classichummus
on a break from forums
The vice guide to giving head
Save Some Chips
Before you start look at your budget. You have about 20 min. of sex chips . If you spend 15 chips sucking him off, there are only 5 chips left for humping. We suggest saving BJs for mornings, afternoons & period week; you still want to get laid.
Evil Teeth
Your teeth don’t exist. They might as well be in a glass by the bed. Use the same principle applied when eating a Popsicle with a mouthful of sensitive molars. Make a cave with your mouth; use your tongue, upper & back palate to form a careful vacuum to keep him away from your teeth. Keep this exercise in mind throughout the BJ. It’s easy to slip, esp when drunk. Pull your lips over your teeth like they’re those boxing mouth guards.
The Right Mindset
The key to cock is in the focus. You must be fixated for the entire duration of your down time. Remember the concentration required to kill an ice cream cone without getting any on your blouse? Why do you think they make sex oils in all of your favorite candy/ice cream flavors? It elicits a freaky Pavlovian trance of focus and completion. Think of good head as the Great Pacifier.
Believe
We’re not talking about half-ass, licking-until-hard-then-insertion action here. That’s “lovemaking”. If you’re not willing to trust him & commit yourself with 100% total devotion to his dink, don’t bother. You have to worship it like you’re Indiana Jones & you’ve finally made it to the Temple of Doom. (If worshipping his cock makes you feel vulnerable it’s probably because he’s a macho asshole & you are sucking off the wrong guy.) Remember, there’s a psychosexual paradox going on here. You are giving him head & he is getting his cock sucked. You are both a slave to his dick & totally in control of it, like an actress who stars in & directs her own movies.
Heading South
Before you break off from his mouth & go downs, prepare the landing pad with your hand. Horse around until it’s hard as stone. Assure him there’s going to be some heavy mouth action but don’t let it start until he’s ready to crack.
Rub through the pants like it’s a baby animal just about to be born. Tug at the belt buckle like it’s your own. Try not to fumble too much; it’s OK to ask for help. Don’t get fired before you’ve even taken on the job. Communication is crucial because guys have trouble refusing head no matter how bad they think you might be at it. Making sure he’s happy with how it’s going without seeming insecure is one of the hardest parts of giving head.
Tip: Don’t fuck up with the zipper. If you hurt his penis here it’s all over. Pull the zipper up & out, away from his dick, not straight down. Use 2 hands if you need to, like if he’s huge or not wearing any underwear.
Key: If he seems to be steering this ride (keeping his hands hovering over or on your head), read the road signs & ask some soft questions. Are you going too fast, hard, soft, slow? You’re not looking for a detailed map or long discussion. 1 or 2 uttered words—a deep moaning “yes” or “oohmokay” or “ohh, yeahyeah”—will do fine.
Birthing
Slide your hand into the underwear. The baby animal is a little afraid of being born & has to get to know your hand so it can feel safe. Hover over his groin here for 5 sec. (not too long or you will make him feel self-conscious).
Tip: If he starts mashing your head, don’t smack his hand away. Gently grab his wrist & place it down by his side again. Hold it there for a second as if to say, “Relax, guy. I’ve got it.” Incidentally, where did you meet this guy?
Getting the Balls Rolling
Somebody hasn’t received much attention up til now. Here’s where our face & hands have a bit of prep work to do. Cup & caress his balls in the hand you don’t use for writing. They can take a bit of abuse, but only with your heavy wet tongue. Find his balls first with your mouth by burying your face in the space between his thighs & crotch & take 1 of them in your mouth & spit it up. Don’t be afraid to make things wet as hell.
You’ll need your dexterous hand to complete the lock & seal around the shaft. It’s wet from your spit; remember, no teeth. This is a game you play with yourself: I have no teeth, only gums & lips & tongue. No teeth.
At the base, your mouth meets your hand & your tongue slicks up the shaft with more hot spit. Wet hand goes down around the shaft with forefinger & thumb acting as the extension of mouth. Moan on it because everybody’s just met. Here’s the freeze frame: mouth puffed out, lips like an anus, down around the top few inches, tongue pressing the cock into an oral groove, good hand around the shaft & bad hand is rotating around the balls with slightly firm yet gentle rubs. Not teeth.
Now that you’ve made the lock, never take your hand & mouth off of his cock. You’re not gobbing on it, and you’re barely hitting a rhythm. You are wetting down the penis with spitty, rhythmic foreplay to achieve the correct balance of slickness & traction. No baby kisses here; you’re all mouth, tongue & hand. The whole area should begin to feel like a wet, well-greased-down, slow-moving internal combustion engine that is just gearing up.
