The Cassie and Tisiphone Detective Team Adventures Season 3

[Dr Dave]

The Case of the missing images

Episode 1: "They're speaking Scottish, you're in Scotland."

In four weeks...CaptainWacky thought.

It had finally come true, CaptainWacky's Top 100, had been optioned by the BBC. Now all of the land would know which celebrity was best, as ranked by none other then CaptainWacky!

"Time to do a image check..." said CaptainWacky to his cat.

CaptainWacky checked...nothing came up...

"WHAT THE CORK!" he shouted

The images were gone...all gone.

"NOOOOOOOO...WHO???WHY???!" shouted CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky knew what he had to do...

...

Cassie and Tisiphone woke up on a bus.

"Hell..." said Tisiphone

"I feel funny" said Cassie

"I'm upside down!" said Dr Dave

"Where are we..." said Tisiphone

"I don't know...I can't understand anybody" said Cassie

Dr Dave had gotten up and gone to the back door of the bus.

"They're speaking Scottish, you're in scotland." Said Dr Dave, who got off as the bus came to a stop by a local hospital.

"SCOTLAND!" shouted Cassie and Tisiphone in unison.

Cassie and Tisiphone were stunned. How had they ended up in Scotland they wondered.

"It would really have helped had Dr Dave not gotten off just now" said Tisiphone

"That Dr Dave!" said Cassie

"Last I remembered...we had solved the case of Loktar, and went to watch Season 3 of Cat Cleaners at the Governor of North Dakota's house..."said Tisiphone

"Then somebody mentioned needing scotch..." said Cassie

Cassie's phone rang.

"Cassie, lady detective here" said Cassie

"THANK GOD CASSIE, MY IMAGES ARE GONE, ALL GONE, MY DREAMS OF A BBC SPECIAL ARE RUINED, ALL MY CELERITY IMAGES ARE GONE!" said the man at the other end

"Calm down CaptainWacky, How can we help?" asked Cassie

"Come to scotland, I'll pay you 500 pounds and 20 bags of crisps I found in my garage." said CaptainWacky

"Funny...we're already in scotland, alright, we will be there...well once we figure out where in hell we are in scotland." Said Cassie

"To quote Dr Dave, TOP LEVEL!" repled CaptainWacky as he hung up.

"This shit is bananas." said Tisiphone

...

Outside the hospital, Dr Dave stopped.

Voosh Voosh Voosh

Loktar appeared.

"Hi Loktar!" said Dr Dave

"Oh god, thank god...un tie me...this bench..." said Loktar

"I can't, I have to go preform brain surgery on some guy, then go get a pint!" said Dr Dave

"help..." said Loktar, sighing to himself.

To be continued...

 

[Loktar]

Quantum Bench: Loktar leaps from location to location hoping that his next leap will be the leap home....

 

[CaptainWacky]

"Time to do a image check..." said CaptainWacky to his cat.

This has literally happened.

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 2: "his show will be cancelled and he will be in ruin, and forced to flee to Whales."

Cassie and Tisiphone, LADY DETECTIVES got off the bus.

"We need to first figure out where we are" said Cassie

Tisiphone turned to a man that was passing, A HOT MAN and said "Sir, where about are we?"

The man said something, but neither Cassie and Tisiphone could understand.

"We need a translator!" said Cassie

Another Man in a red tutu was walking by, waveing some glasses and ranting about whale coronas.

"HARKLEY!" shouted Cassie

"Hi Cassie, what are you doing in Ye Old Jolly Old Scotland,OLD?" said Harkley

"We're on a case, but we can't understand ANYBODY!" replied Cassie

"Oh yeah, scottish sometimes takes a bit getting used to, you need a translator." said Harkley

Tisiphone was looking at a tv in a display window, that had ENGLISH SUBTITLES.

It was a news program, the female news presenter was saying

"CaptainWacky, who was to get his own celerity list program, has hit a wall, his images has been stolen. If he can not recover his images, his show will be cancelled and he will be in ruin, and forced to flee to Whales."

