You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Why I Am A Nazi!
- Thread starter SaintLucifer
- Start date
Rev. Hitler
Red Whacker is hot!!
Lilac said:Yep. Go gas yourself.
MY SIGNATURE IS BETTER AND COOLER THAN YOURS, AND AS A RESULT YOU MUST NOW GAS YOURSELF IN RESPECT!!!
Gagh
Χριστόφορος
Conchaga said:BLOOM I'm hysterical. I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical. I can't stop. When I get like this, I can't stop. I'm hysterical.BIALYSTOCK RUSHES TO THE DESK. PICKS UP A CARAFE OF WATERAND SHOSHES ITS CONTENTS INTO BLOOM'S FACE. BLOOM I'm wet! I'm wet! I'm hysterical and I'm wet!BIALYSTOCK IN A DESPERATE MOVE TO STOP BLOOM'S HYSTERICS,SLAPS HIM ACROSS THE FACE. BLOOM (holding his face) I'm in pain! And I'm wet! And I'm still hysterical!BIALYSTOCK RAISES HIS HAND AGAIN. BLOOM No! No! Don't hit. It doesn't help. It only increases my sense of danger. BIALYSTOCK What can I do? What can I do? You're getting me hysterical. BLOOM Go away from me. You frighten me. (he indicates the sofa) Sit over there. 25.BIALYSTOCK SITS ON THE SOFA. BIALYSTOCK (exasperated) Okay. I'm way over here. Is that better? BLOOM It's a little better, but you still look angry. BIALYSTOCK How's this? (he smiles sweetly) BLOOM Good. Good. That's nice. That's very nice. I think I'm coming out of it now. Yes. Yes. I'm definitely coming out of it. Thank you for smiling. It helped a great deal. BIALYSTOCK (for want of something sensible) Well, you know what they say, "Smile and the world smiles with you." Heh, heh. (to himself) The man should be in a straight jacket. (to Bloom) Feeling better? BLOOM Much, thank you. But I am a little lightheaded. Maybe I should eat something. Hysterics have a way of severely depleting one's blood sugar, you know. BIALYSTOCK They certainly do. They certainly do. Come, let me take you to lunch. BLOOM That's very kind of you, Mr. Bialystock, but I ... 26. BIALYSTOCK (interrupting) Nonsense, nonsense, my dear boy. I lowered your blood sugar, but least I could do is raise it a little.BLOOM LOOKS AT HIM SUSPICIOUSLY. BIALYSTOCK And I promise you faithfully, I won't discuss that silly scheme to make a million dollars anymore.BIALYSTOCK DONS HIS CAPE AND "BELASCO" HAT. FROM A RACK HESELECTS A GOLD-TOPPED WALKING STICK. HE GOES TO DOOR, OPENSIT, AND WITH A GRAND FLOURISH, MOTIONS BLOOM TO PRECEDE HIM. BIALYSTOCK Avanti!BLOOM GRACIOUSLY COMPLIES. THEY EXIT.CUT TO EXTERIOR. ENTRANCE OF BIALYSTOCK'S OFFICE BUILDING.THE DOOR OPENS. IT IS HELD BY BIALYSTOCK. BLOOM EXITSBUILDING INTO STREET. BLOOM (to Bialystock, who is holding door) Thank you. BIALYSTOCK Je vous empris.THEY TURN UP 45TH STREET AND HEAD TOWARD BROADWAY.BIALYSTOCK REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND COUNTS HIS MONEY. HELOOKS WORRIED. SUDDENLY HIS FACE BRIGHTENS.WE SEE WHAT BIALYSTOCK SEES.CUT TO MURRAY THE BLINDMAN WORKING 45TH STREET.CAMERA BACK TO BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM.BIALYSTOCK DROPS A STEP BEHIND, QUICKLY TAKES OFF HIS HATAND FLINGS IT THROUGH THE AIR. BIALYSTOCK (pointing to his hat) My hat. BLOOM I'll get it. 27.HE RACES AFTER IT.BIALYSTOCK DETOURS SLIGHTLY TOWARD MURRAY THE BLINDMAN, WHOWEARS A LARGE CARDBOARD SIGN WITH THE LEGEND: "MURRAY THEBLINDMAN. YOU CAN SEE. I CAN'T. GIVE!" INSCRIBED ON IT.BIALYSTOCK REACHES DOWN INTO HIS CUP AND GRABS A FIST FULLOF COINS. BIALYSTOCK Murray, I'm going to lunch. I took two dollars. MURRAY THE BLINDMAN Okay, Bialy, that makes six eighty you owe me. BIALYSTOCK I know. Don't worry. You'll get it. You'll get it. MURRAY THE BLINDMAN (tapping his way along) Well, don't forget about it. I need it. Nobody understands. I'm competing with giants. The Greater New York Fund. The March of Dimes. The Community Chest. They're driving me out of business.BLOOM COMES DASHING BACK WITH HAT IN HAND. BLOOM (out of breath) I got it, Mr. Bialystock.HE PROFFERS HAT TO BIALYSTOCK. BIALYSTOCK TAKES IT. BIALYSTOCK Thank you, Leo. And call me Max. You