CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
A LONG TIME AGO
hhhgh
OH NOES THEY MENTIONED THE TAXATION TRADE ROUTES IN THE OPENING SCROLL, WORDS LIKE THAT DON'T BELONG IN STAR WARS, WORST MOVIE EVER!!!!!!111
It's not like they had fifteen minutes of tedious dicussion over taxation policy or anything, it was just backstory to show Palpatine's manipulations SO ANY COMPLAINS ABOUT THE TRADE ROUTES MENTIONS ARE COMPLETELY INVALID. Anyone complaining about boring politics in this movie is frankly a BIG THICKY IDIOT.
The opening is good because we get to see Jedi at the height of their power ("they're still breaking through!") being all Jedi-like and such. And then Qui Gon runs into a certain Mister Binks...
The whole Jar Jar negativity was completely blown out of proportion by the internet fanboys and the media jumping on the hate bandwagon. Watch it back now and I DEFY YOU not to laugh at Jar Jar's caperings. He IS funny! How can you not laugh when his tongue gets frozen by the pod racer or in the final battle when he's falling all over the place and ends up crotching himself on a tank? YOU CAN'T, UNLESS YOU HAVE A HEART OF STONE. Yes he's annoying but he's supposed to be an annoying character! It's not like the other characters are going about saying "that Jar Jar's so cool, man!" or anything, he annoys them too! Qui Gon is ready to smack his cheeks at certain points.
"That is the sound of a thousand terrible things heading this way."
I thought maybe the bits where Queen Amidala is talking in that weird voice where when Keira Knightley was playing her instead of Natalie, but then there's scenes later where Natalie must be playing her and she's still using the voice so obviously there's some rule that says the queen of Naboo must speak in a weird voice NOT A BIG DEAL.
"There's always a bigger fish."
Maybe there's too many coincidences like 3PO being created by Ani and him and R2 always ending up together OR YOU COULD SAY IT'S FATE OR SOMETHING NOT A BIG DEAL.
Watto is a great character.
Shmi sounds like counsellor Troi sometimes.
Liam Nesson is great as Qui Gonn and carries the movie well. It's a shame he couldn't be in the sequels, even as a ghost or some shit.
Ewan McGregor doesn't get much to do here but he's good in the final lightsabre fight and his face is all spotty.
"Are you an angel?"
NATALTA TLNATNLALTA NATALNTA T ANT NATALLE NLANITAETNL NATALIE NATALIENT ATNLAIETIL ANTANTALTEI NATALIE NATALIE
Ian McDiarmid is excellent as always in his few scenes.
The only problem cast wise is JAKE FUCKING LLOYD who makes Ani far more annoying than Jar Jar is supposed to be. Yeah he's a child actor and I should cut him some slack...but he sucks. He makes Ani come across as an asshole with his bad line delivery. "I'm goinng away on a SPACESHIP!" DIE. Oh but he grows up to be Vader so he's supposed to be an asshole...no, he just sucks.
Is it a bit creepy that Padme is quite a bit older than Ani when they first meet yet they end up shagging a few years later? NO. THey don't see each other for ten years, she's NATALIE FUCKING PORTMAN ("fucking" as a middlename is good in this case) and Ani probably used mind control to make her fall for him anyway.
"My parts are showing!?"
The Pod Race is still a great action sequence.
OMG AURRA SING CAMEO I BET SHE'LL KICK ASS IN EPISODE TWO AND THREE I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT SHE DOES IN THOSE MOVIES!
"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
WHY DOES YADDLE NOT GET ANY LINES OR EVEN A CLOSE-UP OF HER SEXY FACE!?
It's funny when Jabba gets bored during the pod race and idly flicks the little frog thing to its death and falls asleep BIG FORTUNA CAMEO.
There are a few bad lines "I don't care what universe you're from, that's GOTTA hurt!" of course (it might be GREG PROOPS but he feels out of place) and some of Shmi and Ani's lines but it's not that bad GIVE LUCAS A BREAK OKAY.
The senate scenes aren't boring.
WOOKIEE DELEGATION!
"Wipe them out. All of them."
The climatic inter-cutting action is all well done. Okay so the Gungan/Battle Droid fight is cartoony but it's fun (UNLESS YOU HAVE NO SOUL REMEMBER) and if you look closely you can see some dead Gungans lying on the battlefield so they DID die, okay!
The best of course is everything from "we'll handle it from here" when Darth Maul appears and activates his awesome double-bladed lightsabre the crazy bastard and the lightsabre duel is one of the best in any of the movies.
GENERAL GRIEVOUS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DARTH MAUL'S BOTTOM HALF AND SEBULBA GLUED TOGETHR WITH WATTO'S WINGS.
I like it when Padme reveals herself to Boss Nass and he laughs because it's then you realise BRIAN BLESSED IS DOING THE VOICE AND HE'S COOL.
Kitster is a cunt.
The reason this movie still gets so much criticism is because it's so EASY to criticise. You don't even have to think for yourself, just copy all the over-used criticisms from years of over the top internet whinery and make yourself look all smug and superior you bastard. People who are too lazy to come up with an opinion can just say "PHANTOM MENACE IS FOR KIDZ LUCAS SUCKS LOL" safe in the knowledge that there's millions of drooling idiots who'll agree with them without thinking about it either.
"We'll be watching your career with great interest."
THE PHANTOM MENACE IS A GREAT MOVIE AND I WILL FORCE MY CHILDREN TO WATCH IT ONE DAY.