The male presenter then said

"That's a baaaaaaad propisition to be sure, now for sports!"

Tisiphone reported this to Cassie

"Hmm somebody had to have leaked this...we really need to get over to him" said Cassie

"Well you're in the Greater Glasgow Metroplex, in fact your right in Glasgow. I'm not sure where he is really..." said Harkley

Not long later Harkley told Cassie and Tisiphone how to understand people, and he went off to spread word of whale corona to the masses.

...

In CaptainWacky's house, CaptainWacky was also watching the news.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" he said to his Cat

"Meow" replied his cat

"I KNOW, who could have done this, FUCKING CORKS!" said CaptainWacky

"Meow?" replied his cat

"I don't know...mabye it could be...No...no..." Said CaptainWacky

"Meow." replied his cat.

..

Dr Dave got up to THE SURGERY ROOM.

"ALright, lets get some brain surgery on, get some Warren Zevon on the radio box!" said Dr Dave

"Who are you?" replied a nurse

"DR DAVE!" replied Dr Dave

"Thank god you're here, the patient is ready...and it's Secretary of State for Scotland!" said the nurse

"YES WE CAN!" shouted Dr Dave

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 3: And the winner of Villain Idol is...

"Sister, I am here with my report" said Sister McFlounder.

"Then give it, POST HASTE!" replied the woman sitting behind the desk.

"Phase one is complete, the images are gone. The news story has gotten out, per your directive. We are ready for phase two...but there is one problem" said Sister McFlounder

"Yes...what is it, what is it that wants to get in me, The Kilted Nun's way?" asked The Kilted Nun

"CaptainWacky has hired lady detectives, Cassie and Tisiphone to find out what happened." replied Sister McFlounder

"Then they will just have to die!" said The Kilted Nun

"Yes sister. Also one other minor matter..." said Sister McFlounder

"Yes?" asked The Kilted Nun

"It's about Secretary of State for Scotland...he survived the brain poison you had us administer, and now Dr Dave, famed doctor and detective is preparing to opperate on him." said Sister McFlounder

"He knows little, if anything. Monitor the situation and report back if he lives..." stated The Kilted Nun.

"Yes mam." said Sister McFlounder, turning around and leaving the mostly dark room.

...

Little did Dr Dave know that the patient he was about to operate on had information about the dissiperence of CaptainWacky's celerity images.

"Let's get this operation on!" said Dr Dave

As Doctor Dave operated, he noticed something.

"WHAT THE DEUCE!" he shouted

"What is it doctor?" asked Nurse Bunny

"This man has been subjected to brain poison!" said Dr Dave

"My god!" said Nurse Bunny

...

Cassie and Tisiphone made it to CaptainWacky's house, IN SCOTLAND.

Tisiphone knocked on the door.

A woman answered

"Aye?" asked the woman

"Yes, we're here to see CaptainWacky" said Tisiphone

"Aye, wrong house, over there, aye." said the woman, pointed at the house next door.

Cassie and Tisiphone went next door and knocked again

CaptainWacky answered the door "THANK GOD, IT GET'S WORSE!"

"What happened?" asked Cassie

"SHE KNOWS... SHE KNOWS THE IMAGES ARE GONE, SHE WAS TO BE NUMBER ONE!" said CaptainWacky

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

double post

:sick:

 

[CaptainWacky]

SHE!?

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 4: Natalie

CaptainWacky was becoming more animated my the minute.

"Calm down CaptainWacky, what's going on?" asked Cassie

"Natalie Portman, she found out about my show and was going to come visit, but now..NOW, she's cancelled!" said CaptainWacky

"Hmmm" mused Cassie

"Something is fishy here." said Tisiphone

The mail man arrived and delivered a letter to CaptainWacky. As he read the letter he went "grrrrrr".

