Cat Cleaners: Season 3

[CaptainWacky]

(A hospital room. DJ, Jock and Lucy are gathered around the bed of Uncle Mac. His face his wrapped up in bandages after having extensive plastic surgery. He's also been in a coma for six months. He's about to wake up!)

DJ: I can't believe it's been six months!

Jock: I can't believe my Uncle Mac's about to wake up for the first times since throwing himself off the roof of the Cat Cleaning business we own!

Lucy: I can't believe I'm still friends with you crazy guys!

(Studio audience laugh and cheer. They like Lucy's new network ordered positive attitude!)

DJ: Sssh, guys, he's waking up!

(The studio audience gasp as a doctor starts to unwrap Uncle Mac's bandages...)

Lucy: What will we see beneath...

Jock: What if he looks like Hitler!?

DJ: What if he's black!?

(Studio audience laugh. Finally it is done. Uncle Mac sits up...he looks twenty years younger! He's a handsome fifty year old man! He has a beard.)

Jock: I can't believe it...he looks exactly the same!

DJ: Except for that beard!

Lucy: Better shave it!

Uncle Mac: No...I like it. It will serve as a reminder to me.

Jock: Reminding you what, Uncle Mac?

Uncle Mac: To never inject heroin directly into my eyeballs then jump off a building.

(Studio audience cheer.)

Uncle Mac: I'm only going to smoke it from now on!

(Studio audience laugh.)

Jock, DJ, Lucy: That's our crazy Uncle Mac!

NEW OPENING CREDITS with the new theme song "Friendship Is Life" play

(Inside Cat Cleaners, DJ and NEW REGULAR CAST MEMBER THE CHAMP are looking at cats.)

DJ: Champ, if you're going to work here I'm going to have to teach you how to clean cats!

Champ: I'm only here because I can't be a boxer no more because I got shot in the leg in your crazy store! You fools owe me! But I ain't doing no cat cleaning shit! That's woman's work! Which reminds me, when I'm going to get to sleep with that fineass ho Lucy?

DJ: Uhh...

Champ: Shut up! I'm only here until I lay down the lyrics for my RAP ALBUM and become a BIG RAP STAR. Now get out of my face, fool!

(The studio audience boo as The Champ stomps away. Jock pops up from behind a cat basket.)

Jock: Is he gone?

(Studio audience cheer Jock's cowardice.)

DJ: You have to get used to working with him!

Jock: His rap is bound to take off soon...

DJ: His rap is terrible!

Jock: But he's black!

DJ: I could write a better rap than him and I'm one quarter dutch!

Jock: Sssh, he might hear!

(The door opens. Jock almost jumps below the counter in fear, but it's just a HOT ASIAN GIRL.)

Hot Asian Girl: Hi! I hear you guys clean cats?

DJ: That's...

(Jock jumps in front of DJ.)

Jock: That's right, ma'am! We clean any cat NO MATTER HOW DIRTY OR SCRATCHY!

Hot Asian Girl: Good, because my grandmother has TEN dirty cats. I'll bring them in later.

Jock: Hope to see you then!

Hot Asian Girl: Not if I see you first!

(Studio audience cheer this flirting. Lucy walks in.)

Lucy: Wait, is Jock flirsting with her? But I thought...he and I...would...

DJ: You've been holding out on him for six months, Loo Loo, you can't blame him for moving on.

The Champ: Pussy never sleeps!

Lucy: ...what does that even mean in this context?

The Champ: How about I show you MY context?

Lucy: Huh?

(The Champ slips on a boxing glove and punches DJ in the gut for no reason.)

The Champ: I'M A REAL MAN.

Lucy: You might be punchy, but real men are sweet and kind...

(She stares over lovingly at Jock as he wrestles an angry cat.)

Jock: Woah there, hitty kitty!

(The Champ runs over and punches Jock in the crotch.)

The Champ: WOAH THERE, HITTY SHITTY.

(Studio audience boo.)

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Dr Dave]

"The Champ: Pussy never sleeps!

Lucy: ...what does that even mean in this context?"

win!

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Later that day. Jock is holding an ice pack to his crotch.)

Jock: That Champ sure packs a punch!

DJ: Why'd he have to go damager your crotch, dog, you might need that later!

(Studio audience: woooooo!)

Lucy: HE WILL NOT.

