CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
He woke.
He didn't know where he was or how he'd got here.
It was a bright white room.
He wasn't in his bed.
He couldn't remember going to bed anyway.
A woman was standing over him.
"Welcome back, Charles Horse," she said.
"What..." said Charles Horse.
"There was a cataclysm, Charlse Horse," she said. "I'm so sorry...everyone from your era has died except you."
"What..." he said.
"Aliens wiped out humanity, well, most of humanity," she said. "The best and brightest were kept safe in an underground bunker, cut off from the world."
"And I was one?" he asked, astonished.
"Well, no," she said. "You were supposed to die with the rest, but the alien weapon went wrong and froze you in time instead. Apparently it happened sometimes. Humanity was rebuilt underground...but we've lost our past, Charles Horse. We have language, but no history, only the history of the underworld. But now we have you."
"What..." he said.
"You are a living relic of the early 21st century! You can tell us so much of our past, of our civilisation...Shakespeare, for example! We know the name and that he was a great playwrite, but none of his works."
"What..." he said.
"You can now recite the complete works of Shakespeare to us!"
"Uhhh...I don't know them?"
"What, none?"
"Umm, I know there's a line about to be or not to be...and something about witches...and a Jew...and stuff...Romeo and Juliet wherefore art though Romeo?"
"Maybe the freezing process has dulled your mind and you need time to start making sense. Tell me of something more simple. Your system of government."
"I'm no expert..."
"THE BASICS."
"Well, there's...a Prime Minister? And stuff."
"FUCK. FUCK. YOU'RE JUST FUCKING FUCKTARDED, AREN'T YOU? FUCK'S SAKE. OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO COULD HAVE BEEN FROZEN, IT WAS A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU. CUNT!"
"What..."
"DIE THE TRUE DEATH." Then her robot arms reached around his neck. And he got an erection, because a woman was touching him...
He was of course lying in bed, thinking. This wasn't really happened. It wasn't even a dream, Charles Horse never had interesting dreams.
The erection was real though. Charles Horse mused over how the only thing that could arouse him now was the thought of a woman with robot arms murdering him for being worthless.
He masturbated to the thought.
He did not orgasm.
He felt unsatisfied after.
He looked out his window to see if any women would walk by.
But they were just kids.
He couldn't wank over them, could he?
Maybe if he imagined them throwing stones at him...
Charlse Horse realised he was not a well man.
He rolled over onto his other side.
Maybe he'd have nicer thoughts there.
He didn't.
He wished he could sleep.
Then he realised he'd just woke up and he really had been asleep.
He wasn't in the 25th century though.
And he didn't think he'd ever get an erection again.
He decided to take his socks off for no reason.
He stuff one of his socks in his mouth, impuslively.
It tasted bad.
He spat it out.
He wasn't sure why he'd done that.
He rolled back over onto his bad thought side.
But he couldn't think of anything.
He stayed still.
He didn't know where he was or how he'd got here.
It was a bright white room.
He wasn't in his bed.
He couldn't remember going to bed anyway.
A woman was standing over him.
"Welcome back, Charles Horse," she said.
"What..." said Charles Horse.
"There was a cataclysm, Charlse Horse," she said. "I'm so sorry...everyone from your era has died except you."
"What..." he said.
"Aliens wiped out humanity, well, most of humanity," she said. "The best and brightest were kept safe in an underground bunker, cut off from the world."
"And I was one?" he asked, astonished.
"Well, no," she said. "You were supposed to die with the rest, but the alien weapon went wrong and froze you in time instead. Apparently it happened sometimes. Humanity was rebuilt underground...but we've lost our past, Charles Horse. We have language, but no history, only the history of the underworld. But now we have you."
"What..." he said.
"You are a living relic of the early 21st century! You can tell us so much of our past, of our civilisation...Shakespeare, for example! We know the name and that he was a great playwrite, but none of his works."
"What..." he said.
"You can now recite the complete works of Shakespeare to us!"
"Uhhh...I don't know them?"
"What, none?"
"Umm, I know there's a line about to be or not to be...and something about witches...and a Jew...and stuff...Romeo and Juliet wherefore art though Romeo?"
"Maybe the freezing process has dulled your mind and you need time to start making sense. Tell me of something more simple. Your system of government."
"I'm no expert..."
"THE BASICS."
"Well, there's...a Prime Minister? And stuff."
"FUCK. FUCK. YOU'RE JUST FUCKING FUCKTARDED, AREN'T YOU? FUCK'S SAKE. OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO COULD HAVE BEEN FROZEN, IT WAS A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU. CUNT!"
"What..."
"DIE THE TRUE DEATH." Then her robot arms reached around his neck. And he got an erection, because a woman was touching him...
He was of course lying in bed, thinking. This wasn't really happened. It wasn't even a dream, Charles Horse never had interesting dreams.
The erection was real though. Charles Horse mused over how the only thing that could arouse him now was the thought of a woman with robot arms murdering him for being worthless.
He masturbated to the thought.
He did not orgasm.
He felt unsatisfied after.
He looked out his window to see if any women would walk by.
But they were just kids.
He couldn't wank over them, could he?
Maybe if he imagined them throwing stones at him...
Charlse Horse realised he was not a well man.
He rolled over onto his other side.
Maybe he'd have nicer thoughts there.
He didn't.
He wished he could sleep.
Then he realised he'd just woke up and he really had been asleep.
He wasn't in the 25th century though.
And he didn't think he'd ever get an erection again.
He decided to take his socks off for no reason.
He stuff one of his socks in his mouth, impuslively.
It tasted bad.
He spat it out.
He wasn't sure why he'd done that.
He rolled back over onto his bad thought side.
But he couldn't think of anything.
He stayed still.
