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Tom's Treks: The Case of the Hidden Kitten

Dr Dave

Dr Dave

pillzlol
Episode 1- A call in the night

Tomtrek awoke. It was 3am, he awoke to the phone ringing. His RED PHONE.

"Must be an emergency" he thought.

"This is Tomtrek" he said sleeply

"Tomtrek, I got your number from Internet Jim, I need you're help. This is Michelle Trachtenberg." said Michelle Trachtenberg

"Amazing! What can I do for you?" asked Tomtrek

"I need your help! My kitty was stolen, by evil goons!" replied Michelle Trachtenberg

"Evil goons..." Said Tomtrek

"I'll pay you $100,000 and a guest spot on Gossip Girl" said Michelle Trachtenberg

"I'll be there in the morning, I'll bring cake" Said Tomtrek

"Thank you Tomtrek!" said Michelle Trachtenberg

To be continued...
 
Episode 2- Of Kitnappings

It was a cold day in Hollywood. Tomtrek, that gum shoe, like Dixon Hill walked up Hollywood Blvd towards the CW Studios, home to the world famous tv show Gossip Girl.

The wind was bitterly cold, cold like a cold shower and it was wet, wet as a cold shower.

Tomtrek was let in to the studio.

"Such a hive of doom" he thought.

Tomtrek was led to the trailer of the wonderful and pale Michelle Trachtenberg.

"Thank god you came Tomtrek, I just knew you would!" said Michelle Trachtenberg.

"I had to come" replied Tomtrek

"Yes, from my monitoring of the Mine Field on TK, I knew you would." said Michelle Trachtenberg.

"I knew you lerked at the Mine Field! Now let's get down to business. Tell me all about the kidnapping of your kitty cat" Said Tomtrek

"Well, it was two days ago. I came back to my home and could not find my kitty! I looked all around, had my assistant Sassy Sally look around. We even posted posters! Then I found a note. Saying if I did not pay 500,000 dollars and stop acting FOREVER, they would cook my kitty in some chilli." said Michelle Trachtenberg, tears coming down her face.

"Anybody come to your mind that would want to do this?" asked Tomtrek.

"Well at first I thought it could be that dastardly Dr.Dace, who is now a local plastic surgeon to the stars... but even he is not so bold. Then I thought it could be that darned Chinaman I heard about, but he's dead... So I just don't know. That's why I called you Tomtrek!" said Michelle Trachtenberg

"Alright. I'll look into this. I'll do my best to get your kitten back." said Tomtrek

"I have half your fee up front" said Michelle Trachtenberg

"No, donate it to starving midgets, this one is on the house" said Tomtrek

"Thank you Tomtrek" said Michelle Trachtenberg

Tomtrek had a couple calls to make now. Then a visit to Doctor Dace!

To be continued...
 
Episode 3- !quote Dace

Tomtrek hit the pavment. He made some calls, one of which he knew would come in very handy at this next meeting, a meeting with Dr.Dace.

Tomtrek remembered what Dr.Dave had said via the phone "Expect him to be around Nuns, use that to your advantage".

Driving in his car, he had to come up with a stratagy. But first some surveillance.

His car, pulled up outside a apartment complex... one full of NUNS! Tomtrek knew what he had to do. He had to do a thing he never as a sluth thought he'd have to do, dress up as a nun.

He snuck in via the front door, a bold strategy, but one Tomtrek had imployed many times.

He walked up to apartment, it smelled of Nuns and ungly carpet.

Tomtrek kicked the door open.

"WHAT THE!" said man supprised

"Well Well, Dr Dace" said Tomtrek

Dr Dace shoved a nun off his bed. "Get lost Nunny, I have business" he said.

"You know why I'm here DACE?" said Tomtrek

"Yeah, you rancid fruit basket, I know about Michelle Trachtenberg's kitten" said Dr.Dace

"Yeah, well where is it, YOU FUCKBUSH" said Tomtrek

"I don't know, I sure as hell don't have it." Said Dr.Dave but he added as an after thought "I might know who does..."

"Tell me!" said Tomtrek

"Like hell" said Dr.Dace

"Looks like I'm going have to beat your ass." said Tomtrek

"Hey Hey, let's not get frisky, you meatless dinner. Word is there is a new player on the street. Big Dutchman his is name, and kidnapping kittins is his game" Said Dr.Dace

"Good, if I found out you lied...I'll be back to break your collection of Spanish peanuts" Said Tomtrek.

Tomtrek left.

Dr.Dace mad a call.

"This is Dace. Yeah he came, yeah I did what you asked. He will me making his way to you sooner or later."

To be continued...
 
Episode 4-Bartenders are a Tomtrek's best friend.

Dames. Tomtrek had a dame on his mind. As he walked on main street to Cassie's Place. The best dive bar in Florida that was not in Florida.

