CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
SPOILER: CLARK EATS A BURGER AT SOME POINT.
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Man Of Steel
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
If you MUST spoil, use them thar SPOILER tags OK
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Merged with the existing Man Of Steel thread.
The Tomtrek
Love Wookiee
Yeah so I saw this film. I don't know why but I felt the need to pretty much go through the entire plot (what there is of it) so spoilers I guess?
That post was over-long, filled with rubbish and really badly written and executed. That post was Man of Steel.
How the hell did they make this film so fucking boring? It's Superman (well, it isn't)! Come on!
Okay so the film starts off on Krypton, planet dying, Jor-El, yadda yadda yadda. Except this is not a Superman film, this is a Zack Snyder film. So it's actually Jor-El running from the CGI armies of Zod who is overthowing Krypton and Jor-El flies around on one of those four-winged things from Avatar whilst THINGS EXPLODE KAPOW ZOOM BANG and he's surrounded by CGI and he's wearing stupid armour and fist fighting with Zod for no reason. It's stupid, mindless action. It doesn't matter, it means nothing, and there's really no reason for it to be there. It also drags out the start waaaayyy tooooo loooonggggggg. Also at some point he shoots his baby into space and Zod and his minions get caught and imprisoned in the Phantom Zone.
The guy who plays Zod is bad. That's it. That's all. He's bad. Really bad. He's not Terrance Stamp.
The film then does this really weird thing. Instead of then showing his life linearly, with him growing up with the Kents in Smallvillie, etc. it just jumps to him as adult Clarke, wandering around not really doing anything. His backstory is told throughout the film in flashbacks. A lot of flashbacks.
See, the thing is, there's this huge middle part of the film where nothing happens. Clark wonders around doing small Supermanny things, there's a flashback to Kevin Costner going "YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WANT TO BE", Clark does more boring stuff, there's another flashback to Kevin Costner going "YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WANT TO BE" and then Lois enters.
Nothing really happens during this section at all. Like, it's almost as if Snyder wanted to do a whole introspective on Superman thing but then realized he doesn't know how to tell a story where things don't explode (which is why there's explosions in one of the flashbacks!) so it's all just wasted boring stuff that you don't care about. Superman isn't Superman, he's just wandering around wondering what he should be (hint: It's Superman (OR IS IT?).
So yeah Lois comes in at a HOT SHOT REPORTER who's covered wars you know and is investigating what is apparently an old crashed spaceship under the ice in Canada. Clark is there too, it's an old Kryptonian ship which Clark walks into and there's a hologram of Jor-El who explains the plot to Clark (even things that only happened just before Zod killed him. Oh yeah Zod killed him at the start). Like, nothing's interesting here. I should care about Clark finding this thing but it's just filled with characters telling us stuff we already know. Why?
Lois follows him and Clark saves her from a robot that is there for some reason. Then he dumps Lois out of the ship and flies off. Jor-El is all "Hey here's a suit, learn how to fly, also there's a guy called General Zod I'm sure that won't come up later though".
So. FINALLY. He put on the suit and flies around a bit. Of course it's all CGI so it all looks fake and we really don't care. When Christopher Reeve flied, we cared.
But yes! Hooray! He's Superman (OR IS HE?) and he'll start doing Supermanny things and it'll be good! Well no. Lois then tracks him down and finds out he's Clark Kent and Superman sort of wanders around thinking "What should I do with this power?" and there's ANOTHER FUCKING FLASHBACK of Kevin Costner saying ""YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WANT TO BE" even though WE'VE ALREADY HAD TWO ALREADY. FUCKKKKKKKKKIINNGGGG HELLLLLLLLL.
Yeah so in this version Lois knows Clark Kent is Superman from the off, so there's no "Gee Clark where did you go, Superman was just here!" stuff. Which is a shame, because I like that stuff.
There's also no dual identity "mild-mannered reporter" stuff. At all (mostly). He's just Superman. See what made Christopher Reeve so great was his ability to bumble. That man could be Clark Kent and bumble around like anything and then go right into Superman and be totally different but yet the same. This guy? None of that.
