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Defendor

WHAT THE FUCK!?

imdb puts this in the comedy category. IT IS NOT A COMEDY! It is literally a tragedy. It's tragic the whole way through. I put this on thinking I was in for some sort of superhero spoof with Woody Harrelson as the main character. After his recent work in Zombieland and Semi-Pro, I thought this might be some comedic gold. No, it's sad the whole way through.

For fucking with my expectations and wasting more than an hour of my life, I'm giving this flick a 3/10. It's only that high because the female lead in this is pretty cute.
 
Kick-Ass

The guy at the concession stand told me he thought the movie was teenage oriented. Okay. As long as the movie is good, I'm fine with that. I'm not in to porn.

First, please understand that I have no knowledge of any comic book stuff or anything related to this movie. I watched some of Stan Lee's "Who Wants to be a Super Hero" shows and found them entertaining. I had no preconceived ideas about this movie.

Second, this movie is very, very funny in many, many places.

This movie is also very disturbing on more than a few levels.

The girl that plays Hit Girl should get some kind of award because she did an awesome job.

Overall, the movie was well made, the story kept my interest, the characters were well developed, the actors did a very good job, the action was great.

There were some places where the sound track was outstanding - especially the scene with Elvis's version of the Battle Hymn of the Republic (Glory, Glory Hallejuah) was spot on perfect.

The down side to this movie is the language these children use. Yes, I know kids cuss but generally they don't talk like that in front of their parents and get away with it. However, the language isn't as shocking as the fact that the little girl can kill everybody in the room, and does, or that grown men physically fight with her. I would warn parents and people who are very protective of their female relatives about that. You have to keep in mind it is just a movie - thank god. I have to give the writers props on a bit of foreshadowing they did early on, otherwise I think the audience would have had an absolute heart attack at one of the scenes later in the movie. There is also a sex scene between two of the older teenagers. While they are both clothed, it is very obvious what they are doing and in a public place.

After watching the movie, I'm not certain I'd agree with the concession stand guy that the movie is for teenagers. It is pretty violent in quite a few places and very graphic in more than quite a few places. Maybe older teenagers - 15 and up, and even then I think I'd be ready to talk to my kids about issues that may come up later, after they've had a chance to reflect on what they saw. In other words, parents, see it before your kids do and then decide if they are up for it.

Overall, I give it a little better than a solid A and almost an A+.
 
Slither

From the twisted mind of JAMES GUNN comes the latest addition to the unique canon of films -- a story so deliciously heinous, hilariously base and unbelievably demented that its mere name brings to mind the sickening giant mollusks of the invertebrate underbelly world. Huge slugs from outer space, bloodthirsty zombies and slime-ridden oozing bug overlords have finally come together in one cinematic creation: http://www.movieweb.com/movie/FIucXAxysc5jxz/synopsis#

As Slither begins, we are introduced to one of the few leaders of Wheelsy’s pack -- successful, albeit oafish, local businessman Grant Grant (MICHAEL ROOKER, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer). With beautiful young wife Starla (ELIZABETH BANKS, The 40-Year-Old Virgin), a large house and fat bank account, Grant truly relishes his “big fish-small pond” role in the town. Other than the fact that the passionate love he feels for his woman goes completely unrequited, he’s a man content. But things are about to change for Grant in ways no one could have ever imagined.

On a humdrum evening, Grant hits the local honky-tonk for an all-night bender. There he encounters Brenda Gutierrez (BRENDA JAMES), the younger sister of an old girlfriend, who’s more than willing to listen to Grant’s woes. Abandoning their drinks for a moonlight stroll, the pair discovers something slimy in the woods behind the bar. Near the remains of what appears to be a meteor, Grant and Brenda find a trail of glistening, noxious ooze and a pulsating, unidentifiable mass. Suddenly, the glob comes to life and overtakes Grant, penetrating his body with a pustule-covered tentacle. An alien parasite has found and infected its unlucky human host, an unwilling transporter who now must continue to infect others in order to survive.

Signs of Grant’s transformation are instantly apparent: the extended periods of time he spends in his basement amassing meat products; the strange sounds and odors Starla notices emanating from the bowels of their home; his erratic behavior towards his wife -- sometimes loving and tender, then suddenly ferocious and aggressive. And most gruesomely, the denizens begin to suspect Grant’s involvement in an unusual number of missing pets and farm animals around town.

With each day that passes, Grant becomes less and less human, evolving into a bloodthirsty creature driven by a primal need to kill and destroy the uninfected. Unfortunately, Grant’s not the only problem. He has begun spawning scores of giant slugs that are out to inoculate any redneck into whom they can get their siphons.

