Natalie Portman arrested for murder

[CaptainWacky]

Actress Natalie "Natalie" Portman was today arrested for the murder of actress Anna "Nicole Smith" Paquin at 3am last night.

"It's true, she fucking killed her the bastard," said Vinnie Jones.

"Umm, no she didn't, I'm fine," said Anna Paquin.

"CASE CLOSED!" said CONSTABLE MCNALLY.

Natalie Portman was unavailable for comment because this entire story is in fact false.

 

[Gagh]

Shame it wasn't THE BIG SHOW she murdered!

 

[Techman]

Actress Natalie "Natalie" Portman was today arrested for the murder of actress Anna "Nicole Smith" Paquin at 3am last night.

"It's true, she fucking killed her the bastard," said Vinnie Jones.

"Umm, no she didn't, I'm fine," said Anna Paquin.

"CASE CLOSED!" said CONSTABLE MCNALLY.

Natalie Portman was unavailable for comment because this entire story is in fact false.

Why her?

 

[CaptainWacky]

She did but she wasn't arrested for that one. "No one cared," explained POLICE CHIEF PIGGUM.

 

[headvoid]

Natalie Portman is always unavailable for comment. It's just like that time she sold Professor Heinz Wolf some crack and allegedly said "Shove that in your egssspermiments"

She didn't deny saying it, just unavailable for comment

 

[CaptainWacky]

She's busy having her perfection robotically kept at only 99.99% rather than 100%, as if she reaches 100% the universe will implode.