(Jock and DJ stare at Lucy.)

Lucy: I mean...Asian girls never put out on the first date. Trust me.

Jock: You've dated Asian girls!?

Lucy: Uhh...yes. Shut up!

(Lucy runs away embarrassed. HOT ASIAN GIRL and her GRANDMOTHER enter the shop. Studio audience applaud.)

Grandmother: WHERE THE NICE WHITE BOY AT?

Girl: Ssssh, don't let him here! Oh no, here he comes!

Grandmother: He's cums now? He should be cumming later! In bed!

(Studio audience cheer loudly. There's nothing funnier than an old woman using sex talk!)

Jock: Hello, ladies! Hello again, tee hee!

Girl: Hee tee!

(Studio audience: aww! In the background, Lucy snaps a pencil in rage.)

Grandmother: YOU NICE WHITE BOY. YOU DO. YOU RUN THIS SHOP WITH YOUR BLACK SERVANT? VERY GOOD WHITE BOY.

DJ: Hey, I ain't no servant!

Jock: DJ, get me a soda.

DJ: Yes, sir.

(Studio audience explode as DJ goes to get Jock a soda. UNCLE MAC suddenly pops out from under the floor.)

Uncle Mac: Hello there!

Grandmother: Ooooh, you have OLDER SEXY WHITE MAN here too? I looking for a date too!

Uncle Mac: Hmm, I don't know, I think I killed some of your people in the war!

Grandmother: Which war?

Uncle Mac: The war of 1812! I'm immortal. Sometimes I just want to die. I yearn for it. I dream of it. But I always wake up. My life goes on and on. It will never end. Not until the universe itself dies. And maybe not even then.

Grandmother: Haha, you funny! Maybe I show you how we suck cock in Asia...

Uncle Mac: Cheque please!

Jock: So, umm, I guess you have some cats you need cleaning or something?

Girl: Oh, that's right, gran, why don't you go get the cats.

Grandmother: Okay! And maybe I'll also get the hosepipe I suck cocks through!

(Studio audience cheer as she leaves.)

Girl: She's so embarrassing! And she wants to go on a date!

Jock: Yeah, speaking of dates...

(Lucy runs out wearing a cheerleader outfit for some reason.)

Lucy: Jock, you're needed in the back!

Jock: Why?

Lucy: Uhh...the Champ's pissed himself, he needs you to mop up the urine.

Jock: Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say something crazy!

(Lucy takes Jock back behind the counter then walks over to the girl.)

Girl: He's such a great guy.

Lucy: Yeah he is STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN, BITCH.

Girl: Huh?

Lucy: I mean, uhh, yeah, he just told me about the DATE he wants to have tonight!

Girl: Gasp! I knew it!

Lucy: Yeah, he'll meet YOUR GRANDMOTHER at this restaurant.

(Studio audience: OOOOOH. Lucy hands grandmother an address.)

Girl: He...but...what?

Lucy: Oh, Jock is into OLDER WOMEN. He just told me. Said you're too young for him. And too ugly. Yeah, he specified ugly. Sorry!

Girl: I...I'll tell my gran...

Lucy: SEE THAT YOU DO.

(Lucy walks away RUBBING HER HANDS TOGETHER WITH GLEE as the studio audience boo. Jock comes back.)

Jock: Hey, The Champ didn't piss himself, he just passed out after drinking all our booze! Where'd the girl go?

Lucy: She had to go put make-up on to stop looking so ugly, but she said she'd meet you at this restaurant tonight.

(She hands Jock the address.)

Jock: Should be a hot date!

Lucy: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about something funny Uncle Mac did...he ate a live squirrel.

Jock: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Dr Dave]

Good season bump!

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Inside a FANCY RESTAURANT. Jock walks in with a bunch of flowers. Studio audience cheer.)

Jock: Excuse me, I have a date with an asian woman.

Waiter: What are you telling me?

(Studio audience laugh.)

Jock: Oh, sorry, I thought you were the shower to seats person!

Waiter: God I can tell I'm going to hate serving you. Well there's only one asian woman here and she's at table five. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. Really, I mean it, it would be an improvement!

(Studio audience cheer as the waiter walks off screen.)

Jock: Maybe I'll SURPRISE HER by hiding behind the flowers!

