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SPAMCAPITAL OMEGA: THE REMAKE OF THE REMAKE OF THE SPAM

Its legs and feet, most delicately formed, were, like
those upper members, bare. It wore a tunic of the
purest white; and round its waist was bound a
lustrous belt, the sheen of which was beautiful. It held
a branch of fresh green holly in its hand; and, in singular
contradiction of that wintry emblem, had its dress trimmed
with summer flowers. But the strangest thing about it was,
that from the crown of its head there sprung a bright clear
jet of light, by which all this was visible; and which was
doubtless the occasion of its using, in its duller moments, a
great extinguisher for a cap, which it now held under its arm.
 
Even this, though, when Scrooge looked at it with increasing
steadiness, was not its strangest quality. For as its belt
sparkled and glittered now in one part and now in another,
and what was light one instant, at another time was dark, so
the figure itself fluctuated in its distinctness: being now a
thing with one arm, now with one leg, now with twenty legs,
now a pair of legs without a head, now a head without a
body: of which dissolving parts, no outline would be visible
in the dense gloom wherein they melted away. And in the
very wonder of this, it would be itself again; distinct and
clear as ever.
 
Perhaps, Scrooge could not have told anybody why, if
anybody could have asked him; but he had a special desire
to see the Spirit in his cap; and begged him to be covered.
 
"What!" exclaimed the Ghost, "would you so soon put out,
with worldly hands, the light I give? Is it not enough that
you are one of those whose passions made this cap, and force
me through whole trains of years to wear it low upon my brow!"
 
Scrooge reverently disclaimed all intention to offend
or any knowledge of having wilfully "bonneted" the Spirit at
any period of his life. He then made bold to inquire what
business brought him there.
 
Scrooge expressed himself much obliged, but could not
help thinking that a night of unbroken rest would have been
more conducive to that end. The Spirit must have heard
him thinking, for it said immediately:
 
It would have been in vain for Scrooge to plead that the
weather and the hour were not adapted to pedestrian purposes;
that bed was warm, and the thermometer a long way below
freezing; that he was clad but lightly in his slippers, dressing-gown,
and nightcap; and that he had a cold upon him at that time.
 
The grasp, though gentle as a woman's hand, was not
to be resisted. He rose: but finding that the Spirit made
towards the window, clasped his robe in supplication.
 
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