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Wacky Reviews: Star Trek

I think 'Shattered Mirror' was hurt a lot by me watching it right after 'Hard Time', an episode full of genuine emotion compared to the mirror universe Star Wars rip-off stuff. It was a cool space battle though.
 
The Muse - Jake Sisko sees a woman coming on the station and is intrigued by her. Odo finds a crying Lwaxana Troi in his office. She's pregnant, despite being sixty something at this point and already going through the space menopause back in TNG season 2 (that episode where Picard was hiding from her in the Dixon Hill stories.) For some reason she married an evil man who's going to take her baby away from her. He seemed nice at the wedding! Isn't she supposed to be a mind reader? She wants Odo's help to hide from him. The mysterious woman sits next to Jake and tells him about an artist she once knew. He died young but the buildings he designed will stand for centuries. She tells Jake he has it in him to be a great writer, he just needs her help. He's supposed to be taking a trip with Ben and Kasidy but tells his father he doesn't want to go now because he wants to focus on his writing. Lwaxana depresses Dax and Kira with tales of her love life. Odo takes her for a walk and she tells him about Kestra. Odo now understands why she doesn't want her evil husband taking her baby from it, because women who haven't had a child die just give up their babies all the time I guess. Odo feels the baby kicking. She falls asleep on his lap and he shapeshifts a blanket. Jake goes to the woman's quarters and tells him of the novel he wants to write. She gets him writing with pen and paper while massaging his head and sucking energy out of his brain.

Lwaxana and Odo play hide and seek in his quarters and it's cute. The evil husband arrivess and tells Odo he has a legal right to see that his son is raised by men. Odo tells him that the baby is actually the legal property of the mother's husband. He's going to marry Lwaxana so she can keep the baby, but evil husband is going to stay to witness the marriage. If he's not convinced it's real they're fucked! Jake keeps writing while the woman sucks him dry. Odo and Lwaxana's wedding takes place in his quaters with most of the regular cast and evil husband there. His declaration of love at first doesn't convince evil husband. He makes a nice, well acted speech about what Lwaxana has meant to him and how she stopped him from feeling alone. Evil husband is convinced that he's for real and the marriage goes ahead. Lwaxana says after that she really believed Odo wanted to marry her and I'm not sure if we're supposed to think she's right? Jake is still writing (zzzzz) and the woman says he's pushing himself too hard. He collapses and Bashir tells Ben that somethins has stimulated Jake's brain so much that it nearly exploded or something. The woman appers out of nowhere in the Infirmary, punches out the nurse and takes Jake away to finish his book. She sucks him off while hs frantically writes even though it's going to kill him. Ben finds them in time and she explains that she's unlocked the potential of many of the greatest artists in the universe and she lives on forever through their creative energy or something it's bad. Jake is the youngest great mind she's ever found. She turns into a ball of energy and flies off into space. Lwaxana is headed back to Betazed and Odo tries to convince her to stay because he'll miss her. Ben reads Jake's novel and thinks it's a good start.

The thing about this season is that it's had no truly bad episode up until now. The lowest scorer so far has been 6/10 and while I'd say a 6/10 episode must have some pretty obvious flaws (like say Worf trying to murder an old man) it would still be a perfectly watchable episode of television. Really if 6/10 was the lowest the season got it would average out to be the best season in the history of Star Trek. Then this episode comes along! I assume the Jake plot is meant to be the A-plot and it's just total crap, nothing redeeming about it. Cirroc Lofton's acting doesn't elevate the material at all and it doesn't even have a proper ending: the alien woman just flies off into space and everyone shrugs. But the Odo/Lwaxana plot actually has some good moments. If you can ignore the absurdity of a 65 year old Lwaxana having a baby and marrying a blatantly evil husband there's stuff to enjoy: the blanket scene and the hide and seek scene are both very sweet and Rene Auberjonois is great in the wedding scene. Their goodbye is quite sad. But is that enough to get the episode up to 6/10 or even 5/10? Nah, the Jake stuff is way too bad and while the Odo/Troi plot has good moments I still have problems with it...