The letter, as read alound by Cassie went as followed

"Dear CaptainWacky,

By now you have encountered more of my wrath, that's right I The Kilted Nun got your beloved Natalie to cancel! Yes, I am behind that which has transpired.

You may be wondering, what you have done...well think back...think back...Has it come to you? Probably not, YOU NINNY!

Well I'll tell you, you refused to do a top 100 hot nuns list, and for this you will pay.

Sincerely,

The Kilted Nun"

"My god...not a nun!" said Cassie

To be continued...

 

[CaptainWacky]

NINNY!

 

[Dr Dave]

Coming up on episode 4 of The Cassie and Detective Team Adventures

"Nurse bunny, get the poison book, and make sure Dr.Feel Good Over there isn't wanking all over it!" said Dr Dave

"I think I know why she did it" Said Cassie

"THAT NINNY SANDWICH!" replied CaptainWacky

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 4: "Nurse bunny, get the poison book"

Having discovered that Secretary of State for Scotland had been poisoned

"Nurse bunny, get the poison book, and make sure Dr.Feel Good Over there isn't wanking all over it!" said Dr Dave

"Yes doctor." replied Nurse Bunny, who got the poison book, and glared at Dr Feel Good, who was preparing to wank over the book.

Dr Dave took a brain tissue sample and put it in the poison tester machine.

Moments later it came back with a result.

"Hmm...Altronuum B...this sounds...familiar" said Dr Dave

Nurse Bunny had set the poison book at a near by table and Dr Dave went over to look at it.

As he paged through the book and found the correct poison he still could not help thinking that he had seen this particular poison before.

"AH HA, BY PICARD I've found it!" shouted Dr Dave

"What did you find doctor?!" asked Nurse Bunny

"Altronuum B, commonly known as Nuns Poison, is known to be used by evil nuns, one known user is The Kilted Nun, a most vial nun who has a hatred of celebrities and Baptists." said Dr Dave

Dr Dave thought this was strange, why for example would anybody want to poison the Secretary of State for Scotland.

"Alright, now that we no the poison, we can give him poison antidote drops, then close up." Said Dr Dave

...

"You know, this whole business about this Kilted Nun wanting revenge on CaptainWacky just seems...I dunno, like we're missing something" said Tisiphone

"I have to agree...clearly Natalie Portman seems to be in the situation...but why, and why involve CaptainWacky" asked Cassie

Nobody seemed to have a clear answer.

"I wonder if Natalie got my birthday message" said CaptainWacky

"OH LORDY, how could we have missed this clue!" said Cassie

"Hmm" mused Tisiphone

"I think I know why she did it" Said Cassie

"What's your theory, SISTER?" asked Tisiphone

"Think about it, ruining Natalie Portman's birthday would be the bees knees to somebody who dislikes her, and what better way then to go after a list and a meeting with a fan." said Cassie

"THAT NINNY SANDWICH!" replied CaptainWacky

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

double post :third:

 

[CaptainWacky]

Natalie Portman is the centre of the universe.

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 5: "now all we are getting is Billy D Williams!"

CaptainWacky, Cassie, Tisiphone, and Dr Dave meet in Pub Gilmore, after Dr Dave called about The Secretary of State for Scotland.

"It's very odd" said Cassie after hearing what Dr Dave had to say.

"Yeah, I don't get the connection!" said Tisiphone

"I'm not sure either, I've contacted some freinds and am waiting to hear back from them" replied Dr Dave

"They could be completely unrelated" said Tisiphone

"Do we know if Secretary of State for Scotland likes Natalie Portman?" asked Cassie

"Everybody loves and likes her!" said CaptainWacky

"True" said Cassie

"I'll keep an eye on the Secretary of State for Scotland and ask him if he comes around" said Dr Dave

Suddenly Fuddlemiff staggered in.

