Dark Pickle
Fucked Off
It should be known that Trouble teh Cat takes his duties as Badlands mascot VERY seriously, and, as such has offered me the following teachings to pass on to all Badlanders (it should also be noted that he, a cat, has attained far more wisdom in 3 months of life than I, a human, have managed in 30 years) More to come, as the master reveals them to me:
1: Face your fears. Cats fear nothing more than dogs, and any amount of water that their entire body can be placed in. Get close to dogs and investigate them. Sit on the edge of bathtubs. It is the only way to overcome one’s weaknesses.
2: Forgive your loved ones. Although they may occasionally do things you don't agree with, they still bring you food. Therefore, make sure you let them know you still care for them, and have forgotten their many flaws (after an appropriate period of sulking, of course).
3: Show no mercy to your enemies. Anything that distracts a human's attention from its rightful place in cats must be destroyed! Books especially. Televisions and computer screens are exempt from this policy, as they're also interesting to cats.
4: Sleep lightly; remain alert! Anytime anyone is moving around the house, make a note of it, and monitor their activities. They could be bringing you food!
5: Always maintain your dominance. Certain people and objects may forget their place in the natural order, if not constantly reminded. Some items, such as mouse pads, must be dominated, in order to be taught their proper place (as cat beds). Never forget that everything in sight is yours to do with as you will (mostly destroy). To give any sign otherwise invites disaster.
6: Never take no for an answer. If you want something (such as human food), and a person is ignorant enough to refuse you, DON'T GIVE UP! Prove your will is stronger, and your persistence will be rewarded.
7: Never shit where you eat. It is, however, ok to play in both areas.
1: Face your fears. Cats fear nothing more than dogs, and any amount of water that their entire body can be placed in. Get close to dogs and investigate them. Sit on the edge of bathtubs. It is the only way to overcome one’s weaknesses.
2: Forgive your loved ones. Although they may occasionally do things you don't agree with, they still bring you food. Therefore, make sure you let them know you still care for them, and have forgotten their many flaws (after an appropriate period of sulking, of course).
3: Show no mercy to your enemies. Anything that distracts a human's attention from its rightful place in cats must be destroyed! Books especially. Televisions and computer screens are exempt from this policy, as they're also interesting to cats.
4: Sleep lightly; remain alert! Anytime anyone is moving around the house, make a note of it, and monitor their activities. They could be bringing you food!
5: Always maintain your dominance. Certain people and objects may forget their place in the natural order, if not constantly reminded. Some items, such as mouse pads, must be dominated, in order to be taught their proper place (as cat beds). Never forget that everything in sight is yours to do with as you will (mostly destroy). To give any sign otherwise invites disaster.
6: Never take no for an answer. If you want something (such as human food), and a person is ignorant enough to refuse you, DON'T GIVE UP! Prove your will is stronger, and your persistence will be rewarded.
7: Never shit where you eat. It is, however, ok to play in both areas.