know, I don't let everybody call me Max. It's only people I really like. BLOOM (trying it on) Okay ... Max! And you can call me Leo. BIALYSTOCK I already have. Come on. BLOOM Oh. 28. BIALYSTOCK Where would you like to eat? BLOOM Well, Max, I don't know, Max. What do you think, Max?BIALYSTOCK QUIETLY WINCES AT THE SURFEIT OF MAX. BIALYSTOCK Let me see ... it's such a beautiful day. Why waste it indoors. I've got it! Let's go to Coney Island! We'll lunch at the sea shore. BLOOM Coney Island?? BIALYSTOCK What's the matter, Leo? Don't you like Coney Island? BLOOM I ... I love it. I haven't been there since I was a kid. But it's nearly two o'clock. I really should be getting back to Whitehall and Marks. BIALYSTOCK Nonsense! As far as Whitehall and Marks are concerned, you're working with Bialystock, right? BLOOM Right. BIALYSTOCK Then stick with Bialystock!SWISH PAN CUT TO CONEY ISLAND.FAR SHOT OF BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM AMIDST THE CROWD AT ACUSTARD STAND.CAMERA ZOOMS IN. TWO SHOT. BIALYSTOCK (to Custard Man) We'll have another round. CUSTARD MAN What kind now, sports? 29. BIALYSTOCK What kind now, Leo? BLOOM (he's loosening up) I don't know. Let's see. We've had chocolate, vanilla, banana - let's go green. BIALYSTOCK (to Custard Man) Two pistachios, my good man. CUSTARD MAN I'm not your good man, I happen to own this establishment. (he turns to fill the order) BIALYSTOCK Everybody's a big shot. (turns to Bloom) Well, Leo, are you having a good time? BLOOM I don't know. I think so. I feel very strange. BIALYSTOCK Maybe you're happy. BLOOM Yes. That's it. Happy. Well, whatta ya think of that. Happy.QUICK DISSOLVE TO BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM ON THE WHIP (A CONEYISLAND RIDE). THEY ARE TIGHTLY SQUEEZED INTO ONE OF THEMOVING SEATS. THEY ARE BETWEEN "WHIPS". BLOOM (licking his pistachio custard. He is ecstatic) I love it. I love it. Get set. We're coming to another turn. BIALYSTOCK (working, relentlessly working on Bloom) Bloom, it can always be like this. Life can be beautiful. Let me show you. Stick with ...THEY HIT THE TURN. 30. BIALYSTOCK Bialysto-o-o-o-ckk.QUICK DISSOLVE TO BARKER SELLING TICKETS IN FRONT OF TUNNELOF LOVE. MEDIUM SHOT OF EXIT. A LITTLE BOAT COMES OUT. INIT ARE A MAN AND A WOMAN EMBRACING. IT IS FOLLOWED BYANOTHER. IN IT THERE IS A SAILOR KISSING A GIRL. BOATNUMBER THREE COMES OUT. IN IT ARE BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM.CLOSE IN TO A TIGHT TWO SHOT. BLOOM IS MESMERIZED.BIALYSTOCK SPEAKS IN A SOFT, ENCHANTING TONE. BIALYSTOCK Money is honey. Money is honey. Money can put soft things next to your skin. Silk ... satin ... women.CLOSE-UP OF BLOOM'S EYES. THEY WIDEN ON THE WORD "WOMEN."QUICK DISSOLVE TO PARACHUTE JUMP. BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM ARESEATED IN A LITTLE GONDOLA THAT SWINGS BENEATH A HUGEPARACHUTE. THEY ARE BUCKLING THEMSELVES IN. BLOOM But if we're caught, we'll go to prison. BIALYSTOCK (sensing victory, he marshals his forces for the final assault) You think you're not in prison now? Living in a grey little room. Going to a grey little job. Leading a grey little life. BLOOM You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm a nothing. I spend my life counting other people's money -- people I'm smarter than, better than. Where's my share? Where's Leo Bloom's share? I want, I want, I want, I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!THE PARACHUTE BEGINS TO ASCEND. WE FOLLOW. BLOOM (coming out of it) Hey, we're going up. 31. BIALYSTOCK You bet your boots, Leo. It's Bialystock and Bloom -- on the rise. Upward and onward. Say, you'll join me. Nothing can stop us.BIALYSTOCK OFFERS HIS HAND TO BLOOM. BLOOM (shouting at the top of his lungs) I'll do it! By God, I'll do it!BLOOM GRABS BIALYSTOCK'S HAND AND SHAKES IT FIRMLY. BIALYSTOCK This is where we belong, Leo. On top of the world. Top of the world!THEY HIT THE TOP. THE PARACHUTE IS RELEASED, THEY