Wacky Reviews: Star Trek

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
I've been watching Voyager more in recent years because it's on TV channels that I get, and I like their better episodes more, but time hasn't made their crap episodes any less crap. Because this was when Braga started hating the fans. But I'm actually looking forward to discussing them.
 

Cassie

Touching the monolith
Staff member
Since I've been rewatching Voyager, I've come to appreciate Seven of Nine more. I think maybe i dismissed her for being the eye candy, but she really does some of the best acting in Voyager.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Yeah I'm sure she was intended as eye candy but it turned out Jeri Ryan was actually a really good actress so it all worked out!

Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges - Cretak (played by a different actress) is still on the station, doing Romulan stuff. Bashir is going to a conference on Romulus with her and Admiral Ross, and Garak talks to him about his memories of the planet (he killed someone there once.) Garak suggests it would be a good opportunity to spy on the Romulans but Bashir poo poos him. Sloan comes to see him in his bedroom with an assignment for Section 31. He wants Bashir to gather intelligence on the Romulan government as he believes the Federation and Romulus are destined to go to war after the Dominion is dealt with (he's kind of right if you count Nemesis as a war!) Sisko says he and Ross have agreed that Bashir should carry out his mission so they can find out more about Section 31 (they think someone from Starfleet Intelligence is helping them.) If only they checked the USS Discovery's logs, could save some time! Bashir, Cretak and Ross chat on an Intrepid class starship (like Voyager! So they can use a Voyager set!) on the way to Romulus and Sloan shows up undercover as a friendly cartographer. Bashir suggests to Ross that they don't let Sloan step foot on Romulus but Sloan insists they see how it plays out. Proconsul Neral from TNG gets a mention as Bashir studies the Romulun government (he's Praetor now), but Sloan's real target is the Chairman of the Tal'Shiar Koval, a rival of Cretak's who opposes the Federation alliance. He's suspected to be suffering from a fatal illness and Sloan needs Bashir to disagnose him by sight. They arrive at the conference and Koval introduces himself to Bashir. He's a typical frosty Romulan and he's only interested in the idea of using the Dominion's Quickening virus as a weapon. Bashir gives his lecture on the Quickening virus and Sloan and Koval attend and Bashir reports to Sloan that Koval may have the early stages of the condition but it could take over twenty years for him to die. Sloan basically suggests he's considering killing Koval early.

Ross is disgusted that Sloan is planning murder but agrees that it would be better to have Cretak on the Continuing Committee than Koval. Bashir suspects Sloan has a Romulan working for him and wants to tell Koval his life is in danger, but Ross thinks it's too risky to tell the Romulans about Section 31. Bashir hears that Ross has collapsed in his office and turns to Cretak, the only person he can trust on Romulus. He needs her to find Sloan's Romulan accomplice. She's hesitant to hand over intelligence but Bashir wins her over with his ethics. Bashir tells Sloan that he isn't sure his diagnosis of Koval was correct so please don't kill him. Sloan instead puts super glue on Bashir's palm so he can shake Koval's hand and get a skin sample. Bashir shakes Koval's hand but Koval has him shoved in a room. Koval straps a mind probe thing to him to find out who Bashir is working for. Bashir's genetically enhanced brain can't be scanned so Koval has him brought before Neral and the Continuing Committee. Cretak has been caught trying to access the Tal'Shiar database to find the information Bashir wanted and has told them everything that's happening. Bashir backs her up by telling them about Section 31 and how he could trust Cretak. Koval also has a beaten up Sloan prisoner, but Sloan has told them there is no Section 31 and he really works for Starfleet Intelligence. Sloan is just a rogue operative out for revenge because he believes his mentor was murdered by the Tal'Shiar. He invented Section 31 so he could get away with the assassination of Koval without Starfleet Intelligence getting the blame. It's all very clever! So basically the Romulans know all about Sloan and don't know if Bashir was helping him or not. Koval suggests that Cretak was either trying to help Sloan or she was a fool who was manipulated by a rival intelligence agency. Cretak is found guilty of treason and Sloan is vapourised(!) when he tries to escape. But on the way home Julian suspects there's something not quite right about all this and goes to confront Ross. He knows that Sloan is still alive because the real Sloan never would have been caught so easily. He notes that Ross was pushing him along all the way and got conveniently ill when it was time to arrest Sloan. Ross was working with Sloan all along and Koval is the Section 31 operative who now has a powerful position in the Romulan government. Ross helped Sloan destroy Cretak even though she was a good woman who supported the alliance. Ross doesn't like working with Section 31 but it was important to get Koval in such a powerful position to ensure the Federation/Romulan alliance continues. Ross says the title of the episode (it means "in time of war the law falls silent" and Bashir is disgusted at how everyone has turned away from Roddenberry's vision. Sloan comes to see Bashir again and tells him they selected Bashir for the mission because he's a decent human being who'd do the right thing and tell the truth to try to stop a murder. The Federation needs men like him and needs men like Sloan to protect them.

Maybe I shouldn't have tried to write out the entire plot of the episode because it's really densely plotted. I remember finding it hard to follow the first time I watched it but I appreciate how complex it is now. The complexity goes to show how impressive Section 31 are as an organisation, how they managed to plan this whole thing out knowing exactly how Bashir would act. It's brillaintly scripted by Ron Moore and gripping all the way through, probably the best political thriller type episode Trek has ever done, never boring. Even though Section 31 "win" Bashir stands by his values all the way.

SCORE: 10/10


Penumbra - Sisko tells Kasidy he's brought some land on Bajor and wants to retire there one day. He feels it's his destiny and they talk about his mother being an alien. Kira brings Ezri, Julian and Miles the news that Worf's ship has been lost in the Badlands. Quark assures Ezri that Worf will be found alive as he didn't pay his tab (I like it when Quark is nice.) Ezri (with sexy shoulders) is woken by Sisko with the news that they haven't found Worf and he's probably dead. Weyoun mentions the Son'a(!) as he and Damar continue to clash. Damar is drinking earlier and earlier as Cardassians continue to die for the Dominion. Ezri visits Worf's room and hears ghostly voices of Worf and Jadzia (this is when they didn't ask Terry Farrell's permission or pay her royalties.) Ezri steals a runabout and goes looking for Worf. Ezri fakes static when Sisko tries to order her back, which is cute. Sisko decides to let her go because it's the only way she'll get closure. Ezri cuts her runabout's engines in the Badlans so it'll drift the same way Worf's escape pod did. Sisko builds a model house and proposes to Kasidy. Ezri finds Worf's escape pod, beams him onto her runabout and things nearly gets sexy between them.

The Female Changeling is getting more and more sick and orders Weyoun to have all the Vorta doctors working on her cure to be killed and their clones take over as a fresh set of eyes (Weyoun is a bit scared.) Ben asks regular cast member Jake to be his best man. Worf gets annoyed at Ezri trying to talk to him on the way home because Jadzia's name keeps coming up. Some Jem'Hadar attack them and they have to beam down to a planet when their runabout is destroyed. They don't have a comm unit so they could be trapped on the planet forever. Sisko and Kasidy plan their wedding. A Bajoran child says all the Bajorans are talking about it and they notice loads of Bajorans staring at them. Perverts. Dukat coms to see Damar while he's entertaining a lady. Dukat turns down his offer of a drink as he believes in the Pahwraiths now. Worf kills an animal with a spear for him and Ezri to eat but she's happy with field rations. He mutters that Jadzia would have understood. Worf is still jealous of the guy with the transparent skull, especially when he learns Jadzia slept with him. Their argument leads to a kiss then they sleep together (Ezri's not all bruised and beated up in the morning so I guess they went easy on the violent Klingon sex?) Then they're...shot by some Breen. Well, didn't see that coming. They're locked up in a Breen ship and Ezri does have a sore neck from the sex. She dismisses the Trill rule against reassociation really easily, considering they did a whole episode about it before. Damar has found a surgeon to make Dukat look Bajoran, as he requested. Sisko has a vision of Sarah Prophet who tells him Kasidy cannot share his path. He will know nothing but sorrow if he marries her.

