CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
RRRRRRRRR! - John "RRRRR" McGree
_____________________________
"Alright you fucksticks, I'm John "RRRRR" McGee but you can call me master, you fucking bitches, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?" McGree screamed at the terrified new recruits, right in their little faces.
"SIR, YES SIR", most replied. But one. But Ben Fountain.
"AND WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, cupcakeERTEETH?" asked McGee.
"Got lots of problems," said Ben, calmly chewing some gum.
"WHY do you think you can get away with not replying when I ask if something is understood, smartpants?" asked McGee.
"It's fucking stupid," deadpanned Ben. "SIR, YES SIR? Why do we have to say sir twice? Fuck that for a game of badger rape."
"YOU DARE GIVE LIP TO ME?" bellowed McGee.
"Yep," said Ben.
"Shit!" Marty McDie whipsered to Tim "The Onion" Onion. "He's about to RRRRR!"
"RRRRR?" asked Onion.
"Shit, you don't know about RRRRR? That's his shitting thing!" said Marty.
"SON," said McGee to Ben. "I LIKE your attitude! Come with me for a drink while the rest of these PANSIES do NINE MILLION PUSH-UPS in the mud."
"Fine, got nothing better to do," said Ben. They both walked away.
"Why should we do the push-ups if he's not even watching?" asked Onion.
"Because he'll RRRRR us if we don't!" said Marty.
"What does that even MEAN?" asked Onion.
"You don't want to know...YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW," said Marty, starting his push-ups. Onion watched as all the other recruits started too. He shrugged and took out a cigarette.
"I ain't scared of no RRRRR," he said, lighting up.
MEANWHILE, in the bar, McGree pats Ben on the leg.
"I LIKE YOU, BEN," he shouted, right in Ben's face.
"I fucking hate you," said Ben.
"HAHAHAHA, that's the spirit," said McGee. "Bet you can't wait to get out there and kill some gooks."
"We're fighting aliens from the planet BLOOK NOSE MINOR," said Ben, disgusted by McGee. "They're not gooks."
"They'll ALWAYS be gooks to me!" said McGee. "I see dead gooks everytime I shut my eyes. And when I've just killed a gook!"
"Great," said Ben.
"HAHAHAHAHA," laughed McGee. "You'll do alright, Franklin. You'll do alright."
"Are you just totally fucking insane?" asked Ben.
"Some nig nogs have said that to me over the years," said McGee, who was black by the way. "Some dark continent BASTARDS...dark CUNTinent they should call it...fucking blackies. Not a good one amongst them. Not even Beyonce. Fucking bitch."
"Seriously, what the fuck?" asked Ben.
"HEY, LITTLE WHITE BOY, YOU WANNA KNOW WHY THEYSSA CALLS MESSA RRRRR?" asked McGee, a mad look in his eyes...even madder than usual.
"No," said Ben, eyeing up a woman who had just entered the bar. Pretty fit. Could be his last shag before he went to war. To space. To war in space.
"THEN I'LL TELL YOU", said McGree, getting up. He casually slapped the girl who had just entered then walked out.
"Sorry about that," said Ben. "But if you're feeling better later, maybe you could suck my cock?"
"Maybe," she said, checking her mouth.
"Cool," said Ben, following McGee.
"ALRIGHT YOU SHITMAGGOTS," said McGee. "THERE'S TEN BILLION ALIEN GOOKS UP THERE READY TO KILL YOUR SISTERS AND HAVE THEIR WAY WITH YOUR BROTHERS, BECAUSE THESE GOOKS ARE FAGGOTS TOO. IF YOU CAN'T EVEN DO A HUNDRED PUSH-UPS, WELL...I GUESS THE ONLY OPTION IS TO RRRRR YOU ALL!"
"Please don't!" said Marty. "I did my push-ups!"
"OH DID YOU," said McGee. He pulled out a gun and shot Marty in face. "GOOD FOR YOU."
"Oww!" said Marty. "That could have killed me if I wasn't a robot!"
"That was a bit harsh!" said Onion.
"FUCK YOU, ONION," said McGee. "DID YOU DO YOUR PUSH-UPS?"
"No, I couldn't be bothered," said Onion.
"Good for you," said Ben.
"I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO RRRRR YOU, THEN!" said McGee. "TO TEACH YOU ALL A LESSON."
"What does that even MEAN?" asked Onion.
"IT'S QUITE SIMPLE, EVEN A WOMAN COULD UNDERSTAND," said McGee. "RRRRR MEANS RRRRRAPE!"
"What?" asked Onion, shocked.
"I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU AND CUM ALL UP YOUR ASSHOLE!" said McGee. Then he started raping Onion.
"Why don't we just stop him?" asked Ben.
"He'll RRRRR us if we do!" said Marty. "He once did RRRRR to twenty seven thousand recruits in one week!"
"But he's not even that big, we could overpower him!" said Ben.
"NOT THAT BIG?" said McGee, stopping the RRRRR for a moment. "YOU SHOUDL SEE THE SIZE OF MY DICK!"
