SPAMCAPITAL OMEGA: THE REMAKE OF THE REMAKE OF THE SPAM

[The Dork Lord]

The apparition walked backward from him; and at
every step it took, the window raised itself a little,
so that when the spectre reached it, it was wide open.

 

[The Dork Lord]

It beckoned Scrooge to approach, which he did.
When they were within two paces of each other,
Marley's Ghost held up its hand, warning him to
come no nearer. Scrooge stopped.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Not so much in obedience, as in surprise and fear:
for on the raising of the hand, he became sensible
of confused noises in the air; incoherent sounds of
lamentation and regret; wailings inexpressibly sorrowful and
self-accusatory.

 

[The Dork Lord]

The spectre, after listening for a moment,
joined in the mournful dirge; and floated out upon the
bleak, dark night.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Scrooge followed to the window: desperate in his curiosity.

 

[The Dork Lord]

He looked out.

 

[The Dork Lord]

The air was filled with phantoms, wandering hither and
thither in restless haste, and moaning as they went.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Every one of them wore chains like Marley's Ghost;
some few (they might be guilty governments)
were linked together; none were free.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Many had been personally known to Scrooge in their lives.

 

[The Dork Lord]

He had been quite familiar with one old ghost, in a white
waistcoat, with a monstrous iron safe attached to
its ankle, who cried piteously at being unable to assist
a wretched woman with an infant, whom it saw below,
upon a door-step.

 

[The Dork Lord]

The misery with them all was, clearly, that they sought to interfere,
for good, in human matters, and had lost the power for ever.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Whether these creatures faded into mist, or mist enshrouded them, he could not tell.

 

[The Dork Lord]

But they and their spirit voices faded together; and
the night became as it had been when he walked home.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Scrooge closed the window, and examined the door by which the Ghost had entered.

 

[The Dork Lord]

It was double-locked, as he had locked it with
his own hands, and the bolts were undisturbed.

 

[The Dork Lord]

He tried to say "Humbug!" but stopped at the first syllable.

 

[The Dork Lord]

And being, from the emotion he had undergone,
or the fatigues of the day, or his glimpse of the
Invisible World, or the dull conversation of the
Ghost, or the lateness of the hour, much in need
of repose; went straight to bed, without undressing,
and fell asleep upon the instant.

 

[The Dork Lord]

A CHRISTMAS CAROL by Charles Dickens

STAVE II: THE

FIRST OF THE

THREE SPIRITS

 

[The Dork Lord]

WHEN Scrooge awoke, it was so dark, that looking out of bed,
he could scarcely distinguish the transparent window from
the opaque walls of his chamber. He was endeavouring to
pierce the darkness with his ferret eyes, when the chimes of a
neighbouring church struck the four quarters. So he listened
for the hour.

 

[The Dork Lord]

To his great astonishment the heavy bell went on from
six to seven, and from seven to eight, and regularly up to
twelve; then stopped. Twelve! It was past two when he
went to bed. The clock was wrong. An icicle must have
got into the works. Twelve!