It's the start of our big final arc and it does have the feel of the first part of a two parter. There are two main stories here and they both feel slightly padded. The third story with Dukat/Damar is intriguing but we don't know where it's going yet so let's forget that. The Sisko stuff is decent but against you've got to ask why the Prophets didn't just warn him against marrying Kasidy before he propsed to her. Or why they don't just say "you're going to fall into some fire soon, don't get married." The Ezri/Worf stuff feels like the main plot and it's actually pretty good for the most part. It makes sense that they'd still have feelings for each other and that she'd go looking for him when everyone else gave up. I'm not sure if I buy them sleeping together. Again it should make sense, since they were (kind of) married once, but I don't really feel much passion in the scene where they kiss. It's a good part one anyway.

SCORE: 8/10


'Til Death Do Us Part - Sisko tells Jake about the warning he received from the Prophets. Kai Winn arrives to see him and tells him she wants to help plan his wedding since it's such a big deal for Bajor. And she's going to perform the ceremony whether he wants her to or not. He tells her about the warning and she bitterly notes she's never had a message from the Prophets. But moments laer she apparently has a vision from them and they tell her she must bring the restoration. A guide will show her the way. Worf and Ezri can't escape Breen jail (Worf says no one has seen a Breen under their suit, EVEN THOUGH Dukat and Kira did in season 4.) Weyoun gives Damar into trouble for being drunk and sleeping in. Damar gets a false space passport made for Dukat who is also disappointed with what Damar has become. He tells Damar to be strong as Cardassia needs a leader. I like how this scene shows Dukat is still capable of being more than just "RAH RAH RAH PAHWRAITHS" now. He arrives on DS9. Sisko tells Kasidy about Sarah's warning. He tells her he can't go against the Prophets so they can't get married. Ezri has a bad dream about the Breen chasing her in an ice cave and explains to Worf that actually dreams are very important. The Breen was Bashir under his helmet. Worf is dragged off by the Breen. Disguised Dukat goes to see Winn, telling her he's a man of the land (her vision mentioned a man of the land would be her guide) Okay, might as well ask now, how the fuck does Winn not recognise his voice? It's very distinct! He was Prefect of Bajor for at least thirty years, she must have heard him make speeches and stuff. They talk about farming, like Bajorans do. She tells him he's her guide, sent be the Prophets as he plays dumb.

Sisko tells Kira about his Sarah vision. She of course takes the Prophet's side. Weyoun and the increasingly flaking Female Changeling are on their way to some meeting. Worf is now having the bad dreams (because of the Breen probing his brain.) He feels bad that he didn't try harder to resist them. The Breen drag Ezri away for a good probing next. Winn and Dukat drink wine together and talk about how Sisko isn't really one of them. He tells her some more bullshit about her once saving his life, designed to make her believe he's her guide, even mentioning Gul Dukat by name (she still doesn't twig that they have the same voice!) Sisko keeps working on his fucking dollhose as Quark delivers the engagement ring he ordered. Ezri has the weird dreams that make her improbably reveal to Worf that she's actually in love with Julian. It's pretty stupid? "Kiss me, Julian!" Dukat goes to see Winn in the morning (she kicks out her long suffering aide) tell her his farm is thriving now and she thinks it's another sign from the Prophets. She asks him to call her "Adami" (hi Cassie.) THEN THEY FUCKING KISS. Sisko marches in and stops Kasidy from leaving the station, telling her he wants to marry her and doesn't care what the Prophetis think. The wedding takes place really quickly and Kira's in a sulk because Sisko defied her wormhole friends. Ross conducts the ceremony (with the same lines Kirk and Picard used when conducting weddings), not Winn. Sarah warns him off again and calls him her son but he still goes ahead with it. Worf reveals that Ezri said she loves Julian in her sleep. The Breen ship meets up with Weyoun's ship and Worf and Ezri are given as gifts from the Breen. Weyoun says this alliance changes everything.

The previous episode felt like part one of a two parter. Turns out it wasn't, since not much is resolved here. Sisko gets married, but the Ezri/Wof stuff drags on. While that story was quite good in Penumbra, here it's pretty awful. "KISS ME...JULIAN!" REALLY? Not to sound like a clickbaity Youtuber but it's just lazy writing. Maybe if we actually saw Worf and Ezri being mind probed or if their minds were linked together or something it would work, but here it's just like she's talking in her sleep. And where did her loving Julian even come from? They've hardly had any scenes together! The only hint of her liking him was her claiming Jadzia would have "picked" Bashir if Worf hadn't been around (which didn't ring true for a second.) The Sisko stuff is okay but follows the usual formula of Sisko being worried by a Prophet warning then deciding to ignore it and doing what he wants anyway. Sarah calling him "son" is the most interesting part but I don't think that comes up again. Dukat/Winn...it's all a bit weird. I like the Dukat/Damar scene a lot, and Dukat disguising himself as a Bajoran is certainly more interesting than whatever the fuck 'Covenant' was. And Winn letting herself be so swept away kind of works since she's so desperate for the Prophets to talk to her. Do I buy them actually shagging one episode into this story though? Not really! Finally while I do like the Breen for their cool look and name, it's kind of stupid to end the episode with Weyoun saying a Breen/Dominion alliance "changes everything" when we've never had the impression before that the Breen are a powerful force in the galaxy. They've always seemed like a bit of a joke.

SCORE 7/10
 

Fuddlemiff

Is this real life?
Yeah, the Breen were an unknown quantity, but not in some foreboding way. They could’ve elaborated more, or picked a different race, but I’m not sure which would’ve been better.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Strange Bedfellows - Weyoun tells Worf and Ezri that he wants to watch them having sex. Weyoun introduces Thot Gor, the leader of the Breen, to Damar and I love the joke where Weyoun can understand everything Thot Gor says and Damar can't! Damar is angry that the new treaty means the Cardassians will have to give up space to the Breen and doesn't want to sign it. He doesn't really have a choice though. Damar is concerned that loads of Cardassians are about to be murdered by the Klingons as the Jem'Hadar aren't heping them and it cuts to Martok laughing about those same Cardassians who are about get murdered. It's good editing! He tells Sisko a wacky story about his bitch wife letting his targ escape and warns Sisko that marriage is a battlefield. Dukat and Winn eat fruit together in bed. It's creepy. Dukat continues to whisper poison about Sisko. Worf and Ezri are hung upside down for some reason. Kasidy tells Sisko she won't convert to the Bajoran religion. On Cardassia, Worf ridiculously claims that Ezri seduced him before and wanted his body from the start. He talks about how many men Jadzia slept with and Ezri agrees that she shagged all of DS9. Weyoun and Damar tell Worf and Ezri that they're to be executed, but if they cooperate it can be reduced to life in prison. Weyoun taunts Ezri so Worf just straight up snaps his neck. Then Damar laughs about it! It's pretty great. Winn has another vision. This time the Pahwraiths tell her that actually this is a vision from them, not the Prophets. Oops! Damar meets Weyoun-8. Weyoun asks if the prisoners will cooperate and Damar says "No. Maybe you should go talk to Worf again!" Damar is winning this episode. Weyoun lets him know that Thot Gor is cooler than him and he answers to the Breen now.

Worf and Ezri try to escape but are stopped. O'Brien and Bashir are sad about Worf and Ezri. Quark pours a drink out for her every day. Winn's aide brings the Orb of Prophecy to her, but the Prophets refuse to speak to her because they're dicks (seriously they could have ended this whole story by just saying "we're real, hi Adami!" Dukat tells her that the Pahwraiths are the true Gods of Bajor and led her to him. She's angry but obviously tempted as he tells her the Pahwraiths will give her the power she's always dreamt of while the Prophets continue to ignore her. Winn kicks him out and begs the Orb to speak to her. She turns to Kira for help. She admits to Kira that she's strayed from the path (but doesn't tell her about the Pahwraiths.) She tells Kira she'll do anything to change but Kira tells her it's never too late. Anything, that is, except step down as Kai. When Kira suggests that Winn's all "but Bajor nees me!" She thinks because she's decided to change she can serve the Prophets better as Kai. There's a funny bit where Weyoun is laughin at something Thot Gor said, pretending he didn't see Damar come in. Damar finds out that the planet he was worried about earlier has falled and five hundred thousand Cardassians are dead, with no Dominion reinforcements showing up. Damar runs back to his room for a drink but looks at himself in the mirror and throws the drink away. Ezri's sick of Worf's crap and asks him if he loves her. Worf's still grumpy, but the next morning (the day they are about to die) he finally admits that she's right and he doesn't love her as he did Jadzia. He sees making love as a spiritual act and sleeping Ezri was done out of lust and was unworthy of him. They've finally settled their differences and now it's time to be executed! But Damar kills the Jem'Hada who are taking them to the gallows and frees them. He tells them to tell the Federation they have an ally on Cardassia. The Founder is angry and calls Weyoun in and Damar quips "if she doesn't understand, I look forward to meeting Weyoun-9!" Winn tells Dukat that she's been living a lie all her life and has never really felt the love of the Prophets. She's run out of patience with the Prophets giving her nothing and is willing to walk the path of the Pahwraiths She makes a supervillain speech about sweeping aside anyone who stands against her like dead leaves.

