CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"Hi mum and dad!" said Johnny, switching into Johnny Nose mode instantly and completely against his will. It was the only way he could cope with seeing them again. "Want some CHICKEN 'N' GRITS!"
"Oh Johnny!" cried his mother, running up and hugging him. "I was so worried...every night...you have no idea...oh my boy, my special boy..."
"How are you feeling, Jonathan?" asked his father, stiffly.
"It's Johnny," said Johnny. "Johnny Nose! INTERNATIONAL MAN OF NOSE-TERY! OH BEHAVE! SHAGADELIC, BABY! MEEP MEEP!"
"Jonathan, you're embarrassing yourself," said his father.
"Oh Clive, LEAVE IT," said his mother, more angry than Johnny had ever heard her before.
"I'll just be going," said his cousin.
"Thanks for everything, strange woman!" Johnny shouted after her. She smiled at him. "Really, thanks." She left. He watched her go.
"She's a good girl," said his mother.
"She could play Princess Peach if they ever made a Mario Brothers movie," said Johnny.
"So where have you been living, Jonathan...Johnny?" asked his father, in an annoying voice. Everything he said was in an annoying voice, to Johnny's ears anyway.
"I'm been staying with Billy Biscuit," said Johnny, in a serious voice.
"What?" asked his father.
"Clive, just...the important thing is we're back in his life..."
"No, no, mother, I want to tell him. I want to tell him about Billy Biscuit and his lego castle in the wilderness. I frist found it back in 2004 when I was fleeing Victor from Big Brother after he was evicted from the house. He wanted to eat my body. I never even thought to ask why, all I cared about was getting away. So I ran through the woods and the wilderness and the petrol stations, until, finally, I found a castle made of lego! And in that castle lived a real live BISCUIT named Billy! He molested me right away, but we grew to respect and rely on each other..."
"OH, STOP IT! STOP THIS CRAP!" shouted his father. "This is why you were homeless! This is why you were raving in the streets! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUNNY! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE! You think you're SPECIAL! You think you don't have to live the same way as us, that you don't have to WORK! You act like an idiot to escape the realities of life, you never take any responsibility...it's your fault you ended up on the streets, no one else!"
"I don't think I'm better than anyone," said Johnny. "Apart from you. I'm much better than you. You beardy fucker."
"Johnny, don't swear at your father!" said his mother.
"MEEP MEEP! MEEP MEEP!" He coudln't take it anymore. He wanted them to leave. He'd meep them out. "MEEEEEEEEEEEP!"
It didn't take long before his father left, after destroying a plastic bottle. His mother stayed though. She sat beside his bed all night. Finally, Johnny rolled over and looked at her.
"Mum," he said. "I'm scared."
"Oh Johnny!" cried his mother, running up and hugging him. "I was so worried...every night...you have no idea...oh my boy, my special boy..."
"How are you feeling, Jonathan?" asked his father, stiffly.
"It's Johnny," said Johnny. "Johnny Nose! INTERNATIONAL MAN OF NOSE-TERY! OH BEHAVE! SHAGADELIC, BABY! MEEP MEEP!"
"Jonathan, you're embarrassing yourself," said his father.
"Oh Clive, LEAVE IT," said his mother, more angry than Johnny had ever heard her before.
"I'll just be going," said his cousin.
"Thanks for everything, strange woman!" Johnny shouted after her. She smiled at him. "Really, thanks." She left. He watched her go.
"She's a good girl," said his mother.
"She could play Princess Peach if they ever made a Mario Brothers movie," said Johnny.
"So where have you been living, Jonathan...Johnny?" asked his father, in an annoying voice. Everything he said was in an annoying voice, to Johnny's ears anyway.
"I'm been staying with Billy Biscuit," said Johnny, in a serious voice.
"What?" asked his father.
"Clive, just...the important thing is we're back in his life..."
"No, no, mother, I want to tell him. I want to tell him about Billy Biscuit and his lego castle in the wilderness. I frist found it back in 2004 when I was fleeing Victor from Big Brother after he was evicted from the house. He wanted to eat my body. I never even thought to ask why, all I cared about was getting away. So I ran through the woods and the wilderness and the petrol stations, until, finally, I found a castle made of lego! And in that castle lived a real live BISCUIT named Billy! He molested me right away, but we grew to respect and rely on each other..."
"OH, STOP IT! STOP THIS CRAP!" shouted his father. "This is why you were homeless! This is why you were raving in the streets! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUNNY! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE! You think you're SPECIAL! You think you don't have to live the same way as us, that you don't have to WORK! You act like an idiot to escape the realities of life, you never take any responsibility...it's your fault you ended up on the streets, no one else!"
"I don't think I'm better than anyone," said Johnny. "Apart from you. I'm much better than you. You beardy fucker."
"Johnny, don't swear at your father!" said his mother.
"MEEP MEEP! MEEP MEEP!" He coudln't take it anymore. He wanted them to leave. He'd meep them out. "MEEEEEEEEEEEP!"
It didn't take long before his father left, after destroying a plastic bottle. His mother stayed though. She sat beside his bed all night. Finally, Johnny rolled over and looked at her.
"Mum," he said. "I'm scared."
