Did the Fellowship of the Ring ever have time to wank?

[CaptainWacky]

I'm really struggling to think of a point in the story where they could relax and have a good wank. I'm thinking particularly of the hobbits and Gimli here, who I bet were all big time wankers. I guess Frodo and Sam could have had a few (maybe wanked each other) in the early part of the story where things were all jolly, but I certainly wouldn't be wanking once the Ringwraiths were chasing me. Even when they got to stay in Bree I doubt any of them rubbed one out, knowing that the ringwraiths were just outside and having Aragorn watching them all the time. So it's unlikely they wanked much or at all during the next stage of ther journey...but then we got to Rivendell. Yes, I'm certain Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin were wanking the shit out of themselves there. They probably had some of the best wanks of their hobbit lives. There would have been a lot of hot elven women around for fodder too. But after that? I wouldn't want to wank with Gandalf looking over my shoulder, or in Moria where you might end up wanking an orc cock in the dark, and to wank in Lothlorien would just seem disrespectful. After that it was all action for them. Would Frodo and Sam even have wanked at all in Mordor, especially with Gollum along with them? No way (though I bet Gollum openly masturbated in front of them, the sick fuck.) I do think thoug that Merry and Pippin probably had a few sly wanks while riding about on Treebard's back and during the Entmoot. It's what I would have done.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Spot on about Gollum.

 

[Cassie]

Someone needs to create a wankable LotR video game.

 

[Gagh]

I'm guessing a whole let went on at the end when all the hobbits were bouncing about on the bed. Maybe the one ring had self-masturbating qualities, which is the true secret why they wanted so very badly?

 

[The Tomtrek]

I would imagine that (IN THE FILM VERSIONS) when Frodo turned Sam away before going into Shelob's lair, Sam probably took that oppertunity to have a cry and a wank on Cirith Ungol.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Half the Hobbits diddle each other in my head all the time.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I'm guessing a whole let went on at the end when all the hobbits were bouncing about on the bed. Maybe the one ring had self-masturbating qualities, which is the true secret why they wanted so very badly?

Yes, but that was at the end of the quest so I think masturbation would be permitted then and even expected. I imagine that was why Gandalf laughed so much.

I think the ring may have self wanked, yeah, but what happened to Gollum when he ran out of wank fodder? Did he just think about fish?

I would imagine that (IN THE FILM VERSIONS) when Frodo turned Sam away before going into Shelob's lair, Sam probably took that oppertunity to have a cry and a wank on Cirith Ungol.

Maybe. And instead of crumbs falling on Sam it should have been Gollom's wank rag.

What about when Sam thought Frodo was dead and he was all wrapped up in Shelbo's cacoon thing? Do you think in his despair Sam might have frantically cut into the cacoon and dug out Frodo's dick and tried to wank him back to life?

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

If only CPR were like that in real life.

 

[The Tomtrek]

What about when Sam thought Frodo was dead and he was all wrapped up in Shelbo's cacoon thing? Do you think in his despair Sam might have frantically cut into the cacoon and dug out Frodo's dick and tried to wank him back to life?

I don't think Sam had enough time to do that before the Orcs came (LOL CAME), but he might've if he had the time.

Also, if I remember the books correctly, when Sam and Frodo enter Shelob's lair it's supposed to be pretty much pitch dark, right? Maybe they got in a quick wank while they were walking around in the dark.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Can you wank while scared?

 

[Gagh]

Maybe Sting didn't throb & glow to warn Frodo of danger, just when one of the hobbits really wanted a wank?

 

[CaptainWacky]

Maybe the mithril vest was to contain cum rags, aight.

 

[Gagh]

Maybe the Elven Lembit Opik bread was also extra-absorbant?

 

[CaptainWacky]

"How many did you wank into?"
"Three" *burps*

 

[DryerLint]

They must have all had a wank at some point. How the fuck else would they have coped with all the stress in that journey?

 

[The Tomtrek]

They all probably wanked for warmth while trying to cross Caradhras.

 

[CaptainWacky]

And Legolas's cum was lighter than the snow.

 

[ThatSunrise]

It would have been fun to wank off the top of one of the towers and watch it fall down all that way, especially after they had that huge open mine at the base of one of them. Poor orcs at the bottom would have gotten sticky rain.

 

[The Tomtrek]

If you wanked onto a Palantír would it come out of the other one it was linked to?

 

[CaptainWacky]

You'd be wanking directly into Sauron's mind.