This is the best part of the big ending arc so far. It feels like things are finally moving forward as we get some big developments with Damar and Winn. Worf and Ezri's stuff is a lot better here than in the previous part and reacehs a satisfying conclusion. And it's also a vey funny episode thanks to Damar's one-liners!

SCORE: 8.5/10


The Changing Face of Evil - O'Brien and Bashir welcome Worf and Ezri back. Sisko wants to know if they can trust Damar, but Kira calls with word that the Breen have attacked Earth. They broke the Golden Gate Bridge, the bastards! Martok says this is proof the Breen are a race of warriors. Weyoun is very happy that they've struck fear into the heart of the Federation as his bromance with Thot Gor continues. Weyoun warns Thot Gor that the Dominion will turn on them eventually, like they did to Cadassia. Kasidy tries to cook and burns Sisko's precious peppers. She's going on her cargo run as she ain't afraid of no Breen. Damar meets up with one of his allies to plot against the Dominion. He has a list of officers they can trust. Winn's moved Dukat (she doesn't know it's him, I should note, in case you've forgot) into her home on Bajor, much to her aide's disgust. Winn is having doubts about releasing the Pahwraiths at the prophecies say it'll lead to the end of Bajor. Dukat assures her the Gods will let the worthy live on. O'Brien and Bashir have built their full model of the Alamo in Quark's bar. Worf calls Bashir a child and says Ezri deserves better than a man who plays with toys. Weyoun is surprised that Damar is up early and not drunk anymore. He even gossips with him about the Breen and their crazy suits. He mistakes Damar's new sense of purpose with Damar regaining his confidence in the Dominion. Winn's aide brings her the Book of the Kosst Amojan and warns her that it's supposed to contain dangerous knowledge. He doesn't trust Bajoran Dukat either and warns Winn that she knows nothing of him. But Dukat easily wins her back around and she opens the book...finding the pages empty.

Kasidy is angry when Sisko has the Bajorans pay her for a month's vacation. Winn studis more DARK BOOKS. Sisko gets Kasidy her job back (and some flowers.) Ross brings news that the Breen have broken through into the system Starfleet captured in Cardassian space. Everyone prepares to take the Defiant out (and O'Brien's angry Bashir lost his Travis figure.) Winn's aide tries to sneak the dark books away while Winn sleeps but Dukat beats him up and takes them back. Damar and his ally plan an attack on the Dominion. The Federation/Klingon/Romulan and Dominion fleets go to battle. Suddenly the Breen fire on the Defiant and it completely loses power. The ship is defencless and gets shot up by the Dominion. Sisko has no choice but to give the order to abandon ship. Sisko takes a final look at the Bridge before everyone gets away in escape pods just before the Defiant blows up. Weyoun wants to shoot the escape pods but the Female Changeling orders him to let them go to spread tales of what happened this day (well, that was lucky.) Winn's aide barges in again and tells her the man Dukat is claiming to be died nine years ago. He took a sample of his DNA and he's a Cardassian! It's Dukat! It was Dukat all along, Austin! Her aide wants to stop her from freeing the Pahwraiths so Winn stabs him. Dukat tells her it changes nothing and the Pahwraiths brought them together. Winn is ready to destroy the book but when her aide's blood touches it the text magically appears (sigh.) Sisko's sad about the Defiant but Damar is broadcasting from Cardassia. Damar makes a speech about how the Dominion have killed millions of Cardassians and they've gained nothing. He announces the Cardassians are striking back now and calls on all Cardassians to resist. It's a good speech. The first target Damar struck was the cloning faclitiy and Weyoun is scared this could mean he'll be the last Weyoun (surely they have a copy of his DNA in the GQ? Or could build a new facility?)

There's some big stuff happening here, with the attack on Earth at the start and the destruction of the Defiant and the Cardassian rebellion at the end. In between there's a bit of a lull as everyone talks about the Alamo and Sisko and Kasidy have a falling out. I like the Alamo stuff (any O'Brien is good at this point, since he's had so little to do this season) but it does make the episode feel less urgent. The battle where the Defiant is destroyed is really short too. Partly this is because of the Breen weapon being something they never saw coming, but I expect it was also to save money. But all that stuff is good anyway, it's the Winn/Dukat stuff I don't enjoy as much. I liked how Winn was conflicted in the previous episode butt her she spends most of it trying to read an EVIL BOOK then makes the text appear by magic with BLOOD. It's all a bit silly and I kind of feel like it doesn't belong in Star Trek. Dukat isn't really Dukat anymore either. So sadly that stuff drags the episode down.

SCORE: 8.5/10
 

Cassie

Touching the monolith
Staff member
I loved Damar during the final episodes of DS9. He almost makes up for Dukat and Adami and the Kossssst Amojan.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
When It Rains - O'Brien reports to Ross that he's found a way to counter the Breen weapon but so far it only works on Klingon ships. Martok plans to keep the Dominion at bay with small groups of Klingon ships. Sisko tells Kira he wants her to go behind the lines on Cardassia and teach Damar's rebels about resistance fighting. Kira hates Damar for what he did to Ziyal but knows it's the right thing to do. Sisko tells her to bring Garak too because he's noticed we haven't had much Garak his season. Bashir needs a cup of Odo goo for some experiment. Odo gives him some liquid Odo but wants it back when he returns from Cardassia (he's going too.) Winn doesn't want Dukat touching her anymore now she knows who he is. She tells him not to look at her magic book either. Garak contacts Damar and finds that some Cardassian won't want to work with a Bajoran officer like Kira, so Sisko gets her a Starfleet commission and Garak fits her a uniform. Odo changes into his Cardassian outfit too. Damar's friend Gul Rosot isn't crazy about accepting help from a Bajorn terrorist. Gowron arrives on the station to admit Martok to the Order of Kahless and lets Worf know all is forgiven now that Worf is a member of the House of Martok. Bashir talks about how Ezri is avoiding him, as that childish storyline continues. He calls her in to see him and O'Brien grins like an idiot, which is very funny and makes up for my complaining. Ezri tries to tell him about her feelings, he wrongly assumes she's with Worf now, and is distracted by Odo's goo before she can explain (yeah it's soap opera silliness again.) He lets Odo know that he's infected with the disease that's killing the Founders. Dukat tries to sneak a look at Winn's magic book (sigh) and it shoots him in the eyes blinding him (doube sigh.) Isn't he in direct contact with the Pahwraiths? Couldn't he just ask them what he wants to know? Everyone has to cut their palms with a dagger for Martok's ritual and Ross actually makes a facial expression for once at the idea of it. Gowron tells Martok he's done a great job but it's time for Gowron to take direct command of the Klingon forces. Martok and Worf look worried.