(Jock walks over to the table holding the flowers in front of his face, so that the girl can't see him...and he can't see the girl.)

Jock: Well, here I am, ready for a hot night of...WAH!?

(As he lowers the flowers he says THE ASIAN GRANDMOTHER sitting at the table!)

Grandmother: Finally, you here! I been waiting long long time! Now let's get eating then I can get sucking!

(Studio audience cheer.)

Jock: But I...and you...how...WAH!?

Grandmother: What, you saying you really wanted to go out with my grandaughter?

Jock: Yes! Because she's young! And hot! And you're...and not...WAH!

Grandmother: Yeah, but she can't suck a cock like me!

Jock: I think I should go, this has been a horrible mistake...

(Grandmother grabs a KNIFE from the table.)

Grandmother: If you go, I chib you!

Jock: Chib!?

Grandmother: I'm from Scotland!

Jock: I thought you were asian!?

Grandmother: Asian by way of Scotland! Now let's order some haggis!

Jock: Hey...I love haggis!

(Grandmother and Jock laugh as they bond over their shared love of haggis.)

(From behind a potted plant, LUCY is watching with a JEALOUS LOOK on her face.)

Lucy: Grrr, I thought arranging the date with the old hag would scare Jock into my arms, but they're bonding over haggis! What if they have sex!?

Voice: Hey, what are you doing here?

(Lucy tuns.)

Lucy: What are YOU doing here!?

(It's DJ dressed as a waiter!)

DJ: I work here!

Lucy: But you work at Cat Cleaners!

DJ: You think I can afford to live on my cat cleaners salary? Last month Jock paid me in buttons! The only reason I stay there is out of friendship. I have another job as a butt double on Will Smith movies!

(Studio audience explode.)

Lucy: Well I'm just here for, uhh...some dinner...

DJ: It was me who gave you the address, remember? Don't you pay attention to anything I say?

Lucy: Yeah, Jock does look really handsome eating that haggis...

DJ: Hang on, if we're all here, who's looking after Cat Cleaners?

(CUT BACK to Cat Cleaners where The Champ and Uncle Mac are cheering on two cats who are racing each other. NAKED GIRLS are dancing in the background to HIP HOP MUSIC!)

Uncle Mac: Come on, kitty!

The Champ: Damn I picked one slowass kitty this time!

(Uncle Mac's cat wins the race.)

Uncle Mac: I win! That means I get to choose the music we listen to!

Uncle Mac: Damn, it better not be too white!

(Uncle Mac clicks his fingers and IT'S NOT UNUSUAL by TOM JONES starts playing.)

The Champ: cupcakea, that is...just white ENOUGH!

(The Champ stands up and starts BOOGYING DOWN with Uncle Mac and the naked girls to Tom Jones. CUT BACK to the restaurant.)

Lucy: I'm sure it's fine!

(Studio audience explode again. Meanwhile, Jock and Grandmother have finished their haggis. The waiter comes over.)

Waiter: Have you finished your fucking haggis.

Grandmother: You rude! No cock sucking as a tip for you!

Waiter: Oh no, whatever I will I do.

Grandmother: You'll go to the hospital!

(She stabs him in the thigh with the knife she'd threatend Jock with.)

Waiter: AH, FUCK...YOU MANIAC! SO...MUCH...BLOOD...

(He walks a few steps away then faints on another table. Jock laughs.)

Jock: Haha, this turned out to be a fun evening after all!

Grandmother: You not so bad either! I never seen a man eat TEN HAGGISES in one sitting before! I give you permission to date my grandaughter!

Jock: You mean this was just a test?

Grandmother: Of course! I knew that bitch Lucy was lying! Look at her, hiding behind potted plant!

(Lucy frantically runs away.)

Jock: Really? Lucy? No, there must be some mistake.

Grandmother: Well, maybe it someone else, all white girls look the same to me!

(Studio audience cheer this racism.)

Jock: Haha, well, thanks for the wonerful evening.

Grandmother: Oh, it not over until I suck your cock. Don't worry, grandaughter not need to know!

(She takes her FALSE TEETH out to suck Jock's cock, but DJ runs over and throws a towel over her face.)

DJ: Come on, buddy!

(DJ runs out with Jock.)

Jock: DJ, what are you doing here? Surely you don't work here, do you? I mean, Cat Claners is doing well, isn't it? Those buttons I paid you with last month paid your rent, right?

