CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"THE NOT LIKING ANYTHING DIARIES: ENTRY #38."
That, right there, is the first lie and it shoudl be obvious.
no on would keep a "not liking anything" diary.
(NO ONE? I BEG TO DIFFEER. SOMEONE WOULD AND PROBALBY DOES.)
well I don't
(YOU SHOUD.)
shut up
________________________________
ENTERY #38
________________________________
"I don't like anything."
No, that doesn't explain it.
I have "specific, restricted and repetitive ares of interest" to use the language. I'd say it's beyond that now. It's ritualistic.
I think I know how it started.
I think it start BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE ANYTHING.
I think when I was a child they all like things. The other children. The normals. I didn't. Or if I did, it was in different, obscure ways that I couldn't explain to them and woulnd't be able to pass off as likes.
So I had to pretend. And what better way than to train my mind to actually like things? Is it really pretending then, if I try to learn how to like things? If I repeat what they say, if I try to make myself think "I like X because of Y"? I dind't realy FEEL it, of course. I obsessed over the details. That was the beginning.
"He who breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom." - Gandalf The Grey
_______________________
this is all lies by the way
there are no "not liking anything" diaries
__________________________________________
_______________
ENTERY #39
_______________
Sorry was interrupted by an OCD ritual.
That's how it start.
The details.
Agonsing over them.
Were they right?
Should I really be liking this thing and for this reason?
Does reason for liking Y conflict with reason for disliking X?
But it was the only way I had of liking things.
The only way I had of knowing.
It got worse as I got older.
Sexuality...that was a problem.
Like, I knew I liked girls...a bit? Kind of?
So why did I feel disgusted by Page 3 girls or porn magazines my friends showed me?
Was my brain just not capable of processing the sexual information without going through the retarded filters I'd set up when I was young?
But I had to express opinions on the matter.
And I did like looking at the girls, from certain angles, at times.
And when I did feel something, I'd study that single aspect intently afterwards.
Forming likes.
It wasn't so bad!
But still, couldn't say too much.
Couldn't...let's not get into that.
Well, years went by and by.
I became what I am now.
Why did I become interested in ranking female celebrities based on their attractiveness?
I guess because I was always thinking and analysing what made them attractive.
I thought I had it.
Then I broke.
__________________
none of this really happened of course it's a fictional story no one is even typing it you're not even reading it right now
__________
ENTRY#40
__________
So I had my likes all figured out.
Had a system.
It was all ticking along on a production line.
Then suddenly I felt something different.
don't even know if I honestly felt it!
or if I just decided to feel it, like the old days when I was still forming opinoins. Like I saw the smallest opening and jumped into it.
Can't really tell the difference.
So I thought about that thing a lot.
But what about the things I liked before?
I look at them.
I dind't like them as much as the new thing.
So, what? I'd been lying to myself all these years?
I studied the new thing.
Stilll liked it.
Studied more and more...
I broke it.
Of course.
Remembered why I liked the old thing and broke it more. Got back in that frame of mind.
But which frame of mind was "true"?
(NONE OF THIS IS REALLY AHPPENEING DON'T WORRY ENTRY CONTINUES BELW)
they coulnd't both be. they were both constructed. I'd just contructed one first.
But that didn't make the second any less vaild.
Or valid at all.
BOTH LIES?
I compared.
(I DIDN'T RAELLY)
Like if this thing was related to some female celebritiy obsseion (did I talk about that in an earlier entry or what that anotgher diary?) I would be comparing two images of the two girls where they had similar facial expressions to make it "fair" of course and I'd go back and forth between the two to see which I prefered and I'd BREAK BOTH becasue the more I looked I found I was seeing through the lies of both and oh look that ones lips are too small and that ones cheekbones aren't prominent enough and what about the eyes which are better cna't figure it out both are just EYS can't figure it out they're just faces just dead skulls with skin stretched over them that's all AND NOW THEY'RE BOTH LAUGHING AT ME MADLY
SO I LAUGH MADLY
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa
LIKE THAT OUT FUCKING LOUD
BEACSUE I ODN'T LIKE FUCKING ANYTHINg
THER EIS NOTHING
HAHAAHHAha
AND YES THIS REALLYL HAPpenped
____________________________
no it didn't it's a lie
_____________-
entry #41
______________
so I printed the diaries out
and the girl I was stalking
did I like her
did I like her ass?
was it too big?
didn't I like asses like that?
or do I like small ones?
WHAT IS THERE TO LIKE ABOUT SMALL ONES?
fuck
I don't know.
it wasn't as big up close. Then I was stuffing the diary in her back pocket then running away madly
I didn't evne get an erection!
_______________-
okay that one is false because to stalk a girl I'd have to leave the house and that's not going to happen!
_________________-
entry #42
_________________
remember when Jillian Barcardi printed out my "why don't I just start crying and never stop?" or whatever thread and put it up on her noticeboard at work?
I time travelled to wear she worked and stuck the not liking anythign diary on the board.
but her boss said "WHaT? NO JILLINA BARACDAI WORKS HERE THAT IS A MADE UP NAME!"
so I wnet home again sad.
then realise I was stilli n the past and quickly time travelled back to the present so there's that plothole plugged up
then I looked at the two iamges that I had left on my computer the whole time
and what I saw was just two pretty girls
why couldn't I just leave it at that?
____________________________-
of course none of this happened.
Well, it all did.
Well, no.
It idnd't.
Well, it did
It did.
No one wrote all that out in a diary
Well, they did write it all out.
IN a THINGOFTHEDAY!
that's the twiest
this is just at hing of the dya.
that's all it is.
of course I like things...
of course...