Bashir finds that Odo's Starfleet medical records from when he visited Earth are sealed for some reason. When he tells an Admiral that he wants to cure the disease the Admiral makes it clear he won't get to see the records and wonders why he'd want to cure their enemy. Kira, Odo and Garak arrive in Damar's cave. Damar is welcoming but Rusot isn't so nice. Kira teaches them about resistance cells. Odo names a target they can attack but Rusot points out it's guarded by Cardassians. Damar agrees that they'll only attack places guarded by the Jem'Hadar and the Breen. Kira points out she had to kill fellow Bajorans during the Occupation and the the Dominion will start using Cardassians as human shields. Damar is won over but Rusot is getting angrier. Bashir finally gets access to Odo's files thanks to Sisko and checks them out while he and O'Brien gossip about Ezri. Bashir notices that the scan is actually one Mora did of Odo, so Starfleet has sent him a fake file. He and O'Brien conclude that Section 31 is responsible. Worf tells Martok that people see him as a saviour of the Empire and Gowron wants that for himself so that's why he's taken over. Martok is angry but it's his duty to do whatever Gowron says. Rusot and another Cardassian try to cause problems between Odo and Kira by asking Odo about all the Bajorans he got killed on Terok Nor. Kira nearly beats up Rusot but Odo and Garak talk her off. Kira beats up some supplies instead. Odo notices his hand going flakey for the first time. He doesn't tell Kira. Winn has Dukat kicked out on the street to live as a beggar to teach him humility. Well, he deserves it! Gowron tells Worf and Martok about his new battle plan: throw as many Klingon ships as possible at the Dominion, deep in their territory. Martok tells him this is a stupid idea since they're outnumbered twenty to one but Gowron doesn't want to hear it and says the Klingons will save the Alpha Quadrant by itself. Quark brings coffee to O'Brien and Bashir because he knows they're workng to help Odo (aww.) Bashir calculates that Odo was infected on Earth and that Section 31 must have created the disease to kill the Founders all those years ago.

It's a total set-up episode. The Cardassian stuff is the best part, with some natural clashes between Kira and the Cardasssians (while Damar tries to keep the peace.) It's good having O'Brien and Bashir getting something to do together again, though their story is just them discovering stuff and giving exposition. Dukat/Winn I'm just totally done with, though I admit I do find it quite satisfying when Winn kicks him out on the street. Gowron showing up again is welcome and I don't think it's too out of character for him to turn into an idiot in his quest for glory. Remember back in TNG when he covered up the Federation's part in ending the civil war so he could take all the credit? Anyway it's literally all set-up and no action so it's hard to judge, like much of this multi-episode arc.

SCORE: 8/10


Tacking Into The Wind - Kira lectures Damar and his Cardassians on mistakes they made on their last mission. Rusot doesn't take it well. Odo comes back from a mission very tired. Kira gives a look which suggests she might know about his illness. Garak walks in on crusty Odo and he explains that all the shifting he's been doing on missions lately has made the disease spread faster. He tells Garak not to tell Kira because he doesn't want her pity. Bashir and O'Brien wonder how best to help Odo. Bashir thinks SCIENCE is the answer and he'll find a cure without help and tells O'Brien to get the Hell out. Jerk. The attack Gowron ordered in the previous episode ended in defeat and Gowron blames Martok to Sisko. Sisko stands up for his Klingon bro and tells Gorwon it was his fault. Gowron gives him the crazy eyes(!) but says he admires Sisko's loyalty. The Female Changeling is not happy with Weyoun, blaming him for Damar's uprising. Thot Pren (what happened to Thot Gor?) agrees and suggests killing Weyoun (she would if the cloning facility was working.) She orders Weyoun to be harder on the Cardassian people and find Damar's wife and children. I can't stress enough how great Jeffrey Combs is in this scene (and all scenes, really!) Kira comes up with a risky plan to capture one of the Breen's energy draining weapons. Garak has to tell her about Odo's illness (since she wants to take him on the missiion) but she tells him she already knows and is pretending not to so Odo can keep some dignity. Worf watches over Martok in his hospital bed after he was badly injured in Gowron's crazy attack. Sisko calls Worf in and tells him Gowron is risking the whole war due to his own ego. Worf thinks the attacks are designed to humiliate Martok as Gowron sees him as a rival to his position. Sisko tells Worf that "something has to be done" basically giving him permission to kill Gowron. It's a great scene. Rusot tries to provoke Kira by saying she's enjoying getting Cardassians killed. They get into a fight and Kira wins. Garak was watchin in the shadows (classic Garak) and much like Sisko suggests that something must be done about Rusot (though he's more directing telling her straight out to kill him.) Worf wants Martok to challenge Gowron and become the new Chancellor, but Martok doesn't like playing politics, especially during war, and thinks nobody will follow him anyway since he's a commoner. So Worf's running out of options.

In a runabout, Kira finds Damar looking sad as he's just found out that the Dominion have killed his wife and child. Damar wonders what kind of people give those orders and Kira says "yeah Damar, what kind of people give those orders?" a great line that I quote all the time. Kira thinks it was a mistake but Garak thinks Damar could use a dose of reality and the pain of his loss and what Kira said could make him a better leader. Worf tells Ezri he understands Martok's decision. Ezri doesn't want to give advice about Klingon matters, but Worf tells her she's still a member of the House of Martok because Martok likes her (aww.) Ezri tells him that the Klingon Empire is dying and she thinks it deserves to die. She's more cynical about the Klingons than Jadzia and Curzon as they claim to value honour above all else but accept corruption at the highest levels and lie to cover up crimes "for the good of the Empire." Worf is the most honourable man she's ever met, but if he is willing to tolerate Gowron what hope is there for the Empire? GO EZRI! This is great. Garak, Damar and Rusot do the old Star Wars trick of sneaking into a Dominion facliity with Kira by claiming she's a prisoner (there's a nice bit where the guard recognises Damar but lets him through anyway.) They bring Kira to the Vorta in charge and Odo shows up disguised as the FC. Odo gets the Jem'Hadar to give her a weapon and they kill everyone (Odo isn't happy about this part.) But they can't take their stolen ship back to the Federation as the Breen weapon hasn't finished being installed yet. Kira has to impersonate the Vorta. O'Brien brings food to Bashir and he apologises for being a dick. O'Brien suggests sending a message to Starfleet Medical saying Bashir has found the cure to lure someone from Section 31 to the station and capture them. Bashir is impressed with his deviousness. Gowron comes up with another crazy battleplan. Martok tells him he's nuts but Gowron calls him a coward so Martok has no choice but to fight "for the Empire." But Worf's had enough and tells Gowron he rules without wisdom or honour. Worf takes his Starfleet badge off and challenges Gowron. Gowron accepts because he's still a Klingon (and probably thinks he'll win) and they fight. Gowron's stunt double is pretty blatant but it's still fun. Worf kills him and Gowron says "you will not have this day" before dying (he was wrong!) Worf even does the death cry for him. Worf's the new Chancellor! For a few seconds, then he says he isn't the man to lead but Martok is. Martok accepts andt he others go with it! Odo's feeling really unwell and goes full scarecrow. Rusot says the plan has fallen apart and it's time to leave. He holds a gun to Kira but Garak holds a gun to him. Damar wants them to stop. The weapon is installed and it's time to leave, but Rusot wants Damar to kill Garak so he can kill Kira and they can do things on their own. Damar kills Rusot instead and says his Cardassian is dead. Kira holds Odo's crusty hand as they fly home. He doesn't have much hope of surviving.

THIS IS THE STUFF. I've had a hard time grading some of the episodes in the big season ending arc. They haven't felt like complete stories. I felt maybe I was being unfair, as it is an arc and we do need set-up episodes. But to be fair to me, I also had legit problems like the overly long Worf/Dax stuff, the Breen suddenly being a serious threat, the magic book, etc. This episode proves you can do an episode that's part of a story arc that still fucntions as a self contained story. Now granted it helps that it had an episode of set-up to introduce the Gowron and Rusot problems, but this episode goes far beyond the set-up episode in terms of writing and drama. Frankly I have to give all the praise to Ron Moore who I'm pretty damn sure is the best DS9 writer. If you go back and look at all the episodes he wrote I don't see how you could disagree. The dialogue, for example, is just much stronger here than in other parts of the arc. Look at that scene with Ezri telling Worf how she feels about the Klingon Empire. It's brilliant. The Worf/Gowron fight isn't just a pay-off to the previous epsiode but a pay-off to Worf's whole story since season one of TNG. The other story is equalling compelling with Visitor, Robinson, Auberjonois and Biggs giving super great performances and the stand-off being genuinely tense even though you know what Damar is going to do. It of course also helps that there's no Winn/Dukat silliness this time. So yeah this episode shows that while the pay-off is important it's also possible to do great episodes that stand up on their own within an arc.