DJ: Umm, sure, buddy...sure...

(The walk off into the night.)

Jock: You know...I kind of wonder what that toothless blowjob would have been like...

DJ: Maybe someday you'll find out...

(Back in the restuarant, grandmother is sucking a DWAF's cock, the towel still over her eyes so she thinks it's Jock.)

Dwarf: Hey, at least she's tall!

(Studio audience stand and applaud for a full five minutes.)

 

[Cassie]

The studio audience part makes the story.

 

[Dr Dave]

That grandmother!

 

[Loktar]

The studio audience part makes the story.

Its a good way to decrease the surplus population, not so good for the janitor that has to clean up the exploded studio audience bits and pieces.

 

[Dr Dave]

Good season so far.

I heard a rumour, that there will be a Cat Cleaners reference in the next episode of The Cassie and Tisiphone Detective Team adventures.

 

[Dr Dave]

Good season so far.

I heard a rumour, that there will be a Cat Cleaners reference in the next episode of The Cassie and Tisiphone Detective Team adventures.

 

[headvoid]

Double studio explosion (it fitted in with the story as well, not gratuitous!) was brilliant

But the cut away to Cat Cleaners being run by Champ and Uncle Mac was the season highlight so far.

 

[Dr Dave]

There should be an episode where Lucy goes to see a therapist, but the visit goes wrong.

 

[CaptainWacky]

(The next day. Jock and DJ are inside Cat Cleaners, talking.)

Jock: What a crazy night last night! You know what the weirdest part was? Grandmother said that it was LUCY who told her I wanted the date. And that Lucy was hiding behind a potted plant!

DJ: That's absurd, Lucy doesn't hide behind potted plants!

(He frantically gestures to Lucy, who is hiding behind a potted plant, to stay still.)

Jock: Yeah, why would she be there? It doesn't make sense.

DJ: Hey, I work at that restaurant. I would have noticed if lovely was there. I mean, Lucy. Lovely Lucy. I MEAN, JUST LUCY.

Jock: Okay, calm down! Guess the old woman was just going senile, like my gran has. The other day she called me up and said a man had stolen all her money and her vintage bra collection! I just hung up the phone it was so silly!

DJ: Yeah, you're grandmother's a real character. Maybe she'll drop by for a visit some day!

Jock: Maybe!

(Jock walks away to polish some cats. Lucy comes out of hiding.)

Lucy: You covered for me! But why?

DJ: Oh, you know, just because we're such good friends...

Lucy: We are!

(Lucy kisses DJ on the cheek. Studio audience "woo" slightlyl but haven't yet considered DJ/Lucy as a possible ship.)

DJ: Yeah...friends...

Lucy: Yeah, friends!

(Lucy walks away. DJ looks sad. Studio audience don't know how to react. DJ looks directly into the camera.)

DJ: I'M SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH HER.

(Studio audience: Aww!)

Jock: Oh, hey guys, Uncle Mac just called...he said The Champ's on America's Got Talent right now!

DJ and Lucy: WHAT!

(They turn on a tv and THE CHAMP is standing on stage!)

Simon Cowell: And how might you be?

The Champ: What? Shut up, Brit-britches! You know me! Y'ALL know me! I'm THE CHAMP, the world boxing champion of this world! Until I got shot in a cat cleaning shop, of course!

Simon Cowell: Oh, THAT champ. Well, what are you going to do for us tonight?

The Champ: A rap, sucka!

Simon Cowell: I should have known!

The Champ: Why, because I'm black? I'LL PUNCH YOU BACK TO LIMEY TOWN!

Token Black Judge: Wooo, right on!

Token Female Judge: Now boys, settle down!

Simon Cowell: I'm going to have you arrested and hung for this! But first, do you silly rap.

The Champ: My name's The Champ, you know my name, I bring the pain, pain bringing's my game, used to be a fighter, until I got shot by a blighter, that's an English word for Cowell, to remove his scowl! I like to clean cats, but don't bring me no rats, I get all kind of of girls, and I can comunicate with squirrels! What what!

(The Champ starts doing "what what!" motions with his hands. Cut to Uncle Mac watching with the american version of Ant and Dec.)

Uncle Mac: This part was my idea!

(Back to The Champ.)