NATNANTLANLTLATNLANLT A TNALNT AT NA TN NAT NATALLIE
8.5/10
hhhgh
OH NOES THEY MENTIONED THE TAXATION TRADE ROUTES IN THE OPENING SCROLL, WORDS LIKE THAT DON'T BELONG IN STAR WARS, WORST MOVIE EVER!!!!!!111
It's not like they had fifteen minutes of tedious dicussion over taxation policy or anything, it was just backstory to show Palpatine's manipulations SO ANY COMPLAINS ABOUT THE TRADE ROUTES MENTIONS ARE COMPLETELY INVALID. Anyone complaining about boring politics in this movie is frankly a BIG THICKY IDIOT.
The opening is good because we get to see Jedi at the height of their power ("they're still breaking through!") being all Jedi-like and such. And then Qui Gon runs into a certain Mister Binks...
The whole Jar Jar negativity was completely blown out of proportion by the internet fanboys and the media jumping on the hate bandwagon. Watch it back now and I DEFY YOU not to laugh at Jar Jar's caperings. He IS funny! How can you not laugh when his tongue gets frozen by the pod racer or in the final battle when he's falling all over the place and ends up crotching himself on a tank? YOU CAN'T, UNLESS YOU HAVE A HEART OF STONE. Yes he's annoying but he's supposed to be an annoying character! It's not like the other characters are going about saying "that Jar Jar's so cool, man!" or anything, he annoys them too! Qui Gon is ready to smack his cheeks at certain points.
"That is the sound of a thousand terrible things heading this way."
I thought maybe the bits where Queen Amidala is talking in that weird voice where when Keira Knightley was playing her instead of Natalie, but then there's scenes later where Natalie must be playing her and she's still using the voice so obviously there's some rule that says the queen of Naboo must speak in a weird voice NOT A BIG DEAL.
"There's always a bigger fish."
Maybe there's too many coincidences like 3PO being created by Ani and him and R2 always ending up together OR YOU COULD SAY IT'S FATE OR SOMETHING NOT A BIG DEAL.
Watto is a great character.
Shmi sounds like counsellor Troi sometimes.
Liam Nesson is great as Qui Gonn and carries the movie well. It's a shame he couldn't be in the sequels, even as a ghost or some shit.
Ewan McGregor doesn't get much to do here but he's good in the final lightsabre fight and his face is all spotty.
"Are you an angel?"
NATALTA TLNATNLALTA NATALNTA T ANT NATALLE NLANITAETNL NATALIE NATALIENT ATNLAIETIL ANTANTALTEI NATALIE NATALIE
Ian McDiarmid is excellent as always in his few scenes.
The only problem cast wise is JAKE FUCKING LLOYD who makes Ani far more annoying than Jar Jar is supposed to be. Yeah he's a child actor and I should cut him some slack...but he sucks. He makes Ani come across as an asshole with his bad line delivery. "I'm goinng away on a SPACESHIP!" DIE. Oh but he grows up to be Vader so he's supposed to be an asshole...no, he just sucks.
Is it a bit creepy that Padme is quite a bit older than Ani when they first meet yet they end up shagging a few years later? NO. THey don't see each other for ten years, she's NATALIE FUCKING PORTMAN ("fucking" as a middlename is good in this case) and Ani probably used mind control to make her fall for him anyway.
"My parts are showing!?"
The Pod Race is still a great action sequence.
OMG AURRA SING CAMEO I BET SHE'LL KICK ASS IN EPISODE TWO AND THREE I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT SHE DOES IN THOSE MOVIES!
"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
WHY DOES YADDLE NOT GET ANY LINES OR EVEN A CLOSE-UP OF HER SEXY FACE!?
It's funny when Jabba gets bored during the pod race and idly flicks the little frog thing to its death and falls asleep BIG FORTUNA CAMEO.
There are a few bad lines "I don't care what universe you're from, that's GOTTA hurt!" of course (it might be GREG PROOPS but he feels out of place) and some of Shmi and Ani's lines but it's not that bad GIVE LUCAS A BREAK OKAY.
The senate scenes aren't boring.
WOOKIEE DELEGATION!
"Wipe them out. All of them."
The climatic inter-cutting action is all well done. Okay so the Gungan/Battle Droid fight is cartoony but it's fun (UNLESS YOU HAVE NO SOUL REMEMBER) and if you look closely you can see some dead Gungans lying on the battlefield so they DID die, okay!
The best of course is everything from "we'll handle it from here" when Darth Maul appears and activates his awesome double-bladed lightsabre the crazy bastard and the lightsabre duel is one of the best in any of the movies.
GENERAL GRIEVOUS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DARTH MAUL'S BOTTOM HALF AND SEBULBA GLUED TOGETHR WITH WATTO'S WINGS.
I like it when Padme reveals herself to Boss Nass and he laughs because it's then you realise BRIAN BLESSED IS DOING THE VOICE AND HE'S COOL.
Kitster is a cunt.
The reason this movie still gets so much criticism is because it's so EASY to criticise. You don't even have to think for yourself, just copy all the over-used criticisms from years of over the top internet whinery and make yourself look all smug and superior you bastard. People who are too lazy to come up with an opinion can just say "PHANTOM MENACE IS FOR KIDZ LUCAS SUCKS LOL" safe in the knowledge that there's millions of drooling idiots who'll agree with them without thinking about it either.
"We'll be watching your career with great interest."
THE PHANTOM MENACE IS A GREAT MOVIE AND I WILL FORCE MY CHILDREN TO WATCH IT ONE DAY.
NATNANTLANLTLATNLANLT A TNALNT AT NA TN NAT NATALLIE
8.5/10
