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The Adventures of Ted the panda bear salesman

Dr Dave

pillzlol
Ted was a dirty,filthy panda bear salesman. That being said he paid his taxes,was nice to old ladies, and hardly ever raped anything.

One day Ted was in New York City, on his way to visit his new client curiousa2z. He was walking up the street when a man walked up to him and punched him IN HIS FACE.

"Ahhh, what did you do that for" asked Ted the panda bear salesman.

"I hate you Ted, I hate you for being a dirty filthy panda bear salesman. Ever since you came to my land my SCOTLAND selling your panda bears, half of whom were not even alive, you crushed the economy!" Said the man who had punched Ted.

"GO away, im on my way to a client. I sir demand your name!" demanded Ted

"I'm CaptainWacky you jimmyjack, now fuck right off or i will beat you WITH MY AXE!" Said CaptainWacky

Ted continued up the street his face still hurting from the massive punch that CaptainWacky fellow had given him. It was then when he saw a zeppelin overhead with a man peering out the window. The man was wearing a Top hat and had a monocle in his eye. It had to be Tomtrek, the great goose barron of England.

"Well well Ted, you ass nose" Shouted Tomtrek from the zeppelin.

"Will you PEOPLE stop bothering me, IM ON MY WAY TO A CLIENT, THEN to make nasty remarks about Sunshine on my twitter account!" shouted Ted

"It is I, Tomtrek! CaptainWacky called me, told me you were here, its now time for REVENGE!, nobody is mean about Sunshine on twitter!, also I hate panda bear salesman, you fucking cunt sandwich!" said Tomtrek.

Suddenly Ted saw something falling from the zeppelin, he could not tell what it is... then suddenly he saw it, the dvd set of one of the worst shows ever 7th Heaven. Ted ducked out of the way.

Inside a nearby apartment a man was watching a mets game. He suddenly looked out the window, he had heard a sound, yes he knew that sound it was the sound of the worst show ever falling from a zeppelin. He was distracted long enough for the mets to loose. "SON OF A BITCH, I'm gunna fuck up whomever is responsible for this. He set his mean of eggs mayonnaise down and looked out the window. First he saw a zepplein, he knew that had to be his good friend Tomtrek. Next he looked down, yep he thought, a damn panda bear salesman, he could always spot those assholes.

"Hey you" he shouted to the man below

"Huh.. what" Said Ted.

"You made me miss the mets game you son of a bitch, I'm coming down to beat you in the nose" said the man in the window

"Who the hell are you, waite just fuck off ok!" Said Ted.

"I'm Eggs Mayonnaise, the president and CEO of Mayo Inc. You best waite there while I call my friend Cassie. She's going to cut your penis off for her collection. Then i'm going to hit you in the nose" shouted Eggs Mayo.

Ted ran, he ran fast and far. Too far in fact because he ran right into a wood chipper and died.

A lady sitting at a table with another lady said "Cassie, that was rather strange"

"Yes it was Mirah" replied Cassie.

The END
 
GOOD TWIST ENDING.

I think you captured my character perfectly.

NINE THUMBS UP.
 
That's a lot of thumbs.

Thanks CaptainWacky.
 
Is this Ted any relation to Negro Ted from Wordforge?
 
Not that I am aware of.
 
I hope Tomtrek wears his top hat and monocle whenever he reads this thread.
 
That would be awesome.
 
And sexy.
 
Very much so.
 
I hope his monocle doesn't POP OUT.
 
I think it's held on WITH MAGNETS!
 
Your statement that "Ted was a dirty,filthy panda bear salesman." is very unclear.

At the beginning, I thought that Ted was a dirty, filthy panda, who was a salesman.

Then I got it, but still the question remains: was Ted a panda bear that is a salesman, who is also dirty and filthy? Or was he a salesman who sells dirty and filthy panda bears?

Or was he a dirty, filthy panda who was selling bears (probably not, because CaptainWacky mentioned about him selling panda bears - but maybe he was referring to his panda varieties of bears)? Or wait, was he a dirty, that was selling filthy panda bears? Probably not, because dirty can't be used as a noun.
 
And knowing is half the battle.
 
*bump for Starbys*
 
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