"It's...it's..." studdered Fuddlemiff

"Fuddlemiff, what are you doing IN SCOTLAND!" asked Cassie

"I'm here for the Mine Field Reunion on July 27th...and I've heard some disturbing news, IT ROCKED ME TO MY CORE, AND EVEN MY WARP CORE!" said Fuddlemiff

"Well what is it, out with it sir!" said Tisiphone looking irritated, she added "and why the hell are you not wearing pants!"

"Lost them at a castle...The news...it's just...well as a surprise for the reunion Natalie Portman was to visit, she's cancelled, now all we are getting is Billy D Williams!" said Fuddlemiff

"Hey, that cat is cool, what's your beef Fuddlemiff!" replied Dr Dave angerly

"He once ate my crisps!" replied Fuddlemiff

"THAT FUCKINGDGDUGOUH NUN,FDSIOHFOIH I'LL CORKING FUCK HER NOSE WITH HER FUCKING EAR!" said CaptainWacky kicking over the table onto Fuddlemiff

"Ouch!" said Fuddlemiff

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 6: "FBI, why are you naked and riding a horse backwards?"

"THAT FUCKINGDGDUGOUH NUN,FDSIOHFOIH I'LL CORKING FUCK HER NOSE WITH HER FUCKING EAR!" said CaptainWacky kicking over the table onto Fuddlemiff

"Ouch!" said Fuddlemiff

"SORRY BRA!" said CaptainWacky

"This case just gets more complicated." said Cassie

"We need to figure out how it's all connected." said Tisiphone

"I'll get back to the hopsital and check on the Secretary of State for Scotland, perhaps he has woken up by now" said Dr Dave.

Dr Dave left and the rest of the group plotted what to do next.

"I think we should pay a visit to the event company and find out how this nun found out about the reunion." said Tisiphone

Cassie noded her agreement.

Voosh Voosh Voosh

Loktar appeared with his bench

"Oh god..help...she sent a flock of scotish pidgeons...somebody untie me!" pleaded Loktar

"Who did what now?" asked Tisiphone

"The Kilted Nun, she saw me outside of the tux rental shop!" said Loktar

"We better get going, somebody should escort CaptainWacky back to his house" said Cassie

The group agreed, and then saw something most strange outside, a man, a man that looked very familior.

"FBI PART DUE!" shouted the group

The group rushed out.

"FBI, why are you naked and riding a horse backwards?" asked Tisiphone

"BIRTHDAY WEEKEND, WHOO HOOO!" shouted FBI Part Due

"We need your help FBI, can you and Fuddlemiff get CaptainWacky back to his house and guard him?" said Tisiphone

"YES, BY FOOT OR BY BOOK, AS DR DAVE WOULD SAY!" shouted FBI

"Dr Dave would never say that, don't you know these things!" said CaptainWacky sounded agitated.

"LETS GO!" said FBI

"What's your horses name?" asked Cassie

"It's a horse with no name, I rode though the desert!" said FBI

The group was sceptical of this, but knew not to question FBI when he was naked and riding backwards on a horse with possibly no name.

To be continued...

 

[CaptainWacky]

"BY FOOT OR BY BOOK!

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 7: "It's NOT FUNNY!"

Cassie and Tisiphone, LADY DETECTIVES went off to the event company. They found wisky working here.

"I thought you worked for the government." asked Tisiphone

"I got sacked, they found out about my Hitler action figure and activities with the mine field, now all I can get is this job here, or being tied to a statue of Tony Blair." replied Whisky

Tisiphone chuckled

"It's NOT FUNNY!" shouted Whisky

"Were on a case, so hold your shit, and answer our questions" said Tisiphone reaching for her knife

"Ok, ok...please I need this job, or I'll have to move to..." replied Whisky

"Who have you told about Natalie Portman's surprise visit to the Mine Field Reunion!" asked Tisiphone

"Nobody...really...I didn't...um...OK, I told....Dr Dace!" said Whisky

"You fucking dacer" said Tisiphone angerly

"How could you..." asked Cassie looking very disappointed.

"I needed the money, to paint more Hitler Action Figures....for...the children!" said Wiskey

Things went dark after that for Wiskey.