This is Lwaxana's final appearance on Star Trek and it occurs to me that every single one of her episodes (other than the poorly executed 'Dark Page') has been about her relationship with men. Either her chasing after a man who doesn't want her or marrying an evil man or trying to set up her daughter with a man who she doesn't want. It's pretty sad, really. In all the years she's been in Star Trek, going back to TNG season one, her character hasn't changed at all and here, in her final appearance, she's still stupidly marrying an obviously inappropriate man. I guess having a new baby as she enters the last years of her life is supposed to be a happy ending for her?

SCORE: 3/10


For The Cause - Sisko is sad that Kasidy has to keep running off to do freighter Captain stuff. Eddington speaks at a briefing about a shipment of Federation industrial replicators that are to be delevered to the Cardassians. Starfleet suspects that the Maquis will attempt to steal the replicators as the Cardassian military has been too busy with the Klingons lately to deal with them. Odo and Eddington tell Sisko in private that they suspect Kasidy Yates is a Maquis smuggler. The evidence is only circumstantial and Sisko is sure they're mistaken. Bashir and Odo watch Kira play racquetball, but Garak notices Ziyal (now played by Tracy Middendorf and looking a lot older) looking at him. Sisko gently probes Kasidy about her flight plans over dinner. Gaak and Ziyal find themselves alone in a turbolift and exchange pleasantries. Odo's security team searches Kasidy's ship under a flimsy premise and she asks Sisko to let her off. He clears her to leave much to Eddington's disapproval, but Sisko instructs him and Worf to follow her in the Defiant. O'Brien and Worf debate the merits of the Maquis (O'Brien feels sorry for them, Worf wants to hunt them down and destroy them.) Eddington won't give an opinion. They watch Kasidy beam cargo to a Maquis ship. Ziyal visits Garak's shop and invites him to join her in a Cardassian sauna holosuite program. Ben sees how much Jake cares about Kasidy and feels bad knowing that she's a terrorist sympathiser.

Kasidy arrives back at the station and Sisko asks her about her cargo run. He doesn't tell her what he knows and lets her go off with Jake to watch baseball. She's going on another run tonight and Sisko agrees to let Odo and Eddington arrest her and the Maquis. Eddington tells Sisko he wants to take care of the delivery of the replicators to the Cardassians so Sisko will command the Defiant when it arrests Kasidy. Sisko goes to see her and asks her to run away with him in a runabout for a few days. She turns him down and her fate is sealed. The Defiant follows Kasidy's ship into the Badlands but the Maquis ship isn't there yet so Sisko orders them to wait. Kira warns Garak to stay away from Ziyal (in front of Quark.) Garak actually feels better because he's now sure Ziyal isn't going to kill him as Kira wouldn't have warned him away if she was. Quark suggests it might be a double bluff. This is funny. Odo thinks that Kasidy's misson has actually been to get Sisko and him away from DS9. Sisko beams over to her ship and asks if the Maquis are about to attack the station. She doesn't know what's going on either and was told the medical supplies she was delivering were urgently needed. It was a set up! Eddington tells his security team that he has secret new orders and even the Bajoran security team can't be told. He stuns Kira. Sisko lets Kasidy go and rushes back to the station. They're too late, Eddington's already got away with the replicators. Eddington sends Sisko a message asking him to leave the Maquis alone and warning the Federation not to help Cardassia anymore. He makes a good speech about how the Federation can't stand that the Maquis left them and that the Federation are even worse than the Borg because they don't give a warning before assimilation. Sisko promises to hunt him down. Garak goes to the Holosuite and asks Ziyal if she's going to kill him. She says she doesn't care what he thinks of her, she just wants some Cardassian company. He joins her at last. Kasidy comes back to the station to face the music. She won't apologise for what she did but she still loves Sisko and doesn't want to throw it away. He promises to wait for her and she's arrested.

It's a very good Sisko episode. The scenes with him and Kasidy really work. They might not have had a lot of screentime together this season but they're a believable couple (and hey we finally know why she was alway running off.) It's pretty believable that she'd give medical supplies to the Maquis. The Eddington story kind of doesn't work as well because we really don't know anything about Eddington after two seasons of him being in the show. I guess that's partly the point, that he was always a perfect Starfleet officer never questioning orders until now. But this is the first time we've heard of the Maquis in ages and I think it would have worked better if they'd had more of a presence recently? I'm sure I remembered them being around more but this is the first time they've featured (other than a shapeshifted disguising himself as one) since their introductory two parter back in season two. Maybe if we'd gotten a scene where Eddington dealt with them in a previous episode that would have helped, but Star Trek doesn't really have that kind of forward planning yet (but maybe it will soon!) His speech is very good at the end anyway.