Now joining Starla on her quest to stop Grant and the infected is her former high school beau, local Chief of Police Bill Pardy (NATHAN FILLION, Serenity). A handsome everyman with a burning love for Starla, Pardy gets suspicious of his old rival and leads the charge to take him down. The pair gathers a makeshift crew of uninfected, including foul-mouthed Mayor Jack MacReady (GREGG HENRY, Insurrection) and smart-ass teen beauty Kylie Strutemyer (TANIA SAULNIER) to help stop the evil plague laying siege to Wheelsy.

As the rebels attempt to avoid both the slippery slugs that just want to worm inside of them and their former neighbors-turned-meat-eating zombies, it’s anyone’s guess as to who will stay slug-free. But when the ragtag team comes face-to-face with an ancient, vengeful entity beyond all human comprehension, fierce alliances will be forged, former friends will be destroyed and a hilariously gruesome showdown will take place -- hillbilly style.

Dawn of the Dead (this guy's version) was also awesome, but THIS. This was just terrific. A+
 
Run fatboy, run 7/10

Not as funny as some other Simon Pegg comedies, but then I don't think it was trying to be, gains a star by not having a clichéd "happy" ending, some good cameos by brit comedians too.
 
I'm currently trying to watch Zardoz. When I say "currently" I mean I TiVO'd it the other night and got through about fifteen minutes of it. I had to switch to something else due to the acute attacks of WTF I was having every thirty seconds or so. I'll conquer it eventually.

It was like trying to sit through Beyond the Valley of the Dolls which, despite its overall fucked-uppedness (the only thing that got me through it was overwhelming curiosity about just what Russ Meyer directing a Roger Ebert screenplay would yield,) partially redeemed itself by having the single greatest line in motion-picture history:

You will drink the BLACK SPERM OF MY VENGEANCE
 
Iron Man 2 - very satisfactory, liked it alot, had a good time, enjoyed it immensely. Granted, I don't know a thing about the comics version even though I have heard of Nick Fury, The Shield, Iron Man and such before.

Will say this ... Agent Romanoff was flat out awesome. I love Samuel L. Jackson. Robert Downey, Jr. is looking really good and doing what he does very well. I forgive him for the messed up Sherlock Holmes.

I'm no Michael Rourke fan but he was a good choice for this bad guy. I was sufficiently terrified of him and his lazer whips.

This movie gets an A+.
 
Hellraiser. Good stuff. But the film did not explore in depth the sadomasochistic relation between Frank and the Cenobites.

I am usually against people whining about movies not being faithful to books they are based from, but in this case, Hellraiser left out the best part from "The Hellbound Heart", which is Frank going further and further into the realm of sexual fetishes, desperately seeking the box, and actually enjoying S&M with the Cenobites. All this was alluded to in the movie in about thirty seconds.

Nonetheless, a horror classic.

8/10.
 
Bug - with Ashley Judd & Michael Shannon...IIRC, this horror flick came & went like the wind, but my critic buddies raved about it at the time even as I missed it. Turns out they were right: It's a fucking masterpiece of escalating paranoia, and probably the best performace you'll ever see from either actor. 9.8/10
 
If you go see Iron Man 2, stay until the end of the credits for a nice little surprise.

Does anybody still go to a Marvel hero-type movie and NOT expect an easter egg at the end? If they ever stop throwing those in people will feel ripped off, no matter how good the film was. I remember years ago I took my boy to a Warner Bros movie of some sort, with the cartoon characters in it, and we were there for the end credits for another reason. At the end of it, Daffy Duck came out onscreen and started cussing us out, asking WTF we were still doing there and telling us to get a life.

It's really only funny now, years later, after the mindset of people has been altered to sit patiently thru the entire credits hoping for a sneak peek...
 
i liked


kick ass 9/10 fun just ripping super hero films but very gory and watchable
 
I've been busy.


Daybreakers - 3/10 I was bored through most of it. The only redeeming part is the final gory scene where all the soldiers are going crazy. That's it.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus - 8/10 Not spectacular, but not bad either. It gets this rating for being a Gilliam film and for giving Lily Cole her debut. HOLY SHIT SHE IS SO FUCKING HOT!

Funny People - 5/10 Not as laugh out loud hysterical as I hoped it would be. Also three hours!?!? Holy hell. I thought I was gonna be dead by the end of it.

Waiting (2005) - 5/10 meh... It was fun seeing Sweets from Bones be a nerdy kid who doesn't get to say much... wait... that's what he does on Bones, too.

Land of the Lost - I'm incredibly glad I didn't pay to see this. 3/10. Good popcorn fodder... I guess...
 
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