Tip: Lock eyes with him while your mouth is 1st introduced to his cock. He’s filming this with his brain & may use it as masturbation fodder for years to come. You can even jerk him off for a bit. It’s a nice break for everyone & the variety keeps things interesting.
Rhythm & Motion
He will instinctively begin to rock slightly. Never stop moving along with him, but be a bit off so you’re undulating over his dink slightly offbeat. It’s important at this point to make sure you avoid getting skull-fucked. Control the tempo yourself.
Your hand should form a tube like a skirt around your mouth, with your thumb & forefinger like a belt that meets your lips. Keep it well lubricated & don’t stay static. Your other fingers can fan, fold, tickle & tug as your mouth & tongue circle & bob up & down the top. Most of the feeling is in the tip so don’t waste too much time on the shaft. You’re looking for a tempo akin to “Pop Goes the Weasel” played at 1/2 speed. Never lose the rhythm or concentration of your mouth up & down around the tip.
By now you’re gripping the shaft gently & firmly with both hands in a dizzy of fingers & spit. Fan down & grip up, grip up & fan down. Mouth stays on over the top, deep then shallow, all the way out, all the way down. Hands have to help out the mouth. Mouth can’t do all the work.
Don’t make the goal here an orgasm. Have no expectations. This is the slick middle of giving head that gets you familiar with his rhythm & lets your mouth be the most talented pussy since your own.
Tip: Again, it helps to lock eyes. It reminds you of what you’re doing & who you’re doing it to. It’s an intense moment & it breaks a trance if you’ve found yourself in one. Guys can tell if you’re sucking to get it over with instead of getting him off, & it hurts their feelings. A little.
The Final Countdown
Something happens between giving the BJ & orgasm. Balls get hard & begin to disappear. Cute. You'll know this cause bad hand is on the job. He stiffens & arches his body toward your mouth & his moaning may get a bit more whimpery. Now everything gets harder & easier at the same time. Good hand is pumping a bit more penis into mouth. Both work together, making the tempo a bit stormier but still controlled. A vacuum begins to form between hand & mouth, working up & down as you slightly suck in your cheeks. There’s an important distinction between sucking the shit out of it & simply making a vacuum seal. Vacuum is better.
He’s so hard now that it might be hard to take it all in; try relaxing your throat muscles. Make a deep “ahh” sound. Move your mouth/hand up & down with more purpose. Vary your mouth movements, but don’t lose the gentle vacuum. Use good hand to control pumping, & keep your mouth firmly wrapped & sealed in spit around the cock.
The Finish Line
Increase the speed of your mouth & good hand. Let him feel you pulling his orgasm right out of him. Guys, it’s OK to tell her you’re about to blow, but don’t be a rock star. Say it nice & soothing like you’re going to cry & you don’t know why. (Who’s the subordinate little puppy now?) Your hands are slickly wrapped, & your mouth is sucking his cock faster but with subtle undertones of a gentle coaxing. Start to make swallowing motions, press your tongue on the shaft & slightly relax your lips. Moan hard & low in anticipation of the best orgasm you’ve ever created.
Tip: If it’s so good you start losing him in some surreal never-ending ending, stop & let him have a wank while you lick his balls. That’s always a surefire way to get things back on track.
The Blowing of the Load
Spitting means like, swallowing means love. Most guys don’t care about where it goes, but there are some ways to keep it sexy & fun. If he’s into it, he may want to cum on your face. It’s just cum & you trust him. It has to go somewhere & it’s good for your skin. Wherever it goes, wipe it up soon. No one can relax & fall asleep when paste is hardening around them.
Tip: Push on his t’aint while he cums.
Swallowing
Swallowings important. It shows a kind of love & acceptance that has big payoffs during pussy-eating time, morning sex, & menstruation. The easiest way is to be upright & kneeling between his legs because gravity cuts down on the gag factor & if it’s far enough in the back of your mouth, it slides down like a slutty oyster. Swear.
Note: You aren't gonna to get AIDS. It’s safest to make sure you don’t brush your teeth right before or right after, but relax. It’s fine.
The Aftermath
He’s spent & in another land. You’re not going to get him back. Keep a warm hand on top of it for a bit, like a shock blanket used by paramedics. Just lie there while he mumbles “holy shit” to himself while you fall asleep. It’s your lullaby.