As he walked into the smoke filled room, he scanned the area. He spotted the bartender and owner of Cassie's Place.

Tomtrek walked up to the bar and said "Give me a bourbon, neat. None of that high brow stuff though, I'm a working detective"

"Well well, isn't it Detective Gumshoe Sluth Tomtrek, wildest trek this side of I-5." Said Cassie as she poured some bourbon in a commemorative Gossip Girl glass.

"You know my style Cassie" said Tomtrek

"Time to fess up Tomtrek, you didn't just come here for my winning personality and collection of antique penises up over the bar here" said Cassie turning around breifly and pointing.

"Big Dutchman, what do you know" said Tomtrek very matter of fact like

"Like dikes, hated kittens and girls named Trachtenberg" replied Cassie

"Where can i find this damned dutchman?" asked Tomtrek

"How the hell would I know, all I know if you wanna find a dutchman, you gotta talk to Tisiphone. The great brothel owner in NYC. When ya get there, be sure to tip Little Eggs, her bouncer. He likes... EGGS MAYONNAISE!" said Cassie.

"Thanks doll" Said Tomtrek, downing his bourbon.

To be continued...
 
Episode 5- The Train, Part 1.

It was time to go to New York City, home of The Mets, the robot known as Dick Clark, and a certain brothel owner named Tisiphone. First Tomtrek had to get there. He refused to fly, and air planes made him more angry then Doctor Dave gets about nuns. That meant Tomtrek had to get on a train. He also had to meet two contacts who had information on The Big Dutchman.

It was a cold night as the train left L.A. Bound for Portland, Idaho, then all dreadfull points east. It would be a long trip, but it beat being groped by the TSA thought Tomtrek.

It was on day two, a cold night, bitter like a drunk irishman who's lady friday had just left him for his brother, when a man sat down across from Gumshoe Tomtrek at an empty seat.

"The bird flies north on tuesdays" said the man

"What?" said Tomtrek looking up from his autographed biography of Michelle Trachtenberg.

"The dog is at the pale moon" said the Man

"Eh, look what?" said Tomtrek in a bad accient

"I'm your contact, code name CaptainWacky" said CaptainWacky

"Hi CaptainWacky!" said Tomtrek

"Hi Tomtrek!" said CaptainWacky

It's like they were old friends from a message board.

"So what do ya know about Big Dutchman?" asked Tomtrek

"Word on the street is he took a kitty from a certain Michelle Trachtenberg" said CaptainWacky

"Yes I know that!" said Tomtrek slightly annoyed

"Word also has it, it hasen't shipped from New York... word also is Tisiphone knows the score about it" said CaptainWacky

"Thanks for the information!" said Tomtrek

"JOLLY WOGS!" shouted CaptainWacky as he jumped up and dove out the window.

To be continued...
 
Episode 6- The Train, Part 2

"Excuse me sir" said Train Worker Ted

"Yes?" replied Tomtrek sleeply. Tomtrek was in deep thought about the case.

"Message for you sir!" said Train Worker Ted

Tomtrek read the message, it read as follows:

"Well well Tomtrek, on the case of a certain kitten. Well I know you're on the case, but I will win. I always win. I will destroy the spirit of Michelle Trachtenberg, the best of the pale ones. You best leave well enough alone, or you will meat your death.

Sincerely,

Big Dutchman"

"WHO GAVE THIS TOO YOU!" Shouted Tomtrek as he got up and grabbed the man.

"Please!! it was left in my box, please don't hurt me!" said Ted the Train worker

"What's your name?" asked Tomtrek

"Ted, I'm just a train worker" said Ted the train worker.

"SHOW ME TO THE CONDUCTOR!" said Tomtrek

"Yes, yes, sure!" said Ted the train worker.

A few moments later

"What is this disturbance!" said a man

"Sir, this man demanded to see you" said Ted

"I'm Detective Tomtrek, a note was handed to me by Ted, concerning the Michelle Trachtenberg kitten case" said Tomtrek

"Ah, I'm Train Conductor Fuddlemiff, we get mysteruous notes all the time, this is after all THE MYSTERY TRAIN!" said Fuddlemiff

"How many people on the train?" asked Tomtrek

"120, plus crew" said Fuddlemiff

"Then it could be anyone..." Said Tomrek

"We're near Idaho" said Fuddlemiff

"No.. not Idaho..." said Tomtrek

To be continued...
 
Episode 7- Why Tomtrek does not like Idaho.

The train neared Idaho. Tomtrek was not fond of idaho. It was there where he had his first case, searching for The Axe Murderer Mirah, it was his first case and his most difficult. He was never able to save those cheerleaders.

He remembered those final moments when Axe Murderer Mirah used her MEAN AXE and chopped the cord that was keeping that building from exploding. All those cheerleaders dead, their families blaming New Detective Tomtrek for not saving them.

One good thing came out of it, afterward while reading Pale Girl Magazine, he discovered Michelle Trachtenberg.

