The Simpsons season 58

[CaptainWacky]

(Six years have passed. Homer is lying on the couch watching the live broadcast of Krusty's funeral on tv. Homer looks horribly ill.)

Kent Brockman(on tv): We may never know why Krusty was brutally murdered by a shotgun blast to the chest, why his body was found dumped in Springfield Gorge. All we know is this: he will be missed. Oh God, will he missed. My daughter hasn't stopped crying since she heard the news. Three weeks now and she has not stopped crying. Please, God, make it stop. Make it all go away.

(On tv we see Sideshow Mel trying to throw himself into Krusty's open grave.)

Homer: Hehe, Mel's lost it!

(Homer looks around. No one is in the room but Santa's Little Helper, who is now morbidly obese and doesn't even look up.)

Homer: D'oh.

(Bart enters the house. 16 years old and surly, hostility shines off him. He looks like he is about to go straight upstairs before Homer shouts to him.)

Homer: Bart! Son! Krusty's funeral is on tv! Aren't you going to watch it?

Bart: Get bent.

Homer: Now, son, you should'nt talk that way to your old man...

(Bart walks right over to Homer.)

Bart: Go fuck yourself, Homer.

Homer: Hey! I might be able to do everything I used to after that containment leak at the plant hit me with a lethal dose of radiation, but I'm still your old man and you should respect me!

Bart: I don't respect shit, man! I wish you'd just hurry up and die! The doctors said you'd be gone by now, they got my hopes up for nothing! Fuck you and fuck Krusty!

Homer: You'll regret saying that when I'm gone!

Bart: I only had one parent I gave a fuck about and she's fucking dead.

Homer: Your mom isn't dead! Mr Burns is hiding her somewhere, I know it!

Bart: You've been saying that shit for five years but you've got no evidence. You're a fucking liar. She left you, she died, fucking DIED of a heroin overdose somewhere, get over it!

Homer: I...I can't tell you everything, but...

Bart: Oh shut up, Homer! I should go work for Burns, at least he's strong.

Homer: Burns is evil! He took your mother from us, he caused the accident that's going to kill me, he's done so much wrong, he wants to rule the world!

Bart: So? Good, evil, what the fuck does it matter? Like I said before, get BENT.

(Bart starts to walk away but Homer grabs his arm)

Homer: I love you, son!

(Bart pulls out a knife and stabs Homer eight times in the gut. He walks away without even checking if Homer is alive or dead.)

Homer(weakly): D'oh.

(Bart goes into the hall just as Lisa, now 14 years old, enters with her boyfriend Milhouse. Lisa is wearing a dress far too revealing for a girl her age. Milhouse is a punk now.)

Milhous:e: Hey Bart, I'm going to rail your sister, you got any coke?

Bart: Come on, Milhouse, you know I have to sell my coke for Fat Tony...

Lisa: You can spare some, Bart. I'll pay you back later, you know I'm good for it. Maybe I'll sell that saxophone, not like I've played the thing for five years now.

Bart: I don't know...

Liisa: We'll let you watch as Milhouse fucks me.

Bart: Hell yeah!

(Bart pulls a bag of cocaine out of his shorts and Lisa grins.)

Homer(off camera, weakly): Lisa...help...me...

Milhouse: You hear something, Lisa?

Lisa: Nah, let's go fuck!

(Milhouse and Lisa race up the stairs as Bart follows, looking up LIsa's skirt and licking his lips.)

Homer: So...this is...the end...

(Santa's Little Helper whimpers as he notices Homer's blood start to stain the carpet.)

Homer: I guess if Marge really is dead...I'll be with her soon...

(Maggie walks in. She is seven years old. She hears the dog whimpering and runs into the tv room.)

Maggie: Dad! What...who did this!

Homer: Ambulance...

(Maggie quickly phones an ambulance. She tries to stop Homer's bleeding with her own hands.)

Maggie: Oh dad please don't leave me, I need you...

Homer: Be...careful of Bart...he did this...

Maggie: He did!?

Homer: He is...dangerous...

(Homer passes out. Maggie looks full of anger at her brother. She picks up the phone again and dials another number.)

Moe(on the phone): Moe's Tavern, who the fuck is this?

Maggie: It's Maggie. Yeah, that's right, Maggie Simpson. I need you to have someone killed for me, Moe.

Moe: Uhh, I don't know what you're talking about, Maggie...

Maggie: I know you have mob connections, Moe, I'm not some dumb kid.

Moe: Ain't you seven?

Maggie: I know what goes on in this town. I listen. And I can pay. Mom left me a lot of money in a secret account. Now can you help me, or not?

Moe: Sure, kid, sure...who do you want offed?

Maggie: My brother. Bart. Bart Simpson. Fucking end him.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Bart is riding his skateboard through town, looking for people to deal coke to. The streets are a mess. Springfield is a hellhole now. Sideshow Mel is walking down Main Street, completely naked.)

Bart: Hey Mel, you want some coke?

Mel: The only drug I need...is RIGHT HERE!

(Mel grabs his own cock.)

Bart: Cool.

(Bart rides on. He sees Lunchlady Doris sleeping rough. He stop to spit on her. She doesn't even notice. He's about to leave when someone grabs him and pulls him into a dark alley. Bart pulls out his stabbing knife.)

Bart: I just gutted my old man, don't think I won't do the same to you...oh, it's you!

(Fat Tony steps out of the shadows.)

Fat Tony: Bart, I must inform you that I have been hired for a most...unfortunate reason.

