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What is Twitter, really?

Quite often the 'catching up' small talk is the only thing that stops two people from staring blankly and silently at eachother until one of them pretends to have a seizure.
 
Or starts gently wanking the other off.
 
OH GREAT, NOW I NEED TO LOOK AT SOME PORN. THANK A LOT WACKY!
 
it's your fault you read it. *burn*
 
Now, I got to fart. Thanks Hambill.
 
YEAH, TWITTER WILL NEVER LAST.
 
Will my burning hatred for Stephen Fry never be quenched?
 
Twitter got me on an aircraft carrier with The Shat. And a job. I like it.
 
Sunshine from Big Brother deserves more credit for making Twitter big (and just in general.)

FBI please watch the "Chappie" trailer I posted for you in the movie trailers thread thanks.
 
I twice had Twitter convos with Ryan Cartwright about a man who shat in the middle of a street so anyone who's got a problem will have to take me on innit.
 
I was retweeted by June Sarpong once.

(A complete lie.)
 
I was retweeted by Betty Buckley and Daisy Eagan once (a snarky comment while live-tweeting the Tony Awards).

Betty also liked a complimentary comment I made in a FB post to a Broadway musicals group we both belong to.

I get regular likes from Michael Musto on Facebook, because he posts like crazy there and I've seen him around the old piano bars for years (he has no idea who I am, but because we have so many mutual FB friends in the NY cabaret scene he probably thinks I'm worth talking to LOL).

Now I enjoy using it to submit joke answers to the show @midnight, which is the best use of social media yet by traditional TV.
 
(You can tell when I'm having bouts with self-esteem when my posts get more name-droppey lol)
 
I SAW EPHANT MON IN A SHOP wait that was Menty.
 
I LIVED NEXT TO AMY WHINEHOUSE OR MAYBE IT WAS KATIE PRICE oh wait that was Menty too.
 
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