SCORE: 8.5/10
 
I never really bought into Sisko and Eddington becoming nemesis after this, sure he let him down and stole some stuff, but it's not like he stabbed his own brother or wiped his memories or anything.
 
I guess The Muse can't be called the worst ever episode of DS9 because of Let He Who Is Without Sin, but I have never watched The Muse again after the first time. I'd call it a tie.
 
I dont totally buy Sisko hating Eddington so much either. Of course, Eddington is partly responsible for Kasidy’s arrest, but still I’d expect Sisko to have some sympathy for the Maquis cause, like she does.
 
I don't even think 'The Muse' is the worst episode yet, the Bashir "my tennis balls!" episode last season was worse.
 
I didn't hate The Muse because I love Odo and Lwaxana's friendship, but it's definitely not one of my favorites.
 
Maybe I should watch it again -- I just remember hating the Jake A story so much that I probably don't even remember much about the Odo-Lwaxana story.
 
You could watch all the Lwaxana and Odo episodes. Was there only 3 of them? 3 or 4, I think. I was so happy they made Lwaxana have a little more interesting personality. TNG just made her a weird sex pest, then DS9 kinda did the same thing, but they gave her some heart, and Odo eventually liked her instead of finding her annoying.
 
To the Death - After fighting BREEN PIRATES (I want to watch that story!), the Defiant returns to find one of the upper pylons of the station has been blown off. It's a pretty startling start to the series and it will surely take a long time to repair that pylon (the thing is huge!) Eighteen people are dead and the Jem'Hadar are responsible (they also stole a bunch of stuff.) Sisko leaves Kira in command (probably since Nana Visitor's pregnancy is getting more obvious) and goes Jem'Hadar hunting in the GQ with everyone else in the Defiant. They find a badly damaged Jem'Hadar warship about to explode and beam the survivors over (with a big security team to meet them.) Those survivors included a Vorta named Weyoun (Jeffrey Combs, finally playing the character he was born to play) who tells Sisko that the Jem'Hadar who attacked the station also attacked them. He also offers to make Sisko the aboslute ruler of the Federation but passes it off as a joke. He wants Sisko's help to hunt down the renegade Jem'Hadar as they have found an Iconian gateway (good TNG season 2 continunity!) and nearly have it activated (that's why they stole equipment from DS9.) These Jem'Hadar would soon be unstoppable and take control of the Dominion before overrunning the Federation using the gateways. Sisko doesn't have much choice but to agree to help. Sisko has a tense meeting with the Jem'Hadar leader Omet'iklan who basically says once the mission is over he'll kill Sisko but they'll work together until then. The renegade Jem'Hadar out number them but of course can't just be destroyed by orbit for a technobabble reason. Worf nearly gets into a fight with a Jem'Hadar because they both love to fight. They run a battle simulation that doesn't go well when the Starfleet crew won't blow themselves up to win.

Omet'iklan tells Weyoun that he already knows about the Iconian gateway and Weyoun didn't have to lie to them about it. A Jem'Hadar stares at Dax for two hours and she learsn that they don't eat or sleep or have any women, and few of them live to be fifteen. It's not much of a life. There's a Mess Hall scene where the crew witness the ritual performed every time a bored Weyoun gives the Jem'Hadar their Ketracel-white. Then the Jem'Hadar from before calls O'Brien fat so Worf attacks him (don't diss Worf's fat friends.) Omet'iklan has had enough of his man disobeying orders so snaps his neck and expects Sisko to do the same to Worf. When he doesn't, Omet'iklan promises to kill Sikso after the mission for being weak. He's kind of a dick. Weyoun tells Odo that the Founders want him to come home and still love him. O'Brien records a message for Keiko in the event that he dies (and Jadzia's recorded one for his mother.) Worf lets Sisko know that he'll kill Omet'iklan if Omet'iklan kills Sisko. They finally arrive at the gateway planet and Omet'iklan makes a speech about how they are already dead and victory is life. O'Brien makes a shorter, funny speech about being alive and intending to stay that way. Their phaser rifles don't work once they beam down (technobabble reason) and the renegade Jem'Hadar attack. There's lots of fighting with bladed weapons. Odo knocks some of the bad Jem'Hadar out with his tentacles. Sisko saves Omet'iklan's life and O'Brien blows up the gateway. Weyoun beams down to congratulate everyone after the killing is done. Omet'iklan kills Weyoun for questioning his loyalty but lets Sisko go because he respects him now.

