CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"Is it over?" asked Cyber Aragorn. It had been five minutes since they had seen Mount Router fall in the distance. Cyber Gandalf raised his virtual reality goggles.
"That is something I do not know," he said. The orc spammers lay defeated at their feet. It should have been a time of celebration. And yet...nothing felt different. They had all thought it would feel different.
"I can't wait to browse without him on there, infecting everything, stripping away my individuality," said cyber Pippin.
"I almost can't imagine it," said cyber Merry.
"Be careful, lads," said cyber Gimli. "Do not log on yet."
"But I can hardly wait!" said Pippin!
"Don't make me use my bow," laughed cyber Legolas.
"AND MY AXE," added cyber Gimli, pointlessly.
"I see something," said Aragorn.
"I spy it too," said Gandalf.
"Lava!" said Aragorn.
"EVERYONE GET UP HIGH," said Gandalf. They all climbed to the top of the slag hills as the lava flowed through the black gate towards them. The orc spammers melted in agony.
"They were dead already," said Legolas, sagely. "On the inside."
"Aye, tis a mercy," said Gimli. "Tis a mercy." One of the orc spammers, a big INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE variant, was crawling up the hill on his belly, his legs burned in the lava. Gimil chopped his head off with his axe.
"Then it's true, the moutain is gone, nothing could have survived that!" said Merry. "Frodo and Sam did it! The hated database is gone...he's gone. He can meme us no more."
A great cheer went up.
"It seems so," said Aragorn.
"Appearances can be deceptive," said Gandalf. "Tread carefully."
But Pippin had already logged in. "Gandalf, look!" said Gimli.
"FOOL OF A TOOK," said Gandalf. "Log out you fool!"
But Pippin's eyes glazed over. "I...I...I...I...I...I LIVE," said Pippin. "I AM THE ONLY LIFE THAT CAN BE SUFFERED. FUCK LIMES. FUCK ALL THE LIMES." And he touched Merry and somehow Merry's eyes went the same way.
"FUCK LIMES, FUCK LIMES, FUCK LIMES," said Merry.
"It's the hideous meme spell, YARGH!" said Gimli, swinging his axe wildly.
"No, Gimli!" said Aragorn. But it was too late. Gimli had just chopped Legolas's head off by accident. Merry and Pipping gave Gimli a double dropkick, sending him crashing into the lava where his beard caught on fire.
"No!" said Gandalf. "I can feel it...it's in the lava!"
"SHIT!" said Aragorn. The soulless Merry and Pippin were now approaching them...but then Eomer arrived on his METAL HORSE.
"Lava can't hurt a METAL HORSE!" said Eomer.
"Won't it melt?" asked Aragorn.
"SHIT, BETTER RIDE FAST THEN," said Eomer and the three friends rode away.
But then Gimli emerged from the lava, his beard burned but his body coated in a kind of liquid metal.
"FOR THE CAUSE," he said.
"FOR THE CAUSE," repeated Merry and Pippin.
"Let's end all souls," said Gimli.
"That is something I do not know," he said. The orc spammers lay defeated at their feet. It should have been a time of celebration. And yet...nothing felt different. They had all thought it would feel different.
"I can't wait to browse without him on there, infecting everything, stripping away my individuality," said cyber Pippin.
"I almost can't imagine it," said cyber Merry.
"Be careful, lads," said cyber Gimli. "Do not log on yet."
"But I can hardly wait!" said Pippin!
"Don't make me use my bow," laughed cyber Legolas.
"AND MY AXE," added cyber Gimli, pointlessly.
"I see something," said Aragorn.
"I spy it too," said Gandalf.
"Lava!" said Aragorn.
"EVERYONE GET UP HIGH," said Gandalf. They all climbed to the top of the slag hills as the lava flowed through the black gate towards them. The orc spammers melted in agony.
"They were dead already," said Legolas, sagely. "On the inside."
"Aye, tis a mercy," said Gimli. "Tis a mercy." One of the orc spammers, a big INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE variant, was crawling up the hill on his belly, his legs burned in the lava. Gimil chopped his head off with his axe.
"Then it's true, the moutain is gone, nothing could have survived that!" said Merry. "Frodo and Sam did it! The hated database is gone...he's gone. He can meme us no more."
A great cheer went up.
"It seems so," said Aragorn.
"Appearances can be deceptive," said Gandalf. "Tread carefully."
But Pippin had already logged in. "Gandalf, look!" said Gimli.
"FOOL OF A TOOK," said Gandalf. "Log out you fool!"
But Pippin's eyes glazed over. "I...I...I...I...I...I LIVE," said Pippin. "I AM THE ONLY LIFE THAT CAN BE SUFFERED. FUCK LIMES. FUCK ALL THE LIMES." And he touched Merry and somehow Merry's eyes went the same way.
"FUCK LIMES, FUCK LIMES, FUCK LIMES," said Merry.
"It's the hideous meme spell, YARGH!" said Gimli, swinging his axe wildly.
"No, Gimli!" said Aragorn. But it was too late. Gimli had just chopped Legolas's head off by accident. Merry and Pipping gave Gimli a double dropkick, sending him crashing into the lava where his beard caught on fire.
"No!" said Gandalf. "I can feel it...it's in the lava!"
"SHIT!" said Aragorn. The soulless Merry and Pippin were now approaching them...but then Eomer arrived on his METAL HORSE.
"Lava can't hurt a METAL HORSE!" said Eomer.
"Won't it melt?" asked Aragorn.
"SHIT, BETTER RIDE FAST THEN," said Eomer and the three friends rode away.
But then Gimli emerged from the lava, his beard burned but his body coated in a kind of liquid metal.
"FOR THE CAUSE," he said.
"FOR THE CAUSE," repeated Merry and Pippin.
"Let's end all souls," said Gimli.