...

Dr Dave returned to the hospital to check on The Secretary of State for Scotland. The guards were in place and noded as he entered.

"You must be Dr Dave, Thank you for curing me of BRAIN POISON!" said The Secretary of State for Scotland

"That's right, I need to ask you some questions...about THE KILTED NUN!" said Dr Dave

"I figured...my god she knows no bounds, she is more evil then Evil Margret!" said The Secretary of State for Scotland

"Yes...she is evil...why did she go after you?" asked Dr Dave

"I found out about some plans of hers, I was going to report it to SCOTLAND YARD, but she got to me...poisoned my drink of pineapple juice. The nun is mad, MAD I SAY!" said The Secretary of State for Scotland who was getting more and more agitated by the second.

"Calm down and go on...Why is she going after CaptainWacky and the Mine Field Reunion?" asked Dr Dave

"She knew...she knew if Natalie visited it would be the best thing for Scotland since we made up that bit about the Haggis, she hates Scotland, she hates fun, and good times...she is evil" said The Secretary of State for Scotland

"Yes...but I feel she must have more planned" said Dr Dave

"I don't know." replied The Secretary of State for Scotland

"Could she be planning to use CaptainWacky against Scotland?" asked Dr Dave

"Well...I found out she wanted to ruin him...she hates female celebrities" replied The Secretary of State for Scotland

"More questions then answers." said Dr Dave

..

Fuddlemiff and FBI Part Due (who was still naked and riding backwards on a horse) escorted CaptainWacky back to his house.

Suddenly ANGRY NINJAS dressed up as Japanise Anime characters jummped out from a near by abandoned cork factory.

"Oh shit..." said Fuddlemiff

"NINJAS!!!!!" said CaptainWacky

"Shit just got real" said FBI, still naked but holding two double barelled shot guns

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 7: "It's NOT FUNNY!"

Cassie and Tisiphone, LADY DETECTIVES went off to the event company. They found wisky working here.

"I thought you worked for the government." asked Tisiphone

"I got sacked, they found out about my Hitler action figure and activities with the mine field, now all I can get is this job here, or being tied to a statue of Tony Blair." replied Whisky

Tisiphone chuckled

"It's NOT FUNNY!" shouted Whisky

"Were on a case, so hold your shit, and answer our questions" said Tisiphone reaching for her knife

"Ok, ok...please I need this job, or I'll have to move to..." replied Whisky

"Who have you told about Natalie Portman's surprise visit to the Mine Field Reunion!" asked Tisiphone

"Nobody...really...I didn't...um...OK, I told....Dr Dace!" said Whisky

"You fucking dacer" said Tisiphone angerly

"How could you..." asked Cassie looking very disappointed.

"I needed the money, to paint more Hitler Action Figures....for...the children!" said Wiskey

Things went dark after that for Wiskey.

...

Dr Dave returned to the hospital to check on The Secretary of State for Scotland. The guards were in place and noded as he entered.

"You must be Dr Dave, Thank you for curing me of BRAIN POISON!" said The Secretary of State for Scotland

"That's right, I need to ask you some questions...about THE KILTED NUN!" said Dr Dave

"I figured...my god she knows no bounds, she is more evil then Evil Margret!" said The Secretary of State for Scotland

"Yes...she is evil...why did she go after you?" asked Dr Dave

"I found out about some plans of hers, I was going to report it to SCOTLAND YARD, but she got to me...poisoned my drink of pineapple juice. The nun is mad, MAD I SAY!" said The Secretary of State for Scotland who was getting more and more agitated by the second.

"Calm down and go on...Why is she going after CaptainWacky and the Mine Field Reunion?" asked Dr Dave

"She knew...she knew if Natalie visited it would be the best thing for Scotland since we made up that bit about the Haggis, she hates Scotland, she hates fun, and good times...she is evil" said The Secretary of State for Scotland

"Yes...but I feel she must have more planned" said Dr Dave

"I don't know." replied The Secretary of State for Scotland

"Could she be planning to use CaptainWacky against Scotland?" asked Dr Dave

"Well...I found out she wanted to ruin him...she hates female celebrities" replied The Secretary of State for Scotland

"More questions then answers." said Dr Dave

..

