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What will the government cut next?

headvoid

headvoid

Can I have Ops?
Apologies to YANKS, but you can join in. I think you might be entering the new fashionable "austerity chic" era like ourselves.

You "oiks" need to tighten your belts and accept you have to work till you are 114, live in a carboard box and eat tofu. We need to keep a strong financial sector where talent is rewarded.

This means we all have to join together, Dunkirk spirit, melt down our pans for spitfires and all that.

So, this is where we identify those areas that can be trimmed.
 
We need to make more pies and cakes.

FACT
 
There are plans to cut the bowel evacuations we can have in any 24 hour period. The new system means that you can have a cheap shit at 11pm when the system is "low peak" but that you have to swipe a magnetic card and pay a tax if you wish to go at 9.30 during "High dump time"
 
Government intrusion in our lives GONE MAD!
 
The government is going to stop laying new roads, and from now on car drivers have to buy their own chunks of road that they need to lay down in front of their car if they want to go anywhere.
 
Plans are in place to cut down all the trees in Regents Park and replace them with saplings. The park will then be called "green shoots" park so we can all point and say look, green shoots! when people say times are bad.
 
Cuts are being made to cats and the government are having a "serious look" at cutting dogs.
 
Republicans here are proposing to cut the Congressional malt liquor allowance in HALF.

I'm not sure I'm for it.
 
Office chairs are to be cut in a radical new cost saving measure.

"Most of us sit on our arse all the time anyway" said Boris Johnson today advocating standing up meetings and "a jolly good run around" if we get tired during the day.
 
To eliminate the costs of dustbin men, every street will elect one resident's front garden as a communal refuse disposal zone.
 
Hahaha, the coalition's official adviser on higher ed, a former BP executive, is recommending tripling tuition fees.
 
(Death to Britain)
 
SHAMONE
 
Complaints about PC gone made are being cut. "Maybe PC going mad could actually SAVE money," said Sir Norman Wisdom, just before he died.
 
Bearded celebrities to be shaved to provide cheap cushion fillings.

"You could be sitting on Bill Oddie, Brian Blessed or David Bellamy. Literally anybody!"

"Heh, those men all have names beginning with a B. Is that a condition of the scheme?"

"No, David Blunkett, Barry Chuckle and Ben Fogle are doing it too. It's open to anybody."

"... Those men all have names starting with a B as well."

"No they don't."

The paedo bloke that used to be in The Thick of It was unavailable for comment.
 
George Osborne has stated all his friends are going to have to really cut back as well.

(No they aren't he snickered before lighting a cigar and resting his feet on Norman Wisdoms corpse)
 
They're going to cut Disabled people next. Let's face it, they cost an awful lot of money in benefits, and we can clearly do without that, so they'll do away with all them.

Coming soon: Compulsory blonde hair and blue eyes for all UK citizens.
 
Under new government proposals, from next year, Christmas could last as little as three months; a reduction from the five that consumers have become accustomed to.

Speaking today, George Osbourne denied accusations that this was a 'tax on the merry'. "When it comes to the CEC (Current Economic Climate), even Father Christmas must tighten his belt", he said.

In other news, during a visit to a sandal factory in Stoke, David Cameron was pelted with George Bush.
 
They're cutting hair next.
 
Government to cut midgets in half?
 
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