QUICKLYPLUMMET DOWN. BIALYSTOCK Oiiiiiii!!! BLOOM Ohhhhhhhh!!!BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM DROP OUT OF FRAME.SLOW DISSOLVE TO BIALYSTOCK'S OFFICE. NIGHT. OVERHEAD SHOT.BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM ARE BATHED IN A SMALL POOL OFCONCENTRATED LIGHT. THEY ARE DOWN TO THEIR SHIRT SLEEVES.THEY ARE FEVERISHLY READING PLAY MANUSCRIPTS. ALL ABOUTTHEM ARE STREWN COFFEE CONTAINERS, SOME EMPTY, SOME HALF-FILLED. THERE IS A HUGE PILE OF DISCARDED SCRIPTS ON THEFLOOR.CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF LEO BLOOM AS HE READS SCRIPT. HE LOOKSUP, PUSHES HIS GLASSES BACK AND MASSAGES THE BRIDGE OF HISNOSE. BLOOM Max, let's call it a night. It's two in the morning. I don't know what I'm reading anymore.PULL BACK TO TWO SHOT. BIALYSTOCK Read, read. We've got to find the worst play ever written. 32.BIALYSTOCK TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO A NEW SCRIPT. HE CRACKSIT OPEN AND BEGINS READING. BIALYSTOCK Hmmnn. "Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to find he had been transformed into a giant cock-a- roach."IN A RAGE BIALYSTOCK FLINGS THE MANUSCRIPT ONTO THE PILE OFDISCARDS AS HE BELLOWS: BIALYSTOCK It's good!!!CAMERA MOVES UP AND WE DISSOLVE THROUGH TO MEDIUM SHOT OFOFFICE. BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM ARE THOROUGHLY DISHEVELED ANDBADLY IN NEED OF A SHAVE. BLOOM (mumbling to himself as he reads) Wait a minute, I've read this part. I'm reading plays I read this morning.HE GETS UP, STRETCHES, GOES TO WINDOW AND RAISES SHADE.SUNLIGHT FLOODS THE ROOM. HE REELS BACK AS THOUGH STRUCK. BLOOM Good lord, it's morning. Let's face it, we'll never find it. (he turns to face Bialystock) Max, tomorrow's another day. Today's another day. BIALYSTOCK (off-camera. Crazy little voice) We'll never find it, eh? We'll never find it, eh? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.CUT TO BIALYSTOCK. HE IS STANDING. AT HIS FEET LIES ASCRIPT. HE DANCES AROUND IT, HIS ARMS FOLDED ACROSS HISCHEST. BIALYSTOCK (as he does an insane little jig around the script) You can't smell it when it's under your nose. You can't see it when it's right before your eyes. (MORE) 33. BIALYSTOCK (CONT'D) You can't feel it when it's in your hand, when it's in your pocket.CUT TO MEDIUM SHOT. BLOOM Max, what is it? What are you doing? What's happening? BIALYSTOCK I'll tell you what's happening. We've struck gold. Not fool's gold, but real gold. The mother lode. The mother lode. The mother of them all. BLOOM (brightening) You found a flop! BIALYSTOCK A flop, ha! That's putting it mildly. A disaster! A catastrophe! An outrage! A guaranteed-to-close- in-one-night beauty!HE BENDS DOWN, PICKS UP THE SCRIPT AND SHAKES IT IN BLOOM'SFACE. BIALYSTOCK This is freedom from want forever. This is a house in the country. This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley. This is wine, women and song and women.BLOOM SNATCHES THE SCRIPT FROM HIS HANDS AND READS ALOUD THETITLE.CUT TO CLOSE-UP. TITLE OF SCRIPT. BLOOM (voice over) "SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER, A Gay Romp with Adolph and Eva in Berchtesgarten." Fantastic!BACK TO TWO SHOT. BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM. BIALYSTOCK It's practically a love letter to Hitler! 34. BLOOM (ecstatic) It won't run a week! BIALYSTOCK Run a week? Are you kidding? This play has got to close in the first act. BLOOM Who wrote it?CUT TO AUTHOR'S NAME ON THE MANUSCRIPT: By FRANZ LIEBKIND.DISSOLVE THROUGH AUTHOR'S NAME TO BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM,SHAVED AND DAPPER, WALKING DOWN STREET IN A RUN-DOWN TENEMENTNEIGHBORHOOD. BLOOM Here it is -- 415.THEY MARCH UP STOOP TO NUMBER 415. THEIR MOTION IS ARRESTEDBY A QUERULOUS COMMAND ISSUED IN PHLEGMATIC TONES BY THESUPERINTENDENT OF THE BUILDING (A WOMAN IN HER LATE FORTIES)WHO IS LEANING OUT OF HER WINDOW WHICH IS ADJACENT TO THESTOOP. SUPER Who do you want? BLOOM (taken aback) I beg your pardon? SUPER Who do you want? No one gets in the building unless I know who they want ... I'm the concierge. My husband used to be the concierge. He's dead. Now I'm the concierge. BIALYSTOCK (imperiously) We are seeking Mr. Franz Liebkind. SUPER Oh, the kraut. He's on the top floor. Apartment twenty-three. BLOOM Thank you.THEY START INTO THE BUILDING. 