Fuddlemiff and FBI Part Due (who was still naked and riding backwards on a horse) escorted CaptainWacky back to his house.

Suddenly ANGRY NINJAS dressed up as Japanise Anime characters jummped out from a near by abandoned cork factory.

"Oh shit..." said Fuddlemiff

"NINJAS!!!!!" said CaptainWacky

"Shit just got real" said FBI, still naked but holding two double barelled shot guns

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 8: The Mine Field Reunion Part 1

CaptainWacky, Fuddlemiff, and FBI Part Due were out numbered.

"Shit just got FUCKING CORKED!" said CaptainWacky

"It occurred to me, none of us have guns..." said Fuddlemiff

"I have a tire iron, and some brass knuckles" replied FBI, tossing them to Fuddlemiff

"AND I'LL USE THIS DRIFT WOOD I FOUND JUST NOW!" shouted CaptainWacky

The battle ensued.

The ninjas went down hard, the drift wood as it turned out was metal pipe that CaptainWacky greatly got from a construction site.

Fuddmiff panting "That was one battle, I tell u whut" adding after strange looks from CaptainWacky and FBI "I'm visiting texas next month".

"Hey, you there, bring back that pipe!" shouted an angry construction worker

"BIBBLE FIBBLE!" replied CaptainWacky and the group ran off.

...

Cassie and Tisiphone lady detectives left the event planning shop.

"We best get to the event site and check there" said Tisiphone

"And get into our fancy dresses, THE REUNION IS TODAY!" said Cassie

Little did the lady detectives know, that danger was ahead, thankfully Tisiphone had the word tattooed on a guy she once knew after he lost a bet.

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 9: Bursting in with Fancy Dresses (MF Reunion Part 2)

Cassie and Tisiphone rushed to the MF reunions, they were now in their FANCY DRESSES!

Traffic was hella bad, and the trip was slow.

"Fuck, we've already missed the opening bit. Loktar was going to read poetry about FISH HEADS, and CaptainWacky was to officially 'get this party started', not sure what he meant by that..." said Tisiphone

"Don't worry, we will get there!" replied Cassie, thinking to herself "I just hope were not too late"

...

CaptainWacky got on stage, the poetry reading had gone horribly wrong, somebody had replaced the poetry reading about ducks and the MF reunion with a poem about how nice geese were. Loktar just blindly read it, too fixed on all the FANCY DRESSES in the audience.

CaptainWacky knew The Kilted Nun was about...but who she was not known, none the less, the show must go on.

"I wonder where Cassie and Tisiphone are..." said CaptainWacky to Tomtrek

"I don't know, I have Dr Dave and Fuddlemiff checking out the room, I have a feeling we wont know what the Kilted Nun will to do till the end." replied Tomtrek

"WECLOME YOU FORGY MITS! TO THE MINE FIELD REUNION!" shouted CaptainWacky

The crowd cheered, except for English Rose, who was too busy tossing roses at Love Child.

CaptainWacky continued "As you know, the duck is our animal, so to open todays MF reunion, RELEASING OF THE MALARDS!"

Tomtrek opend the cage and MANY DUCKS hopped out.

"Quack!" went one of the Ducks

The people were pleased, one person shouted "TAKE IT OFF SEXY BEAK!"

"Hmm what's this" said Tomtrek

It was a note card.

"This was not here before..." said Tomtrek

Tomtrek read the card to CaptainWacky

"The hour is at had you OLD MOLDS!" it was signed The Kilted Nun

Just then Cassie and Tisiphone Lady Detectives Burst in, dragging in a bloodied Dr Dace

"NOW THIS IS A PARTY!" said Dr Dave

To be continued...