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Cait's Joke of the Day

Sadistic Bastard said:
One Evil Overlord is pretty much like another.

But actually, you are on my "Do interesting things to her with ice-cubes" list...
Click to expand...
Oh, good heavens...

Why does that have the opposite affect that ice is supposed to have?

:who?me?:
 
A young couple, victims of love at first sight in Las Vegas, decided to tie the knot. After the convenient and speedy Elvis-impersonating-priest-officiated ceremony, they decided to splurge on a fancy hotel room.

Approaching the concierge at one of the Strip's finer hotels, they announced the happy news.

"Ah, fine, fine!" the concierge smirked. "And will you be wanting a suite?"
After much deliberation, the beaming new husband declared, "Whatever."
"And will you be wanting the Bridal?"
"Naw, I'll just hold onto her ears 'til she gets the hang of it."
 
A gynecologist, while examining his newest patient, is unsure how to broach the subject of a rather uncomfortable observation that's been nagging him throughout the exam. Finally, he advises her that she possesses the single largest vagina he's seen during his entire career.

Naturally, the young woman, who is in excellent health and quite fit all told, is shocked.

"Well," he suggests, "If you don't believe me, why don't you have a look for yourself when you get home? Just remove your clothing, place a mirror on the floor, straddle it and see for yourself."

She finds the entire idea preposterous, naturally... but as the time passes on her way home, she begins to wonder if her doctor might not be right after all. And so, somewhat troubled, she locks her apartment door behind her, goes into her bedroom, and brings a full-length mirror out into the living room. Stripping nude, she places one leg on either side of the wide mirror, bends forward slowly --

-- and just then, her boyfriend and several of his buddies burst through the front door, intent on watching the game.

"Holy shit!" he exclaims. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Um... I..." she stammers, searching for an explanation. "I was... exercising!"

He seems puzzled, but finally shrugs. His friends' faces are still etched in horror. "Well, okay." he shakes his head. "But Jesus, be careful and don't fall in that hole!"
 
One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting freaky with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turned to the first man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a cop," said the first man.
"Then we will shoot your dick off!" said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.

"I'm a firemen," said the second man.
"Then we will burn your dick off!" said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"

The third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman.
 
There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What’s the moral of this story?



You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!
 
Why don't you do a 'Cait's pic of the day', where you take a full frontal pic of yourself in the mirror, then post a 1 inch x 1 inch square of it (full size) day by day, so we can save them all, and fit them together like a REALLY cool jigsaw?
 
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana.

The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!
 
Caitriona said:
One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting freaky with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turned to the first man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a cop," said the first man.
"Then we will shoot your dick off!" said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.

"I'm a firemen," said the second man.
"Then we will burn your dick off!" said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"

The third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman.
Click to expand...
Where the fuck is the first half of the joke?
 
Gagh said:
Why don't you do a 'Cait's pic of the day', where you take a full frontal pic of yourself in the mirror, then post a 1 inch x 1 inch square of it (full size) day by day, so we can save them all, and fit them together like a REALLY cool jigsaw?
Click to expand...

I second this motion!

I move that this motion be closed.
 
Gagh said:
Why don't you do a 'Cait's pic of the day', where you take a full frontal pic of yourself in the mirror, then post a 1 inch x 1 inch square of it (full size) day by day, so we can save them all, and fit them together like a REALLY cool jigsaw?
Click to expand...
oh wow ghag can write complete sentences when he actually concentrates. i wonder how long it took him to write the above. i'm guessing it took the better part of the morning.

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Gagh said:
Why don't you do a 'Cait's pic of the day', where you take a full frontal pic of yourself in the mirror, then post a 1 inch x 1 inch square of it (full size) day by day, so we can save them all, and fit them together like a REALLY cool jigsaw?
Click to expand...
bwahahahahah

​
 
I know it was amazing. So many talented people out there, with way too much time on their hands. It's a pity really.
 
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