The Champ: What what!

(Studio audience start booing and throwing stuff at The Champ for excessive "what what!" use.)

Simon Cowell: Don't quit your day job...what is it again? Cleaning cats? That's nice for you!

(The Champ puts on a boxing glove, runs over and punches Simon Cowell.)

The Champ: I'LL KILL YOU!

Token Black Judge: You're through to the next round!

Token Female Judge: Now boys, settle down!

(Jock turns off the tv.)

Jock: No wonder tv ratings are at an all time low!

(Studio audience cheer without knowing if this is factually correct.)

 

[headvoid]

WE ALL LOVE LUCY!

 

[Dr Dave]

Lucy has some explaining to do.

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Jock is reading WAR AND PEACE.)

Jock: When do they get to the WAR!

(Studio audience laugh.)

DJ: Jock, I need you back in the cat cleaning station!

Jock: Okay, I'll just put a bookmark in this book...

(He puts a bookmark NEXT TO THE FIRST PAGE. Studio audience roar. He runs to the back, where DJ is trying to hold down a FAT cat.)

Jock: Wow, that cat is fat!

(Studio audience laugh even though all he did was rhyme.)

DJ: Hold it down so I can scrub its cat stomach!

Jock: Is that choclate stains!?

DJ: What do you expect!

(Studio audience rumble. Jock holds the fat cat down as DJ scrubs with the cat scrubber.)

DJ: So did Susan call yet?

Jock: Who?

DJ: The asian girl!

Jock: Oh, that's her name? I should have asked her. Yeah, she called. Said she was sorry about the mix-up at the restaurant and that she wants to go and see the biggest sci-fi movie of the summer with me!

DJ: You mean...

Jock: That's right! MEN IN BLACK THREE, BABY!

(Studio audience cheer. They love Men In Black!)

DJ (singing): Here come the men in black, going to get laid with an asian...

Jock: Hey, knock that off!

(Studio audience laugh. SOMETHING FALLS behind them.)

Jock: What was that?

DJ: Oh, probably just Uncle Mac wanking in the cupboard again.

Jock: Could you go check? I don't want him jizzing on my jacket!

DJ: Okay...

(DJ goes into the cat cleaning supply cupboard. LUCY is standing against the wall.)

DJ: Lucy! How long have you been in here?

Lucy: FOUR HOURS, okay? What's it to you! I knew you and Jock would talk about me eventually!

DJ: Lucy, I'm worried about you, sister. Your obsession with Jock is driving you insane!

Lucy: Shut up or I'll stab you!

DJ: Lucy!

Lucy: I'm sorry, I'm just on edge. There's not much room in here as it is, and Uncle Mac's sitting in the corner wanking...

Uncle Mac: Don't mind me, kids!

DJ: Uncle Mac, I didn't see you under Jock's jacket! What are you wanking over?

Uncle Mac: The token female judge from America's Got Talent! She asked me out after The Champ's success! Tune in this week to see The Champ being mentored by JUSTIN BIEBER!

(He goes back to wanking.)

DJ: I don't know why he has to do that in here!

Lucy: So can you do it? Can you persuade Jock not to go out with SUSAN THE SLUT and date me instead?

DJ: Uhh, I never said I'd do that...

Lucy: I'll stab you!

DJ: Look, why don't you just tell Jock how you feel?

Lucy: Pffft, what if he rejects me?

DJ: Life's about ups and downs, Lucy, about dealing with rejection...

Lucy: No it's not! I'LL STAB YOU!

(The cupboard door starts to open. DJ grabs Lucy and stuffs her under Jock's coat.)

Jock: What's going on?

DJ: Nothing! Just getting the cat cleaning extension device!

(He runs out with something SHAPED LIKE A HUGE DILDO. Studio audience are so shocked that they almost don't laugh. Almost. Then they explode.)

Jock: Glad you found it!

DJ: Hey, you ever thought about not going out with Susan and asking Lucy out instead?

Jock: That train sailed down the tracks a long time ago. Besides, I'm over her.

Lucy(from the cupboard and muffled): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jock: What was that!?

DJ: Uhh...Uncle Mac must have cum prematurely again!

Jock: That Uncle Mac!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Dr Dave]

That Lucy!

 

[curiousa2z]

I'm always happy to see a cameo by Susan the Slut. She's underrated, IMHO.