35. SUPER But you won't find him there. He's up on the roof with his birds. He keeps birds. Dirty, disgusting, filthy, lice-ridden birds. You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. Not anymore. No sir. Birds! You get my drift? BLOOM We ... uh ... get your drift. Thank you, Madam. SUPER I'm not a madam. I'm a concierge.BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM ENTER THE BUILDING.CUT TO FRANZ LIEBKIND. HE IS IN HIS EARLY FORTIES. HE ISWEARING, AS ALWAYS, A GERMAN HELMET. HE CROUCHES BESIDE AHUGE PIGEON COOP. IN HIS LEFT HAND HE TENDERLY HOLDS APIGEON. IN HIS RIGHT, A SMALL PHOTO OF ADOLPH HITLER. HESHOWS THE PICTURE TO THE BIRD. HE MOVES IT BACK AND FORTHUNTIL HE IS SURE THE BIRD IS FOCUSED ON IT PROPERLY. LIEBKIND (to pigeon) Hilda, look ... look good ... Hilda, you're not looking. Hilda, if he lives, I know you will find him.HE KISSES THE BIRD AND TOSSES IT SKYWARD.CUT TO ROOF DOOR. BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM ENTER ONTO THE ROOF.THEY LOOK FOR LIEBKIND. HE IS NOT ON THAT SIDE OF ROOF.THEY WALK AROUND TO OTHER SIDE. AS SOON AS THEY TURN THECORNER, THEY SPOT LIEBKIND CROUCHED NEAR THE COOP. BLOOM (quietly to Bialystock) He's wearing a German helmet. BIALYSTOCK (in a fierce whisper) Shhh. Don't say anything to offend him. We need that play. (cups his hands to his mouth and calls up to the coop) Franz Liebkind?LIEBKIND IS NOT AWARE OF THEIR PRESENCE UNTIL HE HEARS HISNAME CALLED. 36.STARTLED, HE QUICKLY FLIPS HITLER'S PICTURE UNDER HIS HELMET. LIEBKIND (he speaks with a German accent) I vas never a member of the Nazi party. I am not responsible. I only followed orders. Who are you? BIALYSTOCK Mr. Liebkind, wait. You don't understand. LIEBKIND Vhy do you persecute me? My papers are in order. I love my country. (he sings) "Oh, beautiful for spacious skies, For amber vaves of grain." BIALYSTOCK Mr. Liebkind, wait ... LIEBKIND (singing) "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy ... BIALYSTOCK (interrupting) Mr. Liebkind, relax, relax, we're not from the government. We came here to talk to you about your play. LIEBKIND My play? You mean, "Springtime For ... " you know who? BIALYSTOCK Yes. LIEBKIND Vat about it? BIALYSTOCK We loved it. We thought it was a masterpiece. That's why we're here. We want to produce it on Broadway. LIEBKIND You're not, as you Americans say, dragging my leg, are you? 37. BLOOM No, not at all sir, we're quite serious. We want to produce your play. (he reaches into his attache case and displays a legal looking document) I have the contracts right here. LIEBKIND (looking up) Oh joy of joys! Oh, dream of dreams! I can't believe it. (he turns to the pigeons) Birds, birds, do you hear? Otto, Bertz, Heintz, Hans, Wolfgang, do you hear? Ve are going to clear the Fuhrer's name. Fly, fly, spread the words.HE OPENS THE CAGES AND SETS THE BIRDS FREE. LIEBKIND (singing at the top of his lungs) "Deutchland, Deutchland, uber alles, Uber alles in der velt."BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN ALARM. LIEBKIND (singing for all he's worth) "Deutchland, Deutchland ... " BLOOM (shouting) Mr. Liebkind, Mr. Liebkind.LIEBKIND STOPS SINGING. LIEBKIND Vat? BLOOM People can hear you. LIEBKIND OH. (he sings) "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, Yankee Doodle is my ... " Listen, this is not place to talk. Come! (MORE) 38. LIEBKIND (CONT'D) We go to my flat. An occasion like this calls for Schnapps.DISSOLVE TO FRANZ LIEBKIND'S APARTMENT. LIEBKIND HAS JUSTFINISHED POURING THREE GLASSES OF SCHNAPPS. HE PUTS THEBOTTLE ON A TRAY. LIEBKIND (as he