Right so anyway, it's about an hour in now I guess and nothing really interesting has happened. A lot of boring people doing boring things that we just don't care about. Then Zod shows up. FINALLY. THINGS WILL HAPPEN.
Zod broadcasts across the world that he know's Kal-El is there (sidenote: they keep calling him "Kal" and not "Kal-El", which makes him sound like just some guy from LA or something) and they want him and if he doesn't come forward he world will be blown up snore snore snore.
So Superman wonders around some more and talks to a priest who tells him to do something good (I forget) while Superman stands in front of a picture of Jesus because Zack Snyder is really fucking unsubtle. Then Superman gets arrested so the US army can take him to Zod (why doesn't he just go there himself?). Lois is there too for some reason.
They take him to Zod and one of his lackies (A GIRL, NOT AS GOOD AS URSA) is like "come with us Kal-El, also bring Lois Lane too". There is literally no reason for Lois to come other than plot reasons.
They meet up with Zod he explains the plot blah blah blah WHY ISN'T ANYTHING HAPPENING? SERIOUSLY? I WANT THINGS TO HAPPEN, THINGS THAT I CARE ABOUT, THINGS THAT ARE MORE THAN JUST CGI SHIT.
Superman and Lois escape with the help of Hologram Jor-El and then Zod plans to destroy the Earth.
Okay from here in it's just really badly direction action CGI rubbish. Zod attacks Superman in Smallville. It goes on for too long.
Then it attacks THE WHOLE WORLD. It also goes on for too long. Superman with the help of ARE BOYS IN THE AIR FORCE GOD BLESS EM stops him. Also Lois is there for no real reason.
"Well thank fuck the film's over!"
THEN Superman and Zod have a really bad fight where they CGI destroy lots of CGI buildings and probably kill literally thousands of people in the process.
But then NOOOOOOOOOOOOO Zod is about to kill an INNOCENT FAMILY WE CAN'T HAVE THAT and Superman snaps his neck.
And then Superman mopes around SOME MORE before joining the Daily Planet and putting on some glasses WAIT WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE DO THIS LIKE TWO HOURS AGO FUUCKCKKKCKCKKCKASGUASGBADSBGG G HHDAU SAGDEpig.
The end.
Zack Snyder can't direct. At all. Everything is lifeless. Everything is hollow. There are no colours in the film, it looks like shit. The camera is CONSTANTLY SHAKING but Snyder isn't a good enough director to actually make it look like the documentary style he wants so it, again, looks like shit.
PLUS.
There's this whole thing the film does where it seems to avoid being a Superman film. The world "Superman" is said about two times in the whole thing. The whole Clark Kent/Superman split is gone. It's like the film is going "HEY YEAH WE ALL KNOW SUPERMAN SUCKS RIGHT WELL HERE'S SOME EXPLOSIONS INSTEAD YYEEAHHHHHHHHHHHH".
But I like Superman. I wanted Superman. Where was Superman?
Okay so the film starts off on Krypton, planet dying, Jor-El, yadda yadda yadda. Except this is not a Superman film, this is a Zack Snyder film. So it's actually Jor-El running from the CGI armies of Zod who is overthowing Krypton and Jor-El flies around on one of those four-winged things from Avatar whilst THINGS EXPLODE KAPOW ZOOM BANG and he's surrounded by CGI and he's wearing stupid armour and fist fighting with Zod for no reason. It's stupid, mindless action. It doesn't matter, it means nothing, and there's really no reason for it to be there. It also drags out the start waaaayyy tooooo loooonggggggg. Also at some point he shoots his baby into space and Zod and his minions get caught and imprisoned in the Phantom Zone.
The guy who plays Zod is bad. That's it. That's all. He's bad. Really bad. He's not Terrance Stamp.