Save Some Chips
Before you start look at your budget. You have about 20 min. of sex chips . If you spend 15 chips sucking him off, there are only 5 chips left for humping. We suggest saving BJs for mornings, afternoons & period week; you still want to get laid.
Evil Teeth
Your teeth don’t exist. They might as well be in a glass by the bed. Use the same principle applied when eating a Popsicle with a mouthful of sensitive molars. Make a cave with your mouth; use your tongue, upper & back palate to form a careful vacuum to keep him away from your teeth. Keep this exercise in mind throughout the BJ. It’s easy to slip, esp when drunk. Pull your lips over your teeth like they’re those boxing mouth guards.
The Right Mindset
The key to cock is in the focus. You must be fixated for the entire duration of your down time. Remember the concentration required to kill an ice cream cone without getting any on your blouse? Why do you think they make sex oils in all of your favorite candy/ice cream flavors? It elicits a freaky Pavlovian trance of focus and completion. Think of good head as the Great Pacifier.
Believe
We’re not talking about half-ass, licking-until-hard-then-insertion action here. That’s “lovemaking”. If you’re not willing to trust him & commit yourself with 100% total devotion to his dink, don’t bother. You have to worship it like you’re Indiana Jones & you’ve finally made it to the Temple of Doom. (If worshipping his cock makes you feel vulnerable it’s probably because he’s a macho asshole & you are sucking off the wrong guy.) Remember, there’s a psychosexual paradox going on here. You are giving him head & he is getting his cock sucked. You are both a slave to his dick & totally in control of it, like an actress who stars in & directs her own movies.
Heading South
Before you break off from his mouth & go downs, prepare the landing pad with your hand. Horse around until it’s hard as stone. Assure him there’s going to be some heavy mouth action but don’t let it start until he’s ready to crack.
Rub through the pants like it’s a baby animal just about to be born. Tug at the belt buckle like it’s your own. Try not to fumble too much; it’s OK to ask for help. Don’t get fired before you’ve even taken on the job. Communication is crucial because guys have trouble refusing head no matter how bad they think you might be at it. Making sure he’s happy with how it’s going without seeming insecure is one of the hardest parts of giving head.
Tip: Don’t fuck up with the zipper. If you hurt his penis here it’s all over. Pull the zipper up & out, away from his dick, not straight down. Use 2 hands if you need to, like if he’s huge or not wearing any underwear.
Key: If he seems to be steering this ride (keeping his hands hovering over or on your head), read the road signs & ask some soft questions. Are you going too fast, hard, soft, slow? You’re not looking for a detailed map or long discussion. 1 or 2 uttered words—a deep moaning “yes” or “oohmokay” or “ohh, yeahyeah”—will do fine.
Birthing
Slide your hand into the underwear. The baby animal is a little afraid of being born & has to get to know your hand so it can feel safe. Hover over his groin here for 5 sec. (not too long or you will make him feel self-conscious).
Tip: If he starts mashing your head, don’t smack his hand away. Gently grab his wrist & place it down by his side again. Hold it there for a second as if to say, “Relax, guy. I’ve got it.” Incidentally, where did you meet this guy?
Getting the Balls Rolling
Somebody hasn’t received much attention up til now. Here’s where our face & hands have a bit of prep work to do. Cup & caress his balls in the hand you don’t use for writing. They can take a bit of abuse, but only with your heavy wet tongue. Find his balls first with your mouth by burying your face in the space between his thighs & crotch & take 1 of them in your mouth & spit it up. Don’t be afraid to make things wet as hell.
You’ll need your dexterous hand to complete the lock & seal around the shaft. It’s wet from your spit; remember, no teeth. This is a game you play with yourself: I have no teeth, only gums & lips & tongue. No teeth.
At the base, your mouth meets your hand & your tongue slicks up the shaft with more hot spit. Wet hand goes down around the shaft with forefinger & thumb acting as the extension of mouth. Moan on it because everybody’s just met. Here’s the freeze frame: mouth puffed out, lips like an anus, down around the top few inches, tongue pressing the cock into an oral groove, good hand around the shaft & bad hand is rotating around the balls with slightly firm yet gentle rubs. Not teeth.
Now that you’ve made the lock, never take your hand & mouth off of his cock. You’re not gobbing on it, and you’re barely hitting a rhythm. You are wetting down the penis with spitty, rhythmic foreplay to achieve the correct balance of slickness & traction. No baby kisses here; you’re all mouth, tongue & hand. The whole area should begin to feel like a wet, well-greased-down, slow-moving internal combustion engine that is just gearing up.
