Back in the fucking day, downloading shitty porn on my 24.4 modem from local BBSes, noticed that a lot of dudes in porn were going smooth, and that it made their junk look bigger. Having a fairly average dick (and a vast inferiority complex from watching too much porn), I was all about making my junk look bigger.
It fucking sucked. I was too much of a dumbshit to think of trimming with scissors first, and tried to shave pretty much like I'd shave my face (I was a hairy little bastard... had already been shaving for a couple years). I got about halfway done and was bleeding so much, I said "Fuck, this is apparently not how you're supposed to do it. I think I'll stop." Even now, the thought of that much blood dripping from my scrotum turns my stomach.
Itched like hell, and looked fucking retarded for months until it grew back roughly even. Not that anyone would have been in a position to see my lopsided nut-fro. I was fourteen or fifteen at the time, and I can't imagine a more pathetic hopeless virgin has ever existed than I was at that time.