SCORE: 10/10
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Extreme Measures - Odo is back on the station and looking really dried up. He wants Bashir to tell him how long he's got (a week or two, Julian guesses.) Kira wants to stay with Odo and let Damar and Garak lead the resistence, but Odo tells her that she watched Bareil die in this room and he doesnt want her to watch him die too. Kira kisses his dried up face and tells him she loves him before leaving. It's a strong opening scene and I could actually see Odo dying at this point. Garak makes a brief cameo before leaving with Kira. O'Brien and Bashir tell Sisko about Section 31 being responsible for the Changeling disease and their plot to lure someone from S31 to the station. Bashir's also got his eyes on an illegal Romulan memory scanner, another reason he didn't tell Sisko about his plan before. Bashir breaks into Quark's to play darts as he can't sleep. He talks to O'Brien about how he can't believe how many people must have worked on the disease as part of Section 31 and how he wants them destroyed (but their cool black comm badges!) Sloan shows up at the bottom of his bad and Bashir traps him in a containment field. Sloan was completely fooled by Julian's ruse. He threatens O'Brien's family, but it feels kind of pathetic. It's convenient that Sloan suddenly became so ineffective when the show needed him to be. Bashir prepares to use the mind probe but Sloan eats a technobabble suicide pill. Bashir manages to keep him alive but Sloan will be dead in hours. Julian isn't ready to give up so he and O'Brien construct a way for Julian to link minds with Sloan and walk around inside his scrambled brain (it's Star Trek.) O'Brien insists on going on this "lunatic mission inside Sloan's head" to look after Bashir. They've got 43 minutes before his brain dies. Sloan's mind looks suspiciously like DS9.

Sloan happily welcomes them to his mind and tries to tell them the formula for the cure but can't manage to do it. Two parts of his mind are fighting each other. He tells them he wanted them to feel at home so he made his mind look at DS9 (sure.) He introduces them to his friends and family and makes a speech to them about how sorry he is for all the pain he caused them. O'Brien and Bashir watch awkwardly as he kisses his wife and stuff. She thanks them for killing Slaon because being married to him was a living Hell (O'Brien: "Congratulations.") Sloan is ready to hand over the cure but another Sloan shows up and kills him. Sisko and Ezri find O'Brien, Bashir and Slaon all mind-linked together in the real world. O'Brien and Bashir walk through corridors looking for the cure and both are shot by some guy. Even though it's not real they're both hurt by being shot and can't exit Sloan's mind (or stand up.) They have a nice talk about their relationship, with O'Brien saying that Keiko had always thought he liked Bashir more than her. Bashir admits that he loves Ezri...but he likes O'Brien more. It's a great moment that redeems the episode. A bit. They see a tunnel to the afterlife and O'Brien doesn't want to give up and they manage to stand and start looking for the cure again. They wake up without finding the cure and Sloan dies. Any hope of curing Odo is gone. Julian goes back to his room and reads 'A Tale of Two Cities' (like in Wrath of Khan!) but finds the pages repeating themself. They're still in the holodeck/Sloan's mind! Sloan's dying but they finally find him and all of Section 31's secrets in one room. "Turns out Section 31 killed Michael Burnham's parents!" - Bashir. They find the cure but Julian is tempted by all the information and the prospect of using it to destroy Section 31. O'Brien talks him out of it and they wake up. Bashir injects Odo with the cure and he goes back to normal. Bashir and O'Brien break into Quark's again and steal some booze. They toast their friendship.

This could have been good! One last adventure for O'Brien and Bashir, inside Sloan's mind! It could have been a surreal journey in which Bashir finally proves that Section 31 aren't needed and Sloan is wrong, while at the same time giving us the O'Brien/Bashir freindship moments we've loved all these years. Instead they...mostly walk around the corridors of the station. There are some good parts, I did enjoy Sloan's speech to his family (well acted by William Sadler.) The idea of different parts of Sloan's mind fighting each other is interesting but not developed at all in the episode. And of course I enjoy the O'Brien/Bashir near death scene where they admit their feelings, but the way we get to that scene is really weak. It's the biggest disappointment of the final arc.

SCORE: 5/10


The Dogs of Wars - Things are awkward between Ezri and Bashir and O'Brien and Worf want them to just get it on. The new Defiant arrives at the station and Ross hands it over to Sisko. It looks just like the old one but the carpet is different. Sisko says "hello, ship." Kira, Damar and Garak return to Cardassia and find Damar's reistance cell being wiped out by the Jem'Hadar after one of Damar's friends betrayed him. And their ship is destroyed too. The three of them go to Mila, Tain's housekeeper, and kide in Tain's basement. Mila gets them to clean up. Odo is healthy again and angry to learn that he was infected by Section 31 in an attempt to wipe out his people. Sisko tells him the Federation don't want to give the cure to the Founders as they're still at war. Odo notes that the Federation claims to hate Section 31 but looks the other way when they need their help. And now, for some reason, a Ferengi plot: The Grant Nagus sends a grainy transmission to Quark telling him he's retiring to Risa with Ishka. He's chosen Quark succeed him as Grand Nagus. Bashir and Ezri talk about taking their relationship to the next level. They think they've been awkward because they don't want to ruin their friendship. So they decide just to be friends. Quark celebrates with his friends and family and floozies. Brunt comes to the station and kisses Quark's hand because it's never too early to suck up to the boss. We then cut to Weyoun (they're the same guy!) talking on one of those Cardassian viewscreens about how Damar has been killed. He reports that all eighteen of Damar's resistence cells have been wiped out. Kira doesn't want to spend the rest of the war in a cellar. Brunt gives Quark a pedicure and tells him how Zek has introduces taxes to Ferenginar. Quark doesn't keep up with the news. He's disgusted by Zek's new welfare programs. When he's Nagus he wants to undo all of Zek's progressive moves (even though he helped Zek get women equal rights last season) but Brunt says he can't even do that without putting it to a vote.

Mila tells Damar that there's rumours spreading that he's still alive and the people still believe in him. Kira thinks it could be possible to inspire the people to rise up against the Dominion. Weyoun introduces Legate Broca, the new head of Cardassia, to the Female Changeling. She's decided to pull all her troops back to Cardassian space and Weyoun thinks it'll mean the Federation won't attack. Quark tells Rom how much he dislikes Zek's new policies and the changes to Ferenginar (Rom is fine with them.) Rom buys the bar from him for five thousand bars of Latinum (where did Rom get that much Latinum?) Quark realises he's gone soft and states that "the line must be drawn here, this far and further!" He'll turn down the job as Nagus if Zek won't let him do what he wants. Kira, Garak and Damar plant a bomb in a Jem'Hadar barracks but Garak is held up by the Jem'Hadar. Damar reveals himself to save Garak before the bomb goes off. He makes an inspiring speech to the gathered Cardassian civilians, urging them to rise up. Garak says "FREEDOM!" Bashir and Ezri start spontaneously kissing in a turbolift arriving in Ops and O'Brien sends their lift back down (for sex.) The Nagus, Moogie and Tiny Ron arrive. Quark is ready to take a stand but Zek hands his staff over to Rom. He wanted him to be Nagus all along! So why did he call Quark's phone? They want Rom to be a kindler, gentler Nagus for a new Ferenginar. Rom accepts quickly which is kind of weird. I mean he's an engineer. He's never shown any poltical ambitions (he started a union one time, but only because he got ill from wanking too much and Quark wouldn't give him time off.) Anyway, it's just a Ferengi story so who cares. Quark vows to make her bar the "last outpost" of the old Ferengi society (Rom gives him it back.) Sisko, Ross, Martok and the Romulan have a meeting. They note that it would cost thousands of ships to attack Cardassian space now the Dominion have falled back, but it could be their one chance to end the war. They all agree to attack. Kasidy tells Sisko that she's pregnant (he forgot his injection last month!) She's worried that the Prophets warned him that their marriage would bring sorrow. Sisko assures her everything will be okay but looks a bit worried.

I actually found this one of the strongest episodes of the arc. Once again, points for not having any Dukat/Winn scenes. The Ferengi story is silly but a satisfying ending to Quark's arc. The Kira/Damar/Garak stuff is great. We've had scenes of Sisko, Ross, Martok and a random Romulan planning attacks before but this time it feels final, like they're either going to win the win or lose it after this attack. So bizarrely I'm giving this a higher rating than 'The Changing Face of Evil' which I thought would get 9/10 before I watched it but then didn't feel like a 9/10 episode deal with it nerds.