It's a good episode but gets slightly dull in the middle with all the scenes on the Defiant. The Jem'Hadar aren't really that intersting as characters as all they ever talk about is killing and being willing to die for the Founders and so on. So the scenes with them and the crew interacting get a bit repetitive. Weyoun is great though, the best Vorta yet. It's a shame he dies at the end and will never be seen again!

SCORE: 8/10


The Quickening - The episode starts with a close-up of the station, meaning we can't actually see if the upper plyon is repaired. I wonder if they did that on purpose? Quark has hacked the station's comm systm to air an advertisement for his bar (the jingle is quite catchy) and made a musical mug appear in Worf's replicator. Bashir, Kira and Dax head to the GQ and respond to a distress call just outside of Dominion space. Bashir and Dax beam down to a planet where the people seem to live in poverty and all have strange lessions on their faces. A woman collapses from something known as "the blight" in front of them and they take her to a hospital. A doctor named Trevean explains that two hundred years ago they were technological advanced but the Jem'Hadar destroyed their world as an example to others and left them with the blight. Everyone is born with it and when it quickens there's no way to stop death. Bashir is horrified when he realises Trevean is assisting in the suicide of those who have quickened. Bashir is ready to help but a pregnant woman named Ekoria comes and ask for help. The Jem'Hadar show up and Kira has to leave, but Bashir and Dax stay behind for a week (he thinks he can have a cure by then.) Bashir sets up a clinic in Ekoria's home. Bashir and Dax start to analyse the virus and Ekoria starts to get her hopes up. She makes them a meal with food she was saving to take to hospital for her death, thinking she won't need it anymore. A quickened man mocks the idea that Bashir can help them, but Julian impresses the natives by healing a child's broken arm. Trevean warns them against false hope.

Ekoria talks about how she wants to be here for her baby (the father quickened already.) The quickened man and others show up at the clinic to allow Bashir to do his tests. Bashir thinks he has an antigen but Dax warns him not to tell Ekoria yet. Julian tells Ekoria about Kukalaka the teddy bear, his first patient. Something goes wrong the virus mutates in the quickened man, despite him having taken Bashir's antigen. Ekoria is sure he'll be okay but Bashir realises that the EM fields in his instruments have caused the virus to mutate. The man dies and his other patients are in agony. Trevean arrives and the quickened start to ask him to help them die. The next day with nearly everyone dead Bashir bittely blames himself. He was looking forward to showing off to Kira about curing the blight. He thinks he was arrogant for thinking he could cure the blight in a week, but Dax points out that it's even more arrogant to think there's no cure just becanse he couldn't find it. It's a great line! Ekoria has quickened but thanks Julian for giving her hope. Kira returns and Dax leaves with her but Bashir stays behind again, still wanting to help. Bashir stays with Ekoria as she grows sicker (and she's the only one willing to talk to him now.) She has to hang on for two more weeks to have the baby. Trevean comes to see her and offers to end her suffering but she refuses. Julian delivers the baby and finds that it's free of the blight. The baby absorbed the antigen through the placenta. Ekoria dies knowing that her baby is healthy. It's not a cure for the virus but it is a vaccine that will mean the next generation will be born without it. Trevean holds the healthy baby up for all to see. Sisko makes his only appearance (like Picard he's in every single episode) back at the station congratulating Bashir, who is sitll working on a cure.

It's a great episode! I love how Bashir thinks he can just swoop in and cure people who have been suffering for two hundred years then dozens of people die in agony all around him. Of course he actually does end up helping them but that's fine. The Trevean character is good because at first he seems kind of sinister but we come to realise he's just doing what he can to relieve the suffering. This is probably the best Bashir episode yet (I can't remember what other good ones there were.)

