CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
SPOILERS if you haven't seen it...
I didn't like the first one very much. But I was given the DVD so it was only polite to watch this one. Plus I had nothing else to do. And, YOU'D THINK, maybe they would take a look at what didn't work in the first one, eliminate those elements and try to make this follow-up a better movie...
They didn't. It's worse. It's much much worse.
And it's lasts well over two hours. And in all that time...they still only managed to feature four autobots. For some reason, all the other autobots just hang around with some army guys or off screen when anything important is happening. Optimus Prime DIES but apparently the other autobots don't think to run in and help until AFTER he's been stabbed through the chest...
There is one impressive thing about the movie: it sets the record for the movie with the largest number of annoying characters in cinema history. There's "the twins" (and yes, they do seem like pretty obvious racial stereotypes, THEY CAN'T READ BECAUSE THEY IS BLACK LOL), Wheelie (who humps Megan Fox's leg despite not having a penis), Sam's room mate (absolutely no reason to be in the movie), that John Tottorurro guy (again, no reason to be in the movie) and Sam's fucking retarded mother.
Megan Fox is annoying in the same way a plank of wood is. I though she was maybe MILDLY hot in the first movie, but she looks downright hideous at points in this one. Doesn't anyone find someone so obviously fake and plastic attractive?
The plot is a load of rubbish about some stuff...there's a shard of the "All Spark" in some secret location and the Decepticons get it, but there's another shard in Sam's pants or something (he apparently decides not to give this to the autobots and lets Megan Fox protect it instead) which is forgotten about halfway through the movie and it turns out that they're REALLY after him because the secrets of the universe are written in his brain or something (yet the robot girl at his school is there BEFORE the Decepticons know this, so I assume she was just getting an education or something), but really it's John Tortorooootootu who takes him to Jetfire (hey, remember how Jetfire was cool in the cartoons? Here he's an old man with a walking stick and shitty voice acting. Thanks for that!) who kind of tells him the plot but it doesn't make sense, then they go to Egypt because the Matrix is there and there's also a machine that can destroy the sun and the Decepticons only think to use it at the end of the movie and...
Sam goes to robot heaven.
...and there's other stuff. And I KNOW that the plot is just an excuse for the action but they spend AGES having characters with annoying voices EXPLAINING the plot so no that excuse doesn't work.
Plus the action isn't even very good.
The climatic fight between Prime, Megatron and "The Fallen" (who Megatron takes orders from for no explained reason) lasts literally THIRTY SECONDS. This is what the whole movie was building to? And what's so great about The Fallen that he can only be killed by "a Prime"? All Prime does is smash him up a bit. Anyone could have done that. The army could have just shot him with their "rail gun".
Look, I do enjoy dumb action movies sometimes, I've evern enjoyed previous Michael Bay movies, but this one isn't just dumb it's highly obnoxious. I know I'll be advised to "switch my brain off" but that doesn't really work for a movie that's two hours of crap and about fifteen minutes that could possibly be considered "good".
THE GOOD STUFF: Soundwave and Ravange look cool, the fight between Prime and three Decepticons (I don't know which three as they all look exactly the same) where Prime dies is good. ILM do a typically amazing job with the special effects...but it's ILM, so of course they do. They actually take pride in their work, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE (Michael Bay.)
Is it worth watching? I wouldn't say so, even for the action. I'm sure the action looks a lot better in HD and on a good tv, but it's still just one good bit, then one bit which is identical to the end of the first movie only in Egypt with Sam running about avoiding explosions because none of the autobots have thought of transforming into a car and giving him a lift. You still have to sit through his mother getting stone and Devasator having big metal balls. It's MAYBE worth watching so you can post a really long review on TK about how bad it is as I've just done...
Now if you don't mind I'm off to cross the Egypt/Jordan border. If anyone tries to stop me I'll just say I'm from New York and the simple natives will be impressed enough to let me through...
Hang on, what do you mean there's a country called "Israel" in between?
