CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Missus Claus waved her husband goodbye as he flew off on his sleigh to deliver the presents to all the world's children.
"Right, thanks fuck he's gone," she said, falling backwards onto their bed. "I've been waiting all fucking year for this."
"As have we, mistress," said Santa's Head Elf.
"SHUT UP, SCUM," she said, slapping him. "Tell the rest it's time to begin servicing me. AND BE QUICK ABOUT IT."
"Yes, mistress!" said the elf.
The one day of the year where she finally got to have sex and it was only with those worthless ineffectual elves. It was almost not worth the effort. But sh'ed take anything she could get. Santa was too busy to pay her any attention all year. He spent every waking moment (and he didn't have to sleep, for Santa is magical) working on toys. But he wouldn't let anyone else touch her either. He had spy cameras set up all over the house and he had a monitor in his workshop that he always managed to check whenever an elf showed any interest in his beautiful wife.
He had killed seventeen this year alone.
But when Santa flew off on Christmas eve, his wife was finally free. It was the one time he wasn't watching the monitor. It took all his skill to deliver the presents on time, even with his reality warping powers.
"FASTER, HARDER, MORE INTENSE!" she ordered the elves as they pleasured her. They never could get it right. "FUCK, WHY DON'T I JUST KILL MYSELF!" she shouted.
"No!" said a cutesy elf. She kicked it.
"He made me immortal, but did he make it so that I can't blow my head off with a shotgun? Let's find out!" she said.
"I don't think so, bitch," said RUDOLPH.
"You!" she said.
"That's right, sweetcheeks, it's me, KING OF THE REINDEER!" he said.
"You can't stop me!" she said.
"I can't let you kill yourself. Santa will get depressed and rape me. Again."
"TOO BAD."
"I'll kill you to stop you killing yourself!"
"RRRRRAGH!"
SUDDENLY, Santa woke up with a start.
"What an ODD DREAM," he said to his wife, AVRIL LAVIGNE.
"Now that you're awake, how about a GOOD FUCKING!" she said.
"Okay!" said Father Christmas. "Kids today don't need me. Their stupid parents buy them presents and I don't have to do any work!"
"When did the world stop believing in you?" Avril asked.
"1963," said Santa.
"Well I believe you in," said Avril.
"Really?"
"I believe in your cock!" she said.
"HO HO HO!" he said.
"I am not!" she laughed. She was always maknig that joke!
THE END
"Right, thanks fuck he's gone," she said, falling backwards onto their bed. "I've been waiting all fucking year for this."
"As have we, mistress," said Santa's Head Elf.
"SHUT UP, SCUM," she said, slapping him. "Tell the rest it's time to begin servicing me. AND BE QUICK ABOUT IT."
"Yes, mistress!" said the elf.
The one day of the year where she finally got to have sex and it was only with those worthless ineffectual elves. It was almost not worth the effort. But sh'ed take anything she could get. Santa was too busy to pay her any attention all year. He spent every waking moment (and he didn't have to sleep, for Santa is magical) working on toys. But he wouldn't let anyone else touch her either. He had spy cameras set up all over the house and he had a monitor in his workshop that he always managed to check whenever an elf showed any interest in his beautiful wife.
He had killed seventeen this year alone.
But when Santa flew off on Christmas eve, his wife was finally free. It was the one time he wasn't watching the monitor. It took all his skill to deliver the presents on time, even with his reality warping powers.
"FASTER, HARDER, MORE INTENSE!" she ordered the elves as they pleasured her. They never could get it right. "FUCK, WHY DON'T I JUST KILL MYSELF!" she shouted.
"No!" said a cutesy elf. She kicked it.
"He made me immortal, but did he make it so that I can't blow my head off with a shotgun? Let's find out!" she said.
"I don't think so, bitch," said RUDOLPH.
"You!" she said.
"That's right, sweetcheeks, it's me, KING OF THE REINDEER!" he said.
"You can't stop me!" she said.
"I can't let you kill yourself. Santa will get depressed and rape me. Again."
"TOO BAD."
"I'll kill you to stop you killing yourself!"
"RRRRRAGH!"
SUDDENLY, Santa woke up with a start.
"What an ODD DREAM," he said to his wife, AVRIL LAVIGNE.
"Now that you're awake, how about a GOOD FUCKING!" she said.
"Okay!" said Father Christmas. "Kids today don't need me. Their stupid parents buy them presents and I don't have to do any work!"
"When did the world stop believing in you?" Avril asked.
"1963," said Santa.
"Well I believe you in," said Avril.
"Really?"
"I believe in your cock!" she said.
"HO HO HO!" he said.
"I am not!" she laughed. She was always maknig that joke!
THE END