SCORE: 9/10
 
Yes, I thought it was a good Bashir episode too! There's your frontier, Julian. lol
 
Body Parts - O'Brien is worried because Keiko's off in the GQ with Bashir and Kira looking at plants (how exciting for Bashir and Kira!) Quark is being strangely nice to Rom after a trip to Feringinar...and blurts out that he's dying. The Ferengi doctor has given him just six days to live. Rom says "you're going to die" in a stupid voice. Rom suggests that Quark sell his desiccated remains to pay off his debts but Quark thinks nobody would want to buy a disk of Quark since all the Ferengi think he's a loser. Bashir, Kira and Keiko's runabout comes back from the GQ on fire. O'Brien rushes to the Infrimary...and finds Kira now pregnant. Keiko's was injured and the baby had to be beamed into Kira's womb and now she'll have to carry it to term and this all feels very unlikely but it's wacky Star Trek fun (and it covers up Nana Visitor's pregnancy.) Quark finds that only Rom has bid on his remains, but suddenly someone places a huge bid on his remains. He assumes it must be the Nagus. Keiko and Kira talk about their unusual situation. Bashir tells Quark that he's received a message from Feringinar: Quark isn't doing at all. Quark is excited that he can now sue the doctor, but the next day Brunt arrives on the station. It was he who bought Quark's remains. He knows Quark isn't dying but doesn't care, he still wants his remains. A contract is a contract is a contract between Ferengi so Quark can't break it even though a Ferengi normally wouldn't collect under these circumstances. Brunt explains that he hates Quark because he sees him as part of a weakness within Ferengi society after he covered up for his mum, gave in to the union's demands and sold food to Bajoran refugeess at barely any profit. Quark will be an outcast among Ferengi unless he kills hismelf and gives the remains to Brunt.

Keiko admits to Miles that she's find the new situation difficult. Rom encourages Quark to break with Ferengi tradition, but Quark ges to see Garak (who has just made padded pants for Morn so he can swivel on his barstool more easily!) to hire him as an assassin and kill Quark. Garak agress to do it. Quark explains to Rom that he's a real Ferengi and won't break the contract. Rom starts crying but for once doesn't make stupid wailing noises so it's actually effective. Keiko visits Kira so she can feel the baby kicking and get updates on morning sickness (Bajoran women sneeze instead.) Garak snaps Quark's neck and leaves himd dead face first in a pile of food. He's just showing Quark potentail methods of murder in the holosuite. Quark tells him he wants to be surprised and Garak promises to kill him when he least expects it. There's a funny scene of Quark back in his quarters sneaking around hoping Garak isn't there to murder him. Quark wakes up in the Ferengi afterlife and thinks Garak has killed him. He meets the first Grand Nagus, who looks like an older Rom, who explains this is just a dream. The first Nagus tries to convince Quark that his life is more important than the Rules of Acquisition and the name was just a marketing ploy. Quark knows it's just a dream and he wants someone's permission to break the rules. Brunt shows up and warns Quark of the consequences if he does. Quark goes to see Brunt the next day and tells him he's breaking the contract. Brunt announces to the bar that no further Ferengi commerce can occur in the bar and the assets will be confiscated. Quark closes the bar. Kira moves in with the O'Briens until the baby is born and tells Molly to call her Aunt Nerys. Quark's Bar is emptied of all furniture and Dabo wheels and stock. He even has to send his clothes to Brunt (does that really make sense?) Rom tells Quark he's proud of him. Bashir brings a case of brandy to Quark that a patient gave him. Dax brings some glasses her sister sent her. Sisko brings some furniture he needs stored, with even Odo helping. Quark resists at first but becomes genuinely moved that his friends are helping him This is...surprisingly very touching.

(I always feel like this episode misses a trick by not having Quark go back to his quarters at the end and then Garak jumps out and tries to murder him because Quark never cancelled the hit. But I suppose that woudn't really fit the tone of the ending scene.)