That, right there, is the first lie and it shoudl be obvious.
no on would keep a "not liking anything" diary.
(NO ONE? I BEG TO DIFFEER. SOMEONE WOULD AND PROBALBY DOES.)
well I don't
(YOU SHOUD.)
shut up
________________________________
ENTERY #38
________________________________
"I don't like anything."
No, that doesn't explain it.
I have "specific, restricted and repetitive ares of interest" to use the language. I'd say it's beyond that now. It's ritualistic.
I think I know how it started.
I think it start BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE ANYTHING.
I think when I was a child they all like things. The other children. The normals. I didn't. Or if I did, it was in different, obscure ways that I couldn't explain to them and woulnd't be able to pass off as likes.
So I had to pretend. And what better way than to train my mind to actually like things? Is it really pretending then, if I try to learn how to like things? If I repeat what they say, if I try to make myself think "I like X because of Y"? I dind't realy FEEL it, of course. I obsessed over the details. That was the beginning.
"He who breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom." - Gandalf The Grey
_______________________
this is all lies by the way
there are no "not liking anything" diaries
__________________________________________
_______________
ENTERY #39
_______________
Sorry was interrupted by an OCD ritual.
That's how it start.
The details.
Agonsing over them.
Were they right?
Should I really be liking this thing and for this reason?
Does reason for liking Y conflict with reason for disliking X?
But it was the only way I had of liking things.
The only way I had of knowing.
It got worse as I got older.
Sexuality...that was a problem.
Like, I knew I liked girls...a bit? Kind of?
So why did I feel disgusted by Page 3 girls or porn magazines my friends showed me?
Was my brain just not capable of processing the sexual information without going through the retarded filters I'd set up when I was young?
But I had to express opinions on the matter.
And I did like looking at the girls, from certain angles, at times.
And when I did feel something, I'd study that single aspect intently afterwards.
Forming likes.
It wasn't so bad!
But still, couldn't say too much.
Couldn't...let's not get into that.
Well, years went by and by.
I became what I am now.
Why did I become interested in ranking female celebrities based on their attractiveness?
I guess because I was always thinking and analysing what made them attractive.
I thought I had it.
Then I broke.
__________________
none of this really happened of course it's a fictional story no one is even typing it you're not even reading it right now
__________
ENTRY#40
__________
So I had my likes all figured out.
Had a system.
It was all ticking along on a production line.
Then suddenly I felt something different.
don't even know if I honestly felt it!
or if I just decided to feel it, like the old days when I was still forming opinoins. Like I saw the smallest opening and jumped into it.
Can't really tell the difference.
So I thought about that thing a lot.
But what about the things I liked before?
I look at them.
I dind't like them as much as the new thing.
So, what? I'd been lying to myself all these years?
I studied the new thing.
Stilll liked it.
Studied more and more...
I broke it.
Of course.
Remembered why I liked the old thing and broke it more. Got back in that frame of mind.
But which frame of mind was "true"?
(NONE OF THIS IS REALLY AHPPENEING DON'T WORRY ENTRY CONTINUES BELW)
they coulnd't both be. they were both constructed. I'd just contructed one first.
But that didn't make the second any less vaild.
Or valid at all.
BOTH LIES?
I compared.
(I DIDN'T RAELLY)
Like if this thing was related to some female celebritiy obsseion (did I talk about that in an earlier entry or what that anotgher diary?) I would be comparing two images of the two girls where they had similar facial expressions to make it "fair" of course and I'd go back and forth between the two to see which I prefered and I'd BREAK BOTH becasue the more I looked I found I was seeing through the lies of both and oh look that ones lips are too small and that ones cheekbones aren't prominent enough and what about the eyes which are better cna't figure it out both are just EYS can't figure it out they're just faces just dead skulls with skin stretched over them that's all AND NOW THEY'RE BOTH LAUGHING AT ME MADLY
SO I LAUGH MADLY
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa
LIKE THAT OUT FUCKING LOUD
BEACSUE I ODN'T LIKE FUCKING ANYTHINg
THER EIS NOTHING
HAHAAHHAha
AND YES THIS REALLYL HAPpenped
____________________________
no it didn't it's a lie
_____________-
entry #41
______________
so I printed the diaries out
and the girl I was stalking
did I like her
did I like her ass?
was it too big?
didn't I like asses like that?
or do I like small ones?
WHAT IS THERE TO LIKE ABOUT SMALL ONES?
fuck
I don't know.
it wasn't as big up close. Then I was stuffing the diary in her back pocket then running away madly
I didn't evne get an erection!
_______________-
okay that one is false because to stalk a girl I'd have to leave the house and that's not going to happen!
_________________-
entry #42
_________________
remember when Jillian Barcardi printed out my "why don't I just start crying and never stop?" or whatever thread and put it up on her noticeboard at work?
I time travelled to wear she worked and stuck the not liking anythign diary on the board.
but her boss said "WHaT? NO JILLINA BARACDAI WORKS HERE THAT IS A MADE UP NAME!"
so I wnet home again sad.
then realise I was stilli n the past and quickly time travelled back to the present so there's that plothole plugged up
then I looked at the two iamges that I had left on my computer the whole time
and what I saw was just two pretty girls
why couldn't I just leave it at that?
____________________________-
of course none of this happened.
Well, it all did.
Well, no.
It idnd't.
Well, it did
It did.
No one wrote all that out in a diary
Well, they did write it all out.
IN a THINGOFTHEDAY!
that's the twiest
this is just at hing of the dya.
that's all it is.
of course I like things...
of course...