SCORE: 9/10
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
What You Leave Behind: Bashir and Ezri wake up in bed together. Julian finally knows how far down her spots go (it's just flirty banter, he's not being literal.) (SIDENOTE: I do like Bashir and Ezri together, now that it's happened. They have believable chemistry. My issue with their relationship is everyone just kept taking about it, right from Ezri claiming Jadzia nearly "picked" Julian all the way up to the Worf/Ezri three episode story. I wish we'd seen more of them together and falling for each other than just having characters tell us they love each other.) Keiko makes her first appearance of the seaosn (with a new haircut!) as O'Brien tells Molly not to play with his Alamo model. He's been offered a job teaching at Starfleet Academy on Earth but hasn't told Julian yet. Kasidy has comedy tv morning sickness and makes Ben promise he'll come back from the war. Jake (who's hardly been in season 7 at all, with not even a B-plot dedicated to him) makes a token appearance. The new Defiant leaves the station with the Starfleet/Romulan/Klingon fleet to end the war. The Female Changeling promises the Breen Earth and Romulus when the war is over. She tells a relieved Weyoun that she was totally lying. Broca reports that Damar is rumoured to be alive and promises to kill him. Garak and Damar are caught by the Jem'Hadar but Kira saves them dressed up as a Breen (this is surely a Princess Leia reference.) They're still hiding out in Mila's basement and she's proud of Garak's rebellion work. The Defiant crew exchange banter on the way to the war. Worf assures Ezri he's happy for her but he's going to kill Bashir (it's one of his jokes!) O'Brien can't bring himself to tell Bashir he's moving to Earth. Odo is worried about Kira. Sisko has a vison of Sarah Prophet who pointlessly tells him his journey's end lies not before him but behind him (what does that mean? It means nothing.) Dukat's vision has finally come back and he asks Winn to forgive him. She won't forgive him for what he did during the Occupation but she needs his help to release the Pahwraiths. Back the station Quark plays cards with Vic and tells him that being a bartender is just as hard as fighting a war (but he hopes they all come back alive.) Dukat and Winn talk through the Fire Caves and he tries to tell her an amusing anecdote about the Occupation. She tells him to call her "Eminensce" instead of Adami. There's a power cut on Cardassia and Weyoun can't contact the Jem'Hadar to tell them there's a weak point in their lines. FC chokes Broca because the Cardassian people are rising against them.

Damar tells Kira that without her the Cardassian rebellion would never have taken off. They tune in to a broadcast from Weyoun who announces that he's just nuked a whole city, killing two million Cardassian civilians. Another city will be destroyed for every act of sabotage commited. Martok reminds Sisko and Ross that they'll drink Blood Wineon Cardassia Prime once they've won the war. The final battle begins. It's a mix of old and new footage (I can't always tell what's what.) There's a cool point of view shot of the Defiant destroying some Jem'Hadar which I'm pretty sure is new. Mila tells Garak that Damar's a big handsome boy because he eats all his dinner. Some Jem'Hadar and Cardassians come to the door, kill Mila, and capture the others. Lots of good guy ships are destroyed (pretty sure this is all reused footage.) O'Brien is injured and finally tells Bashir he's going home to Earth after the war. The Romulan flagship is destroyed as things aren't going well. But on Cardassia Weyoun still hasn't restrored power. Broca reports the capture of Damar, Kira and Garak and FC orders them executed on the spot. The Cardassian troops turn on the Jem'Hadar, stopping the execution. The Defiant is in trouble but the Cardassian ships suddenly turn against the Jem'Hadar and Breen. Weyoun gets power back and hears the news. FC orders Broca executed. His acting is pretty bad and Weyoun says "I won't miss him" and it feels kind of meta. FC orders the entire Cardassian population exterminated. She's kind of evil! The Dominion forces retreat to Cardassian Prime. Ross wants to keep them there (the coward) but Sisko and Martok want to continue and end the war now. Winn and Dukat finally reach their destination. Dukat is disappinted there's no fire in the Fire Caves. Winn reads from her magic book and makes fire appear. Garak notes to Kira that during his exile he wanted nothing more than to come home to Mila. His Cardassia is gone. She tells him to fight for a new Cardassia but he says he has an even better reason "revenge". It's a great Garak moment. Winn lets her hair down and kisses Dukat. The weirdo. The Defiant and the rest of the good guys head for Cardassia. Odo reports millions of Cardassians are dying below and there's still loads of Dominion ships around the planet (I guess this was the "end of part 1" moment.)

The Cardassian resistance are trying to break into the command centre and kill the FC and Weyoun. Garak starts laughing and unfortunately this means Kira has to start laughing too and Nana Visitor still isn't good at it. FC sends the Breen away and Weyoun notes that he still wonders what's under the helmet. She admits she hasn't been able to change form in weeks and she'll soon die as a solid. She tells Weyoun he's the only solid she's ever trusted. Aww. Broca being brought out to be excuted allows Damar's men to storm the gates. Weyoun is shot and dies ("keep..." is his last word) but the rest keep fighting for Cardassia. Weyoun admits he sent most of the guards away to wipe out the Cardassian civilians. The final final battle begins with Ross estimating that their losses will be 40%. Kira and Garak get through and capture FC and Weyoun. FC still won't order her troops to stand down. Garak executes Weyoun. FC says it was his last clone (which I still think is bullshit!) FC assures them that the Dominion will keep fighting so even when the good guys win they'll have lost so many people that it'll feel like defeat. Kira contacts the Defiant and Odo offers to beam down and talk to the Founder. And there's still some Harry Potter crap going on in the Fire Caves. Winn poisons Dukat as the Pahwraiths demand a sacrifice. FC tells Odo she won't stop fighting as it'll mean the Federation will go to the GQ and destroy the Great Link. Odo assures her that won't happen. She doesn't trust him, so Odo offers to link with her and cure her of the disease. Garak and Kira think this is a bad idea, but eventually allow it. FC is healed and orders her troops to stand down. Odo reports she's agreed to stand trial for what she's done and he'll be going back to the Great Link in her place. Cardassia is completely devastated. Martok still drinks his Bloodwine with dead Cardassians lying all around him. Sisko and Ross don't wnat to join in. Bashir and Garak catch up. Eight hundred million Cardassians are dead. Garak bitterly notes his exile is over. He says some would say the Cardassians got what they deserved after their long history of arrogant aggression. Cardassia has lost so much and will never be the same again. Garak says a goodybe to Bashir, noting he'll miss their lunches together and he isn't sure if they'll see each other again. GOODBYE GARAK, YOU WERE GREAT. The Founder and Ross sign a peace treaty back at DS9. Martok and Ross order Worf a job as Federation Ambassador to Qo'nos. Worf accepts but will have quit the job in a couple of years for his old position on the Enterprise for some reason. Kira tells odo he could come back after he's cured his people, but she knows he won't. Odo tells her his people need to learn about solids from him. There's a party at Vic's. Worf suggests O'Brien live in Minsk. Bashir and O'Brien makes plans to visit the real Alamo together. Quark says everyone would be better off staying on the station. Sisko toasts his crew. Vic sings 'The Way You Look Tonight' and looks at Kira when he mentions the wrinkle of her nose. Everyone seems to be out of character just watching James Darren sing here and it's nice.