The Train left Idaho, and not too soon for Detective Tomtrek. However his arrival in New York City would be full of treachery, but that's how it goes for a gum shoe.

To be continued...
 
Episode 8- Fuddlemiff

Tomtrek received a note in his cabin.

The note read "The Dutchman has an agent aboard, be warned!"

"Who could it be?" Said Tomtrek outloud. Tomtrek did not hear the door open to his cabin.

A man stepped in, a man with a knife. Tomtrek saw the reflection in the window turned around and fired his detective gun.

The man fell to the floor.

"Oh my god..." said Tomtrek

The man on the floor, was Train Conductor Fuddlemiff.

To be continued...
 
Episode 9-The Big Apple

Something smelled wrong, something smelled like rubber. Tomtrek's gumshoe senses were tingleing.

Tomtrek bent over the body.

"What are you doing, you can't touch that till the medical examiner sees him, and were still 2hrs from The Big Apple!" said Assistant Train conductor headvoid as he put down his pornographic magazine.

"I'll take FULL RESPONSABILITY" said Tomtrek as he poked at the face of Fuddlemiff. "Hmm this isn't right, IT'S A MASK!"

Tomtrek pulled off a mask revealing not Train conductor Fuddlemiff, but Loktar.

"I thought he was tied to a park bench" said Headvoid

"Me too.. me too..." Said Tomtrek

"What should we do" asked headvoid

"Guard the body till we get to the big apple... then I got to make some contacts..." Said Tomtrek

Three hours later and one hour of talking to the police Tomtrek left GRAND CENTERAL STATION and began walking, it was a cold night, but he had a bar to go to and to meet his contact, code name Big Bug.

To be continued...
 
Episode 10- new leads and five fine pies.

Tomtrek walked to a bar not far from the train station. It was cold, cold like the heart of dead door. It was also raining, like a never ending steady wet hatred, the city trying to wash the vermin away.

It was late, and the bar was empty. The bar was named The Dark Jupiter.

At the bar... was a familiar face.

"Cassie!" shouted Detective Tomtrek

"You made it, I heard about the trouble on the train" replied Cassie.

"Yeah the Dutchman knows whats up and sent one of his agents after me, desguised as Train Conductor Fuddlemiff." said Tomtrek

"Don't worry, he's safe. He cooks here when he's not conducting trains. He's makeing me a pie right now!" said Cassie

"He's here!" exclaimed Tomtrek

"Yeah, but on to another subject. The Big Dutchman is here in The Big Apple. I'm not quite sure what his deal is here, but I have my feelers out and about now collecting information" said Cassie

"Good, any leads you can give me?" asked Tomtrek

"Yeah, the guy who tried to put you on ice rented his uniform from headvoid and sons" said Cassie

"Any connection to The Big Dutchman?" asked Tomtrek

"Not that I've been able to determine, but with big dutchman, ya never know doll" said Cassie

"I'll check that out first thing in the morning" said Tomtrek

"But first, some pies" said Cook/Train Conductor Fuddlemiff as be brought out five fine pies.

"Fuddlemiff!" said Tomtrek

And they ate.

To be continued...
 
Episode 11- A helpful headvoid

It was sunny out. Sunny like a sunny day. Tomtrek walked up the street from Cassie's bar to headvoid and sons.

Tomtrek finally came headvoid and sons. He walked in. The place smelled stale. Like broken dreams of the 1930's.

"Can I help you sir" asked a man behind the counter.

"Yeah, I'm looking for headvoid" said Tomtrek

"I'm headvoid! Would you like to see our latest Milkman uniforms?" asked Heavoid

"No, I would like information on some uniforms you sold, to a man working for The Big Dutchman!" said Tomtrek

"Who are you, no, no I don't want to know, get out before he knows your here!" shouted headvoid franticly.

"Names Detective Tomtrek, and I aint going anywhere" said Tomtrek

"Please you must go" said headvoid

"Tell me the score now mister, a nice lady got a kitten stolen from her, and I aim to get it back. You're going to help me..."said Tomtrek getting angry.

"Ok Ok, yeah Big Dutchman sent his man, Little Further to pick them up." said headvoid

"You know what for?" asked Tomtrek

"No, he didn't tell me and I didn't ask, that's the way with Big Dutchman" said headvoid

"You know where The Big Dutchman is now, or this Little Further fellow?" asked Tomtrek.

"Word is, Dutchman is here in New York City, attending a fund raising event for Mayor Mayo." Said headvoid

"Well well... time to meet the big egg, and have a few words with Big Dutchman" thought Tomtrek

"Now get going before somebody sees you!" said headvoid

"First, when is the event" asked Tomtrek

"In two days, at Redwood Hall" said Headvoid.

"Thanks, your assistance is most appricated" said Tomtrek as he left.

To be continued...
 
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