_____________________________
"Alright you fucksticks, I'm John "RRRRR" McGee but you can call me master, you fucking bitches, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?" McGree screamed at the terrified new recruits, right in their little faces.
"SIR, YES SIR", most replied. But one. But Ben Fountain.
"AND WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, cupcakeERTEETH?" asked McGee.
"Got lots of problems," said Ben, calmly chewing some gum.
"WHY do you think you can get away with not replying when I ask if something is understood, smartpants?" asked McGee.
"It's fucking stupid," deadpanned Ben. "SIR, YES SIR? Why do we have to say sir twice? Fuck that for a game of badger rape."
"YOU DARE GIVE LIP TO ME?" bellowed McGee.
"Yep," said Ben.
"Shit!" Marty McDie whipsered to Tim "The Onion" Onion. "He's about to RRRRR!"
"RRRRR?" asked Onion.
"Shit, you don't know about RRRRR? That's his shitting thing!" said Marty.
"SON," said McGee to Ben. "I LIKE your attitude! Come with me for a drink while the rest of these PANSIES do NINE MILLION PUSH-UPS in the mud."
"Fine, got nothing better to do," said Ben. They both walked away.
"Why should we do the push-ups if he's not even watching?" asked Onion.
"Because he'll RRRRR us if we don't!" said Marty.
"What does that even MEAN?" asked Onion.
"You don't want to know...YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW," said Marty, starting his push-ups. Onion watched as all the other recruits started too. He shrugged and took out a cigarette.
"I ain't scared of no RRRRR," he said, lighting up.
MEANWHILE, in the bar, McGree pats Ben on the leg.
"I LIKE YOU, BEN," he shouted, right in Ben's face.
"I fucking hate you," said Ben.
"HAHAHAHA, that's the spirit," said McGee. "Bet you can't wait to get out there and kill some gooks."
"We're fighting aliens from the planet BLOOK NOSE MINOR," said Ben, disgusted by McGee. "They're not gooks."
"They'll ALWAYS be gooks to me!" said McGee. "I see dead gooks everytime I shut my eyes. And when I've just killed a gook!"
"Great," said Ben.
"HAHAHAHAHA," laughed McGee. "You'll do alright, Franklin. You'll do alright."
"Are you just totally fucking insane?" asked Ben.
"Some nig nogs have said that to me over the years," said McGee, who was black by the way. "Some dark continent BASTARDS...dark CUNTinent they should call it...fucking blackies. Not a good one amongst them. Not even Beyonce. Fucking bitch."
"Seriously, what the fuck?" asked Ben.
"HEY, LITTLE WHITE BOY, YOU WANNA KNOW WHY THEYSSA CALLS MESSA RRRRR?" asked McGee, a mad look in his eyes...even madder than usual.
"No," said Ben, eyeing up a woman who had just entered the bar. Pretty fit. Could be his last shag before he went to war. To space. To war in space.
"THEN I'LL TELL YOU", said McGree, getting up. He casually slapped the girl who had just entered then walked out.
"Sorry about that," said Ben. "But if you're feeling better later, maybe you could suck my cock?"
"Maybe," she said, checking her mouth.
"Cool," said Ben, following McGee.
"ALRIGHT YOU SHITMAGGOTS," said McGee. "THERE'S TEN BILLION ALIEN GOOKS UP THERE READY TO KILL YOUR SISTERS AND HAVE THEIR WAY WITH YOUR BROTHERS, BECAUSE THESE GOOKS ARE FAGGOTS TOO. IF YOU CAN'T EVEN DO A HUNDRED PUSH-UPS, WELL...I GUESS THE ONLY OPTION IS TO RRRRR YOU ALL!"
"Please don't!" said Marty. "I did my push-ups!"
"OH DID YOU," said McGee. He pulled out a gun and shot Marty in face. "GOOD FOR YOU."
"Oww!" said Marty. "That could have killed me if I wasn't a robot!"
"That was a bit harsh!" said Onion.
"FUCK YOU, ONION," said McGee. "DID YOU DO YOUR PUSH-UPS?"
"No, I couldn't be bothered," said Onion.
"Good for you," said Ben.
"I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO RRRRR YOU, THEN!" said McGee. "TO TEACH YOU ALL A LESSON."
"What does that even MEAN?" asked Onion.
"IT'S QUITE SIMPLE, EVEN A WOMAN COULD UNDERSTAND," said McGee. "RRRRR MEANS RRRRRAPE!"
"What?" asked Onion, shocked.
"I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU AND CUM ALL UP YOUR ASSHOLE!" said McGee. Then he started raping Onion.
"Why don't we just stop him?" asked Ben.
"He'll RRRRR us if we do!" said Marty. "He once did RRRRR to twenty seven thousand recruits in one week!"
"But he's not even that big, we could overpower him!" said Ben.
"NOT THAT BIG?" said McGee, stopping the RRRRR for a moment. "YOU SHOUDL SEE THE SIZE OF MY DICK!"