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Jock and Susan have just left the cinema after seeing Men In Black 3. They are walking to the restaurant where DJ works.)

Susan: I can't believe it, but they actually managed to TOP Men In Black 2!

Jock: I loved the part where Will Smith said "damn"!

Susan: I loved the whole thing!

Jock: Me too! Anyway, here we are!

(The SNOOTY WAITER from the last time is there, limping after being stabbed in the thigh by Susan's grandmother.)

Waiter: May I show you to your table...OH GOD, NOT YOU AGAIN. Is THIS ONE going to stab me too?

Jock: Hey, that's racist!

(Studio audience laugh.)

Waiter: I hope you both get food poisoning.

(He walks away without even giving them a menu!)

Susan: How rude!

Jock: Yeah, you'd think he would be used to being stabbed by old asian women, being a snooty waiter and all.

Susan: Wait, you brought me to the same place you brought my grandmother? Isn't that a bit lazy? Doing something again so soon?

Jock: Hey, don't blame me, I didn't write this episode!

(Studio audience are stunned into silence by this breaking of the fourth wall. Then one of them laughs so the rest join in. Cat Cleaners has revolutionised comedy again!)

Jock: Besides, my friend DJ works here even though he definitely doesn't need the extra money. He can get us free clams!

Susan: I love clams!

(DJ is watching from the kitchen.)

DJ: Damn it, Jock's here again. Something crazy always happens when he pops up! I don't want to lose this job!

(Lucy steps out of the walk-in fridge.)

Lucy: Yeah, you really need the money!

DJ: Lucy! How long have you been in there!?

Lucy: Three hours. BRRRRR, I'm cold!

(Studio audience laugh.)

DJ: How did you even know he'd come here?

Lucy: It came to me in a dream. Then we had dream sex. Then I came.

(Studio audience make the more sexual version of the "wooo" noise.)

DJ: Lucy, don't be talking about sex in the kitchen, it's hot enough here as it is!

(Studio audience laugh.)

Lucy: Tonight's the night, DJ. I'm going to tell Jock how I feel.

(Studio audience "OOOOH!")

DJ: But you heard him say he's over you...

Lucy: That's why I bought this LOVE POTION over the internet! He'll be mine for sure after I dose the free clams you're sending him!

DJ: Lucy...I can't do that...

Lucy: Hey, wait, if we're both here, who's running Cat Cleaners!? The Champ and Uncle Mac again? They burnt down the east wing last time!

DJ: Well Uncle Mac can't be, he's over there on a date with token female judge!

(CUT TO Uncle Mac and token female judge!)

Judge: You're so handsome! How do you do it?

Uncle Mac: Well, to be honest I attempted suicide a few months ago and landed on my face. I had complete facial reconstructive surgery while I was in a coma.

Judge: Maybe that's how Simon Cowell stays so young!

Uncle Mac: Let's push him off a building to see!

(CUT BACK to DJ and Lucy.)

Lucy: Then it must be The Champ on his own!

(CUT TO Cat Cleaners where The Champ is sitting alone on a stool, crying.)

The Champ: I used to be somebody...now I'm a joke...

(He tries to punch a cat but it jumps away. CUT BACK to DJ and Lucy.)

DJ: I'm sure he's doing fine!

(While DJ is saying this, Lucy SNEAKS the love potion into A CLAM.)

Lucy: Yeah, I was crazy before, sorry, you better bring those clams over...

(Jock and Susan are LAUHGING at a joke they've before remembered from MiB3 when DJ comes over.)

Jock: DJ, my man! You got us free clams, thanks buddy!

DJ: Don't mention it, dudebro!

Susan: I want THE FIRST ONE!

(Susan grabs THE CLAM LUCY DOSED and eats it! JUST THEN Lucy comes out!)

Jock: Lucy!?

Lucy: I've got something I HAVE TO SAY...

DJ: No, don't!

(But before Lucy can say anything, SUSAN runs over and jumps on her, making out with her!)

Susan: You're so hot!

Lucy: Mmmph, get off me!

Jock: Susan's a lesbian!?

(The snooty waiter walks over and stares at Susan fondling Lucy.)

Waiter: I'll have what she's having!

(Studio audience explode.)

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Dr Dave]

Lucy just got foiled!