And back to the silliness in the caves. Winn is shot by a Pahwraith and one enters Dukat's body. His Cardassian face comes back somehow and he wakes up as Winn goes "NOOOO!" Sisko tells Kasidy he understands what he has to do now. Dukat mocks Winn for believing she'd be the Pahwraith Emissary. He tells her the entire universe will burn forever. Uhh, where did that come from? I thought the Pahwraiths just wanted the wormhoel back. Ssiko shows up (how did he get there so quickly) and Dukat beats him up with his force powers. Winn tries to destroy the magic book but Dukat roasts her (it is fitting that Winn switched sides right at the end.) Sisko shoves Dukat and the book off the cliff into the fire. This is all PRETTY BAD. Sarah Prophet beams Sisko to the wormhole or something and tells him he's where he belongs. Kasidy has a vision of Sisko in the Celestial Temple. He tells her he can't come home yet. It's not linear. He has a great deal to learn from the Prophets but he will be back one day (could be a year, could be...yesterday. But if it was yesterday he'd alread be back so I'm not sure why he said that.) Kasidy tells Jake (and I'm now pissed off that Jake wasn't in the scene with Sisko there as well) what happened. O'Brien finds his Travis figure and has flashbacks of Julian. Try not to cry. Worf has less emotional flashbacks of shagging Ezri and killing Gowron and being a hologram (that he coudln't possibly remember) in 'Our Man Bashir'. Terry Farrell was not happy with them using her voice in a previous episode without asking her, so the showmakers assumed she wouldn't let them use clips of her here. But she says they didn't actually ask her. Whatever the reason, her absence is definitely felt in everyone's flashbacks. Not mentioning Jadzia at all in the final episode feels really weird. Odo and Kira have flashbacks of each other. Quark has flashbacks of lots of stuff. Jake remembers when he used to be shorter than his father and actually get stuff to do in the show. Odo tries to sneak off without saying goodbye but Quark catches him. Odo still won't say he'll miss Quark or anything kind about him, but Quark can tell what he's really feeling. Bashir and O'Brien share a wordless hug. Odo and Kira return to the Great Link. Odo shifts into a tuxedo before walking into the link, healing it. Nog visits Kira in her office and she congratulations him on his promotion to Liutenant(!) She notices Sisko left his baseball. Ezri suggests going to the Alamo on the holosuite with Julian but he says that's what he and Miles...did. Quark sells Morn a hair-growth cream. Kira tells him off for taking bets on who'll be the next Kai. Quark happily notes to Morn that "the more things change, the more they stay the same." Jake looks at the wormhole out the Promenade window (like in 'The Visitor') as Kira joins him and we get a great pullback of a CGI version of the station.

A lot of the episode is great. I don't have any problems with how the war is wrapped up. Okay, so it is annoying that we get a lot of reused footage during the battle, but I guess they ran out of money and did what they could. The amount of Cardassians killed is pretty brutal and we get a great scene with Garak reacting to it. I do like that the Female Changeling does surrender in the end rather than fighting to the last, and Odo going back to teach his people how to not be warmongers. It's still Star Trek! Everyone's goodbyes are suitably emotional after the war. The lack of Jadzia clips is another annoyance, but I can look by it and still enjoy what we get. If you read my recap though you can probably tell that I don't like the Winn/Dukat stuff much. I haven't liked it much all season. Aside from just thinking MAGIC BOOKS are a silly thing to include in Star Trek (Yes I know the original series had silly stuff too, but everyone was on drugs in the sixties) it just feels really tacked on to the episode. Like we've got all this great war stuff going on and then we have to go back to the two of them chanting at some fire. It's bad. Sisko's fate is pretty weak. His special destiny all along, the reason he was born, was to...shove Dukat off a cliff? It's not very satisfying. I guess they had to deliver some pay-off to the Emissary story but I wish it could have been better.

And did Bajor ever join the Federation or not?

SCORE: 9/10

So that's the end of the nine (ten really since the finale was double length) arc, the most ambitious arc Star Trek has done to this point. I do enjoy it, but you can see they had problems filling ten episodes. The early parts are padded (hey Ezri and Worf are hanging upside down!) and don't really feel like we're heading towards a finale. Even when we get big events like Earth being attack by the Breen and the Defiant being destroyed in 'The Changing Face of Evi' I still found the episode kind of "off", like it was running through a list of things that needed to be done rather than telling a story by itself. And yes I know I've been harping on about it but I didn't like the Winn/Dukat story (but that scene where Winn went to Kira for help was good!) But again I do like the arc a lot overall. The stuff with Damar is great (who would have guessed back in season four that Damar would get one of the best arcs of everyone?) and I really liked how 'The Dogs Of War' built to the finale. Let's see if future Trek series can improve on this arc story-telling!

Oh yeah, I'm finished DS9 now. It was good. I'll missed watching it. I don't know when I'll start Voyager, but it could be a while. I want to do the remaining Capaldi episodes in "Wacky Reviews: Doctor Who" first and maybe watch some other things. We'll see!

Ezri was hotter than Jadzia.
 

Fuddlemiff

Is this real life?
Maybe all the Harry Potter stuff (and Winn’s death) could’ve been avoided if the Reckoning had played out how it was prophesied (you lose, Winn! You lose!). Sure the prophets and pah wraiths are non corporeal, but they still seem to effect and be effected by linear events.

Anyway, I think it’s a very good ending on the whole. The way the Dominion regime gets more brutal and unhinged as their plans unravel feels very real and the war is wrapped up in a believable and satisfying manner. The fact that things would naturally come to a sudden head means it doesn’t feel at all rushed.

The send offs are all pretty satisfying, too. The only exception I guess is Sisko, purely for the fact that it’s open ended and that bugs me.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
I was trying to make sense of what Sisko's original destiny was meant to be. The Reckoning was supposed to play out, with the Prophets defeating the Pahwraiths then and none of the Dukat stuff happening (and Jadzia doesn't die.) So Ben's original destiny was to...allow Jake to fight the Pahwraith? (Prophet Jake even told him his part in it was over.) That makes Jake seems more important to it all than Ben. But after that fails, Ben finds the Orb of the Emissary where it's been buried for thousands of years. Which means the Prophets knew the Reckoning was going to fail, despite telling him that it was the end at the time...but this is the problem with introducing non-linear aliens and there's not much point trying to make sense of it (even though I just did try.)
 

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
More Monday morning quarterbacking: I like the idea that Sisko's destiny might have been to sacrifice his son (if the Reckoning had succeeded), since his mother was a Prophet. But it would have been a good idea to introduce hints during the series that Jake might have had some Prophet in him too. Come to think of it, why didn't Jake ever have a little vision now and then? Unless they didn't come up with the idea of Sarah until the 6th season... also, a successful Reckoning would have ended Sisko's Bajoran arc too early in the series, and the show would have been all-war all the time for S7, which I wouldn't have liked. Unless they ended the war sooner, and S7 was about Bajor entering the Federation, and maybe the Prophets still get nosey about it happening. But that's not a very climactic ending.

Anyway, I can't wait for the damn documentary to come out. Can someone just give Ira Behr millions of dollars so he can finish the HD conversions faster?
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
I doubt they planned any of the Prophet stuff in advance. I imagine it was just written episode by episode. Whereas the war stuff I think they at least had the broadstrokes planned season by season.
 

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
Side note: Jammer really hated Voyager. He really didn't give many of the episodes a chance. (I'm watching some S5 eps on BBC America today and they aren't bad, but he hated most of it.)
 

Fuddlemiff

Is this real life?
From what I’ve read they initially expected the war just to last half a season or so, but somehow ended up writing it for way more.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Star Trek: Voyager

Caretaker - We start with an obviously Star Wars inspired opening scroll and small Maquis ship being chased by a large Cardassian warship. Gul Evek is the Captain of the Cardassian ship, making him one of the few characters to appear in TNG, DS9 and Voyager. The Maquis ship flees into the Badlands but is hit by a mysterious energy wave and disappears. I really like Voyager's opening theme (by Jerry Goldsmith!) and title sequence with it flying by planets on its lonely journey home! Katherine Janeway visits Nick Locarno Tom Paris in prison and offers him a job: help her find his form Maquis crewmates including their Captain, Chakotay (who is no fan of Paris.) It's an interesting choice as an introductory scene for Janeway as she's quite stiff during it. Paris feels more interseting, to be honest! But it's early days and it makes sense that Janeway woudn't show much personality recruiting a prisoner. Paris flirts with a Betazoid named Stadi as he arrives at Deep Space Nine (I know that place!) by shuttle (where did the shuttle come from?) where Voyager is docked. Stadi gives some exposition about Voyager's bio-neural circuitry. MORN MAKES A CAMEO before Quark tries to sell stuff to Ensign Harry Kim. Quark plays the race card and nearly cons him before Paris steps in. Paris and Kim to onboard Voyager and meet the ship's doctor, who doesn't like Paris very much. Joke's on him, he'll be dead soon! We see off duty Janeway as she talks to her partner Mark about their dogs. Voyager leaves DS9. Everyone continues to be weid with Paris and he struggles to order tomato soup. Someone's filled Kim in on Tom's crime: he accidentally caused a shuttle accident that killed some people then lied about it. Paris tells Kim to stay away from him because he's BAD NEWS but Harry still wants to be friends (tumblr would be shipping them by this point.) Voyager arrives in the Badlands and is hit by the same weird energy wave as the Maquis ship. Everyone's knocked out and some characters not in the opening credits (the first officer, Stadi, the doctor, the never scene Chief Engineer) are dead. The ship is 70,000 ight years from home, on the other side of the galaxy!

