Make up more lies about Tom Cruise thread

[CaptainWacky]

His blood is 87% cum.

 

[Cassie]

He has several duals and they're all spammers.

 

[Loktar]

His left nut is made of cream cheese.

 

[FBI parte due]

His left nut is made of cream cheese.

NO LIE.

 

[headvoid]

He doesn't like how his arms have slightly different muscle tone, he tackles this by spending half an hour every night with his left arm in an electric pulse machine to even them up.

The problem is, he then has yet another wank and his right arm grows again, it's a vicious circle.

 

[Ishcabittle]

Cruise was considered for the role of Grad Moff Tarkin but when he found out he wasn't going to force choke anyone he was all, "FUCK THIS SHITTY FILM, I'M OUT OF HERE, YOU CAN SUCK IT HAMILL!!!"

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

He auditioned for the Janet Jackson role in Poetic Justice, but was turned away because he had no "junk in da trunk".

 

[Cassie]

He is touching himself right now... but not in a good way.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

He uses his Mission Impossible makeup man to change his face, and then he becomes the porn stars who supposedly file lawsuits against him for palimony. Then he denies all accusations and sings RIDE THE PONY! RIDE THE PONY! RIDE THE PONY! CHAMON!

 

[Gagh]

Cruise is known to be a close fan of insect & creepy-crawly snuff movies, and has built up a sickening quantity of DVDs & Tapes depicting gruesome woodlouse deaths, amongst other rulers of the insect & creey-crawly world.

 

[CaptainWacky]

He's dogist.

 

[headvoid]

he once asked Katie Holmes to step into room he had specially constructed as a tumble dryer and set it for two hours hoping she would shrink.

 

[headvoid]

He ate the placenta with some friends...

oh wait, that's true

 

[Cassie]

He ate Brook Shields placenta

 

[CaptainWacky]

He ate DoctorDave's placenta.

 

[Gagh]

Cruise tarnished the Billie Piper honeypot before Chris Evans did with his entire 'Disney's Black Hole' action figure set.

 

[CaptainWacky]

He is a dark lord of the Sith but refuses to wear a cloak for "personal reasons".

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

He likes to rub lime Kool-Aid powder on his inner thighs till they chafe.

 

[Loktar]

A dingo ate his baby and thats why we haven't seen any pics of Suri.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

He gossips about Gagh when he isn't around. And wears fake Pippi Longstocking extensions while doing it. And looks at his flaccid member and calls it Pippi Longstocking. And tells Katie to stop snickering in the other twin bed.