The film then does this really weird thing. Instead of then showing his life linearly, with him growing up with the Kents in Smallvillie, etc. it just jumps to him as adult Clarke, wandering around not really doing anything. His backstory is told throughout the film in flashbacks. A lot of flashbacks.
See, the thing is, there's this huge middle part of the film where nothing happens. Clark wonders around doing small Supermanny things, there's a flashback to Kevin Costner going "YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WANT TO BE", Clark does more boring stuff, there's another flashback to Kevin Costner going "YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WANT TO BE" and then Lois enters.
Nothing really happens during this section at all. Like, it's almost as if Snyder wanted to do a whole introspective on Superman thing but then realized he doesn't know how to tell a story where things don't explode (which is why there's explosions in one of the flashbacks!) so it's all just wasted boring stuff that you don't care about. Superman isn't Superman, he's just wandering around wondering what he should be (hint: It's Superman (OR IS IT?).
So yeah Lois comes in at a HOT SHOT REPORTER who's covered wars you know and is investigating what is apparently an old crashed spaceship under the ice in Canada. Clark is there too, it's an old Kryptonian ship which Clark walks into and there's a hologram of Jor-El who explains the plot to Clark (even things that only happened just before Zod killed him. Oh yeah Zod killed him at the start). Like, nothing's interesting here. I should care about Clark finding this thing but it's just filled with characters telling us stuff we already know. Why?
Lois follows him and Clark saves her from a robot that is there for some reason. Then he dumps Lois out of the ship and flies off. Jor-El is all "Hey here's a suit, learn how to fly, also there's a guy called General Zod I'm sure that won't come up later though".
So. FINALLY. He put on the suit and flies around a bit. Of course it's all CGI so it all looks fake and we really don't care. When Christopher Reeve flied, we cared.
But yes! Hooray! He's Superman (OR IS HE?) and he'll start doing Supermanny things and it'll be good! Well no. Lois then tracks him down and finds out he's Clark Kent and Superman sort of wanders around thinking "What should I do with this power?" and there's ANOTHER FUCKING FLASHBACK of Kevin Costner saying ""YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WANT TO BE" even though WE'VE ALREADY HAD TWO ALREADY. FUCKKKKKKKKKIINNGGGG HELLLLLLLLL.
Yeah so in this version Lois knows Clark Kent is Superman from the off, so there's no "Gee Clark where did you go, Superman was just here!" stuff. Which is a shame, because I like that stuff.
There's also no dual identity "mild-mannered reporter" stuff. At all (mostly). He's just Superman. See what made Christopher Reeve so great was his ability to bumble. That man could be Clark Kent and bumble around like anything and then go right into Superman and be totally different but yet the same. This guy? None of that.
Right so anyway, it's about an hour in now I guess and nothing really interesting has happened. A lot of boring people doing boring things that we just don't care about. Then Zod shows up. FINALLY. THINGS WILL HAPPEN.
Zod broadcasts across the world that he know's Kal-El is there (sidenote: they keep calling him "Kal" and not "Kal-El", which makes him sound like just some guy from LA or something) and they want him and if he doesn't come forward he world will be blown up snore snore snore.
So Superman wonders around some more and talks to a priest who tells him to do something good (I forget) while Superman stands in front of a picture of Jesus because Zack Snyder is really fucking unsubtle. Then Superman gets arrested so the US army can take him to Zod (why doesn't he just go there himself?). Lois is there too for some reason.
They take him to Zod and one of his lackies (A GIRL, NOT AS GOOD AS URSA) is like "come with us Kal-El, also bring Lois Lane too". There is literally no reason for Lois to come other than plot reasons.
They meet up with Zod he explains the plot blah blah blah WHY ISN'T ANYTHING HAPPENING? SERIOUSLY? I WANT THINGS TO HAPPEN, THINGS THAT I CARE ABOUT, THINGS THAT ARE MORE THAN JUST CGI SHIT.
Superman and Lois escape with the help of Hologram Jor-El and then Zod plans to destroy the Earth.
Okay from here in it's just really badly direction action CGI rubbish. Zod attacks Superman in Smallville. It goes on for too long.