I didn't like the first one very much. But I was given the DVD so it was only polite to watch this one. Plus I had nothing else to do. And, YOU'D THINK, maybe they would take a look at what didn't work in the first one, eliminate those elements and try to make this follow-up a better movie...
They didn't. It's worse. It's much much worse.
And it's lasts well over two hours. And in all that time...they still only managed to feature four autobots. For some reason, all the other autobots just hang around with some army guys or off screen when anything important is happening. Optimus Prime DIES but apparently the other autobots don't think to run in and help until AFTER he's been stabbed through the chest...
There is one impressive thing about the movie: it sets the record for the movie with the largest number of annoying characters in cinema history. There's "the twins" (and yes, they do seem like pretty obvious racial stereotypes, THEY CAN'T READ BECAUSE THEY IS BLACK LOL), Wheelie (who humps Megan Fox's leg despite not having a penis), Sam's room mate (absolutely no reason to be in the movie), that John Tottorurro guy (again, no reason to be in the movie) and Sam's fucking retarded mother.
Megan Fox is annoying in the same way a plank of wood is. I though she was maybe MILDLY hot in the first movie, but she looks downright hideous at points in this one. Doesn't anyone find someone so obviously fake and plastic attractive?
The plot is a load of rubbish about some stuff...there's a shard of the "All Spark" in some secret location and the Decepticons get it, but there's another shard in Sam's pants or something (he apparently decides not to give this to the autobots and lets Megan Fox protect it instead) which is forgotten about halfway through the movie and it turns out that they're REALLY after him because the secrets of the universe are written in his brain or something (yet the robot girl at his school is there BEFORE the Decepticons know this, so I assume she was just getting an education or something), but really it's John Tortorooootootu who takes him to Jetfire (hey, remember how Jetfire was cool in the cartoons? Here he's an old man with a walking stick and shitty voice acting. Thanks for that!) who kind of tells him the plot but it doesn't make sense, then they go to Egypt because the Matrix is there and there's also a machine that can destroy the sun and the Decepticons only think to use it at the end of the movie and...
Sam goes to robot heaven.
...and there's other stuff. And I KNOW that the plot is just an excuse for the action but they spend AGES having characters with annoying voices EXPLAINING the plot so no that excuse doesn't work.
Plus the action isn't even very good.
The climatic fight between Prime, Megatron and "The Fallen" (who Megatron takes orders from for no explained reason) lasts literally THIRTY SECONDS. This is what the whole movie was building to? And what's so great about The Fallen that he can only be killed by "a Prime"? All Prime does is smash him up a bit. Anyone could have done that. The army could have just shot him with their "rail gun".
Look, I do enjoy dumb action movies sometimes, I've evern enjoyed previous Michael Bay movies, but this one isn't just dumb it's highly obnoxious. I know I'll be advised to "switch my brain off" but that doesn't really work for a movie that's two hours of crap and about fifteen minutes that could possibly be considered "good".
THE GOOD STUFF: Soundwave and Ravange look cool, the fight between Prime and three Decepticons (I don't know which three as they all look exactly the same) where Prime dies is good. ILM do a typically amazing job with the special effects...but it's ILM, so of course they do. They actually take pride in their work, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE (Michael Bay.)
Is it worth watching? I wouldn't say so, even for the action. I'm sure the action looks a lot better in HD and on a good tv, but it's still just one good bit, then one bit which is identical to the end of the first movie only in Egypt with Sam running about avoiding explosions because none of the autobots have thought of transforming into a car and giving him a lift. You still have to sit through his mother getting stone and Devasator having big metal balls. It's MAYBE worth watching so you can post a really long review on TK about how bad it is as I've just done...
Now if you don't mind I'm off to cross the Egypt/Jordan border. If anyone tries to stop me I'll just say I'm from New York and the simple natives will be impressed enough to let me through...
Hang on, what do you mean there's a country called "Israel" in between?