hands glasses to Bialystock and Bloom) Mr. Bloom, Mr. Bialystock. Gentleman, with your permission, I would like to propose a toast to the greatest man that ever lived. Let us say his name quietly to ourselves. The walls have ears.CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF FRANZ LIEBKIND. LIEBKIND (a fervent whisper) Adolph Hitler. (he downs drink)CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF BLOOM. BLOOM (whisper) Sigmund Freud. (he downs drink)CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF BIALYSTOCK. BIALYSTOCK (whisper) Max Bialystock. (he downs drink)BACK TO SCENE. LIEBKIND I vas vit him a great deal, you know. BIALYSTOCK With whom? 39. LIEBKIND (astonished by the question) Vit the Fuhrer, of course. He liked me. Out of all the household staff at Berchtesgarten, I vas his favorite. I vas the only one allowed into his chambers at bedtime. BIALYSTOCK No kidding? LIEBKIND Oh, sure. I used to take him his hot milk and his opium. Achhh, those were the days. Vat good times ve had. Dinner parties vit lovely ladies and gentlemen, singing und dancing. You know, not many people knew about it, but the Fuhrer vas a terrific dancer. BIALYSTOCK Really, I never dreamed ... LIEBKIND (flies into an indignant rage) That's because you were taken in by that verdampter Allied propaganda. Such filthy lies. But nobody said a bad vord about Winston Churchill, did they? Oh no, Vin Vit Vinnie! (he gestures V for victory) Churchill, vit his cigars and his brandy and his rotten paintings. Couldn't even say Nazi. He would say Narzis, Narzis. Ve vere not Narzies, ve vere Nazis. But let me tell this, and you're getting it straight from the horse, Hitler vas better looking than Churchill, he vas a better dresser than Churchill, had more hair, told funnier jokes, and could dance the pants off Churchill! BIALYSTOCK (swinging along) That's exactly why we want to do this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler with a song in his heart. (MORE) 40. BIALYSTOCK (CONT'D) (to Bloom) Leo, quick, the contract.BLOOM QUICKLY WHIPS THE CONTRACT OUT OF HIS POCKET, PRODUCESA PEN, HANDS THEM TO BIALYSTOCK. BIALYSTOCK SPREADS THECONTRACT OUT ON THE TABLE BEFORE LIEBKIND. BIALYSTOCK Here, sign here, Franz Liebkind. And make your dream a reality.HE HANDS LIEBKIND THE PEN. LIEBKIND REFUSES IT. LIEBKIND Wait. No. How do I know I can trust you? How do I know you vill present this play in the manner and spirit in vhich it vas conceived? BIALYSTOCK We swear it! LIEBKIND Not good enough... Vould you be villing to take the Siegfried oath? BIALYSTOCK Yes. We would!INSERT: CLOSE-UP BLOOM. HE LOOKS WORRIED. LIEBKIND Good. I will make the preparations.LIEBKIND LEAVES THE ROOM. BLOOM (anxious whisper) Max, I don't want to take any Siegfried Oath. I don't know what it is, but I don't want to take it. We might end up in the German Army. BIALYSTOCK Shut up, you idiot. He's a harmless nut. Play along with him. It's almost in the bag.LIEBKIND ENTERS. HE IS LADEN DOWN WITH ALL SORTS OFRITUALISTIC PARAPHERNALIA. LIEBKIND PLACES ALL THE STUFF ONTHE TABLE. WITHOUT A WORD TO THEM, HE GOES TO PHONOGRAPH. 41.IN A FEW SECONDS WE HEAR THE OPENING STRAINS OF WAGNER'S"RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES." AS THE MUSIC BOOMS LOUDER, LIEBKINDADDRESSES THEM. LIEBKIND Please to don your helmets.FROM THE TABLE THEY TAKE CLASSIC WAGNERIAN HELMETS (WITHHORNS) AND PLACE THEM ON THEIR HEADS. LIEBKIND Please to light your candles.THEY EACH TAKE A HUGE WHITE CANDLE FROM THE TABLE AND LIGHTIT. LIEBKIND FLICKS THE LIGHT SWITCH. NOW THEY ARE IN THEDARK EXCEPT FOR THE GLOW OF THEIR CANDLES. LIEBKIND Please repeat after me. I solemnly swear... BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM I solemnly swear... LIEBKIND By the sacred memory... BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM By the sacred memory... LIEBKIND Of Siegfried... BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM Of Siegfried...