Bart: Some hired you to kill me? But I'm your best dealer!

Fat Tony: You see my predicament. I must, of course, honour the contract I have been hired to fulfil...but that does not mean I can't give you a, how you say, "head's up, dude."

Bart: And of course you hired one of your usual goons to kill me.

Fat Tony: I do not get my hands dirty.

Bart: Well who is it? Willy? Bumblebee Man? Ralph?

Fat Tony: I cannot tell you...but I can narrow it down to two. I gave one a black stone and one a white. The one with the black will try to end you.

Bart: You gangsters and your contrivances! Hey, one more thing...who was it that hired you?

Fat Tony: Once again, you know I can't tell you. But there is much to be said...for sibling rivalry.

(Fat Tony leaves. Bart thinks for a second then clenches his fist.)

Bart: Lisa! She wants to take over my cocaine business!

(Homer wakes up in a hospital bed.)

Homer: Bart...nooooo...

(He tries to get out of bed but collapes back down in agony. Doctor Hibbert walks in.)

Hibbert: Heh heh heh heh heh...I wouldn't try to move if I were you! You got stabbed up good! You're lucky to be alive. HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.

Homer: My guts...my guts...

Hibbert: You won't be able to eat normal food for a long time, but you'll live.

Homer: You mean...the stabbing somehow cured the lethal radiaton dose I receieved five years ago?

Hibbert: What? No! Of course not! You'll still die from that. Very soon. In agony. HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.

Homer: D'oh.

Hibbert: It's amazing you're still alive. What's your secret, Homer? How do you keep going?

Homer: Hate, Doctor Hibbert.

Hibbert: Heh heh heh heh heh...hate for who?

Homer: Burns. I must end him. It's all his fault, everything. Marge leaving. Bart turning out how he has. My death...Burns is behind it all. I will kill him, Julius. If it's the last thing I do.

Hibbert: I'd love to have him in my morgue, heh heh heh heh heh!

(Lisa is in her bedroom with MIlhouse. She looks depressed. He looks like he wants to fuck.)

Milhouse: Come on, Lisa, one more round.

Lisa: I'm not in the mood, Milly.

Milhouse: What's wrong, babe? Was it the cocaine? Bart didn't really give us very much.

Lisa: Fuck Bart.

Milhouse: Yeah, fuck that guy...do you ever think it's strange the way he likes wathcing us? I mean, your are his sister, I guess...

Lisa: Nothing that happens in this house shocks me anymore. For the last five years, ever since dad came home with radiaton sickness and mom ran away...it's been Hell.

Milhouse: Apart from when I come over to fuck you, right? RIGHT?

Lisa: Sure...

Milhouse: Oh come on, I know you care about me.

Lisa: I don't now if I'm capable of caring about anything anymore but...I don't hate you, Milhouse.

Milhouse: I'll take it!

(Milhouse start wanking over the fact that Lisa doesn't hate him while she stares blankly at her saxophone in the corner of the room. Milhouse eventually moves close to her and starts humping her back and LIsa does nothing to stop it.)

Lisa(impassively): D'oh.

(Bart has broke into a stinking, rundown apartment. He is looking around the place. We see photos of Lenny and Karl on the wall. Bart goes through a drawer and finds a black stone. Suddenly, the lights are turned on. Bart turns round to find Lenny pointing a gun at him.)

Lenny: How'd you figure it out, Bart?

Bart: White and black stones. Who else could it be.

Lenny: Fat Tony, that bastard! You could have got the drop on me! Oh well, I got to my gun in the kitchen before you could get there and find it. Should have take it out with me, but I was only going to the store for a lottery ticket...one day, I'l be lucky!

Bart: You don't want to kill me, Lenny, you wre friends with my dad.

Lenny: Of course I don't WANT to kill you, Bart. But I have to. Fat Tony will break my legs if I don't...or kill Karl and make me watch. I haven't had a job in five years! The power plant, being a nuclear technician was all I was good at!

Bart: Not good enough to stop that radiation getting out and stop this town gong to shit!

Lenny: You feel it too, don't you? It's still in the air. Burns...he let something into this world. Something that shouldn't be here...

Bart: Just hurry up and shoot me.

Lenny: I don't want to, I really don't! But after that, with the plant gone, Burns wouldn't hire me to work in his casino. I had nothing...just Karl.

Bart: Your love.

Lenny: Eww, no! I mean, we have fucked, yeah, but only out of loneliness. We have to live together because we can't afford a place by ourselves! Have to share a bed...and we're getting kicked out of here soon! Moe's a fucking devil as a landlord!

Bart: Moe has his finger in a lot of pies...

Lenny: Can't believe I used to like him. Anyway...sorry, Bart. I have to...

(Lenny pulls the trigger. Nothing happens. He stares at the gun in shock. Bart pulls out a gun of his own and shoots Lenny in the neck. Lenny falls to the ground, gurgling blood.)

Lenny: No...

Bart: I got here earlier than you though, Lenny. Took your bullets. And I didn't just find your gun, I found Karl's too. Hidden right next to yours...how cute.

(Karl walks in. He sees Lenny dying on the floor and runs over.)

Karl: No! Bart, why!

Bart: He got the black stone. And now...I have to kill you too. Sorry, Karl, can't let you come at me for revenge.

Karl: Don't, Bart, please, I've got kids, I never see them, but I...

(Bart blows Karl's head off.)

Bart: Kids are better off without fathers.

(Bart walks out of the apartment whilsting.)

TO BE CONTINUED