CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"RRRRR" - John "RRRRR" McGee
_________________________________
John McGee was not enjoying his new job at the supermarket. But he could not complain. The judge had told him he could not complain. They'd send him to prison if he complained...he'd never survive there. They rape people in prison! No, don't complain, he told himself. Just keep stacking those shelves.
"Excuse me," said a young mother. WTIH NICE HUMAN BREASTS, McGee thought. Can't say that out loud.
"YES...yes?" he said.
"Do you know where the baby food is?" she asked. Nice and polite. Did demand to know. He should give her a polite answer.
"I ATE ALL THE FUCKING BABY FOOD YOU MONG," he said. Oh dear. That hadn't been the right thing to say.
"What? How dare you!" she said.
"How dare I? HOW DARE YOUR STINKING GREEDY BABY! WE'RE AT WAR WITH ALIEN JAPS AND YOUR BABY'S EATING ALL THE BABY FOOD. OUR SOLDIERS NEED THAT. AND OUR HOOKERS. YOU SLAAAAAAG!" He stopped short of slapping her in the face. He was proud of that.
"I...I...I'm going to report you to the manager!" she stammered.
"REPORT ME TO HITLER, YOU SCUM," he said. Then slapped her. "HAHAHAHAHA!"
"John!" said his supervisor, Barry Fish. "You can't slap customers! I'm really going to have to report this. You were kicked out of the army for this type of behaviour!"
"I SHOULD BE UP THERE, BARRY, I SHOULD BE UP IN SPACE FIGHTING THE NAZI ALIEN ARABS."
"Yes, but when you were actually in the army, all you did was rape new recruits. You never actual saw combat."
"I SAW SOME STUFF, MAN, SOME STUFF AND SOME THINGS AND SOME GUTS. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN YOUR BEST FREIND'S DICK EXPLODE IN FRONT OF? OF COURSE YOU HAVE, EVERYONE HAS. THAT'S NOT MY POINT. WHAT WAS MY POINT? AH, YES, I DON'T RAPE, BARRY. I NEVER RAPE."
"But you ever raped a horse..."
"I NEVER RAPED NOBODY. I DON'T RAPE. I RRRRR! IT'S A SUBTLE DIFFERENCE! AND I'M GOING TO RRRRR YOU SOON IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF MY FACE. YOU AND THAT STINKING MANAGER. WHERE IS HE."
"Right here, McGee," said the manager, Ron Crinklewood. He was pointing a gun at McGee. "Be nice and calm until the army get here to sort you out..."
"What the hell, there's no need for the gun!" said Barry.
"I wanted to shoot him dead on the spot, but the army wanted to do it themselves," said Ron. "YOU FUCKED UP FOR THE LAST TIME, MCGEE."
"HAHAHA...NOW I HAVE THE EXCUSE BARRY, THE EXCUSE TO DO WHAT I DO BEST...RRRRR!"
"NOOOOO!" shouted Barry, diving for cover behind some crisps. Then everything started to move in slow motion. Ron fired at McGee, but McGee somehow twist in the air as he lunged forward, the bullets sailing harmlessly by...until he had his hands around Ron's neck.
"Don't kill him!" said Barry.
"YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT, BARRY," said McGee. "RRRRR!" It was over in seconds. But the RRRRR would stay with Ron for a lifetime.
"There's a spaceship on the roof, you can use it to escape," said Barry.
"WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME, LAD? I COULD USE A GOOD FIGHTER LIKE YOU," said McGee.
"Where ARE you going?" asked Barry.
"TO SPACE, LAD. GOT SOME SPACEGOOKS NEED FRYING."
"I wanted to fight in the war, but they said I couldn't because I'm gay," said Barry, sadly.
"GAY? I WON'T EVEN RRRRR YOU THEN! I'D NEVER TOUCH A HOMO! BUT OTHER THAN THAT, YOU'RE OKAY!"
"I'll come then!" said Barry.
"SPACE JUST GOT A WHOLE LOT SPACIER!" said McGee. "RRRRR!"