IPJ
Gagh
Χριστόφορος
Conchaga said:BLOOM RAISES HIS LAMP, REVEALING A SIMILAR TUNNEL ON THEOTHER SIDE OF THE CELLAR. BLOOM There it is. 88.CAMERA INSERT: CLOSE-UP SIMILAR FUSE PROTRUDING FROM SECONDTUNNEL.BACK TO SCENE. LIEBKIND (to Bloom) Pick it up and bring it here, please. BLOOM Okay.HE STARTS TOWARD SECOND TUNNEL. LIEBKIND (anxiously) Where are you going vit the light? BLOOM I need it. How'm I gonna find the fuse? LIEBKIND Oh, ve come vit you. All for one and all in the light.THE THREE OF THEM GINGERLY TIPTOE OVER TO SECOND TUNNELENTRANCE. BLOOM PICKS UP THE FUSE. THEY TIPTOE BACK.BLOOM HANDS FUSE TO LIEBKIND.LIEBKIND REACHES INTO HIS KNAPSACK, TAKES OUT LITTLE BLACKMETAL BOX WITH TWO TERMINAL CAPS AT EITHER END AND SETS ITDOWN ON CELLAR FLOOR. LIEBKIND Now ve take the two fuse leads, attach them to the terminals of the conductor and ve're in business. BIALYSTOCK (grinning) You mean out of business. Heh, heh.LIEBKIND BEGINS FIDDLING WITH THE FUSE LEADS AND TERMINALS. BLOOM Max, I... BIALYSTOCK (irritated. He has not time for small talk) What is it? 89. BLOOM Well, I... Well, it's just that... I'm sorry I called you fat, fat, fat. BIALYSTOCK (smacking Bloom affectionately on the shoulder) Ahhhhhh. Leo, Leo, Leo. LIEBKIND (mumbling to himself) Plus to minus. Negative to positive. Male to... BIALYSTOCK Come on. Let's get going. LIEBKIND Qviet. Qviet This is very important.HE TURNS BACK TO HIS WORK. LIEBKIND Vait a minute. Vait a minute. Male to male? Male to female? Female to male? Female to female? Vait a minute. In people, male to female. But electricity is strange. It's male to male.HE QUICKLY FINISHES THE CONNECTION. LIEBKIND Sehr gut. (to Bialystock) Slow fuse, please.BIALYSTOCK REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND HANDS LIEBKIND A ROLLOF FUSE. LIEBKIND Thank you.HE BEGINS TYING SLOW FUSE TO CONDUCTOR. LIEBKIND (as he works) Now ve take the slow fuse. Tie one end to the master connection and the other ve attach to the detonator.HE FINISHES CONNECTIONS. 90. LIEBKIND Come, ve go to the detonator.THEY BEGIN TO MOVE BACK AS LIEBKIND SLOWLY SPOOLS OUT FUSE.THEY START UP THE STAIRS. LIEBKIND Vait a minute. Are you sure this is slow fuse? It feels like qvick fuse. (to Bloom) Shine your light on it.BLOOM SHINES LIGHT ON FUSE. LIEBKIND I don't know. I don't know. The markings are so similar. Qvick fuse or slow fuse?LIEBKIND TAKES A WOODEN MATCH OUT OF HIS POCKET. LIEBKIND I must find out. It is critical.HE STRIKES THE MATCH AND LIGHTS THE FUSE. WHOOSH! ITIGNITES. THE SPARKS RUSH TOWARD THE MASTER CONNECTION.LIEBKIND CHARGES DOWN THE STAIRS AND CHASES AFTER THE QUICKBURNING FUSE FOR ALL HE'S WORTH. HE CATCHES UP WITH IT JUSTBEFORE IT REACHES THE MASTER CONNECTION AND QUICKLY STAMPSIT OUT. LIEBKIND Let's face it. That was dumb.HE TROTS BACK. LIEBKIND Boys, vhere is you?BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM COME CRAWLING OUT FROM BEHIND STAIRS. LIEBKIND (seeing them) Dot vas the qvick one. BIALYSTOCK We assumed that.LIEBKIND REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND SHOWS THEM A ROLL OFFUSE. 91. LIEBKIND Here. You see. This is the slow fuse. It is much wider. It has more resistance, more density. Therefore, it burns slower. BIALYSTOCK You mean you had the slow fuse in your pocket all the time and you forgot to put it on? LIEBKIND Yes. Amazing isn't it?BIALYSTOCK RAISES HIS CANE AND SMASHES LIEBKIND ON THEHELMET. BONNNG. BIALYSTOCK You stupid kraut! LIEBKIND Vhy do you always call me kraut? Kraut is cabbage! Do ve call you hot dogs? Ve call you Yanks not franks! BIALYSTOCK All right. Finish the job. Let's get outta here.CUT TO SIDE DOOR OF THEATRE. THE DOOR OPENS SLOWLY.BIALYSTOCK, BLOOM AND LIEBKIND TIPTOE OUT. BLOOM SETSDETONATOR DOWN. LIEBKIND Und now for the final connection.HE WRAPS THE FUSE LEAD AROUND THE METAL CONTACT POLE ANDRAISES THE PLUNGER. BIALYSTOCK Wait. I'll check to see if the coast is clear.HE RUNS TO THE END OF THE ALLEY. LOOKS BOTH WAYS AND RUNSBACK. BIALYSTOCK The coast is clear! LIEBKIND Good. Get down. 92.BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM CROUCH DOWN AND