Ishcabittle
Well-known member
Things that don't suck about Florida:
When you are all freezing your asses off, I am wearing shorts. True, but northern states get to see the beautiful change of seasons. People forget what month it is in Florida.
Oranges! If Florida's so cool, why do most of those oranges leave the state in trucks? That's right, they want the hell out too.
Strawberries! See Oranges!
Shoot first law. Yeah, that definitely is a selling point, a state of geriatrics who are allowed by law to shoot someone before finding out if they are a hallucination or not.
Alligator infested rivers. Okay, that's pretty cool.
Alligator infested golf courses (old fart population control) Alright, you show me the number of people killed by alligators per year up against the number of old people going to Florida per year and I'll probably say the alligators are a lazy bunch of good-for-nothin' three toed sloth impersonators.
Big trees. Found in every state.
Beaches. These are elsewhere also, and for the record, not everyone wants their beach's water nice and warm. Three words: Polar Bear Club.
Various amusement parks (some of them do not suck) Also found in other states, and I'd take Cedar Point over Busch Gardens any day.
Sand hill cranes. Okay, pretty cool.
Rednecks. (they're good for a laugh) Rednecks exist everywhere, they just have different small town names. Cowboy boots are sold pretty much as soon as you get outside any major city in the nation.
Yankees. (they're good for a laugh) Now those assholes suck, any state that supports a guy from Styx, a guy from Loverboy, and Ted Nugent can suck bawls.
Even in December teh grass is still green. Same here, it's just covered with 30 inches of snow.
Global warming will give me beach front property eventually. You could say the same about Arizona.
(my wife's from florida)
When you are all freezing your asses off, I am wearing shorts. True, but northern states get to see the beautiful change of seasons. People forget what month it is in Florida.
Oranges! If Florida's so cool, why do most of those oranges leave the state in trucks? That's right, they want the hell out too.
Strawberries! See Oranges!
Shoot first law. Yeah, that definitely is a selling point, a state of geriatrics who are allowed by law to shoot someone before finding out if they are a hallucination or not.
Alligator infested rivers. Okay, that's pretty cool.
Alligator infested golf courses (old fart population control) Alright, you show me the number of people killed by alligators per year up against the number of old people going to Florida per year and I'll probably say the alligators are a lazy bunch of good-for-nothin' three toed sloth impersonators.
Big trees. Found in every state.
Beaches. These are elsewhere also, and for the record, not everyone wants their beach's water nice and warm. Three words: Polar Bear Club.
Various amusement parks (some of them do not suck) Also found in other states, and I'd take Cedar Point over Busch Gardens any day.
Sand hill cranes. Okay, pretty cool.
Rednecks. (they're good for a laugh) Rednecks exist everywhere, they just have different small town names. Cowboy boots are sold pretty much as soon as you get outside any major city in the nation.
Yankees. (they're good for a laugh) Now those assholes suck, any state that supports a guy from Styx, a guy from Loverboy, and Ted Nugent can suck bawls.
Even in December teh grass is still green. Same here, it's just covered with 30 inches of snow.
Global warming will give me beach front property eventually. You could say the same about Arizona.
(my wife's from florida)
