Football songs

[Mentalist]

Refferee abuse:

Who's the wanker,
[SIZE=+1]Who's the wanker,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's the wanker in the black?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's the wanker in the black?[/SIZE]

With the variant based on whichever team you are playing, when you feel that the ref is the 12th man:
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's the Brummie, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's the Brummie,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's the Brummie in the black?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's the Brummie in the black?[/SIZE]


or

[SIZE=+1]Who's your father[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's your father[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's your father referee?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's your father referee?[/SIZE]

and

[SIZE=+1]Who's your father, who's your father,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who's your father referee?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You ain't got one, you're a bastard,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You're a bastard, Referee[/SIZE]

and of course

[SIZE=+1]The referee's a wanker[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]The referee's a wanker[/SIZE]

and after some particularly dire bookings - 4 - 3 Chelsea and 1 Leicester, in a 5 minute period
in the FA Cup 5th Round Sunday 30th January 2000, Graham Poll received the loudest song of the day.
Deservedly so, as the way he was ruining the match, he was close to being lynched. Fortunately we won 2-1. [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Oh Graham Poll[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Is a fucking arsehole[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Is a fucking arsehole[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Is a fucking arsehole[/SIZE]


and for some ridiculous decisions given, especially at least one dodgy penalty in the '94 FA Cup final defeat [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Elleray[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Wank Wank Wank[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Elleray[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Wank Wank Wank[/SIZE]

To the tune of the Banana Splits

 

[Mentalist]

To Stanley Bowles, QPR

(apparently after it was revealed that his wife was having an affair)
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Stanley Bowles[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Stanley Bowles[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Does your wife give green shield stamps?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Does your wife give green shield stamps?[/SIZE]


and
[SIZE=+1]She's here[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]She's there[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]She's every fucking where (She's fucking everywhere?)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Stanley's wife[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Stanley's wife[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Sammy Lee, Liverpool[/SIZE]
(for his general shape) [SIZE=+1]Sammy Lee is fat and round[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He bounces when he hits the ground[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]ooh ooh ee ooh ooh[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

To the late Billy Bremner, captain of Don Revie's infamous dirty Leeds team
To the tune of "Ging Gang Gooly" [SIZE=+1]You can stick your Billy Billy Billy Bremner up your arse[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Up your arse[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You can stick your Billy Billy Billy Bremner up your arse[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Up your arse[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Billy[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Billy Bremner[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You can stick him up your arse[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Billy[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Billy Bremner[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You can stick him up your arse[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To David Beckham, FA Charity Shield, August 3rd 1997[/SIZE],
(after he was publicly linked with Posh Spice Victoria Adams, now his wife)
[SIZE=+1]Does she take it[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Does she take it[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Does she take it up the arse?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Does she take it up the arse?[/SIZE]
or
[SIZE=+1]David Beckham[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]David Beckham[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Does she take it up the arse?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Does she take it up the arse?[/SIZE]
This latter version was sung at the FA Cup 3rd Round vs Manchester Utd, and apparently silenced by Beckham scoring, after which he performed his infamous "hands behind the ears" goal celebration, as the crowd had gone silent.
or even
[SIZE=+1]Do you take her[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Do you take her[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Do you take her[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]up the arse?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Do you take her[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]up the arse?[/SIZE]
and at the Charity Shield 13th August 2000, CFC 2-0 MUFC [SIZE=+1]Posh Spice is a slapper[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]She's got a slapper's thighs[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]And when she's shagging Beckham[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]She thinks of Dennis Wise.[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To David Beckham[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You're shit - and your bird's a tart[/SIZE]
and

[SIZE=+1]This old man [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He told me[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]David Beckham's got VD[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]With a nick nack paddy whack[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Give posh spice a bone[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Man Utd Fuck off home![/SIZE] and

[SIZE=+1]David Beckham is illigitimate, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He has got no birth certificate,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's got aids and he can't get rid of it,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]The fucking Munich bastard.[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Tony Woodcock, Arsenal, at Highbury, August 5th 1986[/SIZE]

(after his licence was suspended for drink driving)
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Woodcock, Woodcock where's your car[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Woodcock where's your car[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Charlie Nicholas, Arsenal,[/SIZE]

(after HIS licence was suspended for drink driving. Common thread?)
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Charlie Nicholas... got a bus pass, got a bus pass[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Charlie Nicholas... got a bus pass, got a bus pass[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Tony Adams, Arsenal, everytime he boots the ball out of defence[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Eey-orre!!! Eey-orre!!! Eey-orre!!![/SIZE]