Then it attacks THE WHOLE WORLD. It also goes on for too long. Superman with the help of ARE BOYS IN THE AIR FORCE GOD BLESS EM stops him. Also Lois is there for no real reason.
"Well thank fuck the film's over!"
THEN Superman and Zod have a really bad fight where they CGI destroy lots of CGI buildings and probably kill literally thousands of people in the process.
But then NOOOOOOOOOOOOO Zod is about to kill an INNOCENT FAMILY WE CAN'T HAVE THAT and Superman snaps his neck.
And then Superman mopes around SOME MORE before joining the Daily Planet and putting on some glasses WAIT WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE DO THIS LIKE TWO HOURS AGO FUUCKCKKKCKCKKCKASGUASGBADSBGG G HHDAU SAGDEpig.
The end.
Zack Snyder can't direct. At all. Everything is lifeless. Everything is hollow. There are no colours in the film, it looks like shit. The camera is CONSTANTLY SHAKING but Snyder isn't a good enough director to actually make it look like the documentary style he wants so it, again, looks like shit.
PLUS.
There's this whole thing the film does where it seems to avoid being a Superman film. The world "Superman" is said about two times in the whole thing. The whole Clark Kent/Superman split is gone. It's like the film is going "HEY YEAH WE ALL KNOW SUPERMAN SUCKS RIGHT WELL HERE'S SOME EXPLOSIONS INSTEAD YYEEAHHHHHHHHHHHH".
But I like Superman. I wanted Superman. Where was Superman?
That post was over-long, filled with rubbish and really badly written and executed. That post was Man of Steel.
Loktar
Internet God
Hmm...it was still better than Superman Returns IMHO. The only things I can think of that I had a problem with were:
The scene where Zod and co are sent to the Phantom Zone looked like they were dildos/sperm being shot into a glowy, gaping vagina. I much preferred the Phantom Zone special effects from Superman II. And would've preferred black Pete Ross than the derpy fat Pete Ross. And yeah, the Jesus Christ analogy was annoying. When he was underwater with his arms outstretched I was thinking "Yeah I get it, he's supposed to be like Christ on the cross. Ugh."
Is MoS to Superman II what STiD is to STII:TWOK
hpquestion: Or is STiD better in the footsteps of TWOK than MoS is in Superman II's footstepshpquestion:
I haven't caught STiD yet:frown: Nevermind MoS! Hope to see BOTH soon enough:biggrin: HOPEFULLY as back-to-back matinees in the same moviehouse:rockon:
hpquestion: Or is STiD better in the footsteps of TWOK than MoS is in Superman II's footstepshpquestion:I haven't caught STiD yet:frown: Nevermind MoS! Hope to see BOTH soon enough:biggrin: HOPEFULLY as back-to-back matinees in the same moviehouse:rockon:
Loktar
Internet God
I hate to say it, but no. Its trying to imitate the success of the Dark Knight by making Supes edgy and gritty but failing. It didn't even surpass the greatness that was Superman 1 and 2. Now those would have been even better in Imax 3D. I'll say it again, still better than Superman Returns though IMHO.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I'm definitely not going to see it if Pete Ross doesn't have his metal feet.
phpquestion
Fuddlemiff
Is this real life?
Mmm, lots of TV actors. One scene had Helo and Gaeta, then there was the guy from Dollhouse and the one from L&O.
Um. Henry Cavil did a good job, but the story was really messy and humanity was depicted as such a bunch of retards I really struggled to understand why Superman thought they were worth protecting. Not that he did a great job of defending them either, as the number of deaths caused by his collateral damage was probably higher than Zod's intentional attacks on people.
Um. Henry Cavil did a good job, but the story was really messy and humanity was depicted as such a bunch of retards I really struggled to understand why Superman thought they were worth protecting. Not that he did a great job of defending them either, as the number of deaths caused by his collateral damage was probably higher than Zod's intentional attacks on people.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Is anything in it as good as this?
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