They arrive at a mysterious array (I don't know why it's an "array" and not just a space station?) The ship is badly damaged and everyone works to get it up and running. Paris and Kim activate the Emergency Medical Homogram and he's been programmed with a dry sense of humour! The array scans them and everyone disappears from the ship, leaving the confused EMH alone. Jameway, Paris and Kim find themselves in the deep south, y'all! It's all very stereotypical and a guy plays a banjo. Corn on the cob! A dog! A woman tries to stop Paris and Kim from looking inside the barn. Paris flirts with her even though she's a hologram. They find human lifesigns and the holograms turn nasty (they get the pitchforks out.) They reveal the Maquis crewmembers with big needles sticking out of them. The Voyager crew are tied down and needled too. They end up back on Voyager, three days later. The Maquis are back on their ship too. Harry's missing and so is one of the Maquis Captain's (Chakotay) officers: B'elanna Torres. Chakotay agrees to work with Janeway. One of the Maquis, Tuvok, was actually Janeway's security chief undercover. Chakotay's actually fine with this but is really angry to see Tom Paris. Janeway breaks out the phaser rifles to go looking for the missing people and try to find away home. Paris insists on coming too because he cares about Harry (aww.) They question Banjo Man who keeps saying he's running out of time and can't give them Kim and Torres back yet, or send them home. If time's so short why did he bother with the whole southern facade? He sends them home. Torres and Kim are in some kind of hospital and angry half-Klingon Torres attacks the nurses with weird ears. Janeway and Tuvok investigate the planet the array orbits. It can't produce rain. Janeway and Tuvok are old friends so she can show emotion around him (HOW IRONIC SINCE HE'S A VULCAN) and tells him how she wished she'd got to know Harry better. He's not dead yet!

A weird alien named Neelix (yeah, him) contacts Voyager. He at first accuses them of trying to steal his space junk but soon tells them about the Caretaker (the weird eared aliens the Ocampa call him that) and how he's brought many ships to the Delta Quadrant. He wants water as payment for his help. Yeah, he has a spaceship but is low on water. Neelix hugs a disgusted Tuvok after being beamed over. Kim tries to make friends with Torres but she's moody and likes smashing things. And she calls him "Starfleet". She quickly explains that her Klingon half is hard to control, as if the viewer couldn't figure that out. The Ocampa show them around their matte-painted underground home. The Caretaker built it for them after the surface became uninhabitable. He even provides their food. Kim and Torres have caught some weird disease and the Ocampan explaisn that everyone else who has suffered from it has died. There's quite a lot of plot being introduced here. Neelix has a bath and eats loads of food. Tuvok sees his dick. Neelix gives him a location on the planet where some other aliens could give them information in exchange for water. Just stick some oxygen and hydrogen together, aliens! Janeway, Neelix, etc beam down and meet the Kazon ogla. They have leaves in their hair. They're like Klingons but not as good. They suck. They've captured and beaten up an Ocampan girl. The Kazon Maje actually gives Janeway a lot of information about the Ocampa. Neelix suddenly holds a phaser to him, then shoots the water cointainers that Kazon children were drinking from. Wow, Neelix is a dick. They beam back up and Neelix kisses the much younger girl. Yep, he just did all this to rescue her. Janeway isn't angry at him for some reason? I mean the Kazon are obviously scum but Neelix still lied and could have got Janeway's crew killed. A younger Ocampan tells Kim and Torres about the ancient tunnels they can use to escape and how the Caretaker's been acting weird lately. The EMH treats Kes (but can't do anything about her terrible wig) and tries to order everyone out so Janeway just turns him off in a funny bit. Kes forces Neelix to help Janeway. They go down to Ocampa town and we find out the Ocampa can talk telepathically. The Ocampan elders don't want to defy the Caretaker but the younger ones like Kes are all about rebellion. Meanwhile Torres and Kim are trying to escape by climbing some rusty old stairs. Torres reveals she went to Starfleet Academy.

There's a shot of Janeway and Chakotay going up an escalator which is hilarious. The Ocampan home is literally a shopping mall. Paris, Kes and Neelix find Kim and Torres. There's lots of running up metal stairs. They have to squeeze past the barrier the Caretaker put up. They get out into the desert. But the tunnels are collapsing and Chakotay suffers a broken leg. He nearly falls down the stairs and dies but Paris saves him. He makes some (kind of racist!) jokes about Chakotay's life belonging to him now "an old Indian custom!" and suggest Chakotay uses his Indian powers to transform into a bird and fly them out. Two Kazon ships arrive at the array. Janeway just wants to use the array to go home but the Kazon won't let them...for some reason. The Maje kindof says it's because he thinks Janeway will use the array as a weapon but it doesn't ring true. Janeway and Chakotay beam over and talk to Banjo Man again. He explains he's sealing the Ocampans underground so the Kazon can't steal their water, but in a few years the Ocampans will run out of energy and have to come to the surface (where the Kazon will kill them all, probably!) He finally gives his backstory: he and another of his species are explorers and he's been looking for an alien to mate with to create a successor. Sometimes the process goes wrong and people get sick like Torres and Kim. Hey it's a nicely alien motive. Janeway suggests letting the Ocampa care for themselves. The challenge of surviving on their own will help them evolve. Voyager's in trouble so Chakotay plans to suicide run the Maquis ship into the Kazon. He has Paris beam him over at the last second even though he's basically flying in a straight line. Janeway and Tuvok see the Caretaker in his true form (an ugly CGI blob) before he dies. The self destruct on his array has been damage (that always seems to happen to self destructs) and the array needs to be destroyed to stop the Kazon using it to kill the Ocampa. Tuvok thinks the Prime Directive applies and Voyager should just go home and let the Ocampa die but Janeway sasy they're already invovled. So Voyager has to stay to destroy the array instead of going home. Torres isn't happy about this but Chakotay says Janeway's the Captain. They blow up the array. Janeway tells Paris she's giving him a field commission and making him the conn officer. Neelix and Kes ask to stay on the ship and contribute...stuff. Janeway makes a speech about how both crews have to work together to survive. Chaktoay's already in a Starfleet uniform. She vows to search for the other member of the caretaker's species and find a shortcut. She orders Paris to set a course...for home.

It's a pretty good first episode. It's definitely better than 'Farpoint' and I think it's better than 'Emissary' too. It's definitely not perfect though! Some of the storytelling is pretty clunky, especially aroud the Ocampa. We're supposed to care about what happens to them but they're pretty lame and have stupid ears. And living in a shopping mall. The action scenes with everyone running up stairs are pretty bad. The Kazon are just one note thugs. The Caretaker pretends to be from the South for some reason? The whole thing about the Kazon not having any water(!) makes no fucking sense. But it's still good! One thing I found interesting is that Tom Paris almost feels like the main character here, certainly in the first half of the episode at least. A lot of it's told from his point of view. Robert Duncan McNeil does a good job, though Paris already feels like a good guy by the end of the episode, leaving him without much room to continue being the bad boy of the ship. Janeway's...okay. Kate Mulgrew is no Patrick Stewart and her delivery isn't as...interesting as Avery Brooks' either (but whose is?) She does get some better moments towards the end when she makes some Star Trek style speeches. The EMH is funny in his short appearance. Neelix almost comes across as a villain, which is weird! Anyway I'll talk more about the characters as we go on. It's a good star. Not great but good.

SCORE: 7.5/10
 
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Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
It's an interesting choice as an introductory scene for Janeway as she's quite stiff during it. Paris feels more interseting, to be honest! But it's early days and it makes sense that Janeway woudn't show much personality recruiting a prisoner.
It could also have partly been because Mulgrew was brought in last minute and thrown straight into reshoots, after Genevieve Bujold tanked as Janeway.

But at least she was able to turn it into a good standup routine at the conventions.

 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Yeah I remember watching the videos of Genvieve as Janeway...I don't know how she ever got cast? Did they not notice how thick her accent was at any point during the casting process?
 

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
And how she was zonked out on barbituates? (Or just seemed that way)
 
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