She hates the fact that I'm famous and she keeps getting recognised. That's why she's lived in England for years and became addicted to Bodger and Badger. But she's back now, we were supposed to go shoe shopping.
Tomtrek: Shoe shops?
Wacky: She left with Menty.
Michelle: That bitch! Now I'm at a LOOSE END.
Tomtrek: Hmm.
Michelle: By the way, I love Star Wars and would love to talk about it for the next FIFTEEN HOURS with someone.
Tomtrek: HMM...
(Tomtrek takes Michelle's arm.)
Tomtrek: I love you.
Michelle: I know.
(They leave TOGETHER.)
FBI: Throughout the known history of economic thought, I have never seen so many angels fly out of the mouth of a man, nor so many knives come out of his forehead to slash and cut at my genitals. OR JADE GOODY.
(He just walks away somewhere. Eggs has also run away while no one was looking.)
Henoch: Just the THREE OF US then, LADS. Let's go see a SHOW on BROADWAY then fucking shout "YOU'RE NOT MADONNA AND THEREFORE WORTHLESS!!!" at the FEMALE LEAD throughout the whole thing!!!
Wacky: Seph...pass the shudder juice.
Seph: Burning babies.
THE END
Wacky: Well, here we are in New York.
Tomtrek: We know, Wacky.
FBI: Was there any need for the dramtic entrance?
Henoch: Oh stop BEING a drama QUEEN, FBI!!!!! If CHER HERSELF saw that entrance I reckon she'd be SO impressed her old NIPPLES would go HARD with JOY!!!!
Seph: yeah, what he said, where do they sell the dope...
Tomtrek: I wonder what MENTALIST thinks of all this.
(Menty has disappeared.)
Tomtrek: GREAT!
Wacky: Right, all we need to do is find Eggs and tell him we're staying with him.
FBI: Wait, you didn't arrange to meet him anywhere or tell him we were coming?
Wacky: Well I posted "I'M GOING TO NEW YORK UNLESS I DIE ON THE WAY OR IN THE NEEDLESS PARACHUTE JUMP OR OF SWINE FLUE MAYBE I CAN STAY WITH EGGS LOL FUCKING KILL MYSELF NATALIE NATALIE NATLALIE HITLER" in one of my things of the day. I thought that was pretty clear.
Seph: Sounds clear to me, speaking of clear, I've got a pretty clear head right now, need a little somethign to sort that out know what I'm saying, about ready to chin some Rasta if I can't get my hands on ten mills of shudder juice, know what I'm saying?
FBI: I don't, but maybe IMOGEN THOMAS does!
Menty: Hi.
Tomtrek: WAS THAT MENTY!!?!?!
(He spins round but Menty's gone.)
Tomtrek: FUCK. SHOES.
Henoch: Can we HURRY UP and DO SOMETHING like perhaps all stand in the middle of the road and DIE in a HORRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT or something?
Wacky: Okay! But Menty's disappeared again and Seph's over there buying something from a man with a hat on...
Seph: Just buying some abstract teal from this gent, good fucking shit it is too, real industrial level stuff, be with you when I'm off my bollocks, ta very much.
FBI: Drugs lol.
Wacky: We just need to find Eggs...he's probably on FIFTH AVENUE or WALLSTREET or YANKEE STADIUM or, umm, GROUND ZERO...or something...
Tomtrek: So basically everything you know about New York comes from tv.
Wacky: Where else!
FBI: Maybe from the mind of HEROIC FOOL?
Wacky: No.
Tomtrek: Hey, you know who else lives in New York?
FBI: Ed Balls?
Wacky: Michelle Trachtenberg?
Tomtrek: MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG.
Seph: Aye, just saw Menty go off with her, think he was going to nash that snash if you know what I mean. Anyone want some sprong?
Henoch: You know who else comes from NEW York? That BITCH Lady Gaga...thinks she's FUCKING MADONNA but she doesn't even have ONE black baby!!!
Wacky: Hey, is that Eggs?
FBI: Maybe it's KEN RUSSELL?
(A guy who looks like Riker is walking towards them.)
Eggs: Holy shit, Wacky, Tomtrek, FBI, Seph and Henoch!?
Wacky: Told you I'd find him!
Tomtrek: Or stand still until he happens to walk by, somehow.
Wacky: Yes, or that. Eggs, we all want to sleep on your couch and eat your sandwiches. Is that okay?
Eggs: Is Fuddlemiff with you?
Wacky: He's banned from entering the country after that photoshop contest rigging.
Eggs: So you didn't bring him...what about Menty?
Seph: Over there with Snatchenberg.
Tomtrek: Look, I respect you Seph and the many great things you say, but that just isn't true!
FBI: It is, YOU KNOW!
(Menty is talking to MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG.)
Menty: Sup.
Michelle: Do I know you?
Menty: No but I once watched the RJ's jacket episode with Wacky over the internet and we posted about it. Good times, maybe.
Michelle: Hey, are you English?
Menty: Yep.
Michelle: Hee hee! I love your accent! I spent some time in England. There was one show I really loved, can't remember the name...something about a badger...
Menty: That would be Bodger and Badger, yes. I once met the guy who played Bodger in a shop and handed him some bread. He has no hands, you see. The shop was owned by Patrick Moore and Steve Coogar was illegally parked outside with his lights on. Then I punched Ricky Gervais.
Michelle: Come back to my room with me.
Menty: Okay.
(They leave together.)
FBI: Not even SHILPA SHETTY could have seen that coming!
Tomtrek: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTY!
Henoch: Here I though he was GAY and loved COCKS and taking COCKS in various HOLES in his body.
Eggs: So now Menty's not even going to be on the couch. Great.
Seph: Take some Spizzer Pills, Tomtrek, you'll feel as right as an afghani with a bomb.
Tomtrek: Fuck...shoes...fuck...shops...
(A GIRL taps Tomtrek on the shoulder. He spins round.)
Tomtrek: WHAT...oh...oh my.
(It's MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG.)
Tomtrek: You...but...
Real Michelle: Excuse me, but did you happen to see my TWIN SISTER around here? I'm actress Michelle Trachtenberg, by the way.
Tomtrek: You don't have a twin sister.
Michelle: Oh, we keep her a secret. She hates the fact that I'm famous and she keeps getting recognised. That's why she's lived in England for years and became addicted to Bodger and Badger. But she's back now, we were supposed to go shoe shopping.
Tomtrek: Shoe shops?
Wacky: She left with Menty.
Michelle: That bitch! Now I'm at a LOOSE END.
Tomtrek: Hmm.
Michelle: By the way, I love Star Wars and would love to talk about it for the next FIFTEEN HOURS with someone.
Tomtrek: HMM...
(Tomtrek takes Michelle's arm.)
Tomtrek: I love you.
Michelle: I know.
(They leave TOGETHER.)
FBI: Throughout the known history of economic thought, I have never seen so many angels fly out of the mouth of a man, nor so many knives come out of his forehead to slash and cut at my genitals. OR JADE GOODY.
(He just walks away somewhere. Eggs has also run away while no one was looking.)
Henoch: Just the THREE OF US then, LADS. Let's go see a SHOW on BROADWAY then fucking shout "YOU'RE NOT MADONNA AND THEREFORE WORTHLESS!!!" at the FEMALE LEAD throughout the whole thing!!!
Wacky: Seph...pass the shudder juice.
Seph: Burning babies.
THE END