Tip: Lock eyes with him while your mouth is 1st introduced to his cock. He’s filming this with his brain & may use it as masturbation fodder for years to come. You can even jerk him off for a bit. It’s a nice break for everyone & the variety keeps things interesting.
Rhythm & Motion
He will instinctively begin to rock slightly. Never stop moving along with him, but be a bit off so you’re undulating over his dink slightly offbeat. It’s important at this point to make sure you avoid getting skull-fucked. Control the tempo yourself.
Your hand should form a tube like a skirt around your mouth, with your thumb & forefinger like a belt that meets your lips. Keep it well lubricated & don’t stay static. Your other fingers can fan, fold, tickle & tug as your mouth & tongue circle & bob up & down the top. Most of the feeling is in the tip so don’t waste too much time on the shaft. You’re looking for a tempo akin to “Pop Goes the Weasel” played at 1/2 speed. Never lose the rhythm or concentration of your mouth up & down around the tip.
By now you’re gripping the shaft gently & firmly with both hands in a dizzy of fingers & spit. Fan down & grip up, grip up & fan down. Mouth stays on over the top, deep then shallow, all the way out, all the way down. Hands have to help out the mouth. Mouth can’t do all the work.
Don’t make the goal here an orgasm. Have no expectations. This is the slick middle of giving head that gets you familiar with his rhythm & lets your mouth be the most talented pussy since your own.
Tip: Again, it helps to lock eyes. It reminds you of what you’re doing & who you’re doing it to. It’s an intense moment & it breaks a trance if you’ve found yourself in one. Guys can tell if you’re sucking to get it over with instead of getting him off, & it hurts their feelings. A little.
The Final Countdown
Something happens between giving the BJ & orgasm. Balls get hard & begin to disappear. Cute. You'll know this cause bad hand is on the job. He stiffens & arches his body toward your mouth & his moaning may get a bit more whimpery. Now everything gets harder & easier at the same time. Good hand is pumping a bit more penis into mouth. Both work together, making the tempo a bit stormier but still controlled. A vacuum begins to form between hand & mouth, working up & down as you slightly suck in your cheeks. There’s an important distinction between sucking the shit out of it & simply making a vacuum seal. Vacuum is better.
He’s so hard now that it might be hard to take it all in; try relaxing your throat muscles. Make a deep “ahh” sound. Move your mouth/hand up & down with more purpose. Vary your mouth movements, but don’t lose the gentle vacuum. Use good hand to control pumping, & keep your mouth firmly wrapped & sealed in spit around the cock.
The Finish Line
Increase the speed of your mouth & good hand. Let him feel you pulling his orgasm right out of him. Guys, it’s OK to tell her you’re about to blow, but don’t be a rock star. Say it nice & soothing like you’re going to cry & you don’t know why. (Who’s the subordinate little puppy now?) Your hands are slickly wrapped, & your mouth is sucking his cock faster but with subtle undertones of a gentle coaxing. Start to make swallowing motions, press your tongue on the shaft & slightly relax your lips. Moan hard & low in anticipation of the best orgasm you’ve ever created.
Tip: If it’s so good you start losing him in some surreal never-ending ending, stop & let him have a wank while you lick his balls. That’s always a surefire way to get things back on track.
The Blowing of the Load
Spitting means like, swallowing means love. Most guys don’t care about where it goes, but there are some ways to keep it sexy & fun. If he’s into it, he may want to cum on your face. It’s just cum & you trust him. It has to go somewhere & it’s good for your skin. Wherever it goes, wipe it up soon. No one can relax & fall asleep when paste is hardening around them.
Tip: Push on his t’aint while he cums.
Swallowing
Swallowings important. It shows a kind of love & acceptance that has big payoffs during pussy-eating time, morning sex, & menstruation. The easiest way is to be upright & kneeling between his legs because gravity cuts down on the gag factor & if it’s far enough in the back of your mouth, it slides down like a slutty oyster. Swear.
Note: You aren't gonna to get AIDS. It’s safest to make sure you don’t brush your teeth right before or right after, but relax. It’s fine.
The Aftermath
He’s spent & in another land. You’re not going to get him back. Keep a warm hand on top of it for a bit, like a shock blanket used by paramedics. Just lie there while he mumbles “holy shit” to himself while you fall asleep. It’s your lullaby.