_________________________________
John McGee was not enjoying his new job at the supermarket. But he could not complain. The judge had told him he could not complain. They'd send him to prison if he complained...he'd never survive there. They rape people in prison! No, don't complain, he told himself. Just keep stacking those shelves.
"Excuse me," said a young mother. WTIH NICE HUMAN BREASTS, McGee thought. Can't say that out loud.
"YES...yes?" he said.
"Do you know where the baby food is?" she asked. Nice and polite. Did demand to know. He should give her a polite answer.
"I ATE ALL THE FUCKING BABY FOOD YOU MONG," he said. Oh dear. That hadn't been the right thing to say.
"What? How dare you!" she said.
"How dare I? HOW DARE YOUR STINKING GREEDY BABY! WE'RE AT WAR WITH ALIEN JAPS AND YOUR BABY'S EATING ALL THE BABY FOOD. OUR SOLDIERS NEED THAT. AND OUR HOOKERS. YOU SLAAAAAAG!" He stopped short of slapping her in the face. He was proud of that.
"I...I...I'm going to report you to the manager!" she stammered.
"REPORT ME TO HITLER, YOU SCUM," he said. Then slapped her. "HAHAHAHAHA!"
"John!" said his supervisor, Barry Fish. "You can't slap customers! I'm really going to have to report this. You were kicked out of the army for this type of behaviour!"
"I SHOULD BE UP THERE, BARRY, I SHOULD BE UP IN SPACE FIGHTING THE NAZI ALIEN ARABS."
"Yes, but when you were actually in the army, all you did was rape new recruits. You never actual saw combat."
"I SAW SOME STUFF, MAN, SOME STUFF AND SOME THINGS AND SOME GUTS. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN YOUR BEST FREIND'S DICK EXPLODE IN FRONT OF? OF COURSE YOU HAVE, EVERYONE HAS. THAT'S NOT MY POINT. WHAT WAS MY POINT? AH, YES, I DON'T RAPE, BARRY. I NEVER RAPE."
"But you ever raped a horse..."
"I NEVER RAPED NOBODY. I DON'T RAPE. I RRRRR! IT'S A SUBTLE DIFFERENCE! AND I'M GOING TO RRRRR YOU SOON IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF MY FACE. YOU AND THAT STINKING MANAGER. WHERE IS HE."
"Right here, McGee," said the manager, Ron Crinklewood. He was pointing a gun at McGee. "Be nice and calm until the army get here to sort you out..."
"What the hell, there's no need for the gun!" said Barry.
"I wanted to shoot him dead on the spot, but the army wanted to do it themselves," said Ron. "YOU FUCKED UP FOR THE LAST TIME, MCGEE."
"HAHAHA...NOW I HAVE THE EXCUSE BARRY, THE EXCUSE TO DO WHAT I DO BEST...RRRRR!"
"NOOOOO!" shouted Barry, diving for cover behind some crisps. Then everything started to move in slow motion. Ron fired at McGee, but McGee somehow twist in the air as he lunged forward, the bullets sailing harmlessly by...until he had his hands around Ron's neck.
"Don't kill him!" said Barry.
"YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT, BARRY," said McGee. "RRRRR!" It was over in seconds. But the RRRRR would stay with Ron for a lifetime.
"There's a spaceship on the roof, you can use it to escape," said Barry.
"WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME, LAD? I COULD USE A GOOD FIGHTER LIKE YOU," said McGee.
"Where ARE you going?" asked Barry.
"TO SPACE, LAD. GOT SOME SPACEGOOKS NEED FRYING."
"I wanted to fight in the war, but they said I couldn't because I'm gay," said Barry, sadly.
"GAY? I WON'T EVEN RRRRR YOU THEN! I'D NEVER TOUCH A HOMO! BUT OTHER THAN THAT, YOU'RE OKAY!"
"I'll come then!" said Barry.
"SPACE JUST GOT A WHOLE LOT SPACIER!" said McGee. "RRRRR!"