HOLD THEIR EARDRUMS.LIEBKIND GRABS THE HANDLE OF THE DETONATOR. HIS EYESSUDDENLY GLISTEN WITH TEARS. LIEBKIND Goodbye, my foolish fancy. Goodbye, my misbegotten child. Goodbye, my tortured testament of twisted truths. BIALYSTOCK Do it! Do it!LIEBKIND TENSES HIMSELF FOR THE PLUNGE. HE STARTS AND STOPS. LIEBKIND I can't. I can't do it. It's a demon. It's a gargoyle, it's a monster... but it's still my child.HE SOBS INCONSOLABLY. BIALYSTOCK ROUGHLY PUSHES HIM ASIDEAND GRABS THE HANDLE OF THE DETONATOR AND PLUNGES IT DOWN.HE HURLS HIMSELF TO THE GROUND AND COVERS HIS HEAD INANTICIPATION OF THE EXPLOSION. NOTHING HAPPENS. AFTER AWHILE THEY ALL RAISE THEIR HEADS CURIOUSLY. BIALYSTOCK (quizzically) Nothing.LIEBKIND GOES TO PLUNGER, RAISES HANDLE AND EXAMINESDETONATOR. LIEBKIND Here is gut... of course, of course. In electricity, it's always male to female. But with people, it's not always so. Come ve must go back. BIALYSTOCK Do you need us? LIEBKIND Of course I need you. It's dark in there. BLOOM Okay, okay. Let's not waste time.THEY OPEN THE SIDE DOOR AND DISAPPEAR INTO THE THEATRE. DRUNK (off camera, singing) "Honeymoon, keep a shinin' in June," 93.CUT TO ENTRANCE OF ALLEY. DRUNK COMES STAGGERING INTO VIEW.HE SPOTS DETONATOR. DRUNK "your silvery beams, Will light love's dreams," What the heck is that? A bicycle pump? Naaah. Lemme see. Could it be? Good grief, it's Eli Whitney's cotton gin... Naaah. Aahh, I know what it is.HE WALKS OVER TO DETONATOR AND SITS ON FIRE STANCHION JUSTBEHIND IT. HE RAISES HIS FOOT AND STARTS IT DOWN TOWARD THEPLUNGER. DRUNK Shine 'em up!HE PUSHES PLUNGER DOWN WITH HIS FOOT.CUT TO LONG SHOT OF THEATRE. (MOCK UP) THERE IS A TERRIFICEXPLOSION. PIECES OF THE THEATRE GO FLYING THROUGH THE AIR.CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF DRUNK. HE IS ON HIS KNEES. DEBRISCRASHES ALL AROUND HIM. SMOKE AND NOISE FILL THE AIR. HESTAGGERS TO HIS FEET. HE ROCKS BACK AND FORTH AS THOUGH HEWERE IN AN EARTHQUAKE. DRUNK (bravely singing) "Sa-an Fra-ancisco, open your golden gates, Don't let a stranger wait...DISSOLVE TO TIGHT SHOT OF JUDGE'S GAVEL SOLEMNLY RAPPING FORORDER.PULL BACK TO REVEAL CROWDED COURTROOM.CAMERA MOVES IN TO FOREGROUND OF COURT. THERE, SEATED ATTHE DEFENDANT'S TABLE ARE, IN ORDER, BLOOM WITH HIS ARM IN ASLING, BIALYSTOCK WITH HIS LEG IN A CAST, AND A MUMMYSWATHED IN BANDAGES. WE KNOW THE MUMMY IS LIEBKIND BECAUSEIT IS WEARING A GERMAN HELMET. LIEBKIND (mumbling through his bandages) Male to male? Male to female?CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF JUDGE. JUDGE Has the jury reached a verdict? 94.CUT TO JURY. THEIR EXPRESSIONS INDICATE THAT THEY ARE NOTAT ALL WELL-DISPOSED TOWARD THE DEFENDANTS.CAMERA CLOSES IN ON FOREMAN. HE RISES. FOREMAN We have, your honor. JUDGE (off camera) How does the jury find? FOREMAN We find the defendants incredibly guilty.CUT TO JUDGE. JUDGE Will the defendants please rise and approach the bench.CUT TO BIALYSTOCK, BLOOM AND LIEBKIND. THEY STRUGGLE TOTHEIR FEET AND HOBBLE TO THE JUDGE'S BENCH. JUDGE Do the defendants have anything to say in their behalf before the court pronounces sentence? BLOOM I would like to say a word, sir, not on my behalf, but in behalf of my partner, Max Bialystock. JUDGE Proceed. BLOOM Thank you, your honor. Max Bialystock is a very selfish man. BIALYSTOCK (whispers to Bloom) Don't help me. BLOOM He's a liar and a cheat and a scoundrel. He's taken money from little old ladies. He's talked people into doing things they never would have dreamed of. Especially me. But who has he really hurt? (MORE) 95. BLOOM (CONT'D) Who are the victims? Not me, I had the most exciting adventure of my life. And what about the little old ladies? What would their lives have been without Max Bialystock? He made them feel wanted and young and attractive again. LITTLE OLD LADIES (off camera, ad-lib) "Oh, Max, Max, I love you Max." "Let him go, let him go." "Don't take my Bialy." JUDGE (rapping gavel) Order. Order. BIALYSTOCK And may I humbly add, your honor, that we have learned our lesson and we'll never do it again. JUDGE I will take that into consideration. The