There are things about this episode I don't like: Rom has some annoying parts (though also some parts where he doesn't overplay the emotions for once!), Brunt is still too one note evil, the dream sequence is really weak and literal. But it actually ends up being good because for once they give Quark some character development. Through most of the episode he insists that he's a proper Ferengi businessman and that he regrets being thought of as unconventional and friendly with the Federation, but in the end after he loses everything it's the friendships he's made with non-Ferengis that come back and help him relaunch his business. The final scene is actually really moving and feels earned. If it had happened in, say, season two it woudln't have rung true as Quark was still a typical Ferengi jerk then but we've seen his character soften over the years and can buy that everyone else on the station would help him out. It's nice! The subplot is silly but fine too.

SCORE: 8/10
 
Broken Link - Garak tries to set Odo up with a Bajoran restaurant owner. It's a cute scene but we never see her again after this episode so let's forget about it! Then Odo has a weird seizure. Bashir can't tell what's wrong with him. A message from Gowron warns the Federation to recall from a sector of space the Klingons used to gain ownership over. It's just an excuse to scare the Federation, says Sisko, and Dax's sources think war with the Klingons may be inevitable. Kira goes to visit sick Odo and gives him today's criminal activity report. Odo stupidly sneaks out of bed to try to stop a thief getting away from the station but has another seizure and turns into a puddle. Bashir still can't tell what's wrong with him but it's getting worse. Odo knows the only thing they can do is take him back to his people. The Defiant prepares to take a trip to the GQ. Garak requests permission to come too, telling Sisko he want to ask the Founders if any of the crewmembers of the Cardassian ships destroyed in the attack last season survived and were taken prisoner. Sisko agrees (Avery Brooks is weirdly over the top here, like I'd gotten used to his line delivery but sometimes it becomes noticable again and this is one of these times okay) but has a job for Garak: to keep Odo busy during the trip. Odo can't be beamed to the Defiant because he's unstable and has to walk down the Promenade to get there. Quark wishe him well (in his own way.) Garak tells Odo tales of when he worked as a gardener on Romulus and Romulan politicians kept mysteriously dying. (The Defiant's Sickbay looks bigger here than Bashir indicated before.) O'Brien thinks Keiko and Kira are gossiping about him when he isn't in the room. Jem'Hadar warships show up. A Jem'Hadar solider randomly starts to beat up O'Brien after beaming over but the Female Changeling stops him. She wants to help Odo and agrees to let the Defiant come to their new homeworld, but only if a Jem'Hadar flies them there and their navigational logs are erased.

The Female Changeling goes to see Odo. She links with him to give him some relief from his pain. She admits to Odo that she caused his illness to force him to come home. He killed a changeling, violating the most sacred law of their people, so must enter the Great Link and be judged. Only the Link can cure him so if he refuses to come he will die. Garak finally gets to speak to her as she leaves Sickbay. She tells him there were no Cardassian survivors, that they're dead, Garak is dead and Cardassia is dead. Odo tells Sisko and the others not to try to help him: he wants to face judgement. Sisko and Bashir beam down to the Great Link planet with Odo and the FC, standing on a small island in an ocean of changelings. Odo joins the link. There's a funny bit where Bashir nearly skims a stone across the Link. Worf catches Garak trying to gain control of the ship's weapons system. He's going to kill all the Changelings and end the Dominon threat once and for all. It will mean they'll all die but it'll be worth it to save the entire Alpha Quadrant. They have a fight which Worf wins, though he admits Garak fought well for a tailor. It's an interesting scene because in a couple of years you could imagine Sisko doing the same thing Garak tried to do. Odo is thrown back out of the Link. Bashir reports that Odo's humanoid now. The FC reports that Odo's punishment is to live as one of the solids he loves so much and maybe it would have been kinder to kill him. His face is unchanged but Odo thinks they left it that way on purpose to remind him of what he once was. Garak makes clothes for him back on the station. Odo then arrests him for that whole attempted genocide thing (six months in a holding cell is his punishment.) The cute Bajoran girl comes back and basically tells Odo she'll fuck his brains out now that he's a humanoid but again we'll never see her again so let's forget it! Gowron makes another broadcast, declaring war on the Federation. Odo remembers something the other changelings tried to hide from him during the Link: Gowrn is a changeling. DRAMATIC CLIFFHANGER.