(The sound of a braying DONKEY!)
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]or even[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]DONKEY!!!!![/SIZE]

and to the Arsenal defence in general, when they boot a ball out of defence [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Hoof! Hoof! Hoof![/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Ron Atkinson[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's bald, he's fat, he's gonna get the sack - Atkinson, Atkinson[/SIZE]

and at Nottingham Forest, Season 98/99 when they eventually got relegated
[SIZE=+1]He's fat, he's round, he's taking Forest down - Atkinson, Atkinson[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Paul Gasgoine, Coca Cola Cup Final, March 29th 1998[/SIZE]

(After it was revealed that he had badly beaten up his now ex-wife)
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's fat and he beats his wife[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's fat and he beats his wife[/SIZE]


and [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]They call him Gazza-Gazza-Gazza[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]What a fat bastard[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Everyone knows[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He broke his wifes nose[/SIZE]


To the tune of "Football's coming home" [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]She's black and blue[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]she's black and blue[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]She's black and[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Sheryl's black and blue[/SIZE]


and also (though sung during later league matches) [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Where's your MRS gone[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Where's your MRS gone[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Where's your MRS gone[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Far, Far away.[/SIZE]

"It was only a couple of weeks after his wife Cheryl had decided to leave him.
It went down quite well with the fans sat around us."

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Brian Clough, Manager of Nottingham Forest, 1977[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Brian Clough's a muppet,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Brian Clough's a muppet,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]lalalalaaaaa[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]lalalalaaaaa![/SIZE]


and [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Woke up this morning feeling rough,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Looked in the mirror and saw Brian Clough![/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]How many beers did I have in the Robin Hood[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Something tells me I've been up to no good.........[/SIZE]

To the tune of "Something Good" by Herman's Hermits

 

[Gagh]

One of Newcastle United's finest, and one I learned through taunting my Newcastle supporting mate at Uni, the year the conceded the 15 point lead over Man Utd (1995/96)

Drink, drink, wherever we may be
We are the drunk and disorderly
And we will drink wherever we may be
For we are the drunk and disorderly!

I was drunk last night
I was drunk the night before
And I'm gonna get drunk like I've never been drunk before
'Cos when we're drunk we're as happy as can be
For we are the drunk and disorderly

When I go a wandering
Along the cliffs of Dover
If I see a mackem
I'll push the bastard over!

We drink Ex
We drink Broon
We're gonna wreck your fuckin' toon!
Na na na naaaa
Na na naaaaa
Na naaaaa

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Glenn Hoddle, when he was a Tottenham player[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Hoddle, Hoddle, Hoddle, Hoddle,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Born is the Queen of Golders Green[/SIZE]


and
[SIZE=+1]Away in a manger,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]No-o crib for a bed,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]The little Lord Jesus[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Lay down and he said...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]"Hoddle is a wanker,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Hoddle is a wanker,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]La la la la,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]La la la la.[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Elton John, Chairman of Watford:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's bald[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's bent[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]His arse is up for rent[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Elton John, Elton John[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To John Hartson, Wimbledon, having signed from West Ham for £7.5million[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Saturday April 10th 1999[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who ate all the pies,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Who ate all the pies,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You fat bastard[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You fat bastard[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You ate all the pies[/SIZE]


then [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Seven Million pies,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Seven Million pies,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You fat bastard[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You fat bastard[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Seven Million pies[/SIZE]


and [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Seven Million pints,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Seven Million pints,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You fat bastard[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]You fat bastard[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Seven Million pints[/SIZE]


and as he walked off having been substituted without scoring [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]What a waste of money[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]What a waste of money[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Martin Keown, Arsenal, Saturday October 30th 1999[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's got monkey's ears[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's got monkey's ears[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Martin Keown, Martin Keown,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's got monkey's ears[/SIZE]


Which then became [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's got monkey's head,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's got monkey's head,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Martin Keown, Martin Keown,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]He's got monkey's head[/SIZE]


and to the tune of Yellow Submarine
Keown peels bananas with his feet
Bananas with his feet
Bananas with his feet

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To David Ginola, Tottenham Hotspur[/SIZE]
To the tune of Delila by Tom Jones: [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Dive dive dive Ginola[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]La la la la la la la la laaaaa,[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1]Dive dive dive Ginola[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]La la la la la la la la laaaaa,[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]So, before, you throw yourself on the floor[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Fuck off Ginola you look like a fucking old whore.[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]To Emile Heskey:

[SIZE=+1]If Heskey plays for England so can I[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]If Heskey plays for England so can I[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]If Heskey plays for England[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Heskey plays for England[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]If Heskey plays for England so can I[/SIZE]



[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]WE ALL LIVE IN A ROBERT FLECK WORLD[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number One is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Two is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Three is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Four is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Five is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Six is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Seven is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Eight is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Nine is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Ten is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Number Eleven is Robert Fleck[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1]We all live in a Robert Fleck world[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]A Robert Fleck World[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]A Robert Fleck World etc[/SIZE]
(sung to the tune of Yellow Submarine, by the Beatles)