The Tisiphone Adventures: A Very Tisiphone Christmas

[Dr Dave]

Episode 1: "Stuff it old man!"

It was a busy day in the department store. It was THE CHRISTMAS SEASON!

The highlight of the department store was Santa Clause. All the little boys and girls would come to see Santa and tell them what they wanted for Christmas.

"Well little boy, what would you like for Christmas" asked Santa

"I'd like a Power Ranger, a Father Ted doll, and whiskey." said the little boy

"Um...little boy, whiskey is a grown up drink" said Santa Clause

"Stuff it old man!" said the little boy

It was then that Santa noticed the 5 o'clock shadow on the "little boy"

"What the..." said Santa

"YOUR GOING DOWN, AND WITH YOUR DEMISE, TISIPHONE WILL FIND OUT, THEN I WILL GET MY REVENGE, on MY EX GIRLFRIEND!" shouted the midget

"What..what.. What are you doing with that vile marked acid" asked Santa

"GIVING SANTA A NIGHT CAP!" said the midget, who sounded irish. The Irish midget poured the acid down Santa's throat.

"AHHH!!!!! It's worse then acid...it's not acid it's.....TAB SODA!" Said Santa falling over. Santa was not dead, but he was really sick.

"Why..who are you" said Santa as he growned.

"The Names...Evil Matty!" said Evil Matty

Elsewhere in the store, Tisiphone was doing some shopping with her neice Little Debbie (no relation to the snack food).

"What's all that screaming Aunt Tisiphone?" asked Little Debby.

"Probably some BROKEN NOSES battleing over a $28 dvd player made in France" said Tisiphone.

The two walked towards the Santa area, and saw people wondering about, but no Santa.

Little Debbie started crying.

"What's wrong Little Debbie" asked TIsiphone

"I wanted to see Santa!" she said

"Where's Santa" asked Tisiphone to a store security guard.

"He went to the hospital, some crazy person named Evil Matty force fed him Tab Soda..." said the guard

"Evil Matty...THAT DACER! Cover your ears Debbie. I'm gunna FUCK HIM UP" said Tisiphone, as she grabbed a shot gun from her purse.

"Where we going?" asked Little Debbie.

"You're going back to your parents, then I'm going irish midget hunting" Said Tisiphone

To be continued...

 

[CaptainWacky]

FUCK YEAH.

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 2: "At least he's not a nun!"

Tisiphone had to prepare for this trip. It would be a cross country trip, spanning many states. This meant stocking up.

Some of the items were easy, Tisiphone had plenty of guns and ammunition, several machetes. The problem were pillzlol. All the sources were in jail, Tisiphone woundered what to do. The answer was Dr Dave!

The phone rang at DAVE HQ.

"Dr Dave here!" Said Dr Dave

"This is Tisiphone, I have to go kill Evil Matty, and I'm all out of pillzlol!" said Tisiphone

"MA GAWD!" Said Dr Dave, doing an impression of WWE anouncer JR.

"Can you help me out?" asked Tisiphone

"Sure can, I'll have the Dave Copter drop you some. Be at NO COW FIELD in 30 min!" said Dr Dave

Tisiphone arrived at No Cow Field just as the helicopter was hovering overhead, Dr Dave was repelling down.

"Dr Dave!" shouted Tisiphone

"That's me!" replied Dr Dave as he handed Tisiphone several boxes of pillzlol

"Thanks, I'm gunna need these!" said Tisiphone, adding "He's gunna be SO DEAD"

"I bet" said Dr Dave

"He will pay for trying to ruin Christmas for my niece!" Said Tisiphone

"The Dacer!" Said Dr Dave, Dr Dave paused before adding "At least he's not a nun!"

To be continued...

 

[Tisiphone]

Violence and Christmas go together like porn and chicken.

 

[Dr Dave]

Or Christmas and porn.

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 3: Make bank to reno

Dr Dave didn't really know who Tisiphone was talking about, but he had other things to do like get back to his Detective Empire.

"Good Luck, see you when you team up with Cassie to form a Detective Team!" Said Dr Dave as he drove off in a 1950's Cadalac.

"Wait What..." Said Tisipone, but it was too late as Dr Dave had already driven off.

Tisiphones cell phone rang

"hahaha and I'll ruin your new years too hahahahahahaaha, THis is Evil Matty!" said Evil Matty

"Yeah I know." Said Tisiphone

"Bet you cant find me!" Said Evil Matty hung up.

"Oh yeah..." Said Tisiphone to herself

One thing had been made clear, the background nose was that of Reno, Navada.

Tisiphone thought, perhaps she should be a detective.

"Time to make bank to Reno." said Tisiphone

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 4: Welcome to Reno, try the gambling.

It was hot in reno. Too hot.

"Time for some sweet tea" said Tisiphone

Tisiphone made her way to the nearest casino, The Top 10.

"Hi Tisiphone!" said CaptainWacky

"CaptainWacky...What are you doing in Reno?" asked Tisiphone

"I own this casino, will you be at tonights Female Celebrity Ranking Contest?" asked CaptainWacky

"Sure! I'll need something to do tonight anyway, after I finish looking for Evil Matty, he ruined my neices Christmas!" said Tisiphole

"THAT FUCKNOSEJERKFART!!! HE'S NOT WELCOME HERE, YOU TELL HIM THAT!!!!" Shouted CaptainWacky

Tisiphone blinked

"Sorry, he was here last week and defaced the Natalie Portman gallery. If you break his legs, I'll give you $10,000!" said CaptainWacky

"Consider it done" replied Tisiphone

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 5: Vagina Land

Tisiphone started her search at the one place where Evil Matty was bound to show up at some point, a strip club.

"Well Well, if it isn't Tomtrek!" Said Tisiphone

"Errr..., just doing research on PALE BREASTS" said Tomtrek

"Makes sense! Have you seen an evil midget?" asked Tisiphone

"Yeah he left an hour ago, was his name Matty?" asked Tomtrek

"Yeah, the little shitter!" Said Tomtrek

Tisipone confirmed Tomtrek's information with the club staff.

"Now to...The bait shop!" said Tisiphone

To be continued...