It's the return of the slightly underwhelming DS9 season finale! I mean it's a fine episode. Garak has good scenes. He fights Worf, that's fun. The Odo story is good. Turning him into a solid opens up some intriguing story possibilities (an episode where Odo eats a cake, for example.) But it really doesn't feel like a complete episode? It's all just set-up for the next season. But it's good set-up!

SCORE: 8/10
 
I wonder if Odo had to take a giant poo after he got his changeling ability back.
 
Cassie said:
I wonder if Odo had to take a giant poo after he got his changeling ability back.
Click to expand...
Yeah if he was only pretend mortal all that time, were all his poos pretend goo poos? Or when he was changed back, should all of the fluids and waste poured out of him along with his clothes falling off? (SPOILERS)

I liked the cleverness of the "Kira is surprise pregnant" story, although it would have been more believable if they had made it back to DS9 and Julian had performed a proper surgery, as opposed to "we beamed the baby in there".
 
Apocalypse Rising - That's quite the episode title. Sisko and Dax are late to return to the station in their runabout as space is now full of hostile Klingons. Worf wants to take the Defiant to find them and briefly clashes with Kira but they arrive right then anyway. The war with the Klingons isn't going well and Starfleet is sending an infiltration team to the Klingon homeworld to prove that Gowron is a changeling. Of course Starfleet apparently doesn't have any infiltration specialists so Sisko is leading the team. Odo is still depressed about being a humanoid and hanging out in Quark's looking at the bubbles in alcohol (he's too depressed to even get drunk.) Sisko wants to take him on the mission but Odo thinks he won't be any help without his shapeshifting abilities. Sisko orders him to come anyway. Gowron has relocated the Klingon headquarters to a planet in an asteroid field surrounded by battleships and Gowron also has super elite bodyguards. Worf suggests killing Gowron so he'll turn into liquid but Sisko has special golden balls that will force any changeling to lose its shape. Dukat (wearing Klingon sashes) comes to the station and is surprised to find Kira pregnant with O'Brien's child and that Sisko, O'Brien and Odo have been surgically altered to appear Klingon. Worf is going on the mission too despite surely being the most famous Klingon in the universe (The only Klingon in Starfleet! Twice exiled! Discovered Emperor Kahless!) Dax, the expert in Klingon matters, isn't going on he mssion though. It's weird. Damar gets some lines on Dukat's ship (he wants to kill all the Klingons.) There's a scene between Kira and Bashir where she says the baby is his fault, which seems like an injoke about Siddig being the one who knocked up Visitor. Worf tries to teach Sisko, O'Brien and Odo how to be Klingons. Odo has another crisis of confidence and Sisko tells him to humanoid up. Dukat destroys a Klingon Bird of Prey when his holo-emitter doesn't work, disgusting the Starfleet crew (Dukat's still evil, remember!)

They arrive at the Klingon secret base and Dukat reveals that he's going to beam them down and leave: if they succeed they won't need him anyway and if they fail they'll be dead. There's a big Klingon party going on where medals of honour will be handed out (our four heroes have been put on the list.) O'Brien gets headbutted. Back on the station(!?) Jake(!?!?!) is worried about the Klingons and Bashir tries to make him feel better. I guess Cirroc Lofton was just contractually obligated to appear in this episode. Sisko beats up a Klingon he hears boasting about killing an old friend of Sisko's. Hours pass before General Martok shows up. Luckily he doesn't seem to recognise them, despite a tense moment with O'Brien. They set up their golden balls but Odo drops his and Worf has to cover for him. Gowron finally shows up with his crazy eyes. He begins handing out awards (a GIRL KLINGON gets one so there's no reason Dax couldn't have come.) Martok attacks Sisko when he goes up to get his medal, finally remembering his face. Martok locks them up, but soon admits that Gowron has been acting weird lately and he suspects they might be right about him being a changeling. Worf suggests Martok challenge Gowron to honourable combat, but instead he released them so they can kill Gowron. There's a cool bit where he walks by two saluting Klingons and just stabs them both at the same time. Worf and Gowron fight, with Gowron stopping one of his mates from interfering because he wants a fair fight (hmmm.) Odo realises that Martok is the real changeling due to his lack of Klingon honour. Worf is about to kill Gowron when the Martok changeling starts choking Odo and everyone shoots him and he blows up. Wow that changeling was pretty dumb to reveal himself in front of hundreds of Klingons. Anyway Gowron is happy that the truth has been revealed but tells Sisko and Worf that he can't just end the war without the Federation making comprimises. He tells Worf he should have killed him when he had the chance, which is pretty ungrateful. Bashir turns everyone back to humans.

