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Smallville spoilers (any season)

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
1 - In a spectacular season opener, full of CGI and steaming gypsies, Clark and super-powered Lex battle the NOSE CREATURES all over METROPOLSIS and save Lana and Chloe from being GANG RAPED. Lex loses his memory at the end.

2 - Clark and Lana get back together. A boy who can throw rocks really far throws some rocks at Clark but he easily defeates him.

3 - Clarke and Lana's relationship is in trouble. The feak of the week kidnaps Chole and eats her hair. Lex does something vaguely evil. Clark and Lana talk for ten minutes at the end and nothing is resolved.

4 - Clark's mom goes into a coma. Clark and Lana break up and get back together again 8 times.

5 - Lex turns into a rabbit. Clark and Lana's relationship is underfire. Chloe eats bacon.

6 - A new buy at school BRUCE WAYNE starts dating Lois but gets into a fight with Chloe's new boyfriend JOE CHILL. At the end he says to Clark "maybe I'll fly away like a BAT" and winks.

7 - Clark and Lana break up.

8 - Clark accidently kisses Lana thinking she's Lois and she thinks they're back together. Lex and Chloe get married to fool a krypto mutant. Clark's mom falls over.

AND SO ON
 
Lex and Chloe spawn Supergirl.
 
9 - Clark falls out with his dad, they argue a lot. Clark gets broody before defeating the freak of the week. Clark builds or fence or something, and his dad appears. They make up and hug.

10 - Clark's parents stress how he is normal to them, despite all the heat vision, x-ray vision, flying, frost-breath of doom, super-speed, super-ejaculate etc etc.
 
Super ejaculate? How come I haven't seen that episode??????
 
11 - Pete returns with METAL FEET.
 
12 - Someone makes a note that Clark is a really super guy.

13 - Lionel acts really fucking dodgy then lends money to Martha.

14 - Lex has a flashback then goes crazy then attacks Lana then gets amnesia then does something really bad the next day and is apologizing to Calrk for his shortcomings by nightfall.

15 - Lex is suspicious of Clark and when he asks him what's up Clark tells him that a big horse must have grown arms and wellington boots and stomped through Smallville eating grapes and calling everyone TRACTOR SLUTS and thats why he seems to have been unscathed in that giant explosion down at the old mill.

16 - Lana gets emotional. Lois is sarcastic and Chloe is a nosy bitch. ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE STILL HASN'T BEEN CURED FROM THE NOSE CREATURE ATTACK IN EPISODE 6.

17 - A Kryptonite freak comes to Smallville and attacks Martha/Chloe/Lex/Lana/Lois and Clark saves them but not before the victim of the week is knocked unconsious just in time for Clark to use all his super powers in broad daylight to save said victim and kill said Krypto freak without anyone seeing.


18 - Pete "The Boss" Ross comes to Smallville with Harry Kim and eats a full course meal at the Talon, molests one of the waitresses and skips out on the bill.
 
19 - Lionel wants "paid back" for the money he loaned Martha but does he mean sex!? No, he wants her to tie his tie. Clark watches with x-ray vision and is CONCERNED. Lana gives Lex a blowjob.

20 - Chloe gets a job working with MISTER ZOD a mysterious newcomer who keeps telling people to "kneel" in a "joking way".

21 - Lana and Lex get into felching.

22 - Zod calls Lex ON THE PONE and Lana and Lois overhear but don't tell Clark FOR SOME REASON.

23 - Clark and Chloe have wild sex in his barn but Zod uses his AMNESIA GUN to make them forget and Chloe thinks Clark has raped her.

24 - Clark and Zod have a spectacular CGI fight. Whose side is Chloe on!? Martha drops her hankie and Lionel PICKS IT UP for her BUT WILL THEY KISS!? Pete and Lois race to Metropolis to tell Chloe the truth about Zod but are slowed down by Pete's METAL FEET. Will they make it in time?! Lex and Lana are caught in the 69 postion by the SEX POLICE, but will they press charges? FIND OUT NEXT SEASON IT'LL BE EVEN BETTER THAN THIS ONE LOL.
 
25A. Lex is upset as his father hires a new son for the week to run the business. Clark helps him rescue a trapped worker from underneath a armoured personnel carrier, claims the wind blew it away.

25B (cont) Lex blackmails father with previous breaches of health and safety. Lionel is forced to sack his new son. Jonathon and Clark meet up in barn at end and fix an engine together, shake each others oily hands.
 
26 - Lana, Lois and Chloe turn into pirates for some reason.
 
What is felching?
 
27) After waiting for Clark to make up his mind, Lana and Chloe turn lesbian, and live a happy life in Lex's basement, who has set up a camera so he can spy on them.

28) Lex, looking for true love, dons a drag queen outfit, and joins an all girls soroirity.
 
Well, that definition makes what I consider an enjoyable sexual practice sound downright filthy.

FUCKING BASTARDS!
 
DONT CLIKC IT CASSIE!!!!!!!
 
Oh... I didn't need to know that
 
too late...
 
Poor, innocent Cassie.

Or is she? I bet she felches for a living!!!!!
 
Haha!!
 
EXCITING
 
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