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thingoftheday (thing+181)

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
don't thnk I'[m in a johnnnnnny nose nmoood dude


don't really have moods no more

or wnats

or emotions

or anything really

just sort of exist i suppose

every moment could be your last!

so what should I do

can't do anything

my body doesn't react right with the universe

it's defective

i am my body

nothing more

the sum of my parts

NO FUCKING SOUl

so I am defective

it's is logical and it is true

there is othing

jjjjjjjjjjjjjj________-g

sd

z

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz




jSLEEP MAN

A NEW SITCOM

STARRING JACK DUCK AS SLEEP MAN

KRISTEN STEWART AS HIS SLUTTY TEEN DAUGHTER

AND A FAMILY OF BEARS

)))))))))))))))))0




______________--

(SLEEP MAN ha sfalled alseep.)

Daughter: Get up, sleepyhead!

(Audience laugh.)

SLeepMan: I can't stay awake due to the futility of life.

Daugter: Well get over it, the bears are coming over for dinner.

SleepMan: what's the point? we'll eat dinner and then it'll be over and as though it never happened.

Daughter: Stop being emo and set the table, you bastard!

(audience laugh.)

SleepMan: okay.

(He stands up...then falls over asleep.)

Sleepman: ZZZZZZZ.

(Audience laugh.)

Daughter: Grr!

(she starts to set the table but there is a knock on the door.)

Daddy Bear: HELLO, WE ARE FUCKING HERE FOR DINNER.

Daughter: Oh no, they arrived early!

(audience laugh.)

Daughter: WAKE UP YOU SACK OF SHIT.

(She kicks her dad in the face and he wakes.)

Sleepman: Uhh, what?

DaughteR: Go open teh door, the bears are here!

SLeepman: Fine.

(He opens the door and the bears barge in.)

Mummy Bear: ABOUT FUCKING TIME, WE ARE HUNGRY.

Daddy Bear: FOR HUMAN FLESH.

Boy Bear: Yeah!

Mummy Bear: BUT WE'LL SETTLE FOR WHATEVER SHIT YOU'VE COOKED.

Sleepman: Well, my daughter did all the cooking....

Daddy Bear: What? YOU MUST BE SO FUCKING LAZy.

Sleepman: I'm not lazy, I'm just completely disconnected from reality.

Daddy Bear: FROM MY LIMITIED SCOPE OF KNOWLEDGE, THAT SOUNDS LIKE LAZINESS. SO IT MUST BE LAZINESS. GRRRR, I HATE THE LAZY.

(HE mauls sleepman slightly.)

Sleepman: That hurt!

(He falls alseep. The audience laugh.)

DaughteR: dinner's ready...did you just maul my dad?

Mummy Bear: YES. NOW BEAR BOY WILL RAPE YOU. HE IS THIRTEEN TODAY. THE AGE WHEN ALL BEAR BOYS RAPE A HUMAN WOMAN TO BECOME A MAN. RAPE HER, SON.

Daddy Baer: RAPE HER HARD.

Daguhter: NOOO!

(Bear Boy jumps on her.)

DaughteR: Dad, help me!

(Sleepman sits up and looks around.)

Sleepman: Bears raping my daughter? I must be dreaming!

(The audience laught and applaud as the show fades out, the bears angrily raping daughter.)

EXECUTVIE PRODUCDRER: JOSS STONe

_______--


wasnt' that a good bear stljg
s

h

good ostyr


for you all to read

much better that than that tan that story you read five mnuntes ago

much bettttte
r
g



j DUCK

__-----
 
j DUCK owns my soul.
 
he will be my new personality
 
Quack on brother. Quack on.
 
Shut your mouth, woman!

j DUCK

(he's a sexist)
 
Go j Duck!
 
I don't need no cheerleaders, boy.

j DUCK
 
Is j Duck Howard's brother?
 
Yes we all know Round The Twist rocked.
 
Will there be a j DUCK story in the works?
 
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