It's a fun Klingon romp! Not as strong a start to the season as 'The Way Of The Warrior' but still a a very fun episode. There's lots of comedy with O'Brien and Odo pretending to be Klingons and lots of fighting and an exploding changeling. What more do you want

SCORE: 8.5/10


The Ship - Sisko and most of the main characters are conducting a mineral survey on a GQ planet. An enlisted crewman named Muniz (who actually made a couple of minor appearances last season) is obviously fond of O'Brien and exchanges banter with him. A Jem'Hadar warship crashes on the planet. Sisko and crew explore he ship, finding all the Jem'Hadar dead. It'll be hard to get the ship up and running because it's so different from what they're used to. Back on the station, Odo brings Quark and Bashir to Kira for some comedy reason but Kira is leaving in the Defiant to go tow the Jem'Hadar ship home. Another Jem'Hadar ship shows up and instantly destroys the (manned) runabout orbiting the planet. The Jem'Hadar beam down and kill some more redshirts (and injure Munzi) so Sisko and the others hide inside the crashed ship. Muniz is hurt worse than he initally let on. The Jem'Hadar won't follow them inside for some reason. Their Vorta commander Kilana asks to speak to Sisko face to face. She wants Sisko to give up the ship but he won't. A Jem'Hadar beams onboard. Muniz kills the Jem'Hadar to save O'Brien's life (strangely the Jem'Hadar only had a knife.) Muniz's condition continues to worsen but O'Brien promises he'll make it.

O'Brien works on getting the ship up and running, but he's still worried about Muniz. Worf tells him that Muniz won't see tomorrow and should be allowed to prepare to death. Sisko goes to talk to Kilana again and says his "if you have something to say, say it!" catchphrase. She's a pretty weird Vorta? She just doesn't sound like she knows what she's doing. She wants Sisko to let her take something fro the ship but he has no reason to trust her now. The Jem'Hadar start shaking the ship to rattle our heroes, who are already sweaty and snapping at each other and getting kind of sick of Muniz's really slow death. Dax sill can't find anything special about the ship which would mean the Jem'Hadar wouldn't just destroy it. Worf suggests to O'Brien that he put Muniz out of his misery. They nearly get into a fight and Sisko tells Dax to stop making sarcastic remarks. Things are serious! Muniz dies a couple of minutes later. Sisko and Dax fnally find a sick changeling hiding on the ship: that's why the Jem'Hadar won't destroy it. The founder dies and the Jem'Hadar kill themselves out of shame. Kilana says Sisko should have trusted her. Sisko says no one had to die and they'd all still be alive if they'd trusted each other WHICH IS BULLSHIT. The Jem'Hadar destroyed the runabout, killed the redshirts and mortally injured Muniz before Kilana ever made her offer to Sisko. Yet the episode wants us to think that Sisko was JUST AS BAD AS KILANA for not trusting her and is partially responsible for all those deaths, when really the Dominion murdered all those people without Sisko having a chance to stop them. Bullfuckingshit. Back at the station Sisko keeps looking at the names of the death and feeling guilty, even though yet again there was literally nothing he could have done to prevent those deaths. Worf joins O'Brien in sitting by Muniz's coffin.

It's an episode that pisses me off. It wants to tell a story where Sisko and Kilana are both in the wrong and all the deaths could have been prevented if they'd trusted each other. But the writing is completely incompetent at actually created that scenario. For the third time I'll point out that the Jem'Hadar killed everyone BEFORE Kilana made her offer to Sisko. Plus the episode drags a lot in the middle. Colm Meaney is great but the scenes of Muniz taking ages to die get repetitive and more should have been done to establish closeness between them before his injury. And the actress playing the Vorta isn't very good. It's not a terrible episode but it's a huge missed opportunity.

SCORE: 6/10
 
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