defendants shall serve not more than five and not less than two years in the State Penitentiary. (he pounds gavel)DISSOLVE THROUGH TO SIGN ON STONE WALL. SIGN READS: STATEPENITENTIARY.DISSOLVE THROUGH TO PRISON YARD. DETACHMENTS OF PRISONERS,LED BY GUARDS, MARCH PAST CAMERA.DISSOLVE THROUGH TO EXTERIOR OF PRISON BUILDING MARKED PRISON LAUNDRY. MUCH NOISE AND STEAM.CAMERA PANS TO ANOTHER BUILDING MARKED: MACHINE SHOP. LOUDMETALLIC CACOPHONY EMANATES FROM INSIDE.CAMERA CONTINUES ITS JOURNEY. IT COMES TO REST ON PRISONAUDITORIUM. TINKLE OF PIANO IS HEARD FROM INSIDE.CAMERA MOVES THROUGH CLOSED DOORS TO INTERIOR. WE SEE ALONG LINE OF PRISONERS (20). FOR SOME REASON THEY ARE ALLHOLDING MONEY IN THEIR HANDS. LINE ENDS AT A DESK. SEATEDAT THE DESK, IN A GREY, PRISON UNIFORM, IS NUMBER: 979345,FORMERLY KNOWN TO US AS LEO BLOOM. BESIDE THE TABLE IS ALARGE DISPLAY BOARD READING: 96. WORLD PREMIERE 979344 and 979345 PRESENT "PRISONERS OF LOVE" STARRING 778629 and CO-STARRING 440123 INVEST NOW!!!! HUGE PROFITS GUARANTEED!!!A PRISONER HANDS BLOOM MONEY. BLOOM COUNTS IT AND PUTS ITINTO TIN BOX. HE HANDS PRISONER A RECEIPT. BLOOM Twenty-five dollars. Here's your receipt. You now own 28% of "Prisoners of Love."CAMERA PANS TO STAGE. THE STAGE IS FILLED WITH A LINE OFCONVICT "CHORUS GIRLS." THEIR TROUSERS ROLLED UP ABOVETHEIR KNEES, SHOWING AN ASSORTMENT OF INTERESTING HAIRY LEGS.AT THE PIANO, KNOCKING OUT THE LIVELY RHYTHM, IS FRANZLIEBKIND AND HIS EVER POPULAR GERMAN HELMET.ON STAGE DIRECTING THE REHEARSAL IS THE INDOMITABLE MAXBIALYSTOCK. BIALYSTOCK (waving his cane and shouting at the top of his lungs) Higher, you animals, higher! We open Saturday night! Kick! Kick! Two-three-kick-turn! Two-three- kick-turn! Okay, let's hear it!THE PRISONERS BREAK INTO SONG. PRISONERS (singing) "We're prisoners of love, etc."
HUJ
Lilac
Luci ain't got nothin' on me.
My signature serves a specific purpose, while yours is a useless waste of pixels.Rev. Hitler said:MY SIGNATURE IS BETTER AND COOLER THAN YOURS, AND AS A RESULT YOU MUST NOW GAS YOURSELF IN RESPECT!!!
Don't make me beat you down with a clarinet.
SaintLucifer
beer, I want beer
eloisel said:Hitler was bi-sexual and an incestuous pedophile. Ewwww.
Yet he ruled half the planet. Ewwwwwwww. It took another half of the planet to defeat him. Again, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. Fucking MORON.
The Question
Eternal
SaintLucifer said:Truly? I guess Jesus Christ is still alive yes? Fucking MORON.
I guess at some point Christians found other living examples to follow YES?
Now stop up your cockholster before I insert my filthy boot in it.
Atlas_Collins
New Member
Quit making homo google eyes at Luci. She doesn't swing that way, Questard!
Lilac
Luci ain't got nothin' on me.
Really? Half of the planet? Let's see here, yeah, he 'ruled' the vast majority of Europe, and a sizable portion of North Africa... No, didn't really see him south of the Sahara, or east of the Black Sea, so virtually nothing in Asia. Didn't see him in Australia or the Western Hemisphere... And given that the Western Hemisphere constitutes half the planet, Asia, what, another quarter? (Oh, I forgot-- Asia doesn't count in your book because it's only filled with yellow skinned slant-eyes :rollSaintLucifer said:Yet he ruled half the planet. Ewwwwwwww. It took another half of the planet to defeat him. Again, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. Fucking MORON.
But hey! He wasn't controlling anything in Australia, so you lose: Hitler did not ever control half the planet.
eloisel
Forever Empress E
Again, you post, stupid drips from your fingertips. Hitler didn't rule half the planet. He tried to take over a big portion of it, true; but, the asshole didn't quite achieve his objective. When he realized what a pork loser he was, he killed himself. Type that up in yellow and memorize it - Hitler was a poUrk loUser AND a bisexual pedoUphile.[/QUOTE]SaintLucifer said:Yet he ruled half the planet. Ewwwwwwww. It took another half of the planet to defeat him. Again, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. Fucking MORON.
