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Sorry no vacancy. It's already way too crowded in here with all the other voices and you aren't even offering sex as part of the bargain. That dried up thing ain't a fine wine, honey, it don't get better with age.
You have to get your ass out - go live with that schoolteacher upstairs you have the hots for.
Like that salt vampire in Star Trek, right? Jack'll wind up all decrepit and riding one of those Captain Pike wheelchairs around, blinking once for yes and two